by Nic Saint
“He seems like a great guy. The way he came to her defense last night.”
“He is. And I think Tessa did very well for herself. I like the dude. He’s funny, he’s smart, he’s handsome…”
“The perfect son-in-law!”
Angela laughed. “Exactly! Only we’re too old to let appearances fool us, aren’t we? And we know sometimes things are simply too good to be true.”
Gran nodded. She knew better than anyone. Back home in Hampton Cove she’d helped her granddaughter solve more than one crime, and the killers sometimes turned out to be the last person she’d expected. It had shaken her belief in the essential goodness of man profoundly. Then again, she also trusted her own intuition, and her gut told her Dante was all right. Besides, what kind of man would kill his bride and mother of his newborn baby? Only a demented psychopath, and the young prince didn’t strike her as one.
“Let’s see what your granddaughter comes up with,” said Angela. “I have faith in her. She’s a good little detective.”
“True,” said Gran. “Though she often needs my help. I’m a detective, too, you know.”
“Oh, I know,” said Angela. “I don’t doubt your abilities.” Voices intruded upon their conversation and Angela pointed towards the door. “That’s him now. Mr. Perfect. And if I’m not mistaken that’s his less-than-perfect friend.”
“The wastrel.”
“The wastrel,” Angela confirmed.
Gran moved towards the door and opened it a crack. She’d always been a great believer in snooping and eavesdropping as a way of catching criminals.
“You’ve changed,” the wastrel was saying. “You’ve changed so much it’s not funny anymore. And it’s not just me that’s saying it. They all do. Spiffy, Toddles, Pongo, Bertie. Even Bingo says you’re not the man you used to be.”
“Of course I’ve changed! I’m married, and a dad. What did you expect?”
“I expected you to be my best mate, mate. Not to chuck me the first chance you got. What does she have that I don’t, eh?”
“Oh, for God’s sakes. Don’t make this about Tessa.”
“I didn’t make it about Tessa—you did, old chum. When you decided to get rid of fun Dante and turn into an old boring stiff.”
“I’m still fun Dante, only now I’m having fun being a dad and a husband.”
“Oh, booooring!”
“I think you better leave now, Damien.”
“See? You’re chucking me out!”
“I’m not chucking you out! I just don’t want you to make a scene in front of my wife and daughter.”
“I’m not making a scene. I’m just having a chat with my chum.”
“Let’s talk later, yeah?”
Tessa must have entered the room, for Damien cried, “There she is, the breaker-upper of friendships.”
“Hello, Damien,” said Tessa. “How are you?”
“Pitiful! Your husband doesn’t even want to go to the pub with me.”
“Well, I guess he’s got other things to do.”
“He’s got you to do, you mean,” said Damien darkly.
“Damien,” said Dante warningly. “Don’t talk to my wife like that.”
“I’ll talk to your wife any way I damn well please! This is all your fault, Tessa,” said Damien, causing Angela, eavesdropping next to Gran, to raise a meaningful eyebrow.
“I never told Dante he couldn’t see you.”
“You don’t have to! You’ve got him on such a tight leash he’s turned into one of those pod people. A zombie. You’ve poisoned his mind against his best mates and now I don’t even recognize him anymore!”
“And here I thought only women could make a scene,” Gran whispered.
“Oh, men can do it better,” said Angela. “And Damien is not the only one. Plenty of Dante’s old friends are annoyed he doesn’t hang out with them anymore. And they all blame Tessa, of course.”
A security man must have been alerted by the noise, for Damien now said, “All right, all right! I’ll go. You don’t have to—ow! You’re hurting me!”
“Please leave now, sir,” said a deep voice.
“It’s all right,” said Dante. “Damien was just leaving, wasn’t he?”
“No, I wasn’t!”
“Call me, yeah?”
“Fat chance!” cried Damien. “And don’t you dare call me, unless it is to apologize for your appalling behavior and that of your dreadful Goon McGoon.” And just before he slammed the door, he added, “See you in hell!”
“Ouch,” said Gran. “Looks like another candidate for our list of suspects.”
“Oh, this one just hit the top of the list,” said Angela. “And now for a more important question: who’s going to shower first—you or me?”
Chapter 18
I’d escaped the living room when the brawl with the former friend of Dante’s began to get loud. Dooley had joined me, while Harriet and Brutus had presumably taken a different route and were checking out some other part of the house in search of some peace and quiet.
Cats don’t like loud. We like it when humans don’t raise their voices or shout down the house. We don’t like loud music either, or loud noises in general. Cars backfiring, fireworks or explosions: big no-no’s in our world.
“This looks like a nice and quiet place,” said Dooley.
“Yeah, I hope so,” I said as we walked into what looked like an office of some kind. It was empty, which was a plus after the ruckus we’d endured.
“Who knew Dante had such obnoxious friends?” said Dooley.
“Not me.”
We glanced around and to our elation found a nice and comfy-looking couch waiting for us in the office. Dooley and I shared a look of pleasant surprise and headed for the couch. We soon made ourselves comfortable and were enjoying a nap when loud voices approached.
“Oh, no,” said Dooley without opening his eyes.
“Maybe they won’t come in,” I said.
The voices grew louder, and then Tessa walked in, accompanied by a stern-looking woman with glasses, hair pulled back in a painful-looking bun.
“Maybe they won’t stay,” I said.
The two women settled themselves at a table next to the desk.
“Maybe they’ll meditate,” said Dooley.
But of course they launched into some kind of business meeting. The woman obviously was Tessa’s assistant, for she had a whole list of stuff for Tessa to do. And as she read it out, Tessa was giving comments and adding her notes.
“Maybe we should find another place to nap,” I said.
But then the assistant suddenly raised her voice.
“I’m not sure how much more of this I can take, Tessa. Please forgive me but I feel like I have to speak up now or I’ll simply burst!”
“Please don’t burst,” Dooley muttered.
Tessa seemed taken aback. “But, Sherri,” was the only thing she could think of to say.
“It’s too much!” the woman practically squealed. “When you hired me away from the institute I was over the moon. But now I realize I was rash. I should have stayed put instead of rushing into this position without thinking.”
“I think you’re doing a great job. And I’m very happy with your work.”
“Well, you certainly don’t show it,” said the woman prissily. “In fact you seem to relish every opportunity to criticize my work, tell me that what I’m doing doesn’t give you satisfaction, and generally behave as if you know everything best and I’m just an annoying superfluous sidekick!”
“I’m so sorry you feel that way,” said Tessa.
“Well, I do—and have for some time. Remember when I told you it would be a good idea if you and Dante launched your own Instagram? And you told me it was too soon? And then you went ahead and did it anyway. Without telling me? And you hired Sammy to handle the account?” She pressed a hand to her chest. “That was like a dagger to the heart, Tessa. A dagger to the heart!”
“I—I didn’t mean to,
Sherri. I just wanted to hire the best person to—”
“I’m the best!” said Sherri, wiping away tears. “And you treat me like dirt! That’s how I feel anyway.” She took a tissue from her sleeve and pressed it to her nose. “That said, I think we can both agree this has to end now.”
“But, Sherri…” said Tessa feebly.
The assistant abruptly rose to her feet. “I bid you adieu.” She stuck out her hand. “And I wish you well in all your future endeavors.”
Tessa shook the woman’s hand. She looked stunned.
Sherri gave a sad smile and touched Tessa’s cheek. “I adored you—from afar—but now that I’ve come to know you, I can see you’re a wonderful human being, and a terrible boss. Goodbye and good luck.”
And with these words she turned on her heel and waltzed out, leaving her former employer to stare after her, shocked and visibly dismayed.
Tessa blinked and spotted us. “Maybe I should hire you as my personal assistants,” she said finally. “I have a feeling you’d do a much better job and would be much easier to handle than all these so-called professionals.”
And shaking her head, she walked out.
“Well, that was instructive,” I said.
“Tessa doesn’t seem to have much luck picking her staff,” said Dooley.
“No, she does not.”
“You think it’s because she’s tough to work for?”
“I don’t know, Dooley. Maybe it’s a cultural thing. Maybe the English have different expectations about what it’s like to work for someone like Tessa who clearly seems to know what she wants and isn’t afraid to express it.”
“I hope her security people don’t walk out, too, or else she won’t have anyone to protect her.”
“She will always have Fluffy,” I said, which drew a smile from Dooley. “And us,” I added, making Dooley’s smile even wider.
“And of course there’s always Dante,” he said.
“Her knight in shining armor.”
“Why shining armor, though, Max? Why does it have to shine?”
“I think it’s just a phrase, Dooley. Any old armor will do. Though it’s always nice to have a shining armor, of course. Nobody likes a scruffy and dented old armor.”
“That’s true,” Dooley admitted.
Odelia came walking into the office and seemed relieved to see us. “Oh, there you are. I was wondering where you’d gone off to. Tessa is giving a speech in town. Do you guys want to come? Or do you want to stay here?”
Dooley and I shared a quick glance. “Stay here,” we said in unison. At least with the humans out of the house, we might actually have a chance to sleep off this terrible jet lag!
Chapter 19
It was a whole production but finally they managed to leave the cottage and be on their way. Dante and Tessa traveled in the first car, along with Tessa’s cousin Nesbit and Angela, while Chase, Odelia and Gran traveled in the second car. There was a third car filled with security people, and all three cars had privacy glass so no one could look in and know in which car the royal couple traveled.
“If we’re unlucky they’ll think we’re Dante and Tessa and start shooting at us,” said Gran, who looked nervous.
“I’m sure they won’t,” said Odelia, though she didn’t feel entirely relaxed herself.
“Did you catch that big altercation with the best friend?” asked Chase.
“I did,” said Odelia.
“I did, too,” said Gran. “What a jerk, right?”
“Well, I can imagine it must be tough on Dante’s former friends to see him change so much.”
“Yeah, but that’s only to be expected. I mean, the guy wasn’t always going to be the fun-loving rogue all his life.”
“He could have been,” said Chase. “Some guys are like that. They never change.”
“I think it speaks for Dante that he changed. He grew up and got a life! What’s so bad about that?”
“It’s bad because his friends are now confronted with the ugly truth about themselves,” said Chase. “They’re confronted with the fact that while they’re still acting like a bunch of irresponsible teenagers, Dante is now a grownup.”
“That’s probably what hurts the most,” said Odelia. “Not the fact that they lost a friend, but he’s holding up a mirror. And they don’t like what they see.”
“They didn’t have to lose Dante as a friend,” said Gran. “They could have stayed friends, if only they’d grown up alongside him. Become men.”
“Truer words have never been spoken,” said Odelia, and eyed her grandmother approvingly. “Look at you. Being all smart and wise.”
“I’m always wise and smart,” said Gran.
“I know, but you’re acting more mature, all of a sudden. No more weird hobbies or crazy stunts.”
Gran smiled. “There comes a time in everyone’s life when you have to decide whether to go through life like a human wrecking ball or be a force for good. And I’ve chosen to be a force for good, spreading sweetness and light.”
“Oh, that’s deep,” said Chase.
“That’s because I’m a deep person.”
Odelia wasn’t sure if it was temporary or permanent, but she liked this new and improved Gran. “I like it,” she said. “I mean, I’ll always love you whatever you do, but I think this is definitely a better and kinder you.”
Gran sighed and gave her granddaughter a wan smile. “Life gives you kicks in the groin sometimes, and it’s at moments like these that you have to decide whether to turn those kicks into lemons or not.”
“I think the expression is that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade,” said Chase.
“Oh, Chase. You say it so well,” said Gran, placing her hands in her lap and nodding beatifically. She then raised her hand, and waved at the passing scenery. “I’m going to let you in on a little secret.”
“Oh? What’s that?” asked Chase.
“I’m going to be Queen.”
Chase and Odelia both blinked. “What?”
“That’s right. It’s one of the reasons I was so keen to come along on this trip. America deserves a queen and I’m going to be it. Her. She. Whatever.”
“But we don’t have a queen,” said Odelia.
“Exactly! And now we will.” She smiled. “Moi.”
“You don’t understand. We don’t have a queen because we are a republic. We have a president, not a monarch like a lot of these European countries.”
“And don’t you think it’s time we put a stop to that? America needs a queen. Not these bozos that come and go and make a mess of things. A nice queen would give the country some much-needed stability, not to mention international prestige. And you can be heir to my throne,” she said graciously, extending a hand to Odelia.
“If you’re the queen, Marge will be crown princess,” said Chase. “That’s how it usually works.”
“I’m going to skip a generation and make Odelia queen.”
“Marge won’t like it,” said Chase.
Gran waved an imperious hand. “Marge will be fine. It’s Tex that I’m worried about. Can you imagine having Tex as king? That simply won’t do. No, when I’m done being queen, in thirty years or so, I’ll abdicate the throne and make you queen, Odelia. Of course you’ll have to change your name. Queen Odelia just doesn’t have that ring to it. You’d have to choose something regal. Like Eleanor. Or Mathilde.”
“Tell me you’re joking, Gran,” said Odelia.
“I’m dead serious! America’s getting its queen and I’m going to ask the British queen for a couple of pointers and useful tips of the trade.”
“It’s not gonna happen,” said Chase. “You’d have to rewrite the constitution. Heck, you’d have to change the whole system.”
“Systems can be changed, and constitutions can be rewritten. I’ll ask my future colleague the Queen to put in a good word for me.”
“A good word won’t make it happen, Gran,” said Odelia. “You can’t be queen. And if yo
u try, everybody’s gonna think you’re a crackpot.”
“Nonsense. The moment we get back, I’m going to Washington and tell them to call off the next election. I’m sure they’ll all be very happy. Elections are tough, not to mention expensive. A queen is a much cheaper option.”
Odelia couldn’t argue with that part.
“What are you going to tell them in Washington?” asked Chase, who seemed to think the whole thing was a big joke.
“I’ll just tell them: Your queen is here. You may bow now.”
“They’ll probably kick you out,” said Chase with a laugh.
“No, they won’t. I’ll convince them to give it a shot.”
Odelia remembered they’d all watched Mr. Smith Goes to Washington the other day. That was probably where Gran had gotten the idea.
“Gran, you don’t know the first thing about being a queen!” she said.
“Or politics,” Chase added.
“Which is why I’m going to ask the Queen to give me some tips,” said Gran patiently. “The woman has been queen for so long she knows a thing or two about the job and will only be too happy to help out an aspiring royal.”
“Oh, dear God,” said Odelia, leaning her head back against the leather headrest. “And here I thought you’d finally gone sane.”
“I have gone sane. Even better. I’ve gone queen.”
“Gran, you simply can’t—”
But Gran wagged her finger. “What’s with all this ‘Gran’ business? You’ll address me as Your Royal Highness from now on.”
“But Gran!”
But Gran tilted her chin and looked away.
“All right—Your Royal Highness!”
Gran looked up, comporting herself very regally indeed. “Yes?”
“What will Mom and Dad say?”
Gran lifted her shoulders in a queenly shrug. “Let them eat cake.”
Chapter 20
The meeting took place at a shelter for homeless people, and Tessa was clearly in her element. Accompanied by Dante, and watched over by an ever-vigilant Angela, she talked to several of the homeless present, the people who ran the center, and a selected group of reporters snapping shots and filming the whole thing for the evening news. Wherever Tessa went, film crews followed. She was a lightning rod for their attention, her presence electrifying. Dressed soberly in a simple black dress, she played her role to perfection, showing genuine affection for the shabbily clothed vagrants.