“It looks weird.” Wilder chuckled and turned in his seat to study a picture on the wall. “Hey, that’s…”
“Yeah, but the faces are on the wrong bodies. Some of this stuff looks like actual artwork. They must’ve paid a fortune for it.” The picture that Wilder had noticed first was of several celebrities, but the faces were all on the wrong bodies. When someone first looked at it, something felt off, but it took a few minutes to actually see it.
“Okay, I can’t decide if this was a good place for a first date or not. On one hand, there are lots of things to talk about in here, but on the other, it’s distracting as hell.” Wilder’s eyes moved around the room, and I wanted to laugh. He looked a little bit like a kid in a candy store. All the artwork and endless hidden illusions in the pictures kept pulling at him.
He was so cute.
Smiling, I reached over and wiggled his menu. “Pick out dinner, then you can have fun dissecting all the art on the walls.”
He chuckled, turning his focus back to me. “Would it be weirdly inappropriate if I said I have the urge to say ‘Yes, Daddy’ to that command?”
I could feel the heat running up to my face, and I had to fight the urge to look away. “No, just slightly inappropriate. And, um, that’s not really a lifestyle that intrigues me.”
He nodded, still smiling. “Good, because I think I’d have a hard time giving up control.”
I had to fight the urge to melt again.
The way he’d said control had my cock twitching in my jeans. “I, um, don’t need you to give up control. I, um, don’t mind you…taking charge.” I lost the battle with the blush and finally looked away. “Okay, now I’m the one who’s wildly inappropriate.”
His hand reached out again to start tracing his fingertips over my hands. “No, not wildly inappropriate…just interesting. I like not having to guess things. Especially when there are already so many new things about this for me.”
Feeling a little bit relieved, but still mildly embarrassed, I looked back at him. “Good, I don’t mind being open and honest about things. You just have to let me know if I cross a line you’re uncomfortable with. I like flirting, but I don’t want to make you nervous.”
His fingers started exploring my hands in the most distracting way, and I had to fight not to close my eyes. It was so easy to imagine how his touch would feel other places. Wilder grinned. “I don’t think chemistry will be a problem.”
I wanted to groan.
No, a lack of chemistry was not going to be an issue for us. I just hoped he was okay with that once everything had a chance to sink in.
Chapter 7
Wilder
As I watched Lane laugh, I couldn’t remember why I’d been so worried about the evening. I’d woken up excited and curious, but as the day had gone on, it’d started to feel more serious. I was going on a date with a man.
I didn’t have any bad memories from college about the few times I’d fooled around with Gray. So I wasn’t sure why the date with Lane felt so much different. Maybe it was because Gray had never been anything more than a friend. A drunk friend who could talk me into things when I was relaxed as well. With Lane, though, everything felt different.
When I looked at him, I didn’t see a possible new friend. I didn’t see a stranger on the street who eyed my tattoos longingly. He was more than that. I just wasn’t sure why.
“I’m serious. He just dropped his pants, bent over and said he wanted me to tattoo kiss my on his ass. He was pissed off but sober. So I couldn’t even blame it on alcohol.” We’d been trading stories as we ate. It had been a fun way to get to know him, and I liked the way his eyes sparkled when he found something funny.
He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table. “What did you do?”
“I was still new enough in the business that I wasn’t sure if I should talk someone out of a tattoo. Luckily, my mentor took it as a teachable moment and showed me the best way to handle the situation.”
Lane gave me a skeptical look. “Teachable moment, huh?”
I grinned. “Yes, he pointed out the fact that there were always going to be people who wanted something stupid. Like a tattoo on their ass that said kiss my. He then went on to point out that even when people are sober, sometimes they’re too stupid to know right from wrong.”
Lane’s eyes widened, and he started shaking his head with a smile.
“After that, he explained that part of my job was to prevent people from doing something stupid, because, in the long run, it would harm my reputation. By that time, the guy had pulled his pants up and stormed out. I’d known that people would ask for tattoos in interesting places, but I’d never expected something so angry and spiteful.”
“That’s just terrible. Hopefully, he couldn’t find anyone else to do it. That would be just awful to calm down after an argument and end up with something permanent like that.” Lane was still smiling, but I could see he was worried about the man.
“I love tattoos, but yes, people need to remember that they’re permanent.” Well, with laser treatments they weren’t always permanent, but people needed to go in with the expectation that the tattoo would be there forever.
“They’re artwork, but it’s not the kind you can sell or give away when your tastes change.” Lane nodded, but his eyes moved down to my arms, and I knew he was picturing the tattoos. “They should be something meaningful and important.”
“Have you thought about getting one?” The way he looked at mine and the way he talked about them, in general, said that he was more than curious.
His eyes came back up to my face. “Yes, but with my job, I’m not sure it’s a good idea. I guess it would depend on what it was and where it went. I wouldn’t want to have something that clashed with the clothing enough that the pictures couldn’t be used online.”
He’d clearly put a lot of thought into it, and I was glad to hear it. Partly because it said that he thought through things clearly. But also, because he gave me an opening to ask more questions. “When I realized where you work, I went online and looked at the website. I hope that was all right? I hadn’t realized it might be intrusive until afterward.”
Lane shrugged like it was to be expected, not upset at all. In fact, he blushed a little bit and grinned. “No, that’s fine. I’m glad…I’m glad you got a chance to see that part of my life.” His gaze moved down to his plate, and he started pushing around the last of his steak. “What did you think of it?”
The words came out quieter than before, and I could hear worry in his voice. We’d been laughing and talking for so long that it was a stark contrast. I thought back to the pictures I’d seen online and while they were easy to imagine, I wasn’t sure how to explain everything that had gone through my mind.
“I love artwork. I actually went to school for an art degree, so part of me sees it in that light. I can see the skill of the photographer, your skill and artistic side as you moved.” Looking at it from that angle was easier to explain. But leaving the rest out wouldn’t be fair to him or honest. “When it comes to the actual lingerie, I’ve always appreciated that stuff. But I’ll have to admit it was surprising.”
Lane just listened, and I knew I had his complete attention. But we’d reached the part I wasn’t sure of, and saying something that would ruin the evening, even by accident, was the last thing I wanted. “I’ve never pictured guys wearing that kind of stuff. I thought you looked beautiful, but sometimes there’s a difference between the way artwork looks online and seeing it in person. So I guess what I’m trying to say is that I think it’s interesting and intriguing, but I’m not sure of anything beyond that.”
He was quiet for so long I started to worry. Had I not answered his question? Was he disappointed in my answer? Was it an answer that he couldn’t deal with? The options were endless.
When he finally began to nod slowly, the first trickle of relief started to flow through me. There was no anger in his expression, and I couldn’t even see lines of wor
ry or frustration. “I can understand. The first time I found anything like it online, I wasn’t sure how I felt either. It was something that caught my eye and that I kept going back to, but I wasn’t sure if it was because I appreciated the beauty of it or if it was something I wanted in my life.”
It was my turn to just sit and listen, but I found that easier than trying to explain my thoughts. As he continued, I wanted to reach across the table and take his hands, but I wasn’t sure if that would make it easier or harder for him to share.
Lane seemed a little lost in thought as he started to speak. “There wasn’t much of a question in my mind if I was gay or not. I have an uncle who’s gay, and growing up, it wasn’t treated as anything interesting or special. So as I got older and people started to ask questions about crushes and if I liked anyone at school, it wasn’t difficult to explain it was some of my male classmates that I’d noticed.”
He stared off like he was seeing the past, but he continued without much of a pause. “But the lingerie was different. My only exposure to other people who were gay was my uncle, who was typically masculine, and the way gay men were sometimes portrayed on television. The campy stereotypical men that I couldn’t relate to. So I didn’t understand where the lingerie would fall. It took me a long time to work up the nerve to order something online.”
Lane paused and made eye contact before he quickly turned his focus back to his plate. He was clearly expecting a response, but I wasn’t sure what. “Understanding how something new makes you feel is always difficult. I can definitely understand.” Oh yes, I could. “I take it that when what you ordered came in, it was something that you…enjoyed?”
I hadn’t felt that awkward in years, and I hated how it made me feel. Stumbling over words and hesitating wasn’t me.
Lane straightened, and his eyes came up somewhat, but he still wasn’t completely relaxed. “Yes, they made me feel attractive in a way I hadn’t experienced before.”
Wanting to clear the air, I set my fork down and reached across the table to take his hand. “I’m sorry. I’m tiptoeing around things even though I promised not to. Let me try this again.”
A smile broke out on Lane’s face and he looked up at me. “Okay.”
I tried to think of what I wanted to say and what I wanted to know. He’d said that he wasn’t easily offended. I would have to take him at his word. “So it’s something you enjoy in your personal life, not just for work, correct?”
His cheeks turned slightly pink, but he nodded.
Feeling a little more comfortable, I continued. “And if our interest continues into a relationship, I would find that most of the time the things you wore under your clothes would be more feminine? I hope that’s a good way to describe it, because I don’t have a better word.”
I was an English major. I had a prolific and wide-ranging vocabulary. I didn’t use it very often because most people thought that someone who looked like a biker shouldn’t talk like a college professor, but still, I should’ve been able to find another way to describe the lace and silk that he’d worn on the website.
Lane laughed. “That’s fine. The way we explain things hasn’t quite caught up to who we are as a people yet. Language evolves, and by the time I’m old, we’ll probably have lots of words that would describe it differently. But really, it’s as good a way as any to say it.” Grinning, he cocked his head teasingly. “See, told you, not easily offended.”
I appreciated that about him, but I wasn’t sure if he realized that he hadn’t answered the other question. “I’m glad, but don’t think I didn’t notice that you ignored the other question. Too personal?”
I hadn’t thought so, especially since he’d turned the conversation in that direction to begin with. Lane shook his head, but his gaze moved to our hands, still touching and caressing slowly. “No, not really, and it’s a reasonable question even if it is personal.”
There was a short pause while he clearly tried to collect his thoughts, but he kept going quicker than I might have in his place. “Yes, most of the time, I’m wearing the things that you would’ve seen on the website. I’m not comfortable standing out in a crowd, even though I do the modeling online. So I don’t wear clothes in public that most people would identify as being specifically for a woman, but I have some at home that I wear.”
I immediately pictured some of the nightgown-looking pieces that he’d worn on the site. I wasn’t sure if that made me an ass or not. Of course, I’d never dated anyone that I’d seen in that state of undress before our first date so that probably had something to do with the erotic way my brain interpreted the words. After seeing the pictures online, every mental image was much clearer.
As I thought about it, though, I realized that he might have meant something more practical. “Feel free to answer this honestly, but would asking specific questions here be weird? I mean, it’s probably going to be weird, but…”
No one else had ever managed to chase the words from my head.
Lane laughed and finally set down his fork, leaning back against the booth. “Now you have to ask. You have me really curious.”
I knew my grin had to look slightly embarrassed, but I pressed forward anyway. “Are you talking about skirts and things or a more lingerie style of clothing?”
That hadn’t come out terribly. At least, I didn’t think so.
Lane looked slightly self-conscious, but there was also something teasing in his smile. It made me wonder what was going through his mind. “Both. I have some dresses and skirts at the house that I wear for fun and because they make me feel pretty. Most of what I have is lingerie, nightgowns, and pieces that I can wear under my everyday clothing.”
I shoved my hesitation to the back of my mind and pressed forward with my question. “If you were to bring more things like that into your everyday clothes, what would it be?” Calling them women’s clothes seemed like I might be insulting him, but I really didn’t have the vocabulary for the discussion we were having.
It was frustrating.
Lane took a moment to think about it before he shrugged. “I don’t know exactly, but I think shoes, maybe.”
It wasn’t the answer I was expecting, and it made me smile. “Like heels?”
He nodded, and stretched one foot out of the booth to look at the boots he was wearing. They were nice, but fairly unremarkable. Maybe the heel was a little high, but that was it.
“Yeah.” He turned his foot back and forth, analyzing it. “It would have to be shoes first. I think a great pair of women’s boots with a narrower line and higher heels would look really good with these pants.”
I wasn’t much for fashion, but the art classes I’d taken in college and just the people I’d hung out with made it easy to visualize what he was describing. “I agree. You could also get away with a pair of those high heels with the thin heel. I don’t know what they’re called. They give a lot of height but cover up most of your foot.”
I should’ve taken more fashion classes in college.
Lane looked up from where he’d been analyzing his foot and gave me a skeptical look. “Do you think?”
I wasn’t exactly sure what he was asking. “I’ve seen a lot of people wearing similar shoes with tight jeans like those. Wasn’t your friend—Eli, right?—wearing something like that the other day? And this guy came into the shop last week to get a piercing with these boots that had a really high heel. I’m not sure what section of the store he’d bought them in, but it probably could’ve gone either way, now that I think about it.”
Shoes definitely had gotten a lot more gender neutral. They weren’t really something that I noticed, though. But even looking around the room at the younger couples, there were a variety of people whose shoes weren’t gender specific. Or if they were, people were ignoring it.
The last time I’d gone to buy boots, there’d been a lady standing next to me complaining that women’s shoes were always too narrow and weren’t sturdy enough to really work in. I’d just shrugge
d and pointed out my favorite brand. Looking back on it, though, I hadn’t really cared that she wasn’t shopping in her section. It was just clothes, well, in that case, shoes.
“What would you have done if I’d shown up in something else?” The question wasn’t accusatory, just curious.
I shrugged. “Told you that you looked good?”
That had me thinking. “Oh, I don’t think I did that before. If I forgot, you look good. To be honest, I don’t really look at feet. I may not have even noticed. Well, unless you grew three or four inches. Then I would’ve noticed. One of the baristas seems to have a variety of shoes because some days she grows like four inches overnight, that’s actually startling. Although I don’t know why, maybe something about expectations?”
And I was veering ridiculously off topic.
I tried to bring it back around to the original question. “But would I have cared? I don’t think so. Maybe I would’ve been surprised the first time I saw you back at the coffee shop if you’d been wearing something like that, but after looking at the stuff on the website and doing some research, I’m not sure it would’ve been startling.”
Lane nodded and settled back into his seat. “I guess I can understand that. After seeing everything the store carries, you probably weren’t sure what to expect.”
That was an understatement.
“Yes, but from the things that you mentioned and what you were wearing in the coffee shop, I wasn’t expecting something very different. But it wouldn’t have bothered me even if it was.”
At least, I didn’t think so.
It was one of those questions where I thought I knew what I would’ve done. It was always difficult, though, to be completely sure. “Now I’m second-guessing myself. Discussing the idea with you, it doesn’t seem startling, however. So I’m going to have to go with that.”
Leashes & Lace Books 1-3: MM Romance Boxed Set Page 40