“That was me,” Mary said in a soft, proud gasp. She bit down on the inside of her lips and gestured loosely to Liz and Gary. “These two were on their phones.” Her mind was working without a filter. “They were no help. I knew what to do. They were busy trying to googly up the information.”
Liz bit her lip and grinned at Gary when her grandmother said, ‘googly up’.
“I knew what to do,” Mary continued. She nodded her head in approval of her own valiant gestures.
“Well,” the Doctor said, “Mr. Brown is a lucky man. I’ll have the recovery nurse alert you when he is awake. We’ll be running some tests on him shortly. In the meantime, I think you can count your blessings that this woman was carrying aspirin. I tell all my heart patients and their family members that they should carry it. Honestly, I wish every single purse and wallet that is lugged around this world had an aspirin in it. A lot of lives could be saved. Well done ma’am, well done!”
Mary threw a prideful nod at Liz and shook the Doctor’s hand. They all stood as he exited the waiting area. Mary followed him to the doorway and stood poised like an Olympic champion perched on a pillar with the anthem of her own country playing in the background as she watched him disappear down the hall.
9
Anna Marie had never experienced a panic attack, but she’d witnessed several. She was fairly certain she was having one. She tried her best to take slow deep breaths. The harder she tried, the shorter the breaths became. As Bill approached the driver’s side of the car, she was panting uncontrollably. He rushed into the car and grabbed her arms.
“Anna Marie look at me!” She continued to stare into her lap. “Anna Marie!” he shouted. She looked up and he pushed his energy into her eyes. “Slow deep breaths,” he commanded. “Watch my finger. Breathe with me. When I pull my finger up, breathe in. When I drag it down, exhale. Nice and slow.” She began to calm down and Bill continued to direct her breath with his finger. “Listen to me, Clifford has pulled through. He is going to be just fine! Keep breathing, watch my finger!” When he thought she had control over her breath he dropped his hand. “There you go,” he said. “You’re okay, and so is Clifford.”
“This is my fault,” she replied as soon as she was able to push words through the panic.
“No,” Bill said, “this is not your fault. This has nothing to do with you.” She suddenly dropped back into her lap and the short breaths returned. Bill threw his hand into the air again. “Anna Marie look at me! Look at me! Follow my finger! Up, breathe in and down, exhale! And, breathe in—” he continued.
When she was calm enough to speak again she said, “Please drive away from here.”
“Okay,” he said. He watched her stare at the hospital as he pulled from the curb. After a long period of silence he asked, “Are you okay?”
“I will be,” she said.
Bill liked her answer. It had become her standard response. He knew it was her way of letting him know that she was working on it. He understood that at the moment, it was the best she could do.
It was quiet again for several blocks until she asked, “What did they say?”
His worry kept him from being able to focus on the meaning of her question. “What did who say?”
“The doctors. What did the Doctors say?”
“Oh, they said that he was going to be fine. He did have a heart attack and they went into an emergency surgery. They gave him two stents. He is in recovery and doing well. He will be as good as new in a few weeks.” He chose not to mention the fact that he’d been pronounced dead at some point in the process.
“I really do feel like I am to blame.”
“How could this be your fault?”
“The stress of everything that poor man has been through since Kevin—” she stopped herself short and drew another long breath.
“Okay first of all, if anyone is to blame, Clifford is first in line. He chose his line of work a long time ago. Even though he is a retired police officer, when he saw that gun pointed at you and rushed Darci, he was doing his job. He was doing everything that he was trained to do. He was also trained to deal with it.”
“He shouldn’t have had to deal with it. The stress of the investigation and all the press wasn’t fair either. He was trying to save my life, he shouldn’t have had to go through all of that.” She shook her head and looked into her lap again. She spoke softly to herself, “It’s my fault.”
Clifford’s voice rose, “It is not your fault that Darci pulled out a gun! It is not your fault that the gun went off, and it is not your fault that Cliff had a heart attack. I’m sorry but I have to ask you again, how is any of it your fault?”
“If I didn’t have a failed marriage with Kevin, none of this would have happened. The choices that we make in life can be far-reaching! I feel like so many people are paying for the consequences of my actions.”
“Your actions? You were the perfect wife. Kevin had an affair with another woman. He got her pregnant, secretly married her and continued to act as your devoted husband. How is any of that your fault? You need to stop blaming yourself!”
“I should’ve known. I should’ve been—“
“—my girlfriend! You should’ve been my girlfriend all those years ago! There I said it, okay? You should have been in my life, but you weren’t. You were more attracted to him and you were suddenly his girlfriend and wife. It’s not your fault that you fell for him instead of me. I shouldn't have been born so stinking ugly! Maybe you would have been more attracted to me if I were more handsome. All of this is my fault!”
“Bill,” she looked irritated.
“I’m joking,” he muttered.
Anna Marie started to giggle.
“So, the bottom line is my ugly face is what nearly killed Clifford.” They both began to laugh. “I suppose I could have worked out a little more back then too. Kevin had a six pack, and I had a bunt cake for a belly. It’s totally not your fault.” Anna laughed even harder. When she settled, Bill said, “Seriously, you thought you had something real with Kevin. You loved him. Stop blaming yourself for everything that has happened since! He is the only one to blame! He can take all that blame to the grave with him!” The car was silent again for several minutes before Bill added, “I suppose we could blame the Chinese too.”
“The Chinese?” she repeated.
“Yes,” he said. “I’ve been bringing Cliff fried Chinese food every Friday night for the past year and a half. I stop and pick it up on the way home from work. It’s a little something I do to thank him for looking after Motley when I’m not home. And let me tell you, the man feeds me things like fried potatoes, bacon and eggs with cheese for breakfast every chance he gets. Cliff is a grown man and he is responsible for making his own decisions. He chose to help you that night just like he chose to eat fried wontons with me on Fridays. He is going to have to start making some different choices because he is getting older and his body is changing; that is all. So enough with the blame and the guilt!”
“It isn’t just blame and guilt that brought the panic. It was more than that,” she said.
“I know,” Bill said. “That is why I didn’t argue with you when you asked to stay in the car. I didn’t like going back in that hospital again either.”
“Cliff,” she paused, “can I stay with you tonight?”
“Yes, of course you can. Motley will be thrilled and I’ll try not to be jealous.”
10
There wasn’t a question of whether Liz would stay with her grandmother. Mary unlocked the door and flipped on the light over the dining room table. They remained silent as they contemplated the disheveled room. The cake pan was in the center of the table. Liz and Gary’s slices had small bites missing and crumbs sprinkled the edges of their saucers. Liz’s chair was pushed to the side and Gary’s was neatly tucked under the table. Clifford’s cake remained untouched and centered perfectly on a china blue saucer. His chair was dramatically distant from the table and his fork was on the floor be
side it. Mary picked up the fork and slipped the chair neatly into its place.
“Oh, Gammy,” Liz said. She watched her grandmother’s face fill with remorse as she stared at Clifford’s full slice of cake. Liz picked up her chair and placed it under the table without taking her eyes off of her grandmother.
“He didn’t even take a bite,” Mary said as she shook her head.
“Thank God, he is going to be okay!”
“Thank God,” Mary repeated as she picked up the cake pan from the center of the table. She paused and set the cake back down in front of her. She stuck a finger in the icing and tasted it. Her eyes got big. “Lord!” she said.
“What?” Liz asked.
She turned to Liz with a second finger full of frosting and snickered, “I do make a wicked hot milk cake; don’t I?” She licked her finger and smacked her lips. “Even if it is a little salty, it is still deadly.”
“Grandma!” Liz squealed.
She pointed to the full saucer of cake. “I nearly killed the poor man before he even took a bite! You have to admit that is a pretty good cake!” she giggled.
“Oh my God, Gammy!” Liz chuckled. When her grandmother cackled, she laughed even harder.
“I may have to start selling the recipe; Killer Hot Cake! I could make a fortune with unhappy housewives.”
“Oh you did not just say that?” Liz pulled her hand in front of her mouth.
“But hey, you heard the Doctor! I saved his life with the aspirin!” She thought for a moment. “I better add aspirin to my recipe, for safety measures.”
“You are killing me,” Liz said.
“No, it’s the cake!” she joked. “I could sell the recipe in two versions. One with aspirin and one without.”
“It’s the perfect way to finish a dinner. You could bake both cakes and choose one based on how the evening is going,” Liz added playfully.
“Yes,” Mary laughed, “during the main course you make your final decision. If you choose to get rid of him, you go with the aspirin free cake.”
“But, if things are going your way, you feed him the one with the aspirin in it,” Liz added.
“That’s right. That way your man can have his cake and eat it too! Or,” she picked up Clifford’s untouched cake and stuck the fork in it, “you can have your cake and eat his too!”
“Grandma!” she called through the laughter. “Oh my God!” she crossed her legs and continued to walk across the room laughing, “I have go!”
“With my luck, I’d mix up the two cakes,” she called as Liz shut the bathroom door. “I’d end up killing the good guys!”
“Oh, Grandma, stop!” Liz hollered back through the door.
When she emerged from the bathroom, Mary was sitting at the table still eating Clifford’s cake slice. Liz froze.
“Are you really going to eat that?”
“We can’t let a good milk cake go to waste, now can we?”
“Oh, thank goodness,” Liz said as she pulled up to the table. I was thinking about it on the way home. I was afraid you were going to be so upset that you would dump the whole thing in the garbage!”
“No. I’m just sorry Clifford didn’t even get to taste it. I’ll have to take a piece up to the hospital tomorrow.”
“Grandma, no! You can’t do that! He won’t be able to eat it! He is going to be on a strict diet.”
“I’ll slip him an aspirin.”
“It doesn’t work that way!”
“I know,” she laughed, “I was just teasing. But, they cleaned him out with those stents. He is going to be as good as new.”
“He still has to change his whole lifestyle! He has to watch his cholesterol and eat healthy. In fact, this should be a reminder for us too! We should try to eat clean after this!”
“Eat clean?”
“Yes, eat clean!” Liz repeated. “It means eating more whole and natural foods. We need to eat more fruits, vegetables, whole grains and fibers.”
“You mean we need to go back to eating like we did when your mother was alive. I have to admit—I’ve gotten into some bad habits. I like my comfort foods!”
“You sure do, and it is hard for me to resist! I love your comfort foods too!”
“Well I suppose, I could work on it!” Mary replied. After a thoughtful pause, she slipped into a serious demeanor. She stood up with her unfinished cake in one hand and reached across the table with the other. She picked up Liz’s cake just before her fork landed for a second bite. Liz was stunned. She watched her grandmother walk into the kitchen and dump the cake off the plates and into the trash. Mary walked back to the table just as Liz reached for the cake pan. Mary got it first. Liz followed her into the kitchen with her fork still in hand. Mary turned over the pan and dumped the rest of the cake into the garbage.
“What are you doing?” Liz asked.
“You know what I always say—if you decide you are going to do something—don’t hesitate. Just do it!”
“I thought maybe we could start after the cake,” Liz muttered as she dropped her fork into the sink.
“Nope,” Mary said. “That attitude always leads to failure. There is an apple in the fridge if you are still hungry. I am going to bed.” Mary started up the stairs. Liz leaned over the garbage looking at the upside-down cake.
“Good night, my sweet!” Mary called back to her.
“Good night, Grandma,” Liz said. She was still stunned by the lack of cake. The confusion from her grandmother’s behavior made her next comment sound more like a question. “I love you tons—” She stepped back into the living room and watched her grandmother disappear at the top of the stairs.
“I love you more!” her grandmother answered from the bedroom. “Sorry, I’m exhausted! I’ll get up early and make you pancakes in the morning!” She was quiet for a moment, then she peeked her head back over the railing. “I’ll make them with some nice clean blue berries!”
Liz groaned. She knew her grandmother was teasing, but she also knew she would have pancakes in the morning. She felt her phone buzz in her pocket. She expected it would be a text from Gary and was surprised to see it was from Mark.
Hey, I heard about that Captain guy. Is he okay?
Yes, he had a heart attack but it looks like he is going to be fine. It was a tough night!
Are you okay? he asked.
Liz replied: I am. My grandma is acting a little crazy, but I think she is just overly tired and still shocked over the whole thing. She thinks she nearly killed him with her hot milk cake, but the doctor told her she saved his life by giving him aspirin.
Killed him with hot milk cake?
That’s my Grandma. Don’t even try to figure it out.
I’ve been worried about you. I can’t believe how much you, Anna Marie and Bill have been through lately. It’s crazy.
Liz noticed that Gary was not on his list. She passed by the thought and texted, It is crazy! I’m just glad Clifford is ok. I don’t know how my grandmother would have taken it.
Is the investigation over on him? What is his name? Mark asked.
Clifford. I think they are still completing the investigation, but it looks like he is all clear. Bill says it is just a matter of protocol. It doesn’t look like he is being charged with anything. The charges are all going toward that Darci lady for pointing the gun at Anna Marie in the first place.
Poor old guy. That is a lot of stress! No wonder he had a heart attack! Mark replied.
I know.
Well, take care and try to get some rest! Mark added.
Goodnight. She signed off.
She set her phone down and pulled out some sheets from the drawer under the sofa bed. Liz knew her grandmother was out of sorts because she always helped her make the bed before she headed up the steps. She flipped a sheet onto the couch. Her phone buzzed with another text. Gary, she thought.
It was Mark again: I hope you sleep well.
Liz stared at the phone and hesitated with her reply. She kept it simple: You to
o.
Sweet Dreams! he added.
11
When Bill opened the door, his golden retriever, Motley, shuffled passed him and pushed his head into Anna Marie’s knees.
“Hello? Okay, I’m obviously second fiddle when your girlfriend comes around,” Bill said to the dog.
“Hey, Motley!” She reached down to scratch the top of his head.
Motley started to follow her into the house. Bill called to him and pointed his finger toward the yard, “Go potty!” Motley continued to dig into Anna Marie’s legs.
“Do you want to try?” he asked Anna Marie.
She walked back to the porch and pointed to the yard. “Be a good boy, and go potty,” she said. Motley immediately turned from the porch and went to the grass.
“It’s crazy how in tune that dog is with you!” Bill said.
They both watched Motley survey the yard for a perfect spot. A flash of lightening lit the sky.
“It looks like it is going to rain again,” Bill said.
“I don’t know, that might be heat lightening,” Anna Marie suggested.
“It smells like rain to me.”
Thunder sounded in the distance and Motley ran for the house. “Okay, you win,” Anna Marie conceded as Bill shut the door behind them.
“I don’t even have an over-night bag, Bill. Maybe I should have went on home.”
“Don’t be silly, all you need is one of my t-shirts. It’ll hang like a sexy little nightie on you.”
Anna Marie blushed. “Bill, I—”
“I know,” he cut her off. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re fine,” she answered. “I probably shouldn’t have come.”
“It’s okay. You didn’t want to be alone. And, I don’t want you to be alone. But, if you panic like that again and I’m not with you; I want you to see my finger in front of you.” He demonstrated for her. “In fact, you can hold your own finger up and concentrate on it. Just pull it up and down with nice slow breaths. The important thing is that you concentrate on your breathing. It is the only way to change your focus. You have to get your mind off of the thing that triggered the panic.”
The False Exit Page 4