“It doesn’t work that way,” Mary said.
“You can’t trust hospitals these days. My Joe had a couple of stents put in him. They sent him home with me the next day. What are they keeping the Captain for?” Verde asked.
“I’ll tell you what they’re keeping him for, he has good insurance. Those retired police officers have the best insurance a man can get,” Elsie said. “Somebody ought to be up there looking after him at all times!”
“Oh, yes I’ve heard that before! They’ll try to push every darn doctor in the place at him. They all want to sign him up as a long term patient because he’s got the golden ticket—premium health insurance! As good as it sounds, it is a death sentence!” Verde said.
“That’s right! The next thing you know, the poor man will need a specialist to check his supposedly bad kidneys, high blood pressure, borderline diabetes; you name it he’ll have it. I’ve heard all about that scam!” Elsie added.
“The worst of it is, they will scare him to death and he’ll begin to believe it is all true. All the unnecessary testing, prodding and probing will wear him down!” Verde added.
Mary’s eyes darted between the two women.
“Poor Captain! He’ll come out of that hospital twenty years older!” Elsie moaned.
“Lucky if he makes it out without a few unnecessary surgeries too!” Verde said.
“That’s it. I’ve heard enough. Let’s go!” Mary said.
“What about your casserole?” Elsie asked.
“What about it? I’ll put it in a carrier. We can eat it up there.”
“Are we busting him out?” Elsie asked.
“I don’t know about that, but I do know we’re going to get up there and get some answers! Verde, there is a carrier on top of the microwave. Elsie, grab some plates and forks. Verde, put some of those hot rolls on the counter in a bag. I’m going to brush and spray my hair. I’ll meet you girls in the car!” She started up the stairs, “Oh, and if you don’t mind, grab a slice of that cherry pie there on the counter for Clifford too.”
When Verde pulled up to the entrance of the hospital she insisted that the girls climb out.
“I’ll meet you inside,” she said.
“We’ll wait for you in the lobby,” Mary said.
“No, you girls go on up. I know this hospital like the back of my hand. I’ll meet you in the room.”
“Three thirty-three,” Mary said.
“Three thirty-three,” Verde repeated. “I won’t forget. Three is my lucky number.”
“Just follow my lead,” Mary said to Elsie when she pushed the button for the elevator. “They don’t bother you if you act like you know what you’re doing. I don’t want them grabbing up this casserole!” She stopped and looked at Elsie, “Do you have the slice of pie?”
Elsie lifted the wrapped dish. “Right here,” she said, “it looked marvelous. I wish I would’ve had time to grab myself a bite.”
“You can take the rest of it home tonight. In fact, you should take some to Pete,” she said as they stepped off the elevator. “Okay, here we go. Eyes straight ahead, chin up. Look serious.”
A nurse turned the corner sharply, “Can I help you ladies?” she asked. Mary walked right passed her.
Elsie stopped, “Yes, dear. We’re here to find out about Clifford Brown. He’s in room three thirty-three. We brought his dinner and we’d like to ask a few questions.”
Mary turned her head slowly toward Elsie. Her eyes were wide with disbelief.
“Mr. Brown, in room three thirty-three?”
“Yes,” Elsie said.
“Let me show you to his nurse station. You can check in with them. I believe Mr. Brown may be on a restricted diet tonight.” She escorted the woman down the hall.
“We know where his nurse station is, thank you!” Mary said.
“What are the restrictions of his diet?” Elsie asked as they continued to walk.
“They can tell you here at the station,” the woman said.
“We don’t need to speak to the—” Mary started.
The woman talked over her, “Angela, these ladies are here to see Mr. Brown. They’ve brought him dinner. Could you check to see if Mr. Brown is on a restricted diet?”
The woman glanced at a chart behind the desk. “He certainly is,” she said. “We don’t allow any food in the room with patients on restricted diets, but we can hold that here for you while you visit; if you like.”
“Oh, that is nice of you,” Elsie said.
Mary pushed past Elsie. “We will keep it with us, thank you. We just won’t open it up.”
“I’m sorry Ma’am but we can’t allow any food in the room.”
“It’s all wrapped up,” Mary said.
“I understand,” the nurse replied, “but we’ll need to hold it here for you if you want to visit Mr. Brown.”
Mary looked at Elsie with grave disappointment. She turned to the nurse, “If you insist.” She set the bag down in front of her and leaned over the counter. “I want you to understand that this is not for your staff. They ate my entire cherry pie last time. I just want to make myself clear. This is not for sharing. I believe that I’ve done my share of contributing to your break room.”
“Oh, are you the one who brought that delicious pie? It was amazing!” Mary glared at her. The woman dropped her smile, “I’ll clearly mark this for room three thirty-three. You can pick it up on your way out.”
Mary grabbed the bag with the slice of pie out of Elsie’s hand and turned quickly. Elsie stopped abruptly.
“Mary, you can’t go in there with the pie. He is on restriction!” The nurse spun back around and Mary reluctantly handed her the bag with the pie.
They started back down the hall toward Clifford’s room. Mary turned to Elsie shocked and defeated. “I used to think that Verde was the one with the running mouth, but you have surpassed her by a milestone tonight. What is wrong with you? I told you to follow my lead.”
“I’m worried about you, Mary. Do you know that you walked right passed that first nurse. She asked if you needed any help! You didn’t even hear her.”
“I heard her! I was ignoring her, Elsie. I didn’t want any help!”
“Oh! I thought you needed to get your hearing checked! I didn’t know you were ignoring her!”
“That was the point of it all. Now look at us, we’re walking in there empty handed. I’ve left my good casserole and a slice of pie with a bunch of nurse scavengers!”
“You made yourself perfectly clear. I don’t think they’ll touch it. I’m pretty certain the look you shot that poor woman scared her plenty.”
“You know what they say; if looks could kill!” Mary said. She stopped walking and gave Elsie a fresh look.
Elsie stopped behind her and mumbled to herself, “Okay, there goes two more years of my life. Bam! Gone.” Mary continued down the hall. “I’m sorry. You didn’t tell me the plan was to ignore people!” Elsie called from behind her. “That wasn’t a very good plan!”
“Mary!” Clifford said as she walked into the room.
“Hello, Captain, look who I brought,” she said.
“Hello, Elsie!”
Elsie blushed at his attention. “Captain,” she said with a girlish grin. Both Elsie and Verde were star stuck over Mary’s handsome new boyfriend.
“I tried to bring you dinner,” Mary said. “Those nurses snatched it right out of my hands again!”
“The Devils!” Clifford said, “They aren’t letting me eat anything!”
“What’s going on?” she asked.
“They are going to do another test on me in the morning. They said I couldn’t eat anything after one o’clock. Normally, that wouldn’t matter, but I’m sitting here with nothing to do but stare at the walls. It’s making me hungry.”
“Why don’t you turn on the TV? It’ll make the time pass faster,” Mary said.
“They keep playing that darn Bob’s Big Burger commercial with the double bacon blue cheese special
! I had to turn it off! All I do is think about food. It’s hell!” He paused and looked up, “Sorry Jesus, I’m sure it doesn’t compare.”
“Are you still talking to Jesus? What did they give you now?” Mary asked.
“Like I said before, I’ll always talk to Jesus. You should too. You have his mother’s name; for heaven’s sake!” He looked up again, “Sweet Jesus, thank you for that! I am so grateful. You have pointed me toward a good woman and she has a beautiful name!”
Mary turned to Elsie, “He is doing it again. I told you they are giving him too much medication.”
“No, I told you my mind is not affected by medications!”
“Poor thing is completely doped up,” Mary continued.
“My ears aren’t affected either! I can hear you perfectly.”
She continued to talk over him, “He talks to Jesus and that Kevin guy sits over there in the corner. I don’t know where Jesus is exactly.”
“I’m not dead! I’m right here and Jesus is in heaven! Well he is everywhere, but he manifested himself in heaven for me.” Clifford answered. “I don’t see Jesus here, but I talk to Jesus because I know he can hear me. I can see Kevin.”
“Do you see Kevin now?” Mary asked.
Clifford sighed, “He walked in and stood in the corner there, just before you came in.” He gestured to the empty corner in the room. “He seems to like it when you are here, Mary.” Clifford winked at Elsie, “We have that in common.”
“See what I’m talking about,” Mary said to Elsie. “He is heavily medicated!”
“No, I’m not. I’m just waiting for my blood tests to clear and a neurologist to check out the tingling I’m still having in my fingers tips. They think it might have to do with the nerve I pinched when I knocked that woman over. Hopefully, it’s just a temporary problem. My shoulder still flares up sometimes from the incident.”
“You mean from when you killed that man?” Elsie said.
“ELSIE!” Mary shouted.
Clifford looked to the corner of the room and winked. “It’s okay, Kevin and I have made our peace over the whole thing. He doesn’t blame me, and I don’t blame him. Right Kevin?” He waved at the corner, “It’s something that we’ve moved past. I certainly don’t want to deal with any unfinished business after I die. I’ll be anxious to get back to heaven. It was remarkable! Poor Kevin. He’s struggling to get there.”
Elsie jolted her eyes toward Mary. Mary simply shook her head. “I’ll see if I can get a nurse,” Elsie said.
“No, you stay here. I’ll get the nurse.” Mary started out of the room just as a young man stepped passed the door. “Excuse me,” Mary said. “Could you be so kind as to send the nurse in? I’m afraid Mr. Brown is still being over medicated.”
“I’m Mr. Browns nurse,” the young man said.
“He’s a male nurse,” Elsie said.
“Thank you captain obvious,” Mary said to Elsie.
“My name is Stan,” he said. “I’m Mr. Brown’s nurse on duty this evening. Is there something I can help you with?”
“They think you people have me improperly medicated, Stan,” Clifford called from the bed. “Would you tell them, I’m fine?”
“Mr. Brown is under our professional care. You can be sure he is being properly cared for.”
“He’s been talking to Jesus!” Elsie said.
“I suppose there are worse folks he could talk to,” Stan joked.
“He is talking to the devil too!” Mary said.
“Kevin isn’t the devil. He just made some bad mistakes in his life,” Clifford said.
“Are you seeing people that we can’t see, Mr. Brown?” Stan asked as he picked up a clipboard that was attached to the end of the bed.
“Just one,” Clifford answered.
“He said to tell you that you should stop doubting yourself and ask that girl to marry you!”
Stan dropped the clipboard allowing it to dangle from its chain as it fell back against the bed. He held his eyes on Clifford for a moment then glanced around the room and grinned. “Did Peggy tell you to say that?”’
“Who is Peggy?” Clifford asked.
“Peggy. She was your nurse on the last shift. She told you to tell me that; didn’t she?”
“No, your Uncle Ray told Kevin to tell me to tell you that.”
Stan looked at the two women and back at Clifford, “Wait. What? Uncle Ray? My Uncle Ray who died several years ago, Uncle Ray.”
“Kevin says he asked him to tell you to ‘just do it already’.”
“Oh, my God! He used to say that all the time.” Stan turned white.
“No kidding! Isn’t that something?” Elsie said. “You can see his uncle? Can you see my sister, Janine?”
“No,” Clifford said, “I can only see Kevin, but I think Kevin can see other people. I guess he saw Stan’s Uncle.”
“I can’t believe it. My Uncle Ray?” Stan remained somewhat leery. “If Peggy put you up to this—“
“Hold on,” Clifford said. He turned his attention to the corner of the room. So did everyone else. “He also says you should stop looking for your dad and start living your life. He said that finding him isn’t worth your time.” Stan’s shoulders dropped and his expression fell into disbelief. “I’m sorry,” Clifford said, “I’m just relaying the message.”
“Excuse me,” Stan said. He walked out of the room and leaned against the door in the hall.
Clifford looked at Mary and frowned. “I guess if Kevin is going to be telling me things, I better get better at how I repeat them. I didn’t mean to upset the poor boy. Maybe you better check on him. I would but they’ve got me all hooked up, here.”
Mary walked to the hallway. The young man ran his hand through his hair and puffed air out of his cheeks.
“A lot of people might suspect that I would propose to Jennifer, but nobody knew I was looking for my dad. That’s just—wow! Crazy!” he said.
“I’m sorry,” Mary replied. “I’m sure he didn’t mean to upset you. He’s on a lot of medications. Now you see why I’m upset. I’ve been trying to tell the staff. He needs to sober up before he upsets somebody else. I’m sorry about that.”
“No, it’s okay. I actually needed to hear both of those things. It was just kind of shocking.”
Mary had no idea what his situation was, but she could tell it was weighing on his heart. “I’m sorry about your dad,” she said. She gently patted his arm. He nodded his head in appreciation. “Your lady must be very special.”
“Thank you,” he said, “she is.”
Mary paused. She could hear Elsie whispering to Clifford in the room. She worried what she might be saying but chose to ignore it in order to take the opportunity to talk with Stan. “Do you think you might be able to talk to the Doctor about his prescriptions? They must have prescribed something wrong. Clifford is not himself.”
“He isn’t taking anything. He didn’t come in here with any prescriptions and they haven’t given him anything major since the surgery. They had him on Fentayl and Versed in the recovery room. That definitely would have sent him to la la land, but the effects of those medicines should be long gone by now! He had a little something for pain and Aspirin is pretty much all he’s had in the last 24 hours. They’re still determining what his follow up medication might be. Whatever that man is seeing and saying is not due to medications!”
Verde strolled up to the room. “What’s going on, Mary? Did you trade up in for a younger version?” She looked at Stan. “You better watch out for this cougar!” she teased.
“I swear, I can’t take you or Elsie anywhere! This is Stan.” Mary smiled at him. “He is getting married to a lovely girl.”
He glanced up and down the hall. “I don’t want anyone on the staff to know until I figure things out,” he said. “I don’t want to spoil the proposal. I’m trying to plan something special.”
“Of course,” Mary said, “your secret is safe with me. I don’t know about these three,” sh
e said as they walked back in the room. She let Stan step in ahead of her, and she shut the door. “Okay, listen up, the cat is out of the bag. We all know Stan will propose to—” she paused, “What was her name?”
“Jennifer,” Stan said somewhat hesitant to participate.
“Jennifer soon. Nobody and I mean nobody is allowed to tell anybody else that walks in this room! Are we clear?”
“What in the world—?” Verde asked. “I park the car and the next thing I know we’re planning a wedding!”
“We haven’t been invited,” Elsie said, “we just know about it.”
“Well that explains everything!” Verde said sarcastically.
Stan grinned as he fiddled with the machine that was attached to Cliff’s bed and checked his pulse.
“Are you the Doctor?” Verde asked. She didn’t wait for an answer. “You look so young! I guess I’m getting old! You young doctors all look like kids to me!”
“I’m Mr. Brown’s nurse for the evening,” Stan replied.
“He is a male nurse, Verde,” Elsie said.
“Elsie!” Mary groaned.
“Verde looked puzzled. I can see that, Elsie. What’s wrong with you? Haven’t you ever seen a male nurse? There are a lot of young men who grow up to be nurses and fine ones at that.”
Stan let out a chuckle. He had to start his count over on Clifford’s pulse.
“We came here to check on Clifford,” Mary said. “Aren’t we doing fine job? They’re either going to kick us all out, or have us admitted to the mental floor. I’m sorry, Stan,” she said.
“It’s alright,” he answered. “I was going to see if I could talk Mr. Brown’s Hospitalist into dropping by. She will be in shortly. I don’t know if I want her in here, though.”
“I don’t blame you,” Clifford piped in. “They might be a bit of a challenge for her. These ladies are convinced that I am being wrongfully medicated and they’ve come to bust me out of here.”
“Oh, Elsie!” Mary said. “You told him that while we were in the hall? I left you with the man for less than thirty seconds!”
“He needed to know. Look at him, he’s all hooked up to that machine. It’s not going to be easy to get him out of here!”
“I just walked in,” Verde said innocently. “I don’t know what Thelma here and her side kick Louise are up to.”
The False Exit Page 10