Looking into her beautiful face, he suddenly felt very embarrassed and very self-conscious about his outburst. He felt like a fool. Pulling away from her grasp, he headed for the door.
“I must go,” he muttered. “I must see to my guests.”
Chrystobel ran after him, grabbing him by the arm to stop him from leaving. “Wait,” she said. “Please do not leave.”
He tried to pull away from her, but not too hard. Not hard enough to really make a difference. “I must,” he said, refusing to look her in the eye. “I have not seen Rhys or Gart in over a year and there is much… we have much….”
“You will see them in the morning,” Chrystobel said firmly, cutting him off and putting herself between Keller and the door. “I did not see my husband last night and… you said yourself that we have not spent… well, spent time together. You slept through the night with your injury and your weariness. Will you be away from me this night, too?”
Keller was still having difficulty looking at her but, eventually, he had little choice other than looking her in the eye. When their gazes locked, Chrystobel smiled timidly and he could feel himself relent. But he was still horribly embarrassed for his outburst and he was having a difficult time overcoming that.
“Nay,” he murmured. “I will not be away this night, too.”
“Swear it?”
“I swear.”
Chrystobel smiled. “Then go and see your friends if you must, but you will return to me,” she said. “In fact, I will prepare my father’s chamber for us. We can sleep in there tonight.”
He eyed her. “Mayhap there is another chamber we can sleep in,” he tried to suggest kindly. “Mayhap it will be too difficult for you to sleep in your father’s chamber so soon after his passing.”
Chrystobel’s smile faded and she glanced over her shoulder at Izlyn to see if the girl was listening. Fortunately, Izlyn seemed to be dozing off. Chrystobel lowered her voice.
“I have had much to think about since my father’s death,” she said softly. “Although it is true that he is my father and for that reason alone I will mourn him, the truth is that he was never much of a father to me or to Izlyn. He let Gryffyn beat us, hurt us, and he never did much to stop it. I often begged him to but he would never take action. Eventually, I stopped begging. It was of no use. Is… is it wicked of me to feel more resentment towards him than grief? I cannot seem to help it.”
Keller’s expression reflected her own. “If it is wicked, then we are sinning together,” he said with some regret. “I have harbored a great deal of disgust towards your father and his reasoning for why he did not prevent your brother from wreaking havoc. How does your sister feel about all of this? Have you been able to tell?”
Chrystobel glanced over her shoulder at her sister, back in the shadows of the room. “I believe she feels much the same way I do,” she said softly. “Whenever Gryffyn would throw her in the vault, or strike her, more often than not she would come to me for comfort. My father… he would release her from the vault only to stand by and do nothing when Gryffyn would put her back in again. Much like me, she learned not to depend on him. I am sure she feels grief, but I do not know to what extent.”
Keller pondered that. Both women with an ineffective father, struggling to come to terms with his death. He was their father, a fixture in their lives… but he was also a failure. It was difficult to know how to feel. After a moment, he let out a quiet breath.
“I suppose to your father, his reasons were sound for what he did,” he said. “Mayhap he ultimately feared your brother because your brother beat him as well. But I suppose we will never truly know why he let Gryffyn spread his terror as he did.”
Chrystobel shrugged vaguely, in agreement, trying not to linger over the anger she felt towards Trevyn now that he was gone. She was very torn between natural grief and bitterness. Taking a deep breath, perhaps to help her move past the memories, she looked up at Keller.
“Mayhap you are correct,” she agreed. “In any case, I will go and prepare his chamber for us now. I will expect you once you have seen to your guests.”
Keller nodded and moved past her without so much as a kiss or a hint of affection. She was his wife, after all, and he should have at least shown some consideration, but he found that he was too embarrassed. The woman had been the recipient of his unguarded thoughts and the more he thought about it as he headed out of the keep, the more ashamed he became. Unused to such feelings, he had no idea how to handle them.
When he reached the hall, most of the men had either passed out around the room or left entirely to go sleep off the effects of the powerful cider. George and Aimery were gone, but William, Rhys, and Gart were still sitting where Keller had left them. When they saw the man enter the hall, they waved him over to join them.
Keller, trying to shake off his shame from his outburst with Chrystobel, gladly allowed himself to be swept away with memories from The Levant. He also allowed William to pour him more cider. The combination of embarrassment, old memories, and the cider was too much for him to overcome.
The next thing he realized, he was lifting his head off the feasting table when someone opened the door to the great hall and let the weak morning light filter in. There was drool all over his right cheek and a big puddle on the table beneath him. The moment he tried to move, the pounding anvil in his head started.
It was not going to be a pleasant day.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
She was stupid. Truly, deeply, and terribly stupid. As Chrystobel moved about in what used to be her father’s chamber, she was feeling like the biggest fool in the world.
Keller had sworn to return to her last night but he hadn’t. The sun was rising and she hadn’t seen him since he’d left her chamber the night before. As Chrystobel pulled items out of her father’s wardrobe in preparation for storing them in a trunk, she was feeling so terribly embarrassed about everything she’d said the night before. She should have been smarter about it. She should have known that Keller was full of ale and cider, and that all of those things he had said were foolish words to gain her sympathy. He’d even apologized for them, and she had forgiven him. But the truth was in the actions – after telling her of a failed love, after swearing he would return to her later, he had failed to come back at all.
She didn’t know where the man was and she didn’t care. She’d felt sorry for him as he’d told her of his lost love, but gaining her sympathy had probably been part of his ploy. He’d made her think that he was a poor, lonely soul, but the truth was that he was a liar. He wasn’t a man of his word, as he’d broken his promise to return to her, so she could only assume everything else he’d told her had been a lie.
Damn him! She tossed one of her father’s tunics into a pile on the ground. Keller had made her believe that he was sympathetic to both her and Izlyn. Finally, a man who would show them both the kindness they’d so lacked in their young lives. But he hadn’t meant any of what he’d said. He’d been drunk and running off at the mouth. Hurt, angry, she continued to clean out her father’s chamber.
Her back was to the door when she heard boot falls and a soft knock on the panel. Turning around, she caught sight of Keller standing in the doorway in full armor. She looked at him, caught off guard by his sudden appearance, and couldn’t help but notice that he looked pale and bleary-eyed. But the moment their eyes met, she thought of him last night as he looked her in the eye and swore he would return to her, and she quickly returned to her project.
“Good morn to you, husband,” she said, her voice clipped.
Keller heard her tone. It was cold and angry, just as he knew it would be. He’d put off coming to see her for a solid hour because he was so afraid that she might be angry with him and he’d been correct. She was furious. From her stiff back to her curt words, she was bloody well furious.
“Good morn to you, Lady de Poyer,” he said timidly. “My lady… Chrystobel… I am truly sorry I did not return last night. I am sure you are….”<
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She cut him off, throwing more of her father’s items into a pile on the floor. “It does not matter in the least,” she said, pulling at a pair of ripped breeches. “I slept in my chamber with my sister and we were quite comfortable. In fact, I am cleaning out this chamber for you so that you may have it. It ’tis a big chamber, and comfortable, and it should be very pleasant for you. I plan to have the servants pull the bed apart and re-stuff the mattress.”
Keller could see that she wasn’t going to forgive him easily. Why should she? He’d said many things last night, things he was still embarrassed over, and she’d had time to reflect on all he’d said. Perhaps she’d come to realize what an idiot she’d married. Perhaps it really didn’t matter to her that he’d not returned – more than likely, she was glad that he hadn’t. His heart sank as the nervous knuckle-cracking started.
“I thought this was going to be our chamber?” he asked softly, popping his joints.
Chrystobel laughed, but it wasn’t a humorous laugh. It was an angry cackle. “Nay, my lord,” she said, gathering all of the things she had thrown on the floor and lifting them up onto the bed. “This will be the master’s chamber and you, after all, are the master. I will happily sleep across the hall with my sister so that you can summon me at will. No need for us to share a space.”
Keller was feeling worse and worse. “Chrystobel,” he said softly, firmly. “I am sorry I did not return last night. I went to see to my friends and ended up drinking more of that devil cider, and after that… I do not remember anything until I woke up this morning. I did not stay away intentionally.”
Chrystobel was a woman with no trust in men. She’d been lied to and abused her entire life, so forgiving an innocent like Keller, who truly meant what he said, was nearly impossible for her to comprehend. It was easier not to believe him than to forgive him. He’d already lied to her. In her mind, he’d destroyed her trust.
“You do not need to explain your whereabouts or your reasons,” she said, pausing in her task to look him in the eye. “This is a contract marriage and there are no expectations. You are lord and master of Nether and I will respect you as such. I will be at your call as you wish, but do not expect more than that. Do not tell me stories to garner my sympathy because I do not care. I do not care about anything!”
She ripped off the clothing pile and the top layer of linen on the bed to punctuate her angry sentence. Everything went when sailing onto the floor. Keller stood there and watched her, feeling the familiar angst welling in his chest. Once, when he had been betrothed to the widow who broke his heart, he felt these same emotions when she callously dismissed him. The old, horrible feelings were sweeping him again. God, not again, he thought. Why do I bring these things down upon me? I cannot go through this again! He stopped popping his knuckles because he nearly broke a finger in his turmoil.
“I am sorry that I did not keep my promise to return,” he said, his voice soft and low. “I feel terrible about it. All I can tell you is that it was unintentional and that I am truly sorry.”
Chrystobel’s gaze lingered on him a moment before turning to the pile on the floor. “You need not apologize,” she said. “It is your right to do as you please.”
He sighed sharply. “Do you not believe a man when he says that he is sorry?”
Her head snapped up, the dark eyes fixed on him. “I believed him when he swore he would return last night. Mayhap it is the last time I shall believe anything he says.”
It was like a punch to his gut. Keller could tell just by the expression on her face that she was attacking his honor. After a moment, he simply shook his head. “What must I do to prove I am sincere, Chrystobel? I do not want to go the rest of my life at odds with you because of a mistake.”
She looked at him a moment, appraisingly, and he swore that he could see the turmoil in the big brown eyes. She was hurt and defensive, he could clearly see it. But she tore her gaze away after a moment and looked back at the pile and, as he watched, planted herself on the floor beside it. She began sifting through it.
“Go about your duties,” she told him. “I will make sure your chamber is prepared by tonight.”
It was evident she didn’t wish to speak to him about it. He groaned inwardly. “I am going into town to make arrangements with the priests for your father’s mass,” he said quietly. “I thought you wanted to go with me.”
Chrystobel shook her head, focused on her task. “You can make the arrangements quite adequately,” she said. “I do not need to go with you.”
There wasn’t any use arguing with her. He could see that plainly. She was essentially shutting him out and he felt horrible about it. But it was probably justified. He had promised to return last night. He didn’t blame her for thinking he was not a man of his word. With a lingering gaze at her blond head, he silently quit the chamber and shut the door behind him.
The landing was dimly lit and cold as he turned for the stairs. He had a knot in his stomach from his emotions, coupled with his pounding head. He deserved all of it, he told himself. Every misery he had, he deserved. As he began to descend the stairs, he glanced up and saw Izlyn standing in the doorway to the chamber she shared with her sister. Keller came to a halt.
Izlyn was dressed in a sweet pink-colored linen surcoat with an embroidered apron over it. Her pretty blond hair was pulled into two adorable braids draped over each shoulder. She looked clean, groomed, and well-rested. In fact, the child looked better than he’d ever seen her. He smiled weakly.
“I do not suppose you can tell me how to beg forgiveness from your sister,” he muttered wryly.
It had been a somewhat rhetorical question but, to his surprise, Izlyn nodded. Keller was about to continue down the steps but the child’s gesture had him pausing.
“You do?” he asked, interested. “She is very angry with me. But I suppose you know that.”
Izlyn nodded solemnly. Keller wriggled his eyebrows in defeat. As he shrugged his big shoulders dejectedly and began to move down the steps, Izlyn rushed forward and stuck her hands out. He caught the movement from the corner of his eye, pausing to look up at the pale young woman. As he watched, she rushed over to him and grasped his sleeve, tugging. Keller ended up ascending those few stairs he had just taken and following Izlyn as she pulled him into the chamber she shared with her sister.
Keller was quite curious at her actions. She led him over to one of the chairs near the hearth and pointed to it, indicating for him to sit. He did, uncomfortably, in his heavy armor, watching Izlyn as she went over to a small table that was on the opposite side of the bed. The girl had scraps of what looked like parchment or vellum. She picked up a quill and, dipping it in ink, began scratching onto the parchment. When she was finished, she blew on it to dry the ink and rushed over to him, thrusting the parchment in his face.
Keller had to dodge his head or risk being hit by the parchment. He took it from her, holding it at arm’s length to read it because his eyes weren’t very good these days. It was often very difficult for him to read. The letter was written very careful, in Welsh:
Roedd hi’n drist pan nad oeddech yn dychwelyd
She was sad when you did not return.
Keller sighed heavily when he finished reading it. He felt like a monster. “I had every intention of returning, I assure you,” he told the young girl. “But… by God’s Bloody Rood, this is embarrassing, but that cider your sister provided put me to sleep. I fell asleep with my face pressed into the top of the feasting table. The next I realized, it was morning.”
He put his hand on his nose and smashed it down to demonstrate his sleeping position, watching Izlyn giggle. She was a pretty little thing when she smiled which, he suspected, was not that often. She snatched the parchment out of his hand and ran back to the table to collect her quill. She scratched a few more words out onto it before blowing furiously on it and racing back to him, thrusting it at him. Keller took the parchment and held it far away from his face to read it.
&nbs
p; Mae’n rhaid i chi ddweud wrthi ei fod yn ei bai hi am ei bod yn rhoi i chi y ddiod
You must tell her it is her fault because she gave you the drink.
Keller smiled wryly after reading it. “Alas, I cannot,” he sighed. “I did not have to drink it and I should not have. I cannot blame her for my failings. I wish she would at least accept my apology. Mayhap I need an envoy to soothe the savage beastie.”
Izlyn took the parchment away from him but she didn’t run over to write. She just stood there and looked at him as if she didn’t know what else to say. Much like Keller, she was socially inept. The lack of voice made it so, and the isolation, and in that realization Keller felt a somewhat kindred spirit with Izlyn. He was a bumbling idiot at times, too, as evidenced by the current situation with Chrystobel. He smiled at her and she smiled back. At least one d’Einen sister is smiling at me, he thought ironically. Noting the parchment still in her hand gave him an idea.
“Would… would you do something for me, my lady?” he asked. “I would be most grateful.”
Izlyn nodded eagerly and ran for the chamber door, but he called her back. “Nay, not that,” he said, rising out of the chair as he waved her over. “I was jesting when I said I needed an envoy. I do not want you to go to her on my behalf. Is that what you were going to do?”
Izlyn nodded, looking rather confused because she thought he wanted her to fetch her sister. But Keller put his hand on her slender shoulder.
“You are good at writing,” he said. When she nodded firmly, he continued. “I must go to town now and will not have the time to make amends to your sister today, so I was wondering if you would help me.”
Izlyn nodded eagerly and Keller patted her shoulder, directing her back over to the table with the pieces of parchment and pewter inkwell that was modeled to look like a flower. As Izlyn collected her quill and rifled through her pieces of parchment in order to find one that didn’t have any writing on it, Keller thought about what he wanted to say. It was rather sly, really, using the sister to beg forgiveness from his wife, but at that point, he was willing to do what was necessary to gain her good favor again. He also thought that he might see what stock the merchants in the town had once he’d finished with the priests. He’d been known to lavish gifts on those that warranted it, and even to those who didn’t. The widow he’d been betrothed to had accepted many lavish gifts from him. Keller hoped that giving gifts to Chrystobel wouldn’t be the same lesson in pointlessness.
The Agents of William Marshal Volume II: A Medieval Romance Bundle Page 101