Yet he was a good man. Fancy him fixing up with me dad about me first place. And he thinks Tommy looks like me dad too. She lay for a while thinking about her father with love before slipping into sleep.
The next day she bought a pig’s trotter on the way home from work and took it to Katy’s house for Peter.
‘They just come out steaming in Daly’s and I thought Peter might fancy it,’ she said.
‘He will, Nell,’ Katy said. ‘He loves a pig’s foot. He’s gone out on some crutches the hospital lent him. Made up, he is, to get out again.’
Nellie told Katy about her visit to the doctor. ‘I think I wasted me time and me money,’ she said ruefully. ‘He didn’t seem to know what I was getting at. Thought I was worried about meself because of what the nurse said. I just couldn’t say the right things to explain.’
‘Never mind, it’s over now,’ Katy consoled her. ‘It’s been hanging over you, thinking you should go, and now you’ve been and it’s done with. He didn’t say you couldn’t have no more either.’
‘No. He said I was a healthy girl,’ Nellie said. ‘Said I should be thankful I hadn’t got hordes of children. I think he’s got a bee in his bonnet about big families.’
‘I don’t know him,’ Katy said. ‘You know people round here only call a doctor when they’re on their last but he goes to a woman in Drinkwater Street. She was in service with Dixon’s the greengrocer’s until she was married and she still goes back to do washing and mending. Mrs Dixon sends Dr Wilson to her every time she has a baby. She’s got six and he was carrying on shocking with her husband.’
‘Six isn’t many,’ Nellie said. ‘A woman in Scotland Road reared twenty in two rooms. Mind you, I wouldn’t fancy that.’
‘I wouldn’t blame you,’ Katy exclaimed. ‘Like me ma says, there’s medium in all things. Four’s my limit. I’m determined.’
Nellie was again thinking of her visit to the doctor when she left Katy’s house and walked home. As she neared her door she was suddenly struck by a thought which made her stop dead, then stumble into her own house.
She dropped into a chair by the table and sat with her clenched fist pressed against her mouth as she recalled the doctor’s words, ‘Sam has proved himself.’ He meant that Sam had proved he could make a baby because of Tommy.
But what if Tommy was not Sam’s child? Could that be the reason they had not had any more children? But he must be Sam’s, she thought frantically. From the minute I held him in my arms I felt that but another small voice suggested that perhaps she had wanted to believe it.
Why, why were there no more babies? The doctor said she was a healthy girl. He must have thought it might be Sam’s fault but then because of Tommy he said that about Sam proving himself.
Nellie sat hunched in the chair, her eyes closed, feeling as though she would go mad as thoughts beat round in her brain like trapped birds.
Tommy arrived home from school and looked at her in alarm. ‘What’s up, Mam? Are you sick?’ he asked anxiously. Nellie stared at him, desperate to see some resemblance to Sam but she could see nothing. He was the model of her father but there was nothing of Sam in him.
‘Go out and play. I’m going to lay down. Gotta headache,’ she said, stumbling upstairs to lie on her bed. Oh God, that can’t be the reason, she thought. He hasn’t got nothing of Leadbetter about him either, but unbidden, the memory of Leadbetter’s children came to her. They were fair too but that was because of their mother being fair.
Had the same thing happened with her? Was Tom the result of that awful night but showed no likeness to his father, like Leadbetter’s other children?
Unable to bear her thoughts she jumped up and walked about the room. I can’t believe Tommy belongs to that fellow, she thought. Look at the way he took to Sam right away and Maggie said they know their own. He must be Sam’s son.
And yet why haven’t we had any more? She flung herself on the bed again, burying her head in the pillow, trying to shut out the images which rose in her mind. She was unaware of time passing and she was surprised when she heard Janey’s voice downstairs, talking to Tommy.
She forced herself to go downstairs. ‘I’ve got a terrible head,’ she said. ‘Couldn’t hardly lift it from the pillow.’ She opened her purse and gave Tommy money to get fish and chips for Janey and himself, then went back to bed.
What can I do? What can I do? she said over and over to herself. If only Nurse wasn’t so ill. I could tell her the truth, tell her everything and she’d tell me what to do. And she wouldn’t say nothing to nobody else but I can’t trust anyone else like that.
If only I’d talked to Nurse when Tommy was born but I was just that frightened, she thought. Frightened that Janey would shout at me if I didn’t do as she said and keep me mouth shut. It’s her. She’s the cause of it all. I’ll get rid of her, Nellie thought wildly.
Could I tell Dr Wilson? she wondered. Get him to make some excuse to send for Sam and then see if Tommy could be Sam’s child? But the doctor would get it all out of me about Mr Leadbetter and that might cause more trouble. He might say it was his duty to see Leadbetter and he might get me sent to gaol like he said.
Or if Sam found out about Leadbetter he might go and batter him and get locked up for it. Maybe Janey was right when she said the likes of us don’t stand no chance against the likes of Leadbetter.
A little later Tommy came up. ‘Auntie Katy’s putting me to bed,’ he said. ‘Is your head better, Mam?’
‘Yes it is,’ she lied. ‘Goodnight, son.’ She kissed him and held him away from her looking searchingly at him. Oh God, give me a sign, she prayed silently, but she could see no likeness to Sam in the child. Except in his nature, she thought, worrying about my headache. She remembered Leadbetter’s selfish spoilt children. There was no feeling for others in them.
Worn out by emotion she fell asleep and when she woke the thought came to her that nothing had changed. Sam knew nothing of her visit to the doctor and he and Tommy still loved each other as father and son, untroubled by any doubts. But then she thought, is that true?
Sam had never wavered in his affection for Tommy but was there no doubt at all in his mind that Tommy was his son? Why was he so jealous, seeming unable to trust her? Even though he thinks he doesn’t take no notice to them troublemakers, Nellie thought, some bit of what they say might stay in his mind.
Unable to bear her thoughts any longer she went downstairs and made herself a cup of tea and as she sat sipping it another thought occurred to her. The doctor had said she was healthy but he didn’t know about the bad time she had before Tommy was born.
Perhaps it was because of the drugs Janey had given her that she was unable to have more children. She remembered her neighbour saying, ‘God knows what she puts in them concoctions or the damage they do.’ Although the stuff Janey had given her was not the same as the concoctions to get rid of a baby it might have been just as harmful in a different way. Thank God it never harmed Tommy, Nellie thought, although it might have done me some damage.
She felt as though a weight had been lifted from her. I don’t know what come over me getting worked up like that, she thought, but I’ll never do it again. I know that Tommy is Sam’s son. I’ll stop moithering about another baby an’ all and be thankful I’ve got a lovely lad like Tommy too, she decided.
Nellie had wondered whether Bobby was too ashamed of his home to bring Meg there so she was pleased to receive a letter from him asking if he could bring Meg to tea on the following Sunday. She wrote back immediately, saying how welcome they would be.
She always kept the house as neat as possible but now she went in for an orgy of cleaning which enraged Janey.
‘I never seen anything like it,’ she declared, ‘you’d think the Queen was coming.’
‘Bobby’s girl is more important to me than the Queen,’ Nellie retorted.
By the time Sunday arrived she was exhausted but satisfied that the house was as nice as she could make it and that the sme
ll of lavender furniture polish would mask that of Janey’s fish.
There had been a dinner party at the Duncans’ the previous night and Nellie had helped the cook and waited on table, although Mrs Taggart had come for the washing up. Before Nellie left for home the cook had slipped a bag to her. ‘Put that under your shawl, girl,’ she said. ‘She’s got a cheek. Half a crown for all you done tonight. I’ve put the charlotte mould and the makings of an apple charlotte in it. Don’t see why your visitors can’t have the same as this lot.’
Nellie was delighted. ‘All the apple charlottes I’ve made, Cook, and I’ve never tasted it. None of it never comes down from the dining room.’
‘I know, but you will now,’ the cook said with a wink. ‘I’ve put the remains of the leg of lamb in too. I’ll tell her a dog run off with it. Just be sure you bring the mould back.’
Nellie was relieved that Janey had gone off on one of her mysterious errands when Meg and Bob arrived. It was a bitterly cold day and Nellie had a big fire burning and the kettle boiling for an immediate cup of tea.
‘This is nice,’ Meg said, looking round the room, ‘lovely and warm and homely.’
‘Drink that to warm you and I’ll wet fresh tea with the meal,’ Nellie said and Tommy brought some of his treasures to show Meg and Bobby.
‘Me dad brought me this boat with the little men in it,’ he said proudly, ‘And this drum another time. He told me about the men who live in the jungle.’
Meg and Bobby admired them and Bobby said, ‘You’ve got a good dad, Tom.’
‘That’s what Miss said,’ the child said eagerly. ‘I took them to show her and she said I had a good father who took an interest in me.’
‘You’re a clever boy remembering all that,’ Meg said admiringly.
Nellie said quietly to her, ‘No wonder. He’s said it that many times to people.’
She smiled fondly at Tommy who was standing at Bobby’s knee talking eagerly about school.
Nellie felt that there was some special reason for the visit but Bobby said nothing while they were eating the meal. The apple charlotte was in pride of place and Nellie had made a sponge sandwich and jelly and custard to follow the cold meat and pickles and soused herrings.
‘Our Nell’s a proper good cook,’ Bobby said proudly to Meg and Nellie told them the tale of the apple charlotte.
‘She’s a case, the cook. The things she says about Mrs Duncan and them girls and she doesn’t care what she does,’ Nellie said. ‘I said I’d never tasted apple charlotte for all I’ve made so many and she just said, “Well, you will now, girl.” Mrs Duncan would go mad if she knew.’
‘It sounds as if she owes you more than this, our kid,’ Bobby said loyally. ‘As long as the cook doesn’t get into trouble.’
‘She doesn’t care. She says Mrs Duncan’d never get no one else to cook for what she pays and she knows it. Cook only stays because it suits her.’
After tea Bobby and Meg sat together on the sofa holding hands and he told Nellie the reason for the visit.
‘That day you came to Handleys we wanted to tell you we was engaged so we asked Meg’s dad the night before but he said no.’
‘But why?’ Nellie exclaimed indignantly. ‘He couldn’t have nothing against you, Bobby.’
‘Hang on, Nell, till we tell you,’ Bobby said. ‘He’d had a few and he got ratty but I asked him again on the Monday and he told me it was on account of me coming back to Liverpool to work that fortnight.’
‘But—’ Nellie began but Bobby rushed on.
‘He said I’d only got lent to Mr Orlando and I might have to come back here when I come outa me time. He doesn’t want to come back to Liverpool.’
‘He’s crossing a bridge before he comes to it, isn’t he?’ Nellie said.
‘It might happen, Nell,’ Bobby said. ‘I want to stay on in Yorkshire but I’m indentured here, like. I had to own up about that to Mr Sykes and he said he wouldn’t come back here and he needs Meg to look after him.’
Meg had said nothing but now she said quietly, ‘He’s a sick man and he’s my father, I couldn’t walk out on him,’ and Nellie agreed.
‘But never mind,’ she said. ‘You needn’t say no more to him about it but youse could sort of behave as if you was engaged. You couldn’t get married anyhow till you was out of your time, Bob.’
She went to the dresser and brought out an embroidered sideboard runner. ‘Mrs Duncan give me this for waiting on one time,’ she said. ‘You can start your bottom drawer with it, Meg.’
Meg and Bobby were delighted and he said jokingly, ‘Is this what you meant, Nell, when you said about us pretending we was engaged?’
‘Not pretending, lad. Just keeping it to yourselves, like. You never know. You might get transferred permanent or Meg’s dad might come round. He must know there’s nice parts of Liverpool and you could live in them on tradesman’s money.’
Bobby stood up and put his arm round Nellie. ‘So you’re for us, our kid,’ he said affectionately, and when Nellie exclaimed, ‘Of course,’ and kissed Meg, he took a small box from his pocket.
He opened it to proudly display a ring with a half hoop of diamond chippings.
‘We got this yesterday,’ he said, ‘but we wanted to tell you first.’ He sat down beside Meg and slipped it on her finger then kissed her tenderly.
Nellie was in tears and Meg and Bobby stood up and put their arms around her.
‘Don’t cry, girl,’ Bobby said, hugging her.
Nellie dried her eyes and smiled. ‘You’ll think I’m soft, Meg,’ she said. ‘It’s just – I’m that made up. Our Bob reared round here and the way he’s got on. An engagement ring!’
‘Didn’t you have one, Nell?’ Meg asked.
Before Nellie could answer Bobby laughed. ‘Didn’t have no time, did you girl?’ he said. ‘You was married in five minutes, wasn’t you?’
‘What do you mean?’ Meg asked, looking puzzled.
Nellie blushed but she said quickly, ‘I got sent home sick from my place and Janey seen Sam and told him. He come round and said he’d look after me and the next thing it was all fixed up for us to get married before he went back to sea.’ She was amazed at the way the words tripped glibly from her tongue but Bobby accepted her explanation.
‘I never knew what was happening, although I lived here,’ he said. ‘Our Nell was so sick and Janey wouldn’t let no one near her. Then the next thing she was getting married in Brougham Terrace. I was made up though because I liked Sam.’
‘Did he live round here?’ Meg asked.
‘No, he stayed at the Seaman’s when he was ashore. He didn’t have no home,’ Bobby said. ‘He drinks in the Volley though and us kids was always glad when he was home. There’d be a crowd going in the pub and we’d be hanging round asking for coppers. It was always Sam who give us some and he’d give more when he come out. He must’ve been skint in no time.’
He laughed and Meg said to Nellie, ‘He sounds a real good man.’
‘Oh he is,’ Nellie said. ‘He’s a good husband and a good father.’
‘Mind you, he used to be a beggar for fights before he got married,’ Bobby said. ‘You know how it is when a feller’s got a reputation, like, for fighting. Always someone wants to take him on and Sam’s mates used to egg him on.’
‘It was the mates was the trouble,’ Nellie said. ‘And then Sam had always had to stand up for himself. He lived rough from he was seven years old.’
‘But that’s awful. Seven years old!’ Meg exclaimed.
Nellie said reminiscently, ‘He looked after me an’ all. Used to carry the big bundles of washing for me and chased some lads when they was trying to take it off me.’
‘So you knew him a long time?’ Meg said and Nellie nodded agreement.
‘He’s different now since he got married,’ Bobby said. ‘With the fighting, I mean.’
‘He’s got different mates now,’ Nellie said. ‘Real respectable fellers.’
She suddenly not
iced Tommy sitting in the corner with a picture book on his knee, listening avidly to the conversation.
‘I forgot you was there,’ she exclaimed. ‘You can go out and play.’
‘Ar eh, Mam, it’s cold outside,’ Tommy said. ‘Can’t I stay in?’
‘Well read your book then. Don’t be listening,’ Nellie said severely. Bobby smiled at the child and Meg said, ‘His dad must see a change in him every time he comes home.’
‘I see a change in him all right,’ Bobby said. ‘You should’ve seen him when he was born. A little red wrinkly thing like a fourpenny rabbit. D’you know I helped to save your life, Tom? If it wasn’t for me and Nurse McCann you wouldn’t be here.’
Tommy clamoured for details and Meg said eagerly, ‘Go on, Bob. Tell us.’ But then she turned to Nellie and said diffidently, ‘That’s if you don’t mind, Nell?’
Nellie laughed. ‘No I don’t mind. I’ve got to give credit where it’s due.’
‘Nurse McCann shouted down for me to bring hot water up and when I took the panmug of hot water up she had Tommy in the washbowl then she put him in the hot water then back into the cold water. He was just like he was dead and she kept clouting him. Our Nellie was saying, “Don’t don’t,”’ Bobby said.
He laughed and Nellie said defensively, ‘I thought she’d hurt the baby. I was made up though when she gave him a real hard smack and he cried out.’
‘So was I,’ Bobby said. ‘And the nurse said if I hadn’t brought the hot water up so quick she couldn’t have done it. And look at him now.’
They all looked at the child and he hung his head, blushing, and to take attention from him Nellie said quietly, ‘Poor Nurse McCann’s real bad, I went to see her and I wouldn’t have knew her, Bob. Such a fine big woman but she’d dwindled away. Even her voice.’
She bustled about making a fresh pot of tea before they left and Meg asked if it would be long before Sam came home.
A Wise Child Page 19