by Marie Landry
“Maybe you’ll get good news tomorrow when you meet with the head of Birch Hill,” Kieran says. “If your mum is happy and well-adjusted there, you’d think they’d be willing to work with you to ensure she can stay.”
I simply nod in response. I’ve been avoiding thinking about my trip to Birch Hill because it brings up all kinds of emotions I’d rather not deal with right now. I haven’t been to the facility in a few months, and haven’t seen my mom in…well, way too long. Going to the place where she lives and not being able to see her will be torture.
Kieran reaches across the table for my hand. Sympathy flashes over his features, but it’s gone so quickly I wonder if I imagined it. Now a smile graces his face as he squeezes my fingers. “See, I’ve been thinking…classes will be finishing up soon and then I’ll have the whole summer free. I’m going to stay in the student house since I’ll be living there through next year too. I’m looking for an internship, but I was thinking if there was time before it started, I’d like to go to back home for a couple of weeks.”
I try to ignore the sinking feeling in my chest. This would be good for Kieran. And it’s not like he’d be gone the whole summer. I can live vicariously through him like I’ve been doing with Fiona. “That would be great. You’ve worked so hard at school, you deserve a break.”
His lips twitch and stretch wider. He drops his gaze to our joined hands and turns mine over, running a finger down my palm. “Mm. You know who really deserves a break?” He peers up at me. The mixture of playfulness and hope and affection in his eyes makes my breath catch. “You, Sunshine. Which is why I think you should come with me.”
“To Ireland?” I choke out the words. With oh-so-perfect timing, the waitress arrives with our drinks. I can’t pull my eyes away from Kieran and I’m pretty sure my mouth is hanging open. He smiles at the young woman, tells her we’ll both have the fish and chips, then hands her our menus. The second she leaves, I lean across the table and whisper-hiss, “You want me to go with you to Ireland?”
He mimics my body language, coming in close so our faces are only inches apart. “Yes. This summer. You, me, and the Emerald Isle. What do you say to that?”
A semi-hysterical laugh burbles up in my throat. What do I say to that? What can I say to that? It’s…too soon. I can’t afford a trip like that right now. I can’t miss that much work. The reasons are endless.
“Meredith.” Kieran’s gentle voice coaxes me out of my own thoughts and back to reality. “What are you thinking? Whatever it is, you can tell me. Even if it’s that you hate the idea.”
“Hate it?” I ask, sounding like I swallowed a mouthful of helium. “No, no, I don’t hate it. I like it. A lot. Too much.” When his brows arch in question, I release a long, slow breath and cover our joined hands with my free hand, folding his between both of mine. My mind spins over the reasons I can’t possibly go to Ireland with him. Where to begin? “Isn’t it kinda crazy to plan such a huge trip together so soon?”
“Mm, maybe.” He tilts his head back and forth. “But who decides what’s ‘too soon’? Who makes up these arbitrary rules when every couple is different? And haven’t we broken all the rules so far anyway? Why not this one too?”
That draws a smile from me. He’s right. We wouldn’t even be sitting here having this conversation if I hadn’t broken my own rules. We’ve done things our way from the beginning. Even our no-sex sex life has been on our terms because it’s what works for us. My smile wavers and slips. Even if ‘too soon’ wasn’t a factor, there’s the small problem of a trip to Ireland costing money I don’t have.
“I was going to say ‘hit me with the next issue’, but I think I know what it is and I might have a solution.”
“Are freight ships to Ireland still a thing? We could go in third class like Jack Dawson in Titanic.”
“Because that worked out so well for Jack?” Kieran asks and I laugh. “No. Now, just hear me out. My mum asks about you every time we talk. I spend more time answering her questions about you than telling her anything about myself. This past week, she mentioned she’d love to see us this summer and she offered to buy our plane tickets.”
My mouth pops open. “What? No, I—”
“Just listen,” Kieran says, cutting me off. “I’m sure it seems strange to you, especially since you’ve always been independent and paid for things yourself, but trust me, my parents can afford it. It’d be a drop in the bucket for them. We wouldn’t even have to stay with them; they have smaller homes around the country, and both of us know people in Ireland, so I’m sure we could couch surf. Maybe you could even work something out with your mate Fiona in exchange for writing a series on Ireland for the blog.”
My eyes have shifted past him and are riveted on an enormous landscape painting of Ireland on the wall behind him. The lush green field dotted with sheep, and the castle ruins set against a backdrop of mountains speak to me the way Ireland has always spoken to me. I swallow hard and bring my attention back to Kieran when he starts talking again.
“Just…think about it, will you? Whether we decide to go or not, I want to make plans with you, Meredith. I want to work toward building a future together, whatever that looks like.”
My heart melts at his earnest words. I lift our joined hands, bringing his to my mouth and brushing it with my lips. “I want that too.”
And I do. I want a whole life with Kieran. Things may be better than they were, but I still feel like I’m alternately riding that never-ending merry-go-round while also walking on a precarious balance beam, juggling all the different aspects of my life.
But for the first time in ages, I actually have faith things are going to work out. With Kieran by my side, I feel like I can conquer anything life throws at me.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
After lunch, we wander down by the waterfront before heading up Princess Street. I pull Kieran into Card’s Bakery & Goods, my favorite bakery in Kingston, and we load up on fancy cookies and squares.
From there, I lead him down back streets toward the Queen’s campus. A permanent smile etches itself on my face as he marvels at the huge old houses, many of which have wonderfully unique architecture. He stops every few feet to take pictures on his phone.
“We could be in Europe,” he says, pausing to snap a shot of a Victorian house surrounded by towering trees.
“That’s always been part of why I love Kingston,” I tell him. “When my wanderlust first started, my mom said she wasn’t the least bit surprised. While other kids were at the park, I was wandering the streets, admiring all the old buildings, and learning about the city’s history.”
He gives me a soft smile as we start walking again. “Why did you move to Bellevue if you love Kingston so much?”
“I was offered a job at the travel agency there right after college. I’d still come home most weekends when I wasn’t traveling, though. I’ve been tempted to move back here a few times, but now that my mom is…now that I’m not coming here to visit her regularly, the desire to be here full-time isn’t as strong. Plus I love my job at the Village, and all my friends are in Bellevue.”
The air around us feels heavier than it did a few minutes ago. Wanting to lighten the mood once more, I take a mental inventory of where we are and what’s nearby. For an architecture student like Kieran, Kingston is a dream; there are tons of unique buildings, some of which date back hundreds of years, but there’s one in particular that comes to mind, and it’s not far from here. Tugging on Kieran’s hand, I direct him down Sydenham Street. He shoots me a curious look, which I answer with an innocent smile that makes him chuckle.
I know the moment he sees it because his hand goes loose in mine. “It’s a castle! It’s a bloody wee castle.” His delighted laugh and the way he all but drags me down the sidewalk has me feeling instantly lighter.
“If you thought we were in Europe before…” We stop in front of McIntosh Castle, a miniature Gothic revival style castle built in the late 1800s. While it’s always been a priv
ate residence as far as I know, I’m ever hopeful it’ll eventually be turned into a B&B so I can see inside. I watch Kieran as he takes in the castle, his eyes lingering on the turret, which is my personal favorite part. His grin is infectious. When he finally turns to me again, I grip his shoulders and lift up on my toes to press my lips to his.
“I’m so glad you’re here with me, Sunshine,” he murmurs against my lips. “You make everything so much better.”
With my heart all aflutter at his words, we stand in front of McIntosh Castle kissing and laughing before parting to take selfies. I’m smiling so wide my face is aching, and I probably look deranged in half the pictures, but I don’t care.
This is what happiness feels like. I want to hold on to this feeling and this moment, and remember it always.
*****
I walk with Kieran the rest of the way to the Queen’s building where his first lecture is, and tell him I’ll meet him later back at the house.
I take my time wandering the familiar streets of the city I grew up in, the city that was my first love before I fell in love with dozens of other places in countless other countries. Since I have the afternoon free, I head downtown and pop into shops, some of which I’ve been to a million times before and others that are new to me.
A sexy blue nightgown entices me into a lingerie store, where I weave through the racks, fingering lace and silk, and wondering what Kieran might like to see me in. The numbers on some of the price tags make my eyes pop. It used to be nothing for me to pay these prices; I’ve got pieces in my collection from Paris and Milan that cost a small fortune, but have served me well. Those days seem like a lifetime ago now.
I find a tiny sales rack tucked into a back corner of the store. I almost laugh at the selection—it’s mostly housecoats and a few standard bras, with a leather bustier and some silk stockings thrown in. I’ve just about given up when something on the floor catches my eye. I pick up what turns out to be a sheer pale-blue negligee that looks like it would fall to the tops of my thighs. It’s my size, and—I hold my breath as I flip over the sale tag—within my budget. I break out in a little happy dance, then peer around surreptitiously to make sure no one saw my embarrassingly geeky moment.
Five minutes later, I walk out of the shop with a grin on my face and my new negligee wrapped in tissue paper and tucked into a black and pink paper bag. After a few more stops I’ve got fixings for a simple dinner at the house. I doubt Kieran will protest a night in, especially once he sees what I have in mind.
*****
“Some of those Queen’s buildings made me feel like I was at Hogwarts.”
Kieran has been back at the house for half an hour, practically bubbling over with energy after his lecture. I spent the rest of the afternoon reading—a rare treat for me these days—and then I did as much dinner prep as I could so it would be ready for later. I debated greeting Kieran with the negligee on when he returned, but decided it would be better to ease into things, so I’m wearing it under my dress.
“I’ve thought the same thing,” I tell him, handing him the glass of water I just brought from the kitchen. “We’ll have to come back in the summer when the campus is pretty much deserted. It’s incredible to wander around with the whole place to yourself.”
A slow smile spreads over Kieran’s face, lighting his eyes. I assume it’s because he’s enamored with Queen’s and excited to see it without hundreds of people swarming around, until he says, “That. That’s what I meant earlier about making plans. I want to make plans for the summer and for the winter and for next year and the next.” He rises from the couch and closes the distance between us, wrapping his arms around me and lifting me off my feet.
I let out a surprised squeal followed by an uninhibited giggle. I bury my face in Kieran’s neck and hold onto him tightly, even after my feet have returned to the floor.
Kieran releases me and goes to say something, but his attention shifts to my shoulder, where my dress has slipped. His eyes light with something completely different than they did a few minutes ago. “Well now, what’s this?”
“Oh, just a little something I picked up today after walking with you to the university…” I ease my dress further off my shoulder. He swallows hard as he tracks my movements. When his eyes return to mine, I say, “Bedroom?”
He nods once. “Bedroom.”
Gripping each other’s hands, we walk together in silence to the bedroom. It’s that time of day between late afternoon and early evening, when the sun is getting lower and it casts the world in a pale, almost magical glow I’ve always loved. I look around the unfamiliar room with its giant, comfortable-looking bed. A trio of candles sits on a table under the window, and I wonder for a moment if I should light them or do something else to set the scene.
“Meredith?”
My head jerks toward Kieran’s voice. He’s watching me with a question in his eyes.
“I’m…I’m nervous too. I know it’s probably not very ‘manly’ to admit that, but—”
I cut him off with a kiss. Knowing he’s anxious too makes me feel better. I’m far from a blushing virgin, and Kieran has seen—and touched—just about every inch of me, but this feels different.
Breaking the kiss, I put enough space between us so I can unzip and remove my dress. Kieran tracks every move I make with eyes that darken by the second. When the dress falls to the floor, his gaze sweeps over me, lingering on my breasts, which are visible through the sheer fabric of the lingerie. A small smile flits around his mouth as his eyes continue downward, then back up to meet mine.
“You’re so beautiful.” His reverent tone nearly makes me come undone. My brain tries to formulate a response, but before it can, he says, “I love you, Meredith. I hope you know that.”
I can’t help the huge smile that overtakes my face or the giddy sound that escapes me. He laughs too, although his sounds slightly bewildered.
“Not exactly the response I expected,” he says.
I cover my mouth with one hand, shaking my head. “I’m sorry,” I say through my fingers, dropping my hand when I’m certain another laugh won’t roll out. “I’m sorry. I’m not…it’s just…” I reach out to cup his face. He takes one of my hands and presses his lips to my palm, holding it there. “I love you too. I think I have for…well…maybe all along? But it seemed so fast.”
“We’re rule breakers, remember?” He releases my hand to grip my hips, tugging me forward. “I love you, Meredith.” He places a soft kiss on my lips and pulls away before I can deepen it. “So much.”
I wrap my arms around him, pressing my body against his. He makes a rough sound in the back of his throat, his hands tightening on my hips as he brings his mouth to mine. This time it’s no light peck, but a searing, thorough kiss, different from any other we’ve shared before.
Unaware of who’s guiding who, we move toward the bed without breaking our kiss. Once I free Kieran’s belt buckle and move on to undo the button of his jeans, he pulls back to remove his shirt. Our eyes lock, and the whole world seems to pause with us. His lips quirk as he swoops in to brush kisses over my neck and shoulders while I finish undoing and removing his jeans.
With his clothes discarded on the floor, I push him back on the bed and straddle him. I love that it’s still daylight and I can see every inch of him with perfect clarity. From the way his eyes are trained on my breasts, I’m guessing he appreciates the soft sunlight too.
Leaning forward to enhance my cleavage, I run a finger down one of the nightgown’s straps. “Want me to take this off?”
He shifts me around so he can sit up, putting us face to face. “Leave it on for now,” he says. Our noses and lips brush, breaths mingling. Excitement and anticipation mix with just a hint of nerves in my belly. Our bodies are still and we’re hardly touching, yet my breaths comes hard and fast.
Kieran skims a finger along the strap I was just playing with. He lifts it and lets it slide down my shoulder, replacing it with his mouth. His kisses start ou
t soft and sweet, then turn hungrier as he moves toward my neck, his teeth nipping at my throat.
His hard length has been pressing against me since I first straddled him, and now I wriggle closer, grinding against him. His mouth freezes and he releases a shuddering breath against my neck. In a blur of movement and weightlessness, Kieran flips me onto my back and covers my body with his. I laugh breathlessly and he smiles as he inches down my body.
Cool air hits my right breast as he frees it from the negligee, replaced quickly by his hot mouth. He discovered weeks ago how sensitive my breasts are, and he’s been more than willing to give them the focus he knows I enjoy. With his skilful lips and tongue and teeth, he works me into a frenzy. I’m only half aware of his hand gliding down my stomach until his fingers slip into my panties. Doing everything but having sex these last few weeks has given us a chance to explore and learn each other’s bodies, and Kieran has become a master of Meredith 101. It only takes a couple minutes of stroking before I go off like a rocket, arching up on the bed and crying out.
Through the haze of my orgasm, I’m vaguely cognizant of Kieran leaving the bed. He returns a moment later, showering my stomach and breasts with kisses. He gently pulls me into a sitting position and helps me remove the nighty and my panties before removing his own underwear. This is the first time we’ve both been completely naked together. A shiver rolls through me, part aftershocks, part nerves, but mostly anticipation.
Kieran kneels in front of me and I see the condom in his hand. “Are you sure?”
The fact he’d ask makes my heart swell with love. “I’m sure.” To reiterate my point, I take the condom from him. Our fingers brush and linger, and I look up to find him watching me. His expression is serious, but his eyes are soft with affection and desire. I kiss him as I rip open the packet, then turn my attention to sliding the condom into place. His breath catches and holds, and I bite my bottom lip to hold back a smile.