“I don’t know if I can love him the right way,” I confessed. “What if I do only love him as an… attractive friend?”
Mother had the good grace to hide a laugh when I admitted that I found Jay attractive.
I forged on, pretending I hadn’t seen her amusement. “And if I’m not sure… wouldn’t that be doing wrong by him? I don’t want to hurt him.”
“Oh, darling…” Mother smiled and squeezed my hands. She looked into my eyes and said, “All that you can do is try. All we can do is love everyone we can as well as we can in the time we’ve been given. Doing less than that is the only way you would do a disservice to yourself.”
I remained unconvinced. Even if I did feel that way about Jay, I wasn’t sure that I was ready to let another person into my life in a romantic capacity.
I still missed Luka. I was still sad that I lost him. It still pained me every single day that he wouldn’t get to see our daughter grow up, that he would miss her first words, her first steps. He would never get to be amazed by the simple pleasures of being a parent. I still had to take a second when I woke up in the morning to remind myself that he wasn’t here with me anymore.
And when I did become ready to move on… wouldn’t it be weird for me to do so with Jay, of all people? I’d known him forever. We’d grown up together. And what if it didn’t work out? If I broke his heart or if he broke mine… I didn’t think I could stand to lose him from my life. He’d leave a big gaping hole in it much the same way Luka had. But losing Luka hadn’t been a choice. And I didn’t know if I could forgive myself if I made a choice that cost me Jay.
“Do you have plans today, dear?” my mother inquired, changing the subject.
Thank the gods. She seemed to be taking pity on me. Or maybe she was just satisfied enough that I was seriously considering what she’d asked me. Making me think was enough for her right now, I guessed. With her question about my plans, she broke me from my musings about a future romantic relationship—or perhaps a permanently platonic one; I wasn’t sure which one it was yet. I considered my answer just as carefully as I had her questions about pursuing a new relationship.
The truth was, I wanted to find some answers. I couldn’t just keep idly wondering about the unicorn trapper. I had to try and find some sign of the only clue I had. And if I operated under the assumption that I really could talk to the unicorns and that I wasn’t… well… for lack of a better word… crazy… then my only lead for who was after the unicorns was the song. The word. Rumpelstiltskin. I knew the word, but not as a song. It wasn’t a tune I’d ever heard someone sing—certainly not one that was popular in Vale. But that didn’t mean it didn’t exist. And if it did exist, I had to believe there was some mention of it that was likely to be found in the palace library.
“I thought I might visit the library with Fae,” I said carefully. “It’ll be nice and calm in there. A perfect napping place for her.”
That was, provided my beautiful monster of a daughter didn’t wake up and start screaming to the high heavens. And well, if she did… it wasn’t as though Vale was the most scholarly of all the kingdoms anyway. It was a thorough collection—mother had seen to that. She didn’t want anyone to be able to criticize our holdings. But when it came to afternoon occupants in there, it would most likely just be the old librarian, Mr. Swink. And I happened to know that, like my good friend Jay, he had a soft spot for the palace kitchen’s cookies. Unlike Jay, though, his treat of choice wasn’t a peanut butter cookie but a good old-fashioned chocolate chip. I’d bet that if I brought him a bribe—no, not a bribe, I corrected myself—a gift of a delicious, freshly-baked treat when I got there, he’d give me just about anything. Including a deaf ear if my baby started wailing away in his sacred space of a library.
My mother lit up. She loved it when someone actually appreciated the collection that she’d taken the time to build. “You hardly ever go to the library. Why the change of heart?”
“I thought it might be a nice compromise if I occasionally kept my wanderings within the palace walls rather than meandering around the city and wilderness.” I winked at my mother. “From time to time at any rate.”
She softened and even managed to smile. “Look at us, joking about it and everything.”
I slung an arm around her shoulders. “Maybe there’s hope for us after all.”
After finishing tidying up within my suite, I headed down to the kitchens to charm my way into a cookie.
“Afternoon, Mrs. Bellon!” I hollered when I let myself into the kitchens. The wizened palace cook poked her head around the corner. Her hair was a faded ginger color and her eyes, a dusty blue. Flour dusted her cheeks, and her well-worn apron had scorch marks decorating its front.
She squinted her eyes at me, suspiciously. “I’ll not be letting you dip your fingers into tonight’s dessert just yet, Your Highness. You’ll have to wait until after dinner like everyone else.”
That momentarily distracted me from my quest. “What is tonight’s dessert, Mrs. Bellon?”
“Caramel butter bars topped with ice cream.”
My mouth watered. I could hardly wait.
“No, that’s not why I’m here. Although you did guess right—I’m craving something sweet. Do you think you could help me?” I smiled winningly.
These kitchens had been an expectant mother’s dream when I’d been pregnant with Fae. Anytime I’d had a craving, they’d done their best to accommodate me.
“The freshly baked cookies are in the pantry. I did a batch of chocolate chip and peanut butter this morning.”
I let myself into the large food storage pantry and found a clear glass jars with a tiny chalkboard attached that read PB. Next to it, stood one labeled Choc. Chip., which I quickly pulled from the shelf.
I gazed down at Fae, swaddled carefully in a baby sling, and idly stroked the soft hair on the crown of her head. I wondered what kind of cookies would be her favorite when she was old enough to try them. Would she like a classic chocolate chip? Or peanut butter, like Jay? Luka’s favorite had always been snickerdoodles.
I smiled, thinking about it. He’d been a sucker for them too. If I greeted him at the door in the evening with a plate of snickerdoodles, he’d do anything I asked.
He’d never denied me much anyway. He’d always done his best to make me happy. As I had, him. And we’d succeeded too. I just wished we’d been able to keep making each other happy for much, much longer.
Armed with a perfectly soft and freshly baked cookie, I headed to the library.
“Your Highness!” The librarian, Mr. Swink, jumped up from his position behind the library desk. His elbow thumped a stack of books and sent them tumbling to the floor with a loud series of thumps. He winced with each one as though their falls were inflicting bruises upon him. A pink tinge rose from his cheeks all the way to his bald cap between little tufts of white hair, and I smiled, amused.
“The poor books.” If I teased, it was gently and with good humor. “Do you need to rescue them?”
“No!” But, betraying him, he couldn’t seem to help that his eyes darted down to the books. And they did look a sight. Practically indecent. Their covers flapped open, exposing the pages inside, which were bent and askew. Dust jackets hung on for dear life, and I swore that one author’s portrait inside glared accusingly up at us. Mr. Swink sighed. “Yes, I suppose they do need a knight in shining armor, and I suppose it must be me.” He pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose and bent to retrieve the books.
Fae was still strapped to my chest in her complicated baby wrap. Maybe it had to do with the warmth or being so close to me, or the ability to feel my heartbeat in that position, but she was sleeping soundly. Feeling reasonably confident that I wouldn’t wake her by doing so, I knelt down and handed poor Mr. Swink his last book.
“Thank you, Your Highness.” He lifted the sizable stack back into his arms, set them on his desk, and sat back down with a great huff from the exertion.
Then he proceeded
to open each one, smoothing out the new wrinkles on the pages as best he could with great care. He ran a hand over their spines affectionately, as one would the back of a beloved pet. At last, satisfied with his soothing of the books, he moved them to his left and clasped his hands before him, giving me his full attention. “What can I do for you today?” His eyes strayed to Fae, sleeping sweetly on my chest. Though he tried valiantly, he didn’t quite succeed in hiding his grimace. “And… for the young princess?”
Good old Mr. Swink. So predictably didn’t want the sanctity of his library violated with a baby’s cry.
Good thing I had an ace up my sleeve. I slid the chocolate chip cookie across the desk, its warm and delicious aroma wafting up to us, and winked at him. “Just point the two of us to your music section if you’d be so kind.”
His eyes lit up as I folded the napkin back so that he could see what was inside, and all signs of his doubt about a baby’s presence in his library vanished. He whipped his hand to the left and pointed. “It’s just that way. Two shelves in and make a right.”
“Thank you, Mr. Swink.” I nodded a good-bye, and Fae and I set off. Everything was going perfectly according to plan. At this rate, I’d find Rumpelstiltskin before the dinner bell rang.
However, once I’d followed his directions and walked those two shelves in and make that right, I swallowed, daunted. I may have bitten off more than I could chew with this project.
The area Mr. Swink directed me to was but one aisle of the music section. It was huge. There were hundreds, if not thousands, of books here before me. They towered overhead, crept around the corner, and kept on going. For all I knew, they went to the end of the row.
I should have guessed that might be the case. Mother was a talented piano player and a great lover of music. If there was a book that the palace library hadn’t already contained, she’d have made damn certain we obtained it. Nothing in Vale would be lacking on her watch. She had taken great pride in creating a magnificent library, and she would have been certain to concentrate on the music books section.
Where would I even start?
My eyes scanned the shelves. There were small books and tall books. Thin ones and thick. Their spines were every shade from pastel pink to the blackest of night. But at least there did seem to be a certain amount of organization They seemed to be sorted alphabetically by author, then by title—so I supposed that was as good a place to start as any. Rumpelstiltskin began with R. I’d start there.
The music aisle containing authors beginning with R was, of course, several aisles down from where I’d started. And when I found them, none of them were named Rumpelstiltskin.
“Nooo, of course not,” I muttered quietly under my breath, reaching past Fae on my chest so that I could let my fingers dance over the spines. “That would have been just too easy, wouldn’t it? Couldn’t let a single mom have a break, could we?” I glared upwards, intending the gods to know I meant them in my indictment.
Seeing no other better starting point, I piled as many books as I could carry against my hip, made my way over to a table, pulled out a chair, and opened one of the books. The book’s pages stared up at me in a challenge, and I sighed. “I guess I might as well get started.”
Hours later, I’d only managed to make it through the grand sum of four out of the many more books that I’d picked up. I wasn’t a slow reader by any means—but I wasn’t a prodigy with inhuman abilities either. I rubbed at my eyes and yawned, looking down at Fae, who peered up at me curiously with her Luka eyes. I wasn’t sure when she’d woken up, but somehow, miraculously, she hadn’t begun to bawl. Maybe my lie to Mother had been right about this being a good napping spot. Or maybe something about this place full of books and words and knowledge spoke to my girl on an instinctive level. Perhaps it felt as spiritual to her as a temple.
I grinned. “Thank you for staying quiet, sweet girl,” I whispered, carefully smoothing a hand over her little tuft of hair. “We’ll go now. Get us both some dinner.”
I piled three of the books that I hadn’t been able to get to into my arms and deposited them into a bag that I’d brought with me for this exact purpose. Realistically, I thought I could maybe get through two more tonight. If I looked at it more optimistically, all three—though I wasn’t sure when that would leave time for sleeping.
One thing was for sure, though: The answer to the mystery of Rumpelstiltskin wouldn’t be solved quickly with me as its lone detective heading up the case. But until I thought of a way to explain how I’d come upon the name that did not involve telepathy with unicorns, I’d have to settle for working alone. I liked to think that it was going to make me stronger.
I left the library and nearly bumped straight into my mother walking inside.
“Oh!” she jumped back to avoid sending Fae crashing against my chest and laughed nervously, a hand fluttering against her chest. “I was just looking for you.” Curiously, she glanced down into my bag to try to get a glimpse of the titles of the books I carried. “Have you been here all afternoon? What’s grasped your attention so? What are you reading?”
“Just some music books.” Although that answer wasn’t a lie, I wanted to dismiss her question quickly, so I tugged at the top of the bag so that the titles were hidden and invented a reason why I was suddenly so fascinated by music. “I thought I’d get ideas for the party. You know, maybe do something a little fun and different? I mean, the dance lesson went so well last week that I was just… inspired.”
Gods, I was lying through my teeth. Guilt squirmed through me as her expression lit up, and she clasped her hands together in excitement.
“That’s perfect!” she exclaimed. “I wanted to see if you had any time to help me with the party tomorrow.”
I bit my lip. That would take time away from my research…
Mother mistook my indecision for reluctance and withdrew. “Of course, if you’re too busy… I mean, if you don’t want to…”
“No, I do!” I assured her. Shame continued to spiral through me. Liar, it accused. Bad daughter.
Somehow, I had to figure out a way to both research and help her with Fae’s welcome party. I’d be a model daughter and a crime solver.
I had to be.
What other choice was there?
3
1st May
The next morning, I rubbed at my tired eyes and stretched in my bed. I was loath to leave my warm and comfy sheets. In the night, the mattress had molded perfectly to my body, and it felt like the best and biggest warm hug. And, miraculously, Fae had suddenly acclimatized to sleeping when she was supposed to and only woken me for a couple of night feeds.
Sleep tugged at me like a childhood friend eager to play a game. “Come on back,” it invited.
But alas, I had to leave the hug and the comfort of my bed.
Sunlight beckoned through the windows—I’d forgotten to draw the shades closed last night, or else I might still be asleep. So instead of a dark room, I had a bright one. The new day awaited. Much as I might wish I could put it off, I couldn’t. I had things to do. People to see. Mysteries to, hopefully, solve. And a daughter to take care of. I could hear her wailing from her bassinet.
True to my word to my mother, after I’d dropped the books off in my room last night and we’d had dinner, I’d gone to her and Father’s rooms to help her continue with the party planning. We’d discussed seating plans, food, decorations, and all the other things that a formal party seemed to need. I’d have been happy with something simple and elegant, but my mother, sucked in by the excitement, had insisted we go all out for Fae. Not that Fae would have cared either which way. She’d probably sleep through the whole thing.
In the end, when I started to rub at my temples, frustrated with how we were going around and around in circles, I let my mother have her way. It was easier than arguing, and I’d deprived her of a huge wedding, as she kept reminding me.
That had been about all that I could take last night.
Especially as
I still fully intended on reading further in the books I’d smuggled from the palace library.
And I did, to no avail. There wasn’t a single mention in any of their pages about Rumpelstiltskin or who—or what—that might be.
I fell asleep with one of the books splayed open across my chest, promising myself that I would rest my eyes for just a moment, and then I’d keep reading. When I awoke later in the night to feed Fae, the book was below me. I felt a twinge of guilt, looking at its crinkled pages. Hopefully, poor Mr. Swink wouldn’t be too bent out of shape with me for the abuse they’d suffered at my hands. I made sure to be more careful with the next set.
I managed to read the last few pages of the final book while I fed Fae and after I changed her resulting dirty diaper.
I glanced at the stately clock in the corner of my room. It had golden hands, and birds decorated its face. At the bottom of the pendulum dangled a silver shoe. It was feminine, and I’d always loved it. Mother had told me it was a gift from the royals of Arcadia when I’d been born.
It was barely 7 a.m., and I was already exhausted. Mr. Swink wouldn’t be at the library for hours, so I couldn’t refresh my stock of research books yet.
But I could go pay Jay a visit.
Mentally, I corrected the thought, feeling my whole body flush as though someone had heard the inner workings of my mind and called me out on it. No, the early hour had nothing at all to do with Jay. It simply meant that I could go down to the meadow and pay the unicorns a visit.
I had wanted to check on them after the fiasco with the traps being laid. As I understood it, we had a patrol working to keep the unicorns safe, but it was a minimal effort—a two-man job. One on the day shift. One on the night. I’d like to see with my own eyes that they were doing all right and hadn’t fallen prey to any more vicious traps that had been laid.
Eliana: Remembering Rumpelstiltskin (Kingdom of Fairytales Boxset Book 5) Page 10