by J. L. Wilder
“Steve can be so heartless sometimes,” Will said. “It wasn’t necessary for him to say those things.”
“It’s all right,” Brady said. “I can take it. But you’re right about one thing. Both of you. You shouldn’t have to live in fear of your alpha. You shouldn’t have to worry about what he’s going to say or do. I can see that you’re afraid to be sitting here talking to me, you know. Is he going to question you later about what I said?”
Will hesitated, then nodded. “Probably.”
“You can tell him,” Brady said. “Don’t feel like you need to put yourself at risk out of loyalty to me or anything.”
“It’s not right,” Danny said.
“What’s not right?” Brady asked.
“The way he treats us. The way he makes us feel like we’re weak next to him. Steve’s not even that strong. He’s not a good fighter. He’s not a great leader. Why do we put up with it?”
“You put up with it because he’s your alpha,” Brady said. “There’s no avoiding that fact. He may not be strong, but he does have power. He has power over all of us. And he chooses to use it cruelly, to make you feel like you can’t do harmless things like console a friend who’s just been through a breakup, because he’s afraid of losing even an ounce of that power. Because he knows that he has so little control, and he’s hanging on desperately to what he has.”
“You shouldn’t be saying these things,” Will breathed. “We’re inside the alpha house.”
“You shouldn’t have to be afraid of your alpha,” Brady said. “That’s fucked up. I understand why you feel that way. But I’m not going to live in fear of him anymore.”
“I wish...” Danny started and then stopped.
“Be careful what you say,” Brady said.
Danny nodded. “I was just going to say that...that I wish we didn’t have to be afraid.” And he gave Brady a meaningful look.
Brady understood what Danny was leaving unsaid. He looked at Will, and from the open, trusting expression on Will’s face, he could tell that the feeling was shared.
These two wanted Brady to be their alpha, and they wanted him to know it.
And he wanted to do it. More than he had ever wanted to claim the alpha role before, he wanted to claim it now. He wanted to step up before Steve and challenge him again, dare him to fight fairly, man to man. He wanted to give Danny and Will the leader they deserved.
But this wasn’t the time.
He couldn’t draw more attention to himself at this meeting by picking a fight. And he definitely didn’t want to risk getting hurt now that he had a child on the way. He knew that Evelyn would be very upset if he came home wounded again.
He wanted to claim the alpha position, but it was going to take a lot more thinking and planning. He couldn’t allow himself to act on impulse.
But he couldn’t leave his denmates with no hope, either.
“It won’t always be like this,” he told them. “We’ll have new leadership someday.”
They looked at him, and he looked at them. The rest had to be left unspoken, but he very much hoped that they understood what he was trying to convey.
Steve won’t be in charge for much longer. We’re going to make a change.
He got to his feet. “I really need to get going,” he said. “I have plans with my parents this evening.”
The truth was that he had no such plans. He was going to Evelyn’s apartment, not to his parents’ house. But he needed the cover story. He was sure no one would check up on it. They all knew how much he liked to spend time with his parents.
Danny and Will said their goodbyes and faded back into the group.
Brady hurried out the front door and down the porch steps. Instead of turning left, as he would have to go to his parents’ house, he turned right and set off at a jog.
Evelyn’s new apartment was three miles away.
She had moved in yesterday, and he knew she would be feeling lonely.
Besides, he didn’t want to go back to his own house now that she was gone. It would feel too painfully empty.
Seeing her was a risk. It would always be a risk while Steve was in power. But he couldn’t bring himself to stay away.
Chapter Nineteen
Two Months Later
EVELYN
Evelyn placed her hands on the small of her back and stretched, twisting her body to the right and to the left. She was used to being on her feet all day, of course, but waitressing while pregnant was a different beast. It was exhausting.
“You good?” Pauline asked, sailing by with a tray of drinks. “Need to take five?”
“No, I’m all right.” Evelyn turned to the POS machine and punched in the order of appetizers she’d just gotten from table fourteen. “Just a little worn down.”
“Yeah, I bet,” Pauline said. “You’re starting to show.” She gestured to Evelyn’s stomach.
Evelyn was acutely aware of the fact that her body was changing. She ran her hand over the swell between her hips. Her new shape wasn’t uncomfortable yet, and she didn’t physically feel any heavier, though the scale reported that she had gained a few pounds. But she did feel a lot more tired than usual, and right now she was longing to get back home and get into a hot bath.
But she was determined to keep working through her pregnancy. Brady had offered to give her money so that she could stay home, but she knew he didn’t have a lot to spare, and to do that would put him in an uncomfortable position. That wasn’t something she wanted to be responsible for.
Besides, she needed to keep up appearances. She needed the world to see her as a single mother making it on her own. She couldn’t allow it to be obvious that someone was supporting her, in case her finances were somehow linked back to Brady.
No one could know he was the father. It would put them all in danger.
She was coming to the end of her eight-hour shift, and she was deeply thankful for that. Already, she was fantasizing about how good it would feel to kick off her shoes, peel off her socks, let her hair down out of its bun...
“Come into the break room,” Pauline said, dropping her tray off at the bar.
“I’m about to go punch out,” Evelyn said. “Marie is going to take my tables.”
“Okay, punch out, but then come meet me in the break room,” Pauline said. “I have something I want to talk to you about.”
Evelyn suppressed a sigh. She really did want to go home. But Pauline had been a good friend to her. For all intents and purposes, she was the only real friend Evelyn had these days.
“I’ll be right there,” she said.
She logged out of the computer, formally ending her shift. She untied her apron and hung it on the peg behind the bar, then headed back to the break room. Whatever Pauline wanted to talk about, she hoped her friend would make it quick.
“Surprise!”
She staggered back through the doorway, startled. The break room was full of her coworkers, including several who weren’t even scheduled to work today. The table in the middle of the room was piled high with presents, and there was a cake at the center.
“What’s going on?” she stammered.
Pauline hurried forward and took her by the arm, pulling her into the room. “It’s a baby shower!” she said. “For you!”
“But...but I’m only two months along,” Evelyn protested. “That’s way too early for a baby shower.”
“I know, but we were so excited,” Pauline said. “We couldn’t resist. Are you happy?”
Evelyn nodded. As much as she had wanted to get home, she couldn’t help feeling touched that her coworkers had gone to this kind of trouble on her behalf. “This is so thoughtful of you.” She turned to the room at large. “Thank you for doing this, you guys.”
“Come cut the cake!” Pauline said. “Then you can open your presents.”
Evelyn allowed herself to be shuttled over to the cake, which was large and rectangular. Welcome Baby Matthews! was written in yellow frosting across the su
rface.
Baby O’Neal, Evelyn corrected in her mind, wishing that she could make the correction aloud.
She cut the cake. After she’d made the first cut, one of the busboys took over, dividing it into neat slices and scooping them onto plates to hand around to the assembled guests. Pauline sat Evelyn down in a chair at the table and handed her a gift. “This one is from me,” she said, beaming.
Evelyn unwrapped it. It was a collection of onesies, carefully chosen to be adorable but gender non-specific. There were cartoon dinosaurs, fish, and captions that said things like I love my mommy!
“Thank you,” Evelyn said, holding them up so that everyone could get a look. “These are adorable.”
More presents were handed her way. Evelyn received stuffed animals, children’s books, and about a dozen packs of disposable diapers. Pauline refilled the glass in front of her with lemonade over and over as she made her way through the pile of packages.
By the time she had opened everything, Evelyn was feeling thankful and deeply moved. “This was so great,” she said to Pauline. “I can’t believe you did this for me.”
“Of course I did,” Pauline said. “You’re one of my best friends, and you’re going to have a baby.”
She hadn’t realized that her feelings toward Pauline were mutual. The idea scared her. She had never had a close friend outside the shifter community. It was one thing to acknowledge to herself that Pauline was the closest thing she had to a friend. But to know that Pauline felt the same way...
Suddenly she was afraid that she might be at risk of losing something very important.
“I’ll put the presents in your car,” said the same busboy who had cut the cake. “If you want to give me your keys?”
She hesitated. “I didn’t drive today,” she said. “I don’t actually own a car.”
“It’s no problem,” Pauline said, handing her own keys over. “Put them in my car, Frank. I’ll drive her home.”
“No, you—” Evelyn cut herself off. How could she explain not wanting a good friend to give her a ride home?
It’s fine. Her seeing my home isn’t going to give anything away. I’m not even living with the other shifters right now, for God’s sake.
But Evelyn’s apartment was the one place left where she and Brady could be together. It was the one place where they didn’t have to pretend that he wasn’t the father of her baby. The idea of letting someone else into that space was a little intimidating.
But there was no other way to get the presents back to her house. She would have to get over her hesitation about this.
“Thanks, Pauline,” she said. “Some help would be really great, actually.”
Frank nodded and went off to begin loading the gifts into Pauline’s car.
Pauline turned to Evelyn. “You really don’t own a car?” she asked.
“We live in the city,” Evelyn pointed out. “It’s easy to get around without a car, and it’s hard to find parking. I don’t really need one.”
“But you’re not worried that that might change after the baby comes?” Pauline pressed. “It’s easy to take public transportation now, but what about when you’ve got a stroller and a diaper bag to deal with? Don’t you think that’s going to be tough?”
“It will be,” Evelyn said. “But I’ll figure out a way to make it work.” She chuckled. “It’s not exactly as if I can afford a car. You know better than anyone what I earn.”
“You could afford something secondhand,” Pauline insisted. “Your life would be a lot easier that way, you know.”
“I’ll think about it,” Evelyn said, even though she knew she wouldn’t. The prospect of shopping for a car, among everything else she was going through, was just too much.
Besides, Pauline was thinking from a human perspective. She was probably imagining that Evelyn would want to do human things like go to the movies. She wasn’t aware of the true shape of Evelyn’s life.
“Can I ask you something?” Pauline said, leaning closer.
“Sure,” Evelyn agreed.
Pauline looked a little uncomfortable. “You...you live alone, right?”
“You know I do.”
“Well, I was wondering about—about the baby’s father.”
Evelyn cursed silently. This was a topic she had definitely hoped to avoid. “What about him?”
“He’s not in the picture?”
“No,” Evelyn said shortly. “He’s not.”
Pauline blushed. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I shouldn’t have asked. This is none of my business. I just hate to think of you doing this without help, that’s all.”
Evelyn shook her head. She should have given her friend the benefit of the doubt. “You’re fine,” she said. “I’m sorry I was sharp with you. I know you didn’t mean anything by it.”
“I really didn’t,” Pauline said earnestly. “Honestly, Evelyn, I think it’s cool that you’re going it alone. It’s really brave of you.”
“That’s nice of you to say,” Evelyn said.
“And I think you can do it,” Pauline said. “I do worry about you. I’m not going to lie. But I think you can handle it. You’re going to be a great mother.”
Her smile was so genuine that Evelyn couldn’t help returning it.
But she didn’t feel like smiling. Even though she recognized the kindness in Pauline’s words, her friend had inadvertently made her feel terrible.
She longed to share the truth about her baby’s paternity. She wanted to say that the father was a wonderful man, a man she loved deeply. She wanted to tell Pauline all about him, and to let her know how excited they both were to start a family together.
But she couldn’t.
Those were things that had to be kept a secret.
She had been living with these secrets for two months now, and already they were eating her alive.
I can’t go on like this.
She was quiet as Pauline drove her home. She gave her friend instructions about which turns to take but said little else.
Pauline parked outside the apartment and helped Evelyn carry her gifts upstairs, refusing to allow Evelyn to carry anything heavy. They got everything up in just a few trips.
“So this is where you live?” Pauline asked, looking around.
Evelyn knew the polite thing would be to invite her friend to stay for a drink—a glass of water, at least—but Brady would be on his way over before long, and if their paths crossed, it would raise a lot of questions that Evelyn didn’t want to have to answer.
“I think I’m going to head to bed early tonight,” she said. “The party was great, but I’m really worn out.”
Pauline nodded in understanding. “Of course you’d be tired,” she said. “But hey, good news—I’ve heard that the fatigue stage of pregnancy doesn’t last beyond the first trimester, in most cases. You should be feeling like yourself again really soon.”
Evelyn smiled. “That’s great,” she said. “Thanks again, for everything. You’re a really great friend.”
She watched from the window as Pauline pulled away, then went to her bedroom and changed out of her work clothes and into a nightshirt. She had planned on a bath, but she suddenly wasn’t in the mood.
Brady would be there very soon, and she wanted to have a conversation with him.
The baby shower had made clear to her some things that had been bothering her for several weeks now. It was just too difficult to go through this pregnancy without being able to tell the truth about the man whose baby she was carrying. It was too painful to pretend that she was on the verge of becoming a single mother when the truth was that she was in love.
This should have been a joyful time in their lives, and they were allowing Steve to steal it from them.
It wasn’t an acceptable solution. They were going to have to come up with something else.
Chapter Twenty
BRADY
Brady climbed up the fire escape to Evelyn’s bedroom window, as he always did. He couldn�
��t afford to be seen going in and out the front door. He didn’t want anyone to be able to connect his face with this apartment.
She was sitting in the bedroom, at the foot of her bed, waiting for him. He allowed a feral grin to spread across his face. He had been thinking of her all day. Dreaming of the moment he would be able to feel her body pressed against his. He crossed the room in two steps, pulled her to her feet, and crushed her lips against his.
She gave in to the kiss at first, her body moving in rhythm with his, but then she pulled back. “Wait a minute,” she said. “I want to talk.”
He frowned. “Can’t we talk after?” His hands were moving up and down the sides of her body, almost of their own accord. “I’ve been missing you all day, Evelyn.”
“No,” she said, stepping farther back, out of his embrace. “Not after. We need to talk now.”
That was worrying. “Is everything okay?” He looked her up and down. “Is the baby okay?”
“The baby is fine,” she assured him. “Nothing’s seriously wrong. I promise. I just...need to talk to you about some things I’ve been feeling.”
He sat down on the edge of the bed. “Is the nausea back?” he asked. The first weeks of her pregnancy had been a difficult time.
“No,” she said. “Nothing like that.”
“What is it, then?”
“My coworkers threw me a baby shower today,” she said. “They gave me—gave us—a lot of gifts for the baby. Everything is out in the living room.”
Brady got to his feet and went out to see for himself. Sure enough, there was a massive pile of baby supplies that hadn’t been there the night before.
He went back into the bedroom. Evelyn was watching him, waiting for his reaction.
“That was nice of them,” he said. “I didn’t realize you were close with anyone at work.”
“I see them every day,” she said. “I can’t help forming bonds with them.”
“Do you think that’s wise?” he asked. “Forming bonds? There’s always going to be a part of your life that you can’t let them see.”