by Amy Sparling
“Hey, guys,” Meghan says. “It’s so great to have you all here.” She shakes everyone’s hand before sitting down in her red chair. I wonder how someone can be so chipper all the time.
The clipboard lady holds up her hand and counts down from three, two, one. Now we’re rolling.
Meghan really is good at her job. She introduces everyone and she talks about the Team Loco training camp initiative, then she spends some time on Keanna. I can tell Keanna is nervous but she does a great job. To anyone watching, she’ll probably look confident and happy. Only the people closest to her can tell that her voice is a little higher pitched than usual, and that she’s sitting straighter than she normally does.
I don’t really get nervous for these things anymore. It is a little intimidating being in front of those massive professional cameras. Doing random Instagram live videos on Jett’s cell phone is a lot easier to handle, but I’ve grown used to it by now. I just can’t stand being asked the same inane questions. How did you get started in motocross? How do you train? What’s your diet and workout routine like?
Who cares? All of that stuff can be found out online yet people always want to ask it in interviews.
I try to smile like Marcus wants me to, and I answer my questions with friendly comments instead of sarcastic ones like I’d prefer. In the back of the room, behind the cameraman and the producers, I can see Marcus standing there, arms folded over his chest, looking both proud and nervous. He’s like the surrogate father of all of us on Team Loco, even though he doesn’t have any biological kids of his own.
Avery stands next to him. She’s twirling a strand of her hair around her finger. I’ve never seen her do that. Normally she’s focused on me, like a hawk planning to attack, when I’m in the middle of an interview. I know her job depends on keeping me in line, so she’s always worried about what I’ll do that might make her life harder. But now, it’s like she’s not even in the room. She’s off in her own world right now, and desperately wish I was in that world, too. But I know I can’t be.
It was stupid, kissing her like that.
Stupid, stupid.
“Speaking of girlfriends,” Meghan Hart says, her voice getting all flirty. “Clay, you are now the only single man of Team Loco.”
I’m pulled back into the moment when I hear my name mentioned. Meghan is watching me, waiting for a reply. I shrug. “I suppose that’s true.”
“Are there any lucky girls in your life right now?”
I glance at Avery. Her lips press into a thin line. It’s like she’s mentally telling me to keep my mouth shut. I turn to Meghan. “Nah. I don’t need a girlfriend.”
“What?” Meghan says, putting a hand to her chest. “Why not? The guys here seem to be so much happier with their girlfriends.”
I shrug. “My life is motocross. I don’t need anything messing that up.”
“Okay, okay,” Meghan says with a laugh. She turns to face the camera. “There you have it, ladies. Clay Summers is single and plans to stay that way.”
I glance back toward Avery, just in time to see her turn and walk out of the room. Shit. I didn’t make her mad, did I? What was I supposed to say on this stupid interview? No, I’m single but there’s a girl I want but I can’t possibly date her?
Maybe she wasn’t mad, I tell myself as Meghan wraps up the interview and the cameras turn off. Maybe she just had to go do something else and that’s why she left.
A stagehand comes up and takes off the mic packs that were clipped to our clothing and Meghan chats with Keanna a bit more.
“It’s annoying how they focus so much on our personal lives,” Aiden says. “Why can’t it just be about the motocross?”
“Tell me about it,” I say, shaking my head.
We’re cleared to go back to our hotel rooms, and I grab some snacks from the food table and tuck a soda under my arm. I want to find Avery and make sure she’s not mad at me. I also need a nap.
“Hey there,” a familiar voice says as from behind me. I turn and see Meghan Hart smiling brightly up at me. She must be wearing an entire Sephora full of makeup. Without the stage lights, she looks really weird and plastic.
“Hi,” I say, popping a grape in my mouth.
“Sorry I had to put you on the spot like that, about the girlfriend stuff. My producers specifically wanted me to ask. You know how the fans are—they’re all freaking out as their beloved Team Loco members drop off into relationships one by one.” She smiles. “The fans like to know that one of the guys is still attainable.”
“I’m not attainable,” I say, eating another grape.
She chuckles. “I feel you. I prefer being single too.” Her eyes narrow and she gives me a sultry grin. “Want to come back to my hotel room? We can enjoy the benefits of being single together.”
Damn. This girl doesn’t play around.
Meghan Hart is attractive, but she’s got nothing on Avery. “Thanks but, uh… I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
She frowns. “Well, okay. I’m in room 481 if you change your mind.”
She pulls a grape from the bunch in my hand and pops it in her mouth. “And I really hope you change your mind.”
She’s got confidence, I’ll give her that. She turns to walk off and I wonder if she’s ever been turned down before. Part of me is flattered, I guess, but even if I wasn’t stuck on Avery I’d never be into hooking up with some random girl in the motocross world.
That’s not the type of guy I am. But lately, I’m not so sure of anything anymore. I used to be the type of guy who didn’t want a relationship to get in my way. Now, all I can think about is finding Avery and getting another kiss. Of doing that every day for the foreseeable future. And that sounds a hell of a lot like a relationship to me.
Chapter 18
I fly back home tomorrow morning and I feel like it can’t come fast enough. What the hell was that?
Clay kissed me!
We both agreed that we absolutely did not need to date each other and then he kissed me. Holy crap. I don’t know how I managed to stand up straight after what was absolutely the best kiss of my life, but somehow I did. I even made it through the entire interview, even to the part where Clay said what I knew to be true all along:
He doesn’t want or need a girlfriend.
But now the day is finally over, and the PR stunts and photoshoots are all finished and I can finally go back to my hotel room. I rush out of there as soon as I can, practically run to the elevators, and then step from one foot to the other until it rises up to the fifth floor. I sprint down the carpeted hallways, unlock my door with the keycard and collapse on my bed.
Holy cow, Clay kissed me.
And it was amazing.
I can still feel his lips on mine. Still smell his amazing cologne. All I have to do is close my eyes and I can relive that moment over and over again. And I do, at least a dozen times. And then I take several deep yoga breaths and try to relax.
I tell myself all sorts of things.
Like, stop thinking about him!
This will never happen again!
This might ruin your job!
He doesn’t even WANT a girlfriend!
It sobers me a little, listing off all the reasons I know to be true. But… that kiss! Holy crap, that kiss.
I bury my face in my pillow and scream into it. Never in a million years could I have imagined a kiss that spectacular. Part of me aches at the thought that I’ll never experience it again. Any guy I meet in my future won’t be able to compare to Clay. You just can’t beat that kind of perfection. Maybe I should just resign myself to being a spinster while I’m ahead, because after a kiss like that, there’s no reason to try to make it work with anyone else.
I check my phone but quickly remember that Clay doesn’t have my number. We’ve never talked on the phone or texted or even added each other on social media. That’s just another reason I can’t get my hopes up about him. He’s just a coworker. He’s not even a friend.
&nbs
p; Keanna texts me an hour later.
Keanna: You hungry? We’re thinking of trying that restaurant next door.
I am hungry, but I don’t trust myself at all to be in Clay’s presence right now. I sigh and type out a reply.
Me: Nah, I don’t feel very well. Thanks, though
Keanna: Want me to bring you some food to-go?
Me: I’ll just order room service
Keanna: okay girl. hmu if you wanna hang out later.
The hours tick by at an unbelievably sluggish rate. It’s like reality suddenly slowed down and now each minute takes six hundred seconds instead of sixty. I make it until nine o’clock and then I can’t stand being alone anymore. I have to talk to someone. I try calling Mandy, but she doesn’t answer and then she texts me saying she’s out with friends but will call me later.
Later isn’t going to cut it. I need to talk to someone now.
I throw on some shoes and walk down to Jett and Keanna’s hotel room. I knock on the door and Jett opens it. He’s shirtless, wearing flannel pajama bottoms, and only now do I realize that it’s kind of late.
“Sorry,” I say, feeling like an intruder. “Is Keanna available to talk?”
“Sure thing,” he says, opening the door wider. “Babe?”
Keanna appears and she’s still wearing normal clothes so I feel a little better. At least I didn’t interrupt them right before they went to bed.
“What’s wrong?” she says, eyes wide. “Are you sick?”
I remember the lie I told her about not feeling well and I shake my head. “I was hoping we could talk…”
“Sure,” she says. “What about?”
I bite my lip. “Clay kissed me.”
“What!” she squeals. “Wait, that’s a good thing, right?”
I shake my head. “I don’t think so.”
Jett clears his throat and reaches for a t-shirt off the top of his suitcase. “I’m uh… gonna go check out the rooftop pool. Seems like this is a girls only type of conversation.”
“K, love you,” Keanna says quickly. She sits on the bed and pats the spot next to her. “Tell me everything!”
It definitely feels good getting it all off my chest. I tell her all the details of the kiss, and the conversation that led up to it. Then I tell her about all the reasons that Clay and I should absolutely not date or even consider dating. Then, because I can’t help myself, I tell her about all those little sweet things he does when no one else is around.
She smiles. “I told you he’s nice. You just have to get past that hardened exterior of his.”
I sigh. “I feel like he’s two different people. The intimidating Team Loco guy, and the kind guy who loans out his jacket and lets you cling to him during a panic attack. But I only get to see that nice part of him when we’re alone.”
“That makes it even more special,” she says. “He shows you his true self. He must really like you.”
I start chipping away at the sparkly nail polish on my thumb. “But he doesn’t like me. He’s said it a million times. I think maybe he wants to, but he knows better than that.”
“Who cares what he says? It’s what he feels that matters. He totally likes you.”
I shake my head. “None of that matters. We can’t date. Marcus would lose his mind. The fans would lose their minds. And plus we’d be long distance. Long distance sucks.”
“The fans will get over it,” Keanna says, waving her hand. “I can teach you how to ignore the haters and embrace the people who will like you. Being a motocross girlfriend can be hard, but it’s worth it for the guy you love.”
“I don’t love him,” I say, rolling my eyes.
She grins. “I know, but give it time!”
I take a deep breath and let it out in a sigh. “I came here for you to help me and you are not helping me!”
She laughs. “What did you expect me to say?”
“I wanted you to tell me to get over him and to drop it because my job depends on it.”
She snorts. “There’s no rule that you can’t date someone on the team. Marcus probably won’t even care, especially if you keep making sure Clay participates and does all that crap he hates doing. Hell, Marcus will probably give you a raise if you can do that.”
“You’re acting like Clay would even want to date me,” I say. “Did you hear what he said in the interview today? He doesn’t want a girlfriend.”
She considers this for a moment, and it makes my heart sting a little. I guess I was hoping she’d shake her head and say he was just lying, but instead she’s actually considering it as the truth. I hate that I know I can’t date him, but I’m still secretly looking for some way to make it work.
“You should talk to him.”
“What would I even say?”
She shrugs. “That’s for your heart to decide.”
“That would be too embarrassing. He’ll reject me.”
“He kissed you, Avery. He won’t reject you.”
A blush creeps up my cheeks. “You do have a point…”
“But…” Keanna says as her lips slide to the side of her mouth. She frowns and then takes my hand. “Maybe I’m wrong.”
My heart skips a beat. “What do you mean?”
She shrugs and gives me this sad smile. “Jett’s always telling me that I romanticize things. I came from this really crappy home life, and everything changed when I met Jett and my new adoptive parents. It was like a freaking Cinderella story, for real. They adopted me and I live next door to Jett, who is my total soul mate and my life got so much better, and now I want to see that in everything. But…” She sighs. “But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe Clay really doesn’t want a girlfriend, you know? I’d feel bad if I told you to go for it and then he did end up rejecting you.”
My heart cracks open. She’s completely right, I just didn’t want to hear it.
“I know what you mean,” I say as tears sting my vision. “Even if I begged to be his girlfriend, he’d still always have those reservations… I mean, the cons of us dating outweigh the pros.”
“Oh, Avery,” Keanna says, pulling me into a hug. “I’m really sorry. I want you two to be together, but I don’t know. Maybe you should just take it slow.”
“Yeah,” I say, nodding as I swallow the pain in my heart. “I agree. I’ll just let it go. Thank you for talking to me.”
She gives me another hug. “Anytime, girl. I’m always here for you.”
Chapter 19
I wake up so early the next morning that I get that weird foggy head feeling where I’m not quite sure where I am. It’s a problem that happens to drunks and people who travel a lot. I’ve never been drunk in my life, so I’m a victim of the latter. My eyes blink open and I stretch, feeling the softness of the hotel sheets, which is my first indicator that I’m not at home. At home I have cotton sheets that feel like sleeping in one big T-shirt.
I turn over and look at the digital clock on the nightstand. It’s five in the morning, and I’m in Vegas. At least I think I am.
The memories of yesterday come back to me. The nonstop interviews and PR. Getting pushed and prodded and placed into weird positions for photoshoots. That kiss with Avery. Why, oh why, did I kiss her?
In a list of all the stupid things I’ve done in my life, kissing Avery would be number one. Alarm bells were going off in my head as I stood there in the hallway next to her, getting closer with each step. I knew it was wrong. I knew it’d break me. I knew I should have turned around and stopped myself from doing it. But I didn’t. In those few seconds, I didn’t regret a thing. But now I know it was wrong.
After finishing the last interview, I’d come back to my hotel room, showered, ordered room service dinner and then taken a Tylenol PM just so I could sleep.
That was around eight o’clock in the evening, which explains why I’m suddenly awake and refreshed at five in the freaking morning. Ugh. I pull my pillow over my head and try to go back to sleep but it won’t work. I’m awake and filled with the same rest
less energy I’d had last night.
Avery and I came to an agreement. We can’t be together. We’re both not the type to have some kind of friends with benefits type of situation, so that leaves only one solution. Nothing. We can be nothing to each other.
That’s how it should be because motocross is my life. Not some girl. Not some beautiful, kind, sweet girl with the spirit of adventure in her eyes and lips softer than these bedsheets.
Motocross is my life.
The sooner I get back to it, the better off I’ll be.
Since I’m already awake, I figure I’ll go for a jog since it’s been a few days since I’ve done any cardio. I’ve been hitting up the gyms in the hotels we stay at, but a run in the cold weather sounds pretty good right now. I throw on some sweats and head down through the hotel and outside. We’re in the heart of Vegas, so I just start running down the sidewalk. I’d prefer somewhere more scenic, like a park or a hiking trail, but when you live on the road you have to make do with what you can get. Luckily, this bustling city is fairly quiet right now. The sun isn’t up yet, and neither are most people.
My music keeps me company as I run, and I think of all the times it used to make me feel better in the past. The music keeps me alone. It lets me tune out conversations and noise. The earbuds keep people from talking to me, which is always a bonus. I prefer to be alone. This is how I like it. This is how I’ve always been, and how I always will be.
A song comes on that makes my chest ache. I was listening to this same song the first time I saw Avery. I wasn’t sure who she was, all dressed up in that cute skirt like some kind of young lawyer. It was easy to see that she was beautiful back then, but I’d had no idea the effect she’d have on me. How she’d turn my entire world around, and make me care about something other than motocross. Other than myself.