“The blood feeders have plotch. I’ve seen it on their flanks. Are yeh claiming that yeh can talk to them? They’re just nasty creatures that kill and eat anything in the water.”
Her mam nodded. “Kekeki has told us that the syna failed with the blood feeders. They thought they could change them, make them more like the arracht or us, but it didn’t work. The syna aren’t infallible, any more than we are. The blood feeders were a mistake on their part.”
“Then maybe they made a feckin’ mistake with me, too.” Saoirse went silent after that. Thoughts and questions raced through her head: jumbled, disconnected, and unspoken. As if her mam understood her confusion, Iona placed her hand on Saoirse’s shoulder, patting her as she’d done when Saoirse was a child and needed comfort.
“In time, this will all just be normal for yeh,” she said. “Yeh won’t even think about it.” She took Saoirse’s head in her hands, putting her forehead on hers, her eyes holding Saoirse’s gaze. “Saoirse, I’m sorry.” Her voice broke then, and she pulled Saoirse into an embrace.
Saoirse could feel her mam’s breath shivering, as if with silent weeping. “I should have told yeh what was going to happen,” her mam continued, still clutching Saoirse to her. “I should have given yeh the choice. I thought . . . well, I suppose I just didn’t think long or well enough, and I wish I had.”
“So can I still bring Ichiko out to Great Inish, like I told her?” The wind had picked up, and the water was choppy, with the wind snatching the froth from the whitecaps and spraying them. Liam was unfurling the single sail as Angus rowed—at least the wind would hasten their return trip. Saoirse took off her glasses and tucked them away in a pocket.
Her mam shook her head, droplets of seawater adorning her curly hair and flying away with the motion. “Nah. Yeh heard Kekeki. I’m afraid yeh’ll have to tell her I’ve changed my mind. She can’t come out yet. Maybe never. But yeh should go to Dulcia to talk to your Ichiko. See if yeh can determine the attitude of her people toward us and how they might respond to the arracht. But don’t tell them any more about the arracht than they might already know. The arracht don’t want that, as yeh now know.”
“Mam . . .” Saoirse pushed back, breaking their embrace.
“Yeh heard me, Saoirse,” Iona answered. “We have to be careful not to repeat what happened in the past with the arracht. Surely, yeh can understand why they worry about that.”
Saoirse didn’t want to tell Ichiko that the invitation to visit had been withdrawn for the time being. She didn’t see how—if the Terrans wanted to come out to the archipelago—any of them could stop them. Most of all, she realized now how little she actually knew about the arracht.
“Yeh said that yeh thought Kekeki liked me. How can yeh tell?” Saoirse asked. “She’s a feckin’ arracht, not a person. Yeh might as well try to tell me what a bluefin is thinking.”
Her mam managed to smile at that; Angus and Liam both laughed, overhearing the comment. “Yeh have to watch the colors they display,” Liam told her. “And I saw nothing but a satisfied blue on her.”
“Kekeki’s skin turned a fierce yellow and orange after her first meeting with yer brother,” Angus added. “I wasn’t sure she was even going to let him come back again. But she puts up with him.” He grinned. “Much like yeh do.”
Saoirse shrugged. “I’m still really angry,” she told her mam, told Angus and Liam. “That’s not going to change. Yeh shouldn’t have done this to me. Yeh shouldn’t have let her do this to me.”
The water on her mam’s cheeks wasn’t only from the sea spray. “And all I can tell yeh is that I’m sorry, and I understand yer anger. But I hope yeh’ll be able to eventually forgive me, my dear. Who knows, later on, yeh might even find yer glad it happened.”
Saoirse didn’t believe that at all.
There Is No Quiet In My Heart
SO WHERE ARE WE, ICHIKO?” Luciano said without preamble when she opened the door for him at 18:15 and let him into her quarters.
“You tell me,” she said to him, lifting her chin and tilting her head as she looked at him. “Yesterday, it sounded to me like I was just some subordinate conquest who’s expected to be happy being paid off with a nice meal so I’ll sleep with you and obey your orders.”
Lucian’s face flushed, the muscles along his jawline flexing. “Damn it, Ichiko, that’s not fair. And you know it’s not true.”
“I don’t care if it’s fair or true,” she told him. “I’m just telling you how you made me feel.”
To his credit, Lucian looked distressed at the accusation and lowered his gaze for a moment. But only a moment. “Look, if it felt that way, I’m truly sorry, and that certainly wasn’t what I intended. I was just passing on what I could of what I’d heard and what I’d been told. I knew you wouldn’t like it—and you obviously didn’t, but I told you anyway because I thought you deserved to know. Look, we both went into this relationship with our eyes and minds open. At least, that’s what we both said. We agreed that we understood that our arrangement could be temporary, that the relationship might last, or it might not, and that either one of us could call it off if we ever felt uncomfortable. So . . . are you calling it off?”
“I don’t know what I want to do,” she answered honestly. She wiped at her eyes, hating the tears that were threatening and the fact that he could see the emotions and that she didn’t see the same internal struggle in his face. “That’s my truth. I don’t know how to feel or even how I should feel right now. I feel . . . well, I have the sense that we’re just doing what’s comfortable and easy, and I wonder how healthy that is—for both of us.”
He started to lift his hands as if to cup her face; she stepped back. His hands fell back to his side. “I talked to the captain earlier today,” he told her. “She told me Nagasi had spoken to her about you going out to the archipelago, that he thought the rewards could be worth the risk and that—in his opinion—once we leave, the Inish settlement on Great Inish might no longer be there by the time anyone returns. This might be our only chance to get recordings and documentation of what’s certainly a unique culture here. She asked me what I thought about that.”
He went silent then, and Ichiko looked at him. “The captain knows about us?”
“I’ve never asked her, but it’s the captain’s job to know everything that goes on aboard her ship that could affect the way it functions. She takes her job very seriously. So yes, I assume she knows about us, and you should assume that also.”
Ichiko could only nod at that. “What did you tell her?”
Luciano gave a shrug. “I told her that you were entirely capable of making your own decisions and assessing what risks you were willing to take. And that if the captain decided to let you go out to the islands, I wouldn’t try to change your mind—actually, I told her I couldn’t change your mind if you decided to go.”
Ichiko sniffed, an unbidden smile touching her lips. “Thank you.”
“She hasn’t said you can go. She hasn’t made any decision at all yet.”
“I understand. But thank you anyway.”
“I’m not a monster, Ichiko.”
“I’ve never thought you were,” she told him. “That’s not an accusation I’d ever make about you. But I still can’t tell you where I am with us as . . . well, as whatever we are. I don’t think you can tell me, either.” When Luciano didn’t answer but only stood there, Ichiko nodded. “Neither one of us can say the right words, can we?”
“What is it you want me to say?” he asked.
Ichiko gave a short, mirthless laugh. “I don’t want you to say anything at all. Right now, no matter what you told me, I’d have to wonder if you’re only saying that because it’s what you think I want to hear—and I’d be surprised if you didn’t feel exactly the same way about anything I said. So we shouldn’t say anything. We both need time to think about this, Luciano. I’m not saying it’s o
ver, not at all, but I need time to decide what I need and whether that’s something I can get from you.” She took another step back from him, and another, putting the small dining table in the room between the two of them. “And you should be thinking about the same,” she continued. “Am I giving you what you need? I want our relationship to be equal, with both of us happy and satisfied with what we receive from each other. But I have to figure out what that is, and right now I can’t tell you—not because I don’t want to but because I don’t know yet myself. I’m sorry.”
“How long is this contemplation going to take?” he asked.
“I’ve no idea,” she answered.
Luciano drew in a long, slow breath. “Ichiko, I have nothing but respect and affection for you,” he told her. “That’s the truth. If you need time, well, take it. Just don’t take too long.”
His blue eyes stared at her, and she wondered whether that was anger or concern that furrowed the corners of them. He turned to leave, but as he reached the door, he stopped and glanced back toward her. “I’ll let you know what Captain Keshmiri decides about going out to visit the Inish,” he said.
“Thanks, Luciano. I appreciate that.”
He nodded once, then hit the door button and was gone.
* * *
The currach bounced in the squall-driven swells as they rounded Dulcia Head with the Pale Woman pointing the way. The sail dripped cold rainwater onto Saoirse’s shoulders. The boat was heavy with baskets of cragshells gathered from one of the shallow inlets on Great Inish; Saoirse’s hands were still red and sore with numerous small cuts from the sharp ridges of the shellfish she and several members of the clan pulled from their stubborn anchors on the black rocks at low tide. She could feel the sting of salt water in the lacerations.
At least that activity had kept her away from her mam and Saoirse’s still-raw anger over what had happened with Kekeki.
Saoirse felt a strange amalgam of disappointment and relief when she didn’t see Ichiko’s flitter sitting in its usual spot along the quay in Dulcia Harbor. Uncle Angus also noticed. “Why don’t yeh g’wan and talk to that stook Hugh Plunkett while Liam and I dicker with Doireann at the fishmongers, Saoirse?” he called back over his shoulder as they rowed into the sheltered water. “The minister may know what’s going on or he may not; the man’s hardly the sharpest hook on the line. If need be, we can stay overnight here—I can feel that the weather’s going to get rougher soon. Staying might be better anyway.”
After they docked and tied up at Doireann’s and Johnny Fitzpatrick emerged with his cart, Saoirse walked down the length of the quay to Plunkett’s Pub, cleaning her glasses with her sleeve as she entered the tavern. As expected, she found Plunkett there, with a pint mug sitting half-empty in front of him and his eyes half-lidded as he talked to a table of Mainlanders, mostly the seann from his own clan and Clans Bancroft, Stuart, and Hearn, she thought.
“. . . no final decision as yet, but I told them that they’d damn well better be at least givin’ us equipment and supplies after abandoning us for . . . Well, Saoirse Mullin, isn’t it? And would it be me yer looking for, Inish?”
“ ’Tis,” she answered. “I want to know where the Terran Ichiko might be and thought yeh might know.”
“And why would an Inisher need to know where the Terran woman is?”
Saoirse didn’t answer him. She waited, silently, holding his gaze with her own pale eyes. Finally, Minister Plunkett shook his head and sighed. “I haven’t seen the woman or heard from her in several cycles. Maybe she’s gone back up to her ship. I neither know nor care.”
“When’s she coming back?”
“Musha, why should I know when the feckin’ skinny thing is coming back to stick her nose where it don’t belong and take up all me time, even if she were willing to tell me? Ask ’em at First Base yerself if yer so eager to know.” He paused, his lips pursing. “That is, if they’ll bother to talk to the Inish,” he finished. Those around the table chuckled at the jibe.
“I’ll just do that,” Saoirse told him, and there was more laughter. Plunkett lifted his mug to her.
“Skedaddle aff with yeh, then,” he said, “and take that smell of rotten fish with yeh as well.” He upended the mug, taking a long swallow of the beer as Saoirse turned, feeling heat on her cheeks while the hilarity continued behind her.
Leaving the pub, she could see Angus and Liam standing outside Fitzpatrick’s. She waved and went down to meet them. “Did yeh find Plunkett?” Angus asked.
“Aye,” she told him, “and the man was totally acting the maggot, too.” Saoirse spat on the wet stones of the quay.
Angus and Liam both grinned. “That’s normal enough for Plunkett. What about yer Ichiko?”
Saoirse pointed to the clouds above. “Said he hasn’t seen or heard from her in the last several cycles, or at least that’s what he claims. The Minister says I need to ask after her at First Base.”
“Then that fixes it. We’ll stay here tonight at least. Your Aunt Una’s son Sean left the island to be with that Clan Taggart girl, what, sixty or so years ago and ended up taking on the Taggart name. I’ve stayed with the young man before; he’ll let the Taggarts put us up for a cycle or two. Their farm’s on the way up to Connor Pass anyway. Yeh can borrow a capall from ’em so yeh won’t have to walk to and from. The boat can stay here for now—Doireann said she’d have Johnny watch it. Let’s leg it, then; it’s a good three kilometers to the Taggart compound.”
* * *
As the capall Saoirse rode approached the metal box that was First Base, she saw the cowls of lenses pivoting on the roof, tracking their approach. “Stop right there! State your name and your business,” an imperious voice declaimed from hidden speakers. The hairs at the back of Saoirse’s neck lifted; she had the sense that there were probably weapons also trained on her. She pulled on the reins of the capall. The creature groaned and lifted its two front legs in annoyance, but grudgingly halted with a sniff from its nostrils before dropping its head to graze on the grasses in front of it.
“I’m Saoirse of Clan Mullin on Great Inish,” she called out to the building. “I’m here to talk to Dr. Ichiko Aguilar. She knows who I am.”
“Wait there,” the voice answered. For several breaths, there was only silence. Then, finally, a bay door opened in the side of the building and lights flickered on inside, illuminating a trio of flitters. A new voice came from the speaker: a woman’s voice that sounded familiar to Saoirse. “This is Lieutenant Bishara, Saoirse. I met you in Dulcia with Dr. Aguilar. Leave the capall there and come inside the flitter bay. I’ll be down there in a few minutes.”
Saoirse slid off the saddle strapped to the capall’s middle legs and wrapped the reins around the trunk of a sourmilk tree. She walked toward the bay and stepped inside. There was an air lock set to the rear, and she could see movement behind the second door. Through the glass of the inside door, she could see Lieutenant Bishara putting on the wide and thick belt of a Terran bio-shield while another person in a uniform watched. Bishara waved to her; Saoirse tentatively waved back. A moment later, the inner door opened to let Bishara into the chamber beyond. Saoirse heard the sibilant hiss of air being evacuated, then the door leading to the bay swung open and Bishara stepped through with her bio-shield activated.
“Saoirse, good to see you again. I’m sorry, but Ichiko’s not here at the moment. She’s up on Odysseus.”
Saoirse’s shoulders sagged. She let out a long huff of air. “Oh. Not here . . .” Her lips pressed together tightly. “I was hoping to talk to her. She wanted to come out to the archipelago, and I have news about that.”
She could feel Bishara regarding her closely. “I know Ichiko was interested in Great Inish. I thought you might b
e wanting to talk with her. I can see if she’s available,” Bishara offered. “I can’t let you into the base without putting you under strict quarantine—those are the regulations, and you’d hate that. But the flitters have com-units.” She waved at the flitters in the bay. “Do you want me to try to reach Dr. Aguilar?”
“If yeh’d do that, I’d appreciate it.”
Bishara went to the nearest vehicle and touched the door handle; it lifted up gently like the curved wing of a sea giosta—a local bird that nested in coastal sea cliffs. “Have a seat,” she told Saoirse, then slid behind the controls. Saoirse saw a blue light bloom as Bishara touched a thumb to one of her fingers; the control panel in front of her lit up, and the windscreen became a holoscreen displaying disconcerting static. “AMI,” Saoirse heard Lieutenant Bishara intone aloud, “ping Dr. Aguilar’s AMI and tell her that Saoirse of Clan Mullin would like to speak to her.” Bishara cocked her head as if listening to something, then nodded. “Dr. Aguilar will be onscreen in a few moments,” she said to Saoirse. “I’ll wait outside. When you’re done, let me know and I’ll put the flitter back to sleep.”
With that, the lieutenant swung her legs out and left the flitter, striding out of the bay entirely to where the capall was unconcernedly munching on the vegetation. The lieutenant went up to the capall, crouching down a few feet away to study the creature.
The screen in front of Saoirse sputtered, went black momentarily, then spat light. Ichiko’s face appeared on the screen, as if she were sitting just outside the flitter. “Saoirse,” she said. She was frowning, her face concerned, and her voice too hurried. “Is everything all right? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” she said quickly, realizing that her call had worried Ichiko.
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