Just how much had she changed? Leaving and forging a life away from everyone she knew couldn’t have been easy for her but it seemed as though she’d come out of it on the winning side. But it was how she managed to marry his brother and the way they lived their lives that interested Ethan now, especially since Noah was involved. They’d all been great friends growing up. Somewhere along the line that changed and he still couldn’t believe he’d been such an idiot and dumped her.
Ethan had hoped he and Mari’d go to college together, get married, and eventually settle down. He’d have his business and she could pursue whatever career she chose and if it was the wedding business she’d set her heart on, fine. He knew how much hope she’d put into that dream. They’d lay on the grass under the stars at night talking about how Mari would design the wedding day, set out the menu and what flowers she’d use for the brides and the wedding party. She had a whole folder of wedding information tucked away for future reference. He wouldn’t have minded if she’d decided to have babies straight away either. So long as they were together, he would have been happy. That was before he’d felt trapped and dumped her. So many times he wished he could’ve gone back and changed that, giving them both a better outcome. So what on earth made him flip out and tell her he was no longer interested? What was it that made him ruin his future and live the last ten years with regret?
“What do you want me to do first, boss?” His foreman, Ben, broke Ethan’s train of thought.
Chapter Six
Mari cleaned the apartment, tidied up her office and then headed toward the bar attached to the restaurant to clean what the staff hadn’t finished before they went home last night. She’d just mopped the floor in the kitchen and tipped the dirty water down the drain in the mudroom when she heard a voice she recognized.
“I’ll find her.”
Mari’s heart pounded and her mouth dried making it difficult to swallow. Seeing Pearl again was the biggest hurdle Mari had to face. Even the thought of meeting Mr. Benson again didn’t scare her like this did. The woman who saved her, taught her there was hope for everyone, and loved her unconditionally. The woman Mari had turned her back on when things got too hard to take. She felt sick thinking about it but she’d promised Rake she would come back and make things right again. He’d insisted his mother would forgive her when faced with having them back in their lives. Time to face the music. Mari put the bucket and mop away, smoothed her hands down her thighs, and stepped out the door into the foyer.
“Pretty sure I saw her in there, Mrs. Benson. I can get Ethan to help you find her, if you like.”
“You go on back to work. I’m sorry I interrupted you, Ben. I’ll find her myself, thank you.”
Mari closed her eyes, drew in a couple of deep breaths then flicked off the light switch. She went to meet the woman whose heart she’d broken years ago.
“Hello, Pearl.”
Pearl Benson stopped in her tracks and stared as if she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. Mari thought Pearl was going to burst into tears but her lips thinned and she pulled herself up straight. This was exactly how Mari thought it would happen when they came face-to-face. Apprehension and then anger kicking in.
“How could you? After all we did for you, how could you treat us like this?”
Pain hovered under the anger and Mari couldn’t blame Pearl for lashing out. She’d have done the same thing in similar circumstances. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to hurt you but I couldn’t see any other way at the time.”
“You could’ve told me what was going on. I would’ve helped you. Surely you must know that?”
“Oh, Pearl. I can’t imagine me telling you that Ethan and I’d slept together and then he’d dumped me for someone else who wanted nothing from him but a good time. I doubt it would’ve gone down well no matter how well-intentioned you might feel now. I was insecure and I pushed him for too much too soon, I get that. I don’t think anyone could have fixed that for us.”
“And my grandson. How could you keep me away from that child? What kind of person would do that to a grandmother?”
“I never meant to hurt you, Pearl. You have to believe me on that. And to be honest, if it wasn’t for Rake, I don’t know that I would’ve come back either.”
“All those years I missed out that I can’t get back. The two of you a couple with a child and I missed it all. I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for that.”
“I understand.” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “And just so you know, I had no idea Rake was going to take his own life. His diagnosis was a shock. I think he suspected it and that’s why he ended things. He didn’t want to become a burden to anyone.”
Pearl’s lip quivered and her mouth moved with unspoken words. The tears welling up and spilling down her foster mother’s cheeks undid Mari. She ran forward and wrapped her arms around the crying woman, her own eyes filling. Whether it was the relief at finally meeting up again or memories of those early dark days when Pearl was the one who held Mari together, she wasn’t sure. Being blamed for something she had no say in didn’t help, but she owed Rake and if it meant his mother was going to tear strips off of her, so be it. She owed her that much at least.
All Mari knew was seeing this woman made her feel whole again. Pearl was the only mother she’d ever had in the true sense of the word and she’d missed her so much. But with it came the guilt and the pain Mari had caused her.
Ever since the fateful night when Mr. Benson had accused Mari of trashing their house in a fit of anger because Ethan had dumped her, and of interfering with his family, Mari was on borrowed time, especially since Ethan hadn’t supported her. Jeff Benson’s dark gaze had followed her every move, making her feel as though she wasn’t wanted, even when she’d tried to explain what had happened. For the first time in her life, he wasn’t prepared to listen. Not to her and certainly not to his own wife. And never to Rake, the black sheep of the family, the son who always argued no matter who was right or wrong. It seemed as though Jeff was on a mission to drive her out of his house and eventually he’d won.
Pearl clung to Mari as though her life depended on it. The older woman’s body shook with her sobs and it was all Mari could do to hold her up. She guided her to the small nook by the staircase and eased her down onto the old button-leather couch.
“I’m so sorry.” Pearl sniffled and reached into her pocket for a tissue. “I promised Ethan I wouldn’t cry when I saw you but I knew that wasn’t going to be the case.”
“It’s okay.”
Ethan hovered in the doorway and Mari smiled to let him know it was okay. He watched for a moment before he went back to work and she concentrated on his mother.
Pearl wiped her eyes and tried to smile but it only set her off crying again. “Look at me. I’m such a wreck. I’m so angry with you but I missed you so much.” She blew her nose and dabbed at her tears and gave a shaky laugh. “Gosh, I missed you.”
“I missed you too.” Mari reached for her hand. “You have no idea how much.”
“Oh, honey. What can I say? It was our fault you left. I know that. I’m just so glad you came back.”
“How could I possibly stay away any longer? Noah has a right to know his family.”
Pearl’s eyes filled again. “Why, Mari? Why didn’t you tell us that much at least? If I’d only known it wouldn’t be so bad.”
Mari bit her lip. “I know I should’ve. When I couldn’t get hold of Ethan, I thought about calling you but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. He’d made his choice and if I’d called you, we both know what would’ve happened. I didn’t want to ruin his life by making him stand up and become a father when he wasn’t ready. Stupid and naive of me but I was pretty young too. Rake gave me an easy out and I took it.”
“He was so reliable. At least you had him to look after you.”
“You didn’t deserve the silent treatment though.” She shook her head. “Pearl, I’m so, so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you.”
&n
bsp; “Why didn’t you tell us about Rake’s illness? How could you let him die and us not be there?”
“It wasn’t my choice. And to be honest, I thought we still had a few years left in which I could change his mind. I tried to convince him to let you come but he wouldn’t have it.” She thought back. “In the end, his moods were terrible—all part of the trauma, so we were told—and I’d do anything to keep him calm. Even keep it all from you. And then he took his life and I never saw it coming. He’d never, ever mentioned suicide before but, looking back, I understand why he did it. It was a terrible illness, Pearl.” How would she ever be able to explain it? “Of course, they couldn’t confirm the correct diagnosis until after…when he died…but they knew enough to recognize it.”
“Why did he cut us out then, apart from his illness? What did I do to him to make him treat me like this? I don’t understand. You were there, you explain it to me.” Now her crying jag was over, her anger had reared its head again.
“I can’t tell you yet. He made me promise.”
“Rake put you up to this?”
Mari squirmed in her seat. It felt like she was using him for an excuse but she had no choice. A promise was a promise and Rake had insisted she discuss it with Jeff before anyone else. “Apart from him wanting to do something you were adamant you didn’t approve of, no.”
“So many years I’ve missed out on. So many milestones I’ll never get back.” The pain in her eyes burned into Mari’s soul, making her ache deep down. “How could anyone do that to a grandparent? How could you let my own boy do that to me?”
“I promised Rake. That’s all I can say for now but he’s gone and we can’t question his decisions even if we wanted to. But I came back so I could bring Noah up around you. Surely that counts for something?” A small token of thanks from Pearl was all Mari needed.
She hated being in this position but when her husband was dying in pain, she’d have promised him anything he wanted if it gave him a moment’s comfort.
“Of course it does.” Pearl blew her nose. “I’m so grateful you came home, really. But I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around not being there for you both, not seeing Noah as a baby. If only I knew what it was that really made you leave? Was it me? Did I do something to make you both unhappy?”
“No, Pearl. You were the one that held it all together the longest. It was mainly my mother’s fault for putting us all in this situation. I could only take so much before I broke.” She handed Pearl the tissue box from the side table. “I left and we can’t change that.”
“Yes, you’re right. We can’t change anything. No point crying over what might have been. I’m sure more questions will come later and don’t think I’m going to let you get away without a damned good reason.” She took a couple of tissues and handed the box back. “I’m so grateful we have another chance. Now, tell me everything about Noah. When can I see him? How big was he when he was born? Do you have photos I can have?”
*
“How’d your day go?” Christian handed him a bottle of beer from their favorite brewery and leaned back in his chair, feet on the desk.
“Good. I think she’s going to be pretty happy with it when we’re done.” Ethan twisted the top off his beer and took a sip. It was their habit to touch base every day after work and sort out any issues they might’ve had on the job so they could cover any details for the following day. “Now that I’m on the site, I can get a feel for the place and I have to say, I like the building. It has a nice warmth to it, great history. Mari seems pretty excited we’ve started work.”
“She should be. We spent a fair amount of time making sure it was exactly right and what she wanted.” He pushed a few papers to the side of his desk. “I gotta ask, do you still have a thing for her?”
Ethan shouldn’t have been surprised at the question but he was. It was the same thing that had been going through his mind but he didn’t want to give it any substance by saying the words out loud. “I’m not sure.”
Christian looked at him over his beer, his eyebrows raised in disbelief.
“I’m not. Honestly. I was gutted when she left even though it was my own stupid fault but I understand why she felt she had to stay away. Even you said you didn’t blame her for going.”
“I did but that was then. I’m the poor fool that had to sit and watch you try and cope without her around. The same poor fool that watched from the sidelines every time you took out a date and she didn’t measure up to Mari.” He snorted a laugh. “Also the guy that told you to grow up and get a life more than once. Did you ever listen?”
“You know I did.” He pulled a chair close to the desk, sat down and leaned his elbows on the crowded surface, rubbed his hand over his five-o’clock shadow. “I had a couple of serious relationships. You know that.”
“Yeah, but none of them ever amounted to much.”
“They weren’t the right girl obviously.” It was hard to follow up on the girl you thought you’d be with forever. It was even harder to know that his brother had managed to marry her when he couldn’t. He took a sip of beer, let it wash down the regret in his throat.
“And now she’s back and available from what I hear. Are you going to ask her out?” Christian drained his beer and threw the bottle in the trash.
“No idea. I don’t know her anymore. I guess it stands to reason that she’d have changed after what happened. I dumped her, remember, and I wasn’t nice about it. She might not be in the market for a relationship.” Saying the words out loud had a certain truth to them. “There’re still so many unanswered questions to be dealt with first. We can hardly ignore everything that happened between us. And she needs to explain a few things before I’m satisfied.”
“You have unfinished business, mainly Noah. What’s the worst that can happen? She’ll say no and you can sulk, then move on. Share custody or something?”
“I don’t sulk.”
Christian roared with laughter. He slapped his leg, looked at Ethan, and laughed again, holding his belly. “Oh, man. You’re so funny. Unrealistic but funny.”
“Thanks for the support. I knew I could rely on you to have my six.” He finished his beer and put the bottle on the corner of Christian’s desk.
“I always have your back. Part of the brotherhood code is telling the truth and you sulk.” Christian put his feet down and sat up. “Anything I need to know about the job? Materials you need or anything like that?”
“No. Everything’s on track for now but it’s early. We’ve got the scaffolding up, taken the trim off the ceiling, which took longer than I thought. That stuff is so fragile and will be hard to replace so we’re taking our time so we can use it again. Getting any of it reproduced will be a nightmare. Got a few ceiling boards off before we finished up today.” Ethan stood up, raised his hands above his head, and stretched. “Going to head home. I could do with a hot shower, a large steak, and an early night.” He waved a hand and walked out the door.
His cell rang as he pulled up in front of his house. Ethan dug around in his console, grabbed it before the call ended, and looked at the screen before he answered. “Hi, Dad.”
“You and I need to talk.” His father’s brusque voice filled the cab. “Your mother came bouncing in spouting off about that girl coming home with a kid in tow. Claims you had something to do with that.”
“Mari, her name’s Mari.” He should have expected this. His father’s bitterness toward her would never go away, it seemed. “She actually came back on her own accord. Being a grown woman, she’s allowed to choose where she lives. And before you go giving me a lecture, Noah is mine and, yes, I know he is.”
“Don’t go getting smart with me, young man. You know what I mean. Your mother said you informed her that the girl had come back. Did you really think that was necessary? Go upsetting things all over again. She’d just calmed down after your brother’s death.”
Just! That was two years ago. Why did his father hang onto things and blow them all out
of proportion where that day was concerned? Ethan counted to ten and then spoke, doing his best to keep his voice even and calm. Nothing good ever came out of an argument with his dad when it came to the last days Mari lived with them. “Dad, a lot of water’s passed under the bridge. Mari’s a responsible business owner and my brother’s widow to say nothing of the fact that she’s your only grandchild’s mother. She’s entitled to live where she chooses just as Mom’s entitled to see her. She is your daughter-in-law.”
“Didn’t I make myself clear at the time? Look how she lied to us, trashed the house.”
“I think this conversation is done.”
“It’s done when I say it is. That girl had you wrapped around her little finger. And look how that turned out. You got burned. She has a baby and now claims it’s yours. I hope you’re going to be clever enough to check into that, Ethan.”
“Are you serious? Of course I believe her. She has no reason to lie to me.”
“If you’re sure then. I’m only trying to look out for what’s mine. Don’t want to see you hurt anymore, Son.” A tremor of remorse threaded through the older man’s voice. “Love can make you blind, you know?”
“Dad, you need to let go of your bitterness toward Mari’s mother. It can’t be doing Mom much good to hear you go on about it. Hell, it happened when you were in college. Let it go.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Her mother was nothing more than someone I used to know at school. Our friendship only became something big in her eyes when she wanted something from me. That’s what happens when you try to help people.”
“Okay, enough. Mari never trashed the house or stole anything from you. I made a mistake siding with you at the time because I was pissed at her and I regret it. I was young and stupid, hurting from a fight we’d had and I’m going to make it up to her now. You’re the only one who really believed that she could do something like that. She was just a poor kid with a drug-addicted mother who, I’ll admit, was suspect and always ready to take advantage of a situation.” He paused for a quick breath. “We all know she stole from you, I get that. But you have to stop trying to lay the blame at Mari’s feet. She’s a lovely person, not a bit like her mother. She takes after her father to be honest. She’s a great mom and now a business owner in town. If you don’t move on, you’re the one who’s going to lose out. Not me or Mom because we never believed it about her in the first place. You let your bitterness take over and look where it’s got you.” Ethan had worked up a sweat, his anger building with each word. “You lost your eldest son as well as Mari. Worked out well, didn’t it?”
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