by Lynn Stevens
“I know, but that’s not what I meant.” She switched my hands under the nail dryer. “You’re over the boy? You’ve forgiven Cami? You’ve forgiven yourself?”
No. I lied and nodded. Unlike Carly, I didn’t fake being a liar. She told half-truths to make herself feel better. Sometimes lies stopped from hurting the people you loved the most. Mom needed to know I was okay even if I wasn’t. Fake it til you make it and all that. Maybe one day I would be okay.
“Seeing you like that…” She didn’t finish the sentence. She didn’t have to.
I could only imagine what she felt. It was one thing my therapist made me understand. My manic obsession with Eddie Blake didn’t just drive me insane, it affected everyone around me. When he kissed Cami, when he said what he said to me, I lost myself. Yet, I still kept going back to him. I just wanted Eddie to love me as much as I loved him. Why was that so hard?
Because he didn’t love me.
Tears filled my eyes, and I kept them closed. Mom had worked on my makeup. I’d let her do that a lot since the incident. She needed to take care of me, and I needed my mom more than ever. That was the way we connected. It wouldn’t be long, and I’d be on my own. We both knew that. We both didn’t want it to happen, but we knew there was no stopping it.
“I’m glad that you don’t have to see him anymore after today,” she snapped with too much force. “He toyed with you most of your life. I just wish his parents sent him to Georgia tomorrow instead of at the end of June. That poor girl he knocked up doesn’t need him around either.”
My eyes snapped open. “What?”
Mom pressed her hand to her chest. “I thought you knew.”
“Knew what?” My heart raced in my chest, and I wanted to vomit. Eddie wasn’t stupid. He used protection. Every time we had sex, he wrapped it up. Did he just lose control? How could he knock someone up? My mind reeled. I knew how, I just wondered why.
“A girl named Chelsea. I think she was fifteen, just a freshman.” Mom put her hand on my shaking arm. “Didn’t you notice that she wasn’t at school?”
“I don’t even know who you’re talking about.” I swallowed back the bile in my throat.
“Well, she found out she was pregnant around Christmas, I think. And her parents took her out of school until she had the baby. They agreed to give the child up for adoption. I can’t believe you didn’t know this. She had the baby a couple of weeks ago from what I heard.”
“Eddie knocked up a freshman?” And he was trying to get in that other freshman’s pants. God, and we’d been together at least four or five times since the first of the year. He knew he was going to be a father, and he kept fucking around. The sad thing was, I knew if he came up to me after graduation and asked me to go to our spot, I would.
If she found out around Christmas, he’d screwed her after… We’d had a huge fight in November about him fucking around on me. He made it clear we weren’t a couple. I went out that night and found Chase drinking alone at the partying spot. He’d broken up with Megan. We got wasted, and we got naked.
“That’s what I heard.” Mom took my hand from the dyer. “Perfect.”
I nodded. My mind kept reeling in a million different directions.
“Honey, are you okay? I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have told you, but I thought you already knew.” She patted my arm gently. “He’s a bad seed, Miranda.”
That was just it. Eddie wasn’t a bad guy, just a horny one. Or so I thought. Maybe he wasn’t who I thought he was.
It didn’t stop me from loving him any less.
What did that make me?
The locker room at the football field was packed with my graduating class. I found my gown and stepped outside into the second mass of people. Lily hugged me tight when I finally got my gown on.
“Finally!” she screeched in my ear. Her glasses slipped down her nose.
I laughed despite the sound grating my nerves. “Yeah, I’m ready for this to be over. Honestly, I just wanted to skip the ceremony and go straight to the party.”
“Totally!” She let go and bounced in a circle. “Where’s the party? At the lake again? Is it going to be like the last day of school party?”
“Did you drink a gallon of coffee this morning? You’re bouncier than usual.” I couldn’t help but smile at her enthusiasm. She loved everything about life, and she could find the good out of the bad.
“No, I’m just excited, silly. Oh,” she said, her eyebrows shooting up to her hairline. “How was your date? Aiden refused to tell me anything last night and believe me when I say I tried.”
“It was pretty great,” I said, my face heating. “Really really great actually. I hope we do it again.”
“Yeah, because you’ve done everyone else, why not screw Lily’s brother?” Megan Wright said behind me. I knew it was her by the extra bitterness in her voice.
I spun on my heel and stepped close to her so she had to look up at me. “Get over it, Megan. The thing with Chase was in November. You guys had broken up. It was one night, and it wasn’t even that great.”
She rolled her eyes. “You didn’t have to sleep with him.”
I leaned closer. “There wasn’t any sleeping involved.”
“Line up, kids,” Mrs. Nightingale said somewhere near the front of the room. She was barely five feet tall and practically invisible in a crowd. Groups broke up and got into their spots alphabetically. Except Lily.
Lily hugged me again. “I don’t care if you and Aiden… you know.”
“We didn’t.” I don’t know why I told her that, but then again, Lily knew most of my one-night stands from this year. Except Eddie. She didn’t know that I’d kept seeing him whenever he asked.
“He likes you. A lot.” She let go and took off to her spot in line.
“Slut,” Megan said behind me.
“Dumb bitch,” I tossed back at her.
Yeah, I was so glad this day was finally here. I’d never have to see these judgmental assholes ever again.
“Pomp and Circumstance” started, and we walked onto the track, taking our preassigned seats. A stage was set up on the edge of the field for the speakers and diplomas. I didn’t listen as each person babbled on about how big this day was or how we were starting our lives. Because clearly the first eighteen years don’t mean shit. Reverend Brand kept it short and sweet, thankfully. Forty-five minutes later, they started calling our names, I had my diploma.
That was it. I was officially a high school graduate.
Lily bounced over to her family after the ceremony. Aiden grinned at her as she hugged him.
“Miranda,” Dad said, clamping his hand on my shoulder. “Congratulations. I’m proud of you.”
I smiled up at him. “Thanks, Dad.”
Mom cried as she hugged me, mumbling under her breath about her babies. I laughed, but a few tears slipped out. Even my brother gave me a hug. He didn’t linger long for whatever reason. It didn’t matter. He was there.
“I have something to show you,” Dad said. He held up his phone. Carly waved from the other side. Her now blonde hair curled around her face. Gracin grinned over her shoulder. “She videoed in so she wouldn’t miss it.”
“Yeah, Meerkat. I wanted to be there. I’m so sorry,” Carly said.
“Thank you.” Tears choked my throat.
“Come on. Let’s go eat. We’ve got reservations.” Dad glanced at his watch. “And you have a party later, I’m sure.”
I just nodded, bobbing my head noncommittally. Dad put his arm around me and led me away. I glanced over my shoulder, meeting Aiden’s gaze. He smiled, and I couldn’t help but smile back.
Chapter Nine
The party had already started when my Uber dropped me off. I’d texted Lily to let her know I was on my way, but she didn’t get back to me. She was either already there, or not coming. Knowing her parents, she wasn’t going to get away for a while.
Graduation parties at the lake were a long-held tradition. Last year’s soiree was the be
ginning of my downhill spiral, and it wasn’t something I wanted to repeat. I promised myself I wouldn’t get wasted. Drink a little, yes. Get so drunk I don’t remember it the next day, no. I didn’t do that anymore.
I grabbed a mini wine bottle from the open cooler and twisted it open. Looking around at everyone, I wondered really why I showed up. None of these people were my friends. Lily was my only real friend. Iris and Cami flitted into my mind. I wondered how they were doing. Cami had moved to Nashville with Dylan and her band.
Iris Addison had given up on me. Even after my blow up with Cami, she’d taken my side, stuck with me. But when I went over the edge, when I started taking ecstasy, Iris was done. It wasn’t too long before she gave up, a week maybe two. A month later I was in the hospital and barely alive. I didn’t want that to happen again.
This thing with Aiden weighed on me. It had been one date, but what if it went south fast? What if I screwed everything up? I’d lose my best friend, the only one who never judged me for anything I did.
As much as I enjoyed our date, it was a bad idea.
I walked farther away from the bonfire and loud music. And the people, mostly the people. The water lapped gently against the shore. Most of the boats had come in for the night except for ones that were specifically partying. I sat on the rocky shore and stared out at the water.
Giggling pierced my peace. I could hear bodies slapping together then a moan that was definitely male. It wasn’t pretty. I closed my eyes and took a long drink from the bottle. The cheap wine slid down my throat. Maybe I would get wasted.
“I love you, Eddie,” a girl said with awe in her voice.
Jesus. That was the last thing I wanted to hear. My ex or whatever he was just banged another girl, probably the freshman he’d failed to score earlier in the week, and I had to hear it.
“Don’t you love me?” she asked, the awe in her voice turned to worry. “Eddie?”
“He doesn’t love anybody but himself,” I said loudly. “Stop wasting your time. And I hope you made sure he wore a condom.”
“Oh my god,” the girl screeched. She rushed out from behind the boulder, pulling her skirt down. “Oh my god,” she screeched again when she saw me.
I smiled at her and raised my eyebrows. She took off toward the party like the ground was on fire.
“Thanks.” Eddie buttoned his pants as he stepped out from the rock. “You saved me from lying to her.”
“Bullshit, you already lied to her. Why else would she have sex with you?” I leaned back on my hands, the bottle empty beside me. “Is it true?”
Eddie sat beside me and offered a beer. “Is what true?”
“That you knocked up some girl?” I twisted the top off the beer.
“So she claims,” he said. His finger grazed the top of my hand. “I wasn’t the only guy she had sex with. She had a guy in Kimberling City, too. Son of her Dad’s friend or some bullshit. We’re waiting on the paternity results.”
I stare out over the water, wondering how much of that was true. The paternity was, that I had no doubt.
“I’ve still got a few weeks.” His hand slipped over mine, and I made no move to free it. “Give me about an hour and I’ll be good to go again. We can make more memories.”
“Tempting,” I said, finally pulling my hand out from his. “But I don’t want some freshman’s sloppy seconds.”
Eddie cackled and sat up. “Sloppy’s right. She was terrible. Just laid there like a dead fish.”
“Virgins,” I said, taking a good pull from my beer. “What did you expect? And why do you get off chasing them?”
“I like ‘em tight,” he said.
“You’re disgusting.”
“Maybe, but I like what I like.” He pushed against my shoulder. “You, for example, are a perfect fit.”
I rolled my eyes. “You’re just saying that because you want to have sex with someone who isn’t a dead fish. Not interested.” I hated myself for saying it. If I was honest, I was ready to go behind the boulder. Eddie was my kryptonite, and a simple smile from him set me on fire.
“That’s gotta be a first,” he said, draining his beer.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. I leaned over, too close to Eddie who pulled me against him.
“I knew you couldn’t resist,” he said before planting a clumsy kiss on my lips. He tasted of beer and strawberry lip balm. My heart ached. The last thing I wanted to taste was another girl on his lips.
I kept my mouth shut and forced him back. “Stop. I was getting my phone, not going in for a lap dance.” I pulled my phone free, but Eddie gently pushed me down onto the sand. “Stop.”
“Never heard you tell me that before, Miranda.” He kissed my neck, and I closed my eyes. “Turns me on.”
My phone buzzed again. I glanced at the screen. Aiden.
“You taste sweet,” Eddie said then nipped my skin.
I pushed against his shoulders. This was wrong. So very wrong, no matter how right I wanted it to be. “Get off, Eddie.”
“I’m trying to, baby.” His breath whispered over my dampened skin. I shivered and tilted my neck to the side. “You want me.”
“No,” I said too breathlessly. “Stop. I’m serious.”
He chuckled and slid his hand up my shirt. It took so much will power that I didn’t have to stop him. I pushed him back, harder than I intended but he rolled away. “I asked you to stop.”
“What the fuck, Miranda,” he said, rubbing the back of his head. “We were just having fun.”
I steeled myself and glared at him. “No, you were just having fun. I asked you to stop more than once.” I slapped my forehead, and my mouth fell open. Cami said she’d told him to stop. I hadn’t believed her then. “How many other girls have told you to stop? Did Cami tell you no?”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” He huffed and got to his feet. “If a girl says stop, I stop. I’m not a dick. And, yeah, Cami said stop and I did. You’re the one who didn’t believe her.”
Just me then. Stop doesn’t mean shit coming from me. I felt like a fool. All this time, I’d blamed her when it was really him. Shaking my head, I turned my gaze back to the lake. “Go away, Eddie.”
“Gladly.” He walked in front of me, blocking my view. “I don’t know what your problem is but don’t forget I’m leaving in a month. We’ll probably never see each other again, Miranda. I’d hate for this to be how we end things.”
Tears skirted the edges of my eyes. “Goodbye, Eddie.”
He huffed again and walked away, whistling loudly.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. The tears fell slowly, and I let them as I finished the warm beer Eddie had given me. When it was gone, I wiped them away. I stared at the bottle, then threw it against the boulder and watched it shatter. The amber shards glittered in the moonlight. I thought I’d feel better. I thought I’d be sadder or maybe even happy.
Instead, I felt empty because I knew I’d never meant a damn thing to him.
Chapter Ten
“Was that Eddie?” Lily asked behind me.
I glanced over my shoulder. She stood a good ten feet back and her eyebrows knitted into a knot. I wanted to tell her no, but I promised myself I wouldn’t lie to her. Not after the shit that went down with Cami. Jesus, all of that was a lie. I nodded and waited for her response.
“What about Aiden?” She clenched her hands together.
I closed my eyes tight, avoiding her pointed gaze. “It’s not what it seems, Lil.”
That made her feet move, and my eyes snapped open. She rushed me, then sat on the bank nearby but not close. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
I sat up and rubbed my hand over my face, loose rock falling into my lap after scratching my skin.
“Come on, Miranda.” Her voice tightened and dropped an octave. “Whenever you’re with Eddie, you guys… you know. And now you’re dating my brother. You can’t have it both ways. So what’s going on? And whatever it is, you have to tell Aiden. Don’t lie to him to sp
are your own feelings.”
“Jesus, Lily, get off the damn soap box,” I snapped and glared at her. “Your self-righteousness is off the charts, you know that? You’re acting like every other asshole at school, judging me without hearing my side of the story. Go hang out with them if you want to be like them. Leave me alone.”
She stood and stomped off. Well, as much as she could stomp on the sandy gravel. I just stared over the water. The moonlight danced on the gentle lapping. A boat sped by, causing a decent sized wake. My throat tightened, and I couldn’t breathe. Tears rushed to my eyes, but I fought them back. I couldn’t stop the sob that escaped. Lily didn’t deserve that. Then again, neither did I.
“You okay?”
I looked up to see Aiden watching me cautiously. My eyes pressed together as I tried to block off the tears but seeing him only helped them to break free.
He sat quickly beside me and pulled me against his chest. “Whatever it is, it’ll be okay.”
I opened my mouth but couldn’t form a single word.
Aiden kissed the top of my head and held me until I could control myself. I pushed off him gently and tried to put some distance between us. He let me, but he kept his hand on my lower back.
“I’m sorry,” I said because that’s what you’re supposed to say.
“Wanna talk about it?” His hand drifted up and down my spine. “I’m a good listener.”
I laughed and snorted at the same time. “You might not want to hear it.” I felt him shrug and turned completely toward him, taking both of his hands in mine. But I couldn’t look him in the eye. “I snapped at Lily.”
“So that’s why she decided to tell me we were leaving.” He turned his hands over, weaving our fingers together.
“Lily’s never been quick to … pass judgment. At least not with me.” I pressed my lips together and lifted my head. His hazel eyes were so open and honest, I almost started crying again, I knew this was going to hurt him, and I didn’t want to do that. “She saw me talking to someone and thought the worst.”