Checking the logs, I had made every change deliberately, but often without thinking. Previously, the Cripple had dominated the front of my mind, with the other personae as unacknowledged passengers who sometimes interfered in my actions. Now, the Ghost sat in the front, but I still had a menagerie of my other personae second-guessing everything I did.
2357-03-23 20:00
Hopes, Dreams, and Grim Realities
I woke to another day of worry, of not knowing if the Path even existed anymore. Nothing on the news feeds had been encouraging. I did not have access to the underground feeds from the Earth that I had monitored as an agent in CI, the ones that sometimes told truths that official sources preferred to ignore. I had worked quite hard to determine which ones to believe because most underground feeds were flaming nonsense. I doubted any of the ones I had trusted were still broadcasting; their operators would surely have gone into deep hiding when the death squads began murdering dissenters.
There were hundreds of murders scattered everywhere over the Earth. No explanations, just denunciations of Ghost Followers, traitors, and rebels, followed by beheadings, firing squads, knifings, and in one case an acid attack that destroyed a man’s entire head. The Imperium did not claim credit for the last attack, which led me to wonder if it was a local grievance being resolved by murder. With a population of three billion, the Earth had millions of passionate grievances, but those that could not be resolved through reconciliation had formerly ended with slander or vandalism. No more.
People were not better than we had ever been, and I knew that many would imitate their leadership for better or worse. A government that held its citizens in contempt would give permission for self-righteous people to hold their neighbours in contempt. A government that treated its citizens with arbitrary violence gave permission for those who felt offended to take unlimited revenge. The whole point of the Terrestrial Constitution had been to minimize those feelings of helpless anger, the lust for personal revenge, and the contempt that led to atrocity. Three centuries of decency were being washed away by the arrival of Viceroy Wolong.
After I had finished breakfast, Nasruddin told me he had asked the Admiralty to inquire about the safety of the Lansdorf since we left them. In response, the Lunar Viceregal Fleet had forwarded an invitation from the poloffs for the two of us to meet them for lunch tomorrow at the Merry Merchant in Prosperity Square. Apparently, the whole crew had disembarked for some R&R and were staying in that neighbourhood, sampling the oddness of life on the Moon.
It was a very polite invitation, suggesting that the captain and poloffs still thought well of him. The Admiralty was asking if he would be willing to serve as a go-between for the TDF with Forward Command, the Lunar Viceregal Fleet, and even the rapidly forming Viceregal Palace. He shook his head and commented, “Lad, I’m scarin meself,” in a very poor imitation of MacFinn’s accent.
We spent a while plotting how to move from my room in what was apparently the violent ward of a psychiatric hospital to the Commerce building beside Prosperity Square without being recognized. He told me with a laugh that I could not be fashionably dressed. Lunar youth had decided that loincloths and body paint were the new formal attire, but I could not risk further injury just as things were starting to heal. Nor could I wear my real armour, which was utterly inappropriate for a social meeting in Prosperity Square. Instead, I would be wearing light body armour with toughskin sleeves and leggings. I would also be wearing a multilayer spidersteel skullcap and toughskin booties disguised to look like slippers.
We decided that the whole outfit would be covered with a spidersteel gown in a style that was two decades out of fashion, with a swishy hat from an even older era. He assured me that I looked haggard enough to pass as a fashion eccentric who just liked the styles from my years of adult vigour. The hats had been popular when I was a beginning spacer. The gowns were the latest rage when I took a three-month course in forensic accounting on the Moon as a new member of Commercial Intelligence. I was comfortable with both.
Of course, I could not walk anywhere yet, but my wheelchair was motorized. I would look like what I was: an injured man wearing older fashions. People would guess I lived in the deeper levels where such clothing was still common and had come up to visit a hospital and have lunch with friends. I would attract only an occasional glance, except from people who shared a taste for the older styles.
Alas, the light armour was warm. I would sweat like a cold-water pipe in a sauna, but Nasruddin promised to supply powders and deodorants that would take care of the worst so long as I did no exercise en route. I solemnly promised to do nothing of the sort.
I suddenly felt much happier, enough to make me check that I was still the Ghost. I realized that I had been a shut-in for so long that the prospect of getting out to see other people was enough to lighten my spirits and juice me with a shot of excitement. Which was odd because I had not thought I had any of that left in the persona in the Ghost. It slowly came back that the Ghost had never been a robotic persona, just fanatically dedicated to the Mission. I had been a whole person with all the emotions necessary for survival as an agent on a hostile world. The Exterminators had only been interested in my strict obedience to orders and my ruthless self-advancement, but the rest of me was still there. I could be completely rational only when I could treat the world as an intellectual puzzle that did not place the Mission in jeopardy.
MacFinn returned and Wang called to set up today’s meetings. When the room beyond the monitor appeared, I saw just him and the core of the Banshees: Leilani, Sergei, Toyami, Evgenia and Katerina, Raul and Begum. Even the other three doctors were missing.
Before anyone else could speak I created a small comm group, which specifically did not include Wang, and started an apology.
To Group/private, “Dear friends, I apologize for my behaviour yesterday. I nearly fell in love with all of you again and craved your affection. I had to stop myself; trying to explain the goal of my personal Mission was the best way to do it. We are so near to the end game, I had to remind myself why I couldn’t be close to you anymore.”
Leilani/converse, “Brian, stop. We understand that part. Sergei confirmed the horrible broadcasts of the executions. In that context, the logic of trying to talk to everyone on Mars is clear. Will it be enough? If the real forces are all based in the Belt, will they be listening? Please don’t attempt this unless you are certain that it will succeed. Have you checked recently whether this plan is still viable?”
I could see she was struggling to control herself, as was I. Every moment I wanted to declare how much I loved her, but I repeated in my mind Begum’s fragment of poetry, ‘I could not love thee, Dear, so much, loved I not Honour more.’ I had never thought of the Mission as a form of honour, but I suppose it was.
Me/converse, “I don’t think I control my dreams any better now than I did as a child. I will have to think about the more recent ones. While I was with Alexander, I realized I can remember the dreams in my waking state and I know how to suppress the memory of the emotion they provoked. I will check to see if an updated attempt was made for that scenario.”
Toyami/converse, “None of us can look at those dreams anymore, not even projected on a monitor, not for a minute. You saw what happened yesterday. We are all so brittle. The dreams themselves are being stored with heavy encryption and a warning of severe mental damage for the watcher. It will require something like Council security clearance and a full team of psychiatrists on site before anyone will dare to try again.
“Forgive me, Brian, but we need a summary of their contents as a warning of what is potentially coming. If you can look at the dreams dispassionately, without giving way to despair, could you prepare a description of each dream? It doesn’t need the horror of the middle years, except maybe for a few to illustrate the logic of the escalating disaster. Just the starting scenario and the initial failure, with a quick summary of how things fall apart and an estimate of humanity’s lifespan. None of us can
do it. Please, PLEASE, don’t put yourself at risk. I hate myself for asking.”
Evgenia/converse, “I know you all tried to protect me, but I also tried watching one of them. Kat had to rescue me when I started screaming. I know that risk is real.
“We are not the only people suffering. I’ve heard that the Medics on the Lansdorf tried watching them on the field station and are now all traumatized. Did you know they have been billeted for some R&R near Commerce in this city? That is part of the reason why. The whole crew is despondent, no longer fit for duty.”
Katerina/converse, “I foolishly tried several nightmares, dipping here and there. You know I have done some difficult negotiations, with guns pointed in my face, surrounded by desperate fighters dug into hardened positions as they waited for the TDF to attack. I recognized those situations in the dreams and how badly they could go wrong. Eve was screaming as she watched me being murdered.
“I’m ashamed to admit, that was the first moment I realized how reckless I have become. I never recognized that I was hurting everyone who cared about me. My Dad had a fatal heart attack a few years ago and Mom is so frail. Partly it is my fault. They were always so proud and supportive, I really believed it was only my skin in the game. So, Begum and I are now in trauma therapy together. Eve and I are going to start couples therapy as soon as we can squeeze in the time to find a therapist. You are not the only one who is mad. We all are.”
Sergei/converse, “And you are mad, you know? I think I understand what you are trying to do, but it takes a special kind of madness to be totally rational when facing death by torture. I don’t believe for a moment you chose this as the optimum solution to some cost-benefit analysis. Sorry, old man, but you remain the most insanely romantic soul I’ve ever met.”
Me/converse, “Please, stop! Let me keep a safe distance. I think I can prepare a summary of my dreams. I have recorded quite a few more since then, all of them dangerous. I will try to prepare a summary while I convalesce. It will give me something to do that is better than worrying.”
Evgenia to Group, Wang/private, “I am including Admiral Wang. I just received a short message that Kat will be getting momentarily. The Emperor has acknowledged Viceroy Fenghuang’s independence from Viceroy Wolong. He also ordered Wolong’s fleet to return to its stations around the Earth.”
Wang/converse, “That is very good news indeed. However, I fear there is a risk that some of them will refuse to go. The rumours I have heard from Forward Command is that half of them want to transfer their allegiance, to Forward Command or to Viceroy Fenghuang, anyone but Wolong. At the command of Shi Hongdi, I expect they will comply but will continue to press for transfer. An army with uncertain and divided allegiance is a very dangerous thing.
“And thank you for including me in this little bit of the discussion. None of you have poker faces right now, so I’ve been watching the emotions race through the group without having any idea what is being said.”
Me/converse, “I’ve also heard a very worrisome rumour that you were all arguing yesterday, that I had triggered a series of fights.”
Sergei/converse, “No stress, old man. They were good fights with real conclusions. We have all apologized and promised to do better in the future. Apparently, you told Begum that she and Raul should take the opportunity to fight, shout and laugh together? Well, they did but by the end their therapists had them arguing in song. Really! The walls between rooms in this suite are hardly thicker than partitions. They were loud enough that I sat by the door taking notes. I hope to turn it into a real song someday, with their permission, of course. It may take a few more sessions to really jell. Both therapists are appalled at the notion, but we will see.”
Raul/converse, “I’ve seen his notes and he did polish off the worst of the jagged edges. It is not a song I would sing in public, still pretty cringe-worthy in fact, but neither I nor my employer has ever wanted me to be a public entertainer. Maybe after this is over we will be able to accept the bleeding edges. A lot of great music starts with somebody’s pain. It would hurt less if we could help other couples in trouble. As he says, we will have to see.”
Begum/converse, “They were trying to slow us down, to make us think before we said things we would regret. It was the strangest team-building exercise I’ve ever done, but I believe it worked. You can see we are still holding hands. This morning was the first time in a week that I’ve woken up without an immediate spasm of panic. It was sweet being able to linger over breakfast together. Even Doctor Marin seems happy for us.
“I talked with Sergei and Leilani while you were flushing your internal bugs. Sergei is a bit like you; sometimes what he says curls my fingernails, but his insights are often very helpful. And, really, I would like some say in any songs that get composed about our romantic troubles. We are discussing with our therapists whether to invite Sergei into our session this afternoon.”
Leilani/converse, “Brian, I know you will be concerned that the assassinations on the Earth are getting worse. Commander Sa’id sent us your list of the highest priority people who needed protection. Three of those people are already dead according to the news feeds. We have added several dozen more, mostly relatives of our ministers. We took the risk of sending the list to Vishnuram, to see if LE can intervene. LE has been solidly loyal to the Terrestrial Council since they sent their demented officers for therapy. Vishnuram has a network of discreet people who will carry the warnings. So far as we know, he is the only agent in LE who can decrypt the Banshee encryption, so the risk seemed acceptable.”
Toyami/private, “I am passing you two tokens. One is the latest version of the LE token, which supplements Alexander’s OS update. The other is a special one they developed for Superintendent Rouseth. It blocks a backdoor through the general building control system that delivers an emoji in small fragments. It took half a day of careful observation to determine how the emojis were sneaking into her comm. We don’t know yet how widely it would be useful. For the moment, the recipient must install it zimself, which requires a certain level of cooperation that emoji victims rarely exhibit. We had to trick Rouseth into doing it. I hope you never need it.”
I accepted both tokens and installed them immediately. I hoped I never needed the second one, but I was not waiting until I did.
To Group, Wang/private, “I watched the news feeds for a while last night. It was depressing and I cannot get the channels I want in this room.”
Raul/converse, “Then no one else is likely to be aware of the latest fiasco. Wolong decided he wanted to go for a ride on an airplane, something with windows so he could see what empty space looked like. A squad of soldiers escorted him to the nearest major airport. He reasoned that the tallest building must be the palace where the commander lived, so he went up the control tower, killing two guards who tried to stop him. He demanded that the shift leader of the air traffic controllers should order an incoming flight to stop at the base of the tower so he could fly it around for an hour. When the man tried to explain that he did not own or control the aircraft, just managed the people who guided them through the local airspace, he ordered the man shot for rebellion. The controllers tried to run and hide, so he decreed that they were all rebels and deserters. He ordered everyone on the floor shot, including the janitors. There were only two survivors. Both were shot but survived under a pile of their dead colleagues. All traffic in and out of the airport has been suspended indefinitely. The Council has sent another protest to the Emperor, but really, no one has any idea what to do. He is a willful, ignorant and arrogant child who holds the lives of everyone on the Earth in contempt.”
Katerina/converse, “It is so different here. We are guessing the Viceroy Fenghuang has better advisors. Have you seen the formal surrender of authority where she took control from Governor Kim? The Lunar Governor has no real power and is largely a ceremonial position. He had apparently studied the Martian ceremonials that are being promulgated by the Imperium. He and the Senior Ministers in the Lunar Counci
l were led in to face Viceroy Fenghuang and her Directorate of Specialists. They kowtowed and gave very graceful speeches of surrender when ordered to do so, which she with equal grace accepted. She then ordered all the Ministers to rise and return to their duties. Governor Kim was ordered to rise and was immediately reappointed as her Director of Ceremonies during the transition, joining the Directorate of Specialists within minutes of being deposed! After the transition, he will be allowed to retire here on the Moon, just as he had planned when he accepted the Governorship.
“Oh, I’m sorry, but we have to break now. I got the message Eve mentioned, plus another one about the impending formation of an Imperial Directorate of Commerce. Eve and I need to deal with this immediately. Talk later.”
The Banshees vanished through a door on the far side of the room, leaving Wang by himself.
Wang/private, “I have deep sympathy with Thieu’s distress at facing a hostile universe alone. I really miss Marcus, who has been my only peer since my lamented promotion. The only other people I can talk to are Mahatma, Anastasia and you. The rest are too demented, too junior, or just too ignorant. Mahatma and Anastasia are so depressed they need hugs and therapy more than intense discussion of the issues. You are the only one who is not despondent but I am not sure how to characterize your true state. I hope you will keep this confidential.”
To Wang/private, “My state is fractured and potentially treacherous, so please be careful. I am curious, if the TDF is being merged into the fleet, do they realize yet how close they were to destroying every ship defending the Earth?”
He nodded but ignored the warning, as usual.
Wang/converse, “No, and they never will if I have any say. Warships in convoys are just about the only thing moving in near-Earth space these days, but we are cycling every one of those ships through the Lunar docks for ‘scheduled maintenance’ that just happens to involve gutting the systems and a new paint job. Fortunately, our systems are modular and we have been preparing for extended combat in case of renewed hostilities. We have a lot of spares available. Almost half of the ships have already been restored to full combat readiness.
Lord Banshee Lunatic (Nightmare Wars Book 3) Page 9