by Monica Burns
"I lied to you out of concern for Ross. He needed me, and in hindsight I realized you needed me too."
"I needed you?" he scoffed, with as much scornful skepticism he could muster. If she were to see even a crack in his resolve, the woman would give no quarter.
Louisa took a step toward him, and the instant he breathed in her sweet fragrance he went rigid. He was on the verge of drowning, and he was certain she knew it. He could only pray that God would give him the strength not to give way to her.
Chapter 16
"Do you think I don't know how you feel about your injuries? How you think others see you?" Louisa's voice softened as she took a step toward Ewan. The instant he stiffened, she didn't move any closer. "You might see yourself as the Beast of Argaty, Ewan, but I don't."
"Do nae test my patience, Louisa. This is another boundary ye do nae want tae cross." As always, his brogue thickened whenever emotions were running high inside him.
Louisa stared up at his noble, battle-scarred features that had been made harsh and forbidding by his anger. Any other time she would have thought him furious, but a flash of pain blazed in his eye before it hardened to the color of a shard of ice. But the way he'd just lashed out at her confirmed her belief that she'd touched a part of him he'd been trying desperately not to reveal to her or anyone—perhaps even himself.
"And if I cross that boundary? What will you do?" she asked defiantly. "Kiss me again? I hope you do. I find kissing you to be quite wonderful."
Ewan appeared stunned by her confession as he shook his head in angry disbelief. A brief instant later, he recovered. With the speed of a large predator, he took a giant step forward and bent slightly to press his body into her hips before lifting her up onto his shoulder like a sack of flour. Taken by surprise, Louisa gasped at his unexpected action. It took her several seconds to come to the realization that he intended to carry her out of his study.
"Put me down, Ewan," she said fiercely as she wiggled furiously against him in a futile attempt to escape. "Blast you, Argaty, put me down!"
Ewan ignored her demands and continued toward the study door. A moment later she heard his metal fingers clattering against the glass doorknob. From the sound of metal scraping against the round, faceted handle, he was having trouble maintaining a firm grip to open the door.
"Fuck," he snarled beneath his breath, but Louisa still heard the oath.
She gasped at the crude word and the ferocity with which he'd uttered it. The clatter of metal against a hard glass doorknob ended abruptly as she heard the door creak and swing open. Despite her ongoing attempts to wiggle free of his strong grasp, Ewan's fast, furious stride didn't falter as he carried her out of the wing that was his domain.
Her fist slammed into his back with outrage as she continued to command him to set her on her feet. As Ewan strode into the keep's main hall, Louisa heard someone gasp. She turned her head toward the sound and saw Mrs. Selkirk staring at them with her mouth gaping. A wave of humiliation swept through her, and Louisa wiggled harder against Ewan's strong arm holding her in place.
"Put me down this instant, Lord Argaty," she snapped. The moment she spoke, Ewan came to an abrupt halt and set her down in a hard, sharp motion. His expression dark and menacing, he leaned into her to glare at her coldly.
"Pack your things and leave, Mrs. Morehouse. Your services are no longer needed," he said in a soft, emphatic voice.
"What about Ross? Are you going to crush his spirit in the way you're trying to destroy mine?" Her heart ached as if a sharp blade had sliced through her chest. "It would be cruel to send him to school and you know it."
"Ross will survive," he said coldly as something undefinable flickered in his gaze. "Either you leave Argaty Keep by tomorrow morning of your own accord, or I'll carry you out of the keep myself."
Ewan's expression was an unyielding, stony facade as he stared down at her. The mouth that had teased and pleasured her only a few hours ago was now a hard, thin line of anger. A tremor rippled through her as she searched for some memory of the man who'd made love to her last night. He was nowhere to be found, and her heart sank.
Apparently satisfied with her silence, he wheeled around on the heel of his foot and walked away from her without another word. Dazed that she'd failed to break through his defenses, her vision became blurry as she watched him disappear from view. She'd lost. No, she'd given up. She'd failed to live up to the Rockwood family's battle cry of never admitting defeat
A shudder rippled through her. Had last night meant nothing to him? A small cry of pain lodged in her throat as defeat rolled over her in a wave of despair that threatened to send her crumpling to the floor. Louisa swayed unsteadily on her feet as she struggled not to collapse onto the carpet runner beneath her feet.
Suddenly remembering she wasn't alone, her watery gaze took in Mrs. Selkirk studying her in great dismay. Unable to bear the thought of the woman pitying her, Louisa bent her head to quickly wipe away the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. Forcing a small smile to her lips, she lifted her head in a proud tilt as she met the woman's troubled gaze.
"Mrs. Selkirk, would you please have Maggie and Hilda come to my rooms. His lordship has dismissed me, and I will need assistance packing my things as well as those of my children."
"Oh, lass, I'm sure Lord Argaty will come tae know he's wrong," the housekeeper said gently with a shake of her head. "Ye've performed a miracle with the young master. Surely his lordship will remember that when his anger subsides."
"No. Lord Argaty will not change his mind," Louisa said with quiet despair. "If you would please send Maggie and Hilda to my rooms immediately, I would be grateful. Also, if you would ask McCallum to send word to Callendar Abbey, someone will come to fetch us tomorrow morning."
" Callendar Abbey, Mrs. Morehouse?" The puzzlement in the woman's voice made Louisa stiffen as she remembered Ewan hadn't addressed her by her title a moment ago. Unwilling to try and explain, she nodded.
"Yes, my brother is staying with Lady Stewart," she said quietly. The housekeeper continued to eye her with increased confusion but didn't question her further.
"Of course, Mrs. Morehouse," Mrs. Selkirk said with obvious sadness. "I cannot tell you how sad I will be to see you and the children leave. Master Ross will be beside himself."
"Thank you," Louisa barely managed to choke out a response at the woman's mention of Ross.
Certain she was about to burst into tears, she bobbed her head sharply in the woman's direction. The only thing that kept her from sobbing as she hurried toward her rooms was pride. Pity was the last thing she wanted from anyone. She had more than enough of that on her own.
The moment she was behind the closed door of her bedroom, Louisa allowed the tears to flow steadily down her cheeks. How could she have failed so miserably? Ewan's expression had revealed nothing but cold condemnation as he'd turned and walked away from her. The man she'd given herself to last night had been replaced by a battle-scarred warrior filled with nothing but harsh anger and contempt. The Beast of Argaty Keep had returned even stronger than when she'd first arrived.
There was nothing left of the man who'd made love to her last night with equal amounts of fiery desire and tender, almost worshipful, caresses. She flinched at the memory. Had she simply convinced herself what they'd shared had held as much meaning for him as it had to her? The idea that she might have deceived herself about what had happened between them made Louisa draw in a sharp breath as the real truth seared her soul.
At dinner last night, she'd thought to convince herself she was only halfway in love with the man when in truth her feelings for Ewan ran deeper than she'd ever thought possible. Even when he'd shared her bed, she'd ignored how his every caress had made her heart swell with happiness. When she'd awoken this morning, she'd considered herself reckless as to how blatantly she'd offered herself to Ewan last night.
Now she understood it hadn't been reckless desire that had made her so bold. Without realizing it, h
er actions had been those of a woman giving her heart to a man. Now he intended to send her away. If last night had meant nothing more to him than a tumble, she'd lost far more than her self-respect. She'd given her heart freely only to have it flung back in her face in the most humiliating manner possible.
The sudden memory of his passionate kiss just before he'd dismissed her and ordered her out of his house filled her head. He'd held her so tightly against him only to shove her away. Surely her deception could not have changed things between them so quickly. No, she couldn't believe that. Every time he touched or kissed her was a silent confession of his feelings. He cared for her. She was certain of it.
Yet only moments ago, the Beast of Argaty had taken control of him once more. She'd accused Ewan of not facing his demons, and with the stubbornness of a hard-headed Scot, he'd denied the charges. The only explanation for the change was that he believed the Beast of Argaty had nothing to offer her, when all she wanted was his heart. Instead of facing the monsters inside him, he'd chosen to solve his problem by sending her away. Almost as cruel was his determination to send Ross away to school.
Louisa closed her eyes as her stomached lurched at the raw emotions assaulting her. What was she going to do? She'd failed to live up to the Rockwood family's battle cry of never admitting defeat. But that failure paled in comparison to her inability to capture the heart of the man she loved.
How could she help Ewan fight his demons if he refused to even acknowledge them? More tears pushed against her eyelids, before a soft knock penetrated her despair. Quickly pushing herself away from the support of the bedroom door, she blinked her tears away.
She refused to display anything but serene dignity until she was alone in her room at Callendar Abbey. There she would have the privacy to cry her heart out for what she had lost. Hurrying toward the armoire she took a brief moment to compose herself and opened the doors to the wardrobe.
"Come in."
"Good afternoon, Mrs. Morehouse. Mrs. Selkirk said ye needed help packing."
The recognizable sound of Maggie's voice made Louisa look over her shoulder. Standing beside her was Hilda, and both of them were eying her with avid curiosity. Behind them was Finn carrying one of her trunks. Word had spread fast about her departure. As Finn set her trunk down, Louisa thanked him then proceeded to direct Maggie to begin packing her dresses, while she led Hilda to Charlie's and William's room.
More than an hour later Louisa was bent over her portmanteau when Wallis MacCullaich walked through the open doorway of her room. Ewan's aunt had a look of great consternation on her face as she swiftly closed the distance between them.
"Mrs. Selkirk said you were leaving." The statement was more of a question, and Louisa jerked her head in a sharp nod of confirmation
"Lord Argaty has discovered I'm not quite the woman I presented myself to be when I first came to the keep." She drew in a sharp breath then released it as she remembered Ewan angrily addressing her as Lady Westbrook.
"Then he's learned you're the widow of a viscount," the older woman mused softly almost as if to herself. The remark made Louisa stare at Wallis in amazement.
"How did—"
"Young master William has a tendency to share things he shouldn't when he's distracted." Wallis said with a gentle smile as she waved her hand at Louisa's gasp of horror. "I've known since the second week your children arrived at the keep. Wills was watching me make a poultice for a nasty cut Finn had. The moment he revealed your secret, I swore I would remain silent."
"But why? Why didn't you tell Ew—Lord Argaty or the countess?"
"Because of Ross and the memory of another little boy." A look of deep sadness lined the woman's face before she eyed Louisa with a look of gratitude. "Ross is the happiest I've ever seen him, and even Ewan has begun to emerge from his tower. All of that is due solely to you. We both know Ewan would never have agreed to offer you the position of governess if he'd known the truth about your social standing. Your obvious affection for the boy convinced me to say nothing. I knew your heart was in the right place when it came to hiding who you really were."
Louisa stared at the woman for a moment as tears formed in the back of her throat. Unable to speak, she simply shook her head in disagreement and turned away to set her portmanteau with two trunks packed with her things.
"Give him a few hours until his anger has eased, Lady Westbrook. I'm certain we can persuade him to let you stay. My—Ewan received some disturbing news this morning that has unsettled him greatly."
"Is that why he's decided to send Ross away to school?" Louisa choked out as she stared down at the baggage that emphasized the reality of her departure.
"Ewan's sending Ross away?" Wallis gasped loudly, and Louisa turned to face the other woman who was pale with dismayed horror.
"Ew—Lord Argaty said he's leaving the keep and will not be back for some time."
"He mustn't do that," Wallis exclaimed softly with a look of anguish. "He needs to stay and fight."
"Fight?" Bewildered, Louisa stared at the older woman in confusion. With a dismissive shake of her head, Wallis reached out to squeeze Louisa's hand.
"I will not allow her to drive him away. I cannot. He's suffered enough already." The woman murmured to herself as a look of determination replaced the sadness on her face. "I will speak to him. I will try to persuade him to remain at Argaty Keep and not send Ross, or you, away."
Wallis squeezed Louisa's hand once more and gave her an encouraging look before she hurried out of the room. Confused by her cryptic words, Louisa stared after the woman in bemusement. As Wallis disappeared, a small spark of hope flared inside Louisa. If Ewan's aunt could change his mind about sending Ross away then he might let her stay, and remaining at Argaty Keep would give her time to fight for Ewan's heart.
The thought of staying made her gasp in dismay. She'd been so wrapped up in her own despair she'd completely forgotten about the boys. Louisa looked at the small watch pinned to her dress. The boys would have finished their riding lessons more than an hour ago, and she was certain that free of any supervision they'd be neck deep in mischief.
With a vicious shake of her head at having been so caught up in her own affairs, Louisa hurried out into the corridor in the direction of the schoolroom. The memory of Wills engrossed in his examination of Ewan's mechanical limb made her wince.
Louisa had repeatedly instructed her youngest not to question Ewan about his prosthesis simply to ensure Ewan wasn't made to feel as if he were a specimen for Wills to poke and prod. Ewan was as sensitive about his handicap as her sister Patience was of the scars she'd received in the fire at Westbrook Farms. He did his best to hide his artificial arm from her or others. His angry reaction at how difficult it was to open his study door emphasized his frustration.
Now she wondered if her efforts to curb her son's curiosity had done more harm than good. Did Ewan think she'd curbed Will's inquisitive nature because she found his injuries repulsive? Louisa dismissed the thought without blinking. No, last night she'd shown him that his injuries were of little consequence to her.
Yet it wasn't simply his handicap that troubled him. There were other demons buried deep inside him. Last night she'd been jerked out of sleep by Ewan crying out in horror while asleep. She'd only been able to imagine the terrible scenes provoking his low cries and mumbling of orders clearly given in battle. For several minutes, she'd gently stroked his head and whispered reassurances to him until he grew quiet. She wanted to help free him from those demons, but in sending her away he was refusing to let her.
As she reached the schoolroom door, she hesitated as she realized how difficult it would be to tell Ross that she and the boys were leaving tomorrow. At least she could break the news to Ross gently. In his current frame of mind, Ewan wouldn't think to take care with his words if he informed the child of his decision. As she entered the schoolroom, she saw the three boys crowded around one of the large maps she used for their geography lessons.
"Have
the three of you finished your schoolwork." Immediately the children whirled around at her soft inquiry.
"We finished what you gave us this morning, Mama."
Charlie's cheerful grin swiftly faded when her gaze focused on him, and she didn't smile in return. Aware that he was still in disgrace, Wills bowed his head.
"I am terribly sorry, Mama. I didn't mean to tell his lordship about us." The remorse in her son's voice made her wince. It would not take Wills long to believe he was the catalyst for their being sent away because he'd told Ewan he was the son of a viscount. The remorse he felt now would be multiplied many times over even though she knew none of it was his doing.
"Wills, Charlie, you may go straight down to dinner. I will speak with you afterward. Ross, I would like a word with you." The surprise on all their faces made Louisa flinch, but she maintained a serene expression. Slowly walking toward the door, Charlie stopped at Louisa's side.
"Are we leaving, Mama?" The whispered question startled her, and she jerked her gaze to meet her son's eyes that were so like his father's. Charlie grimaced slightly. She studied him quietly for a moment. It wasn't the first time she'd considered her oldest boy had the an dara sealladh. When he didn't expand on his intuitive question, Louisa bent over to kiss his forehead then gently pushed him in the direction of the door. As her children walked out of the schoolroom, Louisa's gaze fell on Ross.
The child was studying her with a small measure of dread on his face, and Louisa's heart twisted painfully in her chest at what her words would do to him. Quickly blinking back tears, she caught his hand in hers, and led him to the window seat that overlooked the moor where Ewan had rescued her from weeks ago. The light had faded as dusk settled over the landscape. It had been gloomy all day, and the emotions ravaging her were as bleak as the view from the window.