Willow blinks, looking at Mollie in shock. They’ve only been engaged a few weeks.
Mollie shrugs. “I can plan a year-long trip cross country, but navigating a wedding gives me the heebie-jeebies.”
Pepper snorts as Brooke turns her gaze to me. “And will you please come too, Ella? We’d love to pull you into our group of girls.”
I freeze, not knowing what to say. I can’t tell if they’re being nice because I happened to be sitting at the same table with Willow or being genuine. They’ve never made overtures toward me before—not throughout any part of last season before Jim and I split.
“It’s a recent thing,” Pepper explains, and my gaze moves to her. “Late last spring, when we were in the playoffs, we all sort of found out how much we have in common and like each other, so we started having little get-togethers.”
“And well,” Brooke takes over, reaching out and putting her hand over mine. “We didn’t know if we should approach you when you and Jim separated. We thought—maybe wrongly—that you’d want some space from the team.”
“But now that you and Jim are back together,” Pepper finishes the pitch. “We’d love to have you start hanging with us.”
“Oh, Jim and I aren’t back together,” I blurt out, then immediately want to clap my hand over my mouth. It’s none of their business what we are.
Or maybe I didn’t want to say that out loud as it might jinx us?
“Oh, you’re back together,” Willow says slyly, nodding her head.
“Well, what I mean is that we’re not sure it’s going to work permanently,” I explain.
“Jim sure looks like it is,” Willow challenges me, peering over at the table where he sits with Dominik and Dillon. All ladies turn to look that way, and Jim smiles back.
“Maybe what I should have said is I’m not sure it’s going to work permanently,” I admit in a small voice.
And just like that, the women all collectively pull their chairs in closer and lean in, sympathetic smiles on their faces, including Mollie and Clarke, who haven’t said much since I joined them.
“Tell us what’s going on,” Brooke prods me… her tone genuinely empathetic. “Sometimes, it helps to brainstorm things.
I consider this a moment. I’ve never had a close female friend to share things with. Jim has been my best friend since we first fell in love. It was one of the hardest things I had to adjust to when I asked him to leave… not having someone there to listen to me work through something.
And even though he has been listening very closely to me the last few weeks, it might be good to have another perspective.
“I’m scared,” I say bluntly, boiling my reservations in admitting we’re back together down into simple terms. “Everything is great right now, but what if he moves back home, gets complacent, and then I go through the whole heartbreaking process of separating again? It was so hard that first time. I wasn’t sure I’d survive it. But I did, and I don’t want to go through it again.”
Three women nod sagely, understanding my plight.
“I think I can talk a little bit about fear,” Clarke says, and all eyes go to her. “I had been burned badly in a past relationship, and I was terrified to let myself fall for Aaron. I was afraid of getting hurt again, and I was afraid to trust.”
“Clearly, you’re together now and very happy according to reports that reach my ears,” I reply with a grin. “So, what made you decide to go for it?”
“Simple, really.” She leans in like she has the biggest secret to tell. I slant in a little bit closer. “I realized I loved him, and the risk wasn’t in my trust being broken but in me living life without the man I loved. It was a no-brainer.”
“Hmm,” I say, jerking back slightly. That does seem pretty simple.
“Do you love Jim?” Mollie asks.
“Wholeheartedly,” I admit with no hesitation. “That never stopped, even when I asked him to leave.”
“Then you’re back together,” Willow says in that same self-assured tone she used on me only moments ago. “You just have to pull the trigger and accept it.”
“It’s food for thought,” I murmur, wondering if I should just go for it.
Maybe.
I’ll have to think about it.
“Well,” Willow says, slapping her hand on the table. “Since we’re here until Monday, count me in for brunch.”
When everyone looks my way, Brooke asks, “And you?”
Suddenly, I find myself wanting to become a part of this group of women. Within just moments, they managed to swing my guarded suspicions of their motivations. They gave me some clarity on my issues with Jim.
“I have to check with Lucy,” I reply. “It’s our day together.”
“Get Jim to hang with her,” Pepper suggests.
I shake my head. “It’s a game day. He has specific things he does from the moment he gets up, plus he’ll be heading to the arena possibly before we get back. Not that Lucy needs a babysitter. She’s fine to stay by herself. I just want to make sure it’s okay with her.”
“Make sure what’s okay with Lucy?” Jim’s voice comes from behind me, then he’s plopping in the chair beside me.
He smiles and nods his greeting to the group. “Ladies.”
“We want Ella to come to brunch with us Saturday to help plan Mollie’s wedding,” Clarke explains.
“I’ll hang with Lucy while you brunch,” Jim replies, his eyes coming back to me with an easy smile on his face.
I frown. “But it’s game day.”
Just like tomorrow is also a game day and I have no expectations at all that Jim will think to text, call, or send me flowers for the hell of it. I mean, even if he has been doing that the last few weeks, his pattern for years is to isolate and be one with the game all day. I’ve always given him that latitude.
“No problem,” Jim says, causing me to jerk my chin inward. “We’ll hang until it’s time to go to the arena. If you’re not done, I can bring Lucy with me. You can pick her up there.”
I’m speechless for a moment. Game days are the only times I gave Jim absolute impunity to ignore me in any way he deemed fit. He was in game mode from the moment he woke up, but now he’s going to hang with Lucy so I can go to brunch?
Taking my silence as acceptance, Jim grins and plants a kiss on my mouth. “There. It’s settled.”
“Awesome,” Pepper exclaims.
“But if you’ll excuse us,” Jim says gallantly, taking my hand and tugging me from my chair. “I want to take my wife on a Ferris wheel ride so we can see the city of Phoenix from the top and then make out.”
The women snicker, except for Willow. “Right on.”
And just like that, Jim once again proves he wants to be a different kind of husband and I’m left to ponder Clarke’s words, wondering if I shouldn’t just let go of my fears.
CHAPTER 14
Steele
Everyone’s dressed and ready to battle the L.A. Demons tonight. We can hear how loud the home crowd is from down here in the bowels of the arena, as this has become our biggest rival in the league. It all stemmed from just a little under a year ago when Tacker was goaded by one of the Demons’ players, Lars Nilsson, and lost his shit on the ice. He attacked Lars and rendered him unconscious, earning a ten-game suspension.
Shit like that happens all the time and fans don’t usually hold on to those things, but in this instance, it has spread far and wide that Lars was trying to provoke Tacker on the ice by callously talking about the plane crash that killed Tacker’s fiancée.
Tacker was piloting, so he suffered enormous guilt and wasn’t in a great frame of mind. Yeah… no one on the Vengeance minded the way he retaliated, even if it cost him and us a suspension.
Since then, Tacker has worked through his demons, found true love in a wonderful woman named Nora, and married her. He’s moved on, but everyone is anticipating that Lars Nilsson hasn’t. The few times we faced off with the L.A. Demons since Tacker’s suspension, he’s tried
to make a play for him, but our team closed ranks. Not because we thought Tacker would explode again or get suspended, but because the guy finally has peace and we want to keep it that way.
Coach is calling everyone into the main area of the locker room for a last-minute pep talk, and I bet Lars Nilsson will be a part of it.
Before I head that way, I grab my phone and send one last text message to Ella. She and I have been texting back and forth throughout the day, but I wanted to get a last word in.
Headed out for warmups. Just wanted you to know I love you. Call you after the game.
I don’t wait for her reply because I don’t have time. I put my phone in my cubby before joining the team. Doesn’t mean she’s still not partially on my mind, though. I have found in the last several weeks that she’s always on my mind, and I wonder why it wasn’t always like that. Had I become too complacent?
Regardless, she’s the most important thing to me, so it’s no wonder. Last night when we rode the Ferris wheel and it stopped for a good five minutes at the top because I slipped a hundred to the carnie, we didn’t make out like I had suggested. We talked about all the possibilities before us as we gazed out over the sparkling downtown. It seemed as if we were husband and wife again, and I’ve held onto that feeling… keeping it tucked in tight to me because it makes me feel ten feet tall.
“Okay, guys… gather around,” Coach Perron says. When everyone is settled, he says, “This is a tough team and our biggest rival. The crowd noise and energy are going to be insane. They’ll want to see us fight tooth and nail. And as I’m sure you all know, Lars Nilsson will employ his usual tactics, probably directly against Tacker.”
Coach pauses to run his gaze across his players. “Do not engage him. Don’t take a stupid penalty. Play your game and ignore him. However, because he’s like a buzzing gnat that often just won’t go away, you let Dahlbeck and Wylde deal with him. That’s particularly so if he goes for Tacker.”
Erik and Aaron give grinning nods to each other. Coach just gave them tacit permission to drop the gloves with the asshole if they feel it’s necessary. I’m quite sure they are both hoping Nilsson will make a stupid move.
But the rest of the coach’s advice is solid. No need to get embroiled in petty revenge out there. For example, Tacker can hold his own against Nilsson as he’s proved already by beating the guy’s ass once. But he’s probably our best player. Heading into a year where we are defending Cup champions, we need to play smart at all times. I know Tacker won’t lose his cool because Nora has mellowed him out in ways I didn’t know a man could be, and the rest of the team will follow suit because he’s our most veteran player.
The coach offers a few more remarks. Afterward, as a team, we file out toward the ice. Rock music blares as we get closer, and my blood seems to hum. It’s a rush I get every time before we step out onto the ice.
When the gate opens and the first Vengeance player—that would be Bishop—glides through, the crowd goes berserk. Yeah, these fans are rowdy because we’re playing the Demons tonight, and their energy will be like an extra man on the ice.
I’m pumped and ready to kill it.
♦
It’s late by the time I shower after the game and leave the arena. We took the Demons down 5-2. Unbelievably, Lars Nilsson was strangely well behaved. Perhaps he knew if he made a move, it would only increase the fury of the fans, or maybe he knew Erik and Aaron were ready to take it to him.
Regardless, he played his usual shoving style with some generic taunts, but I’m guessing his beef with Tacker is over. Hell, for all I know, the guy grew a conscience, but I really couldn’t care less. He’s not worth my time.
What I am thinking about as I cross the player parking lot is Ella. She and Lucy didn’t come to the game as it was not only a school night, but Lucy also had a science project she had to work on.
I promised Ella I’d call her when I got to my place, and it’s killing me that I have to go there rather than home to my wife and daughter. Regardless, I’m committed to walking this journey at Ella’s pace and not insisting on anything faster.
However, I find myself not being able to wait until I make the almost twenty-five-minute drive home, so I call her as soon as I pull out of the parking lot.
She answers with, “You played awesome tonight, Jim.”
It’s a compliment many people told me in the locker room, and my stats bear it out. I had a goal and an assist.
But hearing it from Ella, well, that produces an entirely different feeling. It hurt when I lost her as not only a wife but also as my number-one fan. Hearing the enthusiasm in her voice only makes me more determined to get her back and to be a better man.
We chat about the game for a few minutes, then she asks, “How’s Dax doing?”
Late in the third period, Dax had a breakaway and got hooked from behind. He went sprawling to the ice. It didn’t seem like a bad fall, but he’d popped up while rubbing at his right shoulder. It didn’t seem bad as he went back out on his regular line change, but I could tell he was favoring it.
It was subtle, though. I’m sure the only way Ella knows something is wrong was because the announcers were talking about it.
“I think it’s just bruised,” I say, which was the latest word before I left the arena.
“That’s good.” She sighs in relief. “The fall looked bad on TV.”
I chuckle. “Let me guess—they replayed it over and over again in slow-mo?”
“Four times,” she exclaims, and I guess it always looks worse in slow motion, “but you could see he came straight down on it so hard he bounced off the ice a bit.”
“Ouch,” I grimace. In regular time, you sure as hell couldn’t see that. “Well, he seemed okay. Was moving it around all right in the training room when I left.”
“That’s good,” she replies brightly. “I was really worried.”
Not just my fan, but a fan of the team, and that also makes me feel great. As if she’s returning to the fold.
I change subjects. “Did Lucy get her project done tonight?”
“She did,” Ella says. “And cleaned the kitchen without being asked after dinner, and took excellent care of Brody. Although I went and checked on her a bit ago, and Brody was asleep in bed with her.”
Chuckling, I try to envision how sweet a picture that must have been. “Did you put him back in his kennel?”
“Nah,” she replies, and I can hear the smile in her voice. “Figured she’d wake up at some point and move him back.”
“She’s done well with him,” I remark. It’s been almost a week since he’s been in her care, and she’s done everything that has been asked of her. She’s been responsible for his feedings and potty training. She’s even gotten up in the middle of the night if he started whining, taking him out to do his business. He’s yet to piddle or shit in either house, and that’s because Lucy has been super diligent.
“One more week, and he has to be returned.” Ella’s tone is thoughtful and a bit sad. “I’m not sure I’m ready to deal with her heartbreak. She’s become so attached to him.”
“The downside of fostering,” I reply. “I guess we need to think about what we’re going to do. I mean… in my mind, it’s a no brainer. We should get her a dog. She’s earned it.”
“I agree,” Ella says brightly. “As long as you’re okay with it. You’re the one with the allergies.”
“It hasn’t been bad as long as I take the medicine, and I don’t do a lot of cuddling with him.”
“Should we go ahead and tell her?” Ella asks. “Maybe to help soften the blow a little when it comes time to take Brody back to the service dog organization.”
“I think that’s a good idea. Let’s start looking. Maybe a lab or a golden retriever.”
“She’ll be thrilled.” Ella remains silent for a moment, and then hesitantly asks, “You have anything going on tomorrow?”
It’s a non-game and non-travel day, which usually means mostly free time. I get
a thrill running through me that my wife is asking about my plans for the day. “Going to do a workout in the morning, but no team meetings or anything.”
“So I was thinking,” she drawls, again with a bit of hesitancy in her voice. “That maybe I’d take a sick day, and you and I could go do something together.”
I start to open my mouth to tell her I fucking love that idea, but she talks over me. “Let me clarify… let’s go do something you want to do—hiking perhaps? Maybe we can rent a pontoon boat and take it out on the lake. You’re the outdoorsy dude, and I’m willing to get outdoorsy with you.”
For a moment, I don’t know what to say. Ella is taking the initiative to spend time with me—taking a day off from work to do so—and her offer to do something that I like only speaks to her desire to quid pro quo me. It means, without her having to come out and say it, that she’s appreciated my efforts and is wanting to give back to me.
The way a marriage should work.
The way a partnership should function.
It sounds to me like things might be healing. Perhaps she’s now ready to put in her own effort, and I couldn’t love her more for it.
Coughing, I clear the emotion out of my throat. “I think that sounds awesome. Pick you up about ten?”
“Sounds perfect,” she replies. “I’ll even pack us a lunch. A healthy one at that.”
“It’s a date then,” I murmur. “And I can’t wait to spend the day with you.”
“Same,” she replies softly and while the word seems simple and probably not consequential enough, the tone is what reaches my heart.
I think it says she’s ready to make a go of us.
CHAPTER 15
Ella
I take my time with my makeup. It’s projected to be a beautiful day in the mid-seventies but despite mild weather, I expect there will be sweating involved during our hike. Even so, I want to look pretty for him when he shows up. I keep it light, no foundation, but mainly concentrate on my eyes with lots of waterproof mascara and some peach lip gloss. I even curled my hair despite the fact it was going straight up, but my ponytail will look awesome.
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