by G. R. Lyons
Zac shrugged. “Maybe he was hoping you'd stop?”
Ryley groaned. He should have stopped. Gods, why did he have to be this way?
“You wanna go check out the lounge?” Zac asked. “Maybe get set up early?”
Ryley shook his head, pushing off the railing. He needed not to think. He needed to get out of his head for a little while, clear his thoughts before he had to face the stage with Vic.
“I'm gonna go for a run,” he said.
Zac gave him a nod, and Ryley headed straight back to their bunk to get changed. There was no sign of Vic, so he had the room to himself. Stripping off his t-shirt—this one showing two bass clefs in a 69 position next to the words 'Musicians do it on time'—and cargo pants, he pulled on his gym shorts and running shoes instead. It was plenty warm enough out on deck that he could do without a shirt, thank gods. The less stifled he could feel, the better.
Ryley found the running track up on the leisure deck and did a few stretches and warm-up exercises before he took off, not bothering to regulate his speed or his breathing. He just needed to move. His shoes slapped the track frantically as he ran, the speed making him gasp for air as he tried to simply escape his thoughts. He passed someone else on the track, but didn't pay the guy much attention except to warn him that he was coming up to pass, panting out the words.
After a few laps, Ryley slowed down to a jog to catch his breath. Once he felt like he wasn't on the verge of passing out, he worked back up to his usual pace, running steadily like he would out on the streets at home, his breaths coming rhythmically and evenly, timing them to his steps.
The other guy came up alongside him. Ryley glanced over and almost tripped. The guy was stunning. Total gym body. Ryley cursed and looked away. He did not need to be getting hard in those flimsy running shorts he was wearing, and especially after everything that had happened. Berating himself as an asshole for cheating on Vic one minute, and then lusting after yet another stranger the next? Not cool, Ry.
Then the guy flashed him a grin and a wink. Shit. Busted. Ryley stumbled and slowed, and the guy paced him until Ryley peeled off and went over to the railing, grabbing the bar firmly with both hands while he tried to focus on stretching his calves.
The guy stopped right beside Ryley, that cocky grin even more perfect up close. “Hey.”
“Hey,” Ryley said, angling away. His traitorous body was not doing him any favors.
The guy blatantly glanced down and gave Ryley a smirk. “Here with anyone?”
Yes, say yes– “Just some friends,” he blurted out.
The gorgeous stranger's grin widened, and he nodded his head to one side in question.
No. No, Ry. Say no. He nodded, his whole body throbbing with need even though his head kept telling him to walk away.
He followed the guy back to his room.
Chapter 7
RYLEY GOT back to Treble's room, shuffled inside, and slumped against the door.
“Good run?” Zac asked. He was sitting on one of the bunk beds, tuning his violin.
Vic wasn't there.
Ryley stumbled over to his own bed and threw himself down on it.
“What the fuck is wrong with me?”
Zac raised his eyebrows. “Still?”
Ryley grimaced and shook his head. “I just…” He waved at the door.
Zac frowned at him for a moment, then his eyes went wide. “Oh.” He barked a laugh. “Fuck, Ry, you're hopeless.”
Ryley groaned. “Tell me about it.” He shook his head. “Maybe I'm just wired wrong. Maybe I'm not cut out to be in a relationship.”
“Not cut out?” Zac laughed. “Dude, you were with Vic for how long?”
“Six years,” Ryley mumbled.
“Exactly.”
“And I cheated on him for two. Well, three, technically.” Ryley cringed. “I did it once, then felt super guilty, promised myself I'd never do it again…then I did, several months later, and after that it sort of became a regular thing.”
“Shit, man.”
Ryley nodded. “Maybe I'm just meant to be single, you know? Just fool around, no attachments…”
Zac was silent for so long that Ryley finally turned his head to look at him.
“Can I tell you something?” Zac asked.
Ryley grimaced. “Alright…” he said slowly.
“You and Vic were wrong for each other,” Zac said. Ryley propped himself up on his elbows, ready to protest, but Zac held up a hand. “Yeah, I know you guys loved each other, but I really don't think you were meant to be.” Zac sighed. “Ry, look: Someday, you're gonna meet someone who's just right for you. He'll be just your type, he'll treat you right, he'll give you amazing sex. No, he won't be perfect, but he'll be perfect for you. Vic wasn't. I don't know why, exactly, but he wasn't. And you weren't perfect for him.”
“Why, though?” Ryley blurted out. “I mean, we were together for six years. How could we be together that long and not know we weren't a good fit?”
Zac shrugged. “It happens. Some people stay together for twenty years before they realize it isn't working. Maybe they fell out of love. Or finally stopped lying to themselves or each other about what they really wanted.”
Ryley eyed Zac sideways. “Says the man who's in the first official relationship of his life.”
Zac grinned. “And only,” he insisted.
Ryley shook his head. “I thought Vic was my only. But I screwed it up.” He shifted on the bed, wincing when he felt the residual ache from the anonymous fuck he'd just gotten. Ryley groaned again. “Gods, what is wrong with me? Here I am, wanting to get back together with Vic, and I go run off and hook up with the first guy who looks my way?”
Zac shrugged. “Understandable. There's a void in your life where Vic used to be. You're lonely. You're craving touch. You're just rebounding, Ry. It's totally normal.”
Ryley sighed and slumped back on the bed. “Yeah? What would you know about rebounding?” He breathed a laugh, showing Zac it was a joke rather than accusatory.
Zac chuckled. “Hey, Ade and I were broken up for a while. I was sorely tempted for some human contact while we were apart.”
Ryley looked over at him, studying his face. “So why didn't you?” he asked, knowing it was true.
Zac shrugged. “I missed him too much, and I couldn't bear the thought of it. Well, it didn't help that I was still too fucking chickenshit to tell anyone I was gay, which meant I couldn't imagine setting foot inside a gay club to even look for a hookup. Of course, that was exactly why Ade and I were apart. I was afraid to acknowledge him. Then I realized he was more important to me than staying in the closet. So important that I couldn't fathom touching anyone else ever again, not even when we were apart and I could have gotten away with it.”
Ryley sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “I want that,” he whispered.
“And, someday, you'll get it. I'm telling you, Ry, Vic wasn't right for you. I love the guy, but I don't think you two were meant to last. But someday? Someday, you'll meet the guy who takes your breath away. The guy who blows your mind. Someone who makes you feel alive in ways you didn't even realize you were missing.”
Ryley looked over at Zac, cocking an eyebrow as he gestured with a pointed finger. “Babe, I hate to tell you this, but that speech and those clothes just clash on so many levels.”
Zac barked a laugh, pushing his long, dark hair out of his face before bracing his elbows on his knees, his studded wrist cuffs resting near the rips in his tight, black jeans. “What can I say? Being with Ade made me a bit sappy.” He grinned, fingering the blue collar around his throat. “I can't help it. Gods, I love that man.”
Ryley managed a smile. “I'm happy for you guys.”
Zac grinned. “Thanks.” He paused, then added, “You'll find someone, Ry. When you least expect it, some amazing guy is going to appear right in front of you and sweep you off your feet.”
Ryley snorted. “Right. Because I'm a bottom, I must be the damsel in need of
rescuing?”
Zac laughed and shrugged. “Why not? Nothing wrong with that.”
“I think I'd rather some guy go all cave-man on me and haul me off to bed,” Ryley muttered.
“Mmmm, like Ade does to me– Oh. Um…Speaking of Adrian and bed…”
“Dude, I really don't wanna know,” Ryley said, chuckling.
“No, not that.” Zac leaned forward, his expression serious. “You're rooming with me when we get to Erostil.”
Ryley sat up. “What? Why?”
Zac grimaced. “You and Vic were still together when the agent booked the suite, so there's only two bedrooms.” He paused, giving Ryley a second to work out the problem. Ryley was supposed to have shared a bed with Vic, but now they couldn't. “So I figure Vic can have one room and you and I can share the other. Unless you want me to share with Vic.”
Ryley cringed. “Maybe I'll just sleep on the couch.”
“Dude, don't do that. I've seen pictures of the beds. They're big enough–”
“No, I mean…what about Adrian?”
“What about him?”
Ryley blinked. “Aren't you worried he'll find out and suspect something?”
Zac snorted, then threw his head back and laughed. “Seriously? It was his idea.”
“It was?”
Zac nodded. “He suggested I share with one of you guys so you two weren't stuck having to sleep together. And when I asked him if he was really alright with that? He laughed.”
Then it was Ryley's turn to laugh. “He did?”
“Yep. He knows I love him. And, besides…dude, you're like my brother. Ewww.”
Ryley shuddered. “Ugh, yeah.” Ryley had joked about them hooking up when Zac first came out, but that was definitely where that idea ended. He shook his head, then suggested, “Maybe you should share with Vic, though.”
“Why's that?”
“I have nightmares,” Ryley mumbled.
Zac shrugged. “I know. So what? Dude, we've been friends for years. We have crashed at each other's places enough that I've seen them. Besides, I'm a pretty heavy sleeper. Won't be a problem.”
“If you're sure.”
“Yeah, totally. Now…” Zac rose. “Would you please go take a shower so we can get to sound check?”
Ryley rolled his eyes and got up. “Yes, Dad.” He squeezed past Zac and headed for the washroom.
“Hey, Ry?”
“Yeah?”
“It's gonna all work out. I promise.”
Ryley gave him a nod and shut the door, leaning back against it with a sigh.
Gods, this trip could not be over fast enough.
* * *
RYLEY GASPED awake and tumbled out of bed. He sucked in a breath and looked around, blinking hard while he tried to resolve shapes in the dark room, still coming out of the nightmare.
Erostil. The hotel. Right. Ryley gulped in air and glanced at the bed. Zac slept right through it, as usual, thank gods. Getting shakily to his feet, Ryley tiptoed out of the room and quietly shut the door before the bedroom light, already flickering, could come fully to life.
Breathe, Ry. Inhale, one. Exhale, two. Inhale, three.
“Ry?”
Ryley gasped and whirled around. Vic was in the suite's tiny kitchen, just barely visible in the moonlight that came through the windows.
Vic set aside a glass and took a few steps closer. “You alright?” he whispered.
“Yeah, of course,” Ryley said, giving a careless wave of his hand. “Just fine.”
Vic gave him a look, which quickly softened. “The nightmare?”
Ryley hesitated, hoping he could play it off like it was nothing. Maybe Vic would just go back to bed, and Ryley could be alone to pace the room until he was calm enough to do the same.
But he missed Vic's comforting presence.
Ryley nodded, hugging himself.
Vic sighed. “Come here.”
“What?”
“Just come here.”
Ryley whimpered, and dove into Vic's arms. He got wrapped up tight against that wonderful, familiar body, and let out a sigh of his own.
Gods, he missed this.
“It's alright, Ry,” Vic murmured. “Just a nightmare.”
Ryley nodded.
Vic held him like that in silence for several minutes. It had to be awkward for him, but he didn't move so much as an inch in an effort to get away.
Ryley clung to him, wanting to hold on as long as he could.
“I miss you,” he blurted out.
Vic didn't say anything.
Ryley waited, but when another few minutes had passed, and Vic continued silent, Ryley sighed again and pulled back, gently forcing himself out of Vic's grasp.
“Sorry,” he mumbled. “I should…Um…Yeah. We should go to bed. Not together,” he rushed to add. “I mean…you know, back to our own beds. We should get some sleep. Yeah. That's what I meant.”
Vic gave him a look of concern, then nodded and turned away, heading off to his room. Without so much as a backwards glance, Vic shut the door, leaving Ryley alone in the dark with his own stupidity. He threw himself on the couch rather than going back to bed, and slept fitfully for another few hours, getting up again when the suns rose, bringing Vic and Zac out of their rooms.
They'd finished their mini tour, and Zac was heading home that day. Ryley had no idea how well they'd performed. The whole experience was a bit of a blur. He vaguely remembered audiences cheering, and words of praise from the Vortex Records agent traveling with them, but he couldn't recall much else about performing other than the uncomfortable awareness that Vic was there, making music with him, expressing a passion together that would no longer spill over into their lives offstage.
And now, with Zac leaving, they wouldn't have him there as a buffer. They'd have to actually interact. Work together. Ryley took a deep breath, bracing himself. They had a case to solve, after all. A body to find. He let out the breath in a whoosh. It was work. The same thing he did every day. He was good at this. He could do this. He could be a professional and treat Vic like nothing more than a colleague.
Right?
Standing on the docks, they waved at Zac as he leaned over the ship's railing, the cruise liner slowly shrinking into the distance. Even when Zac was out of sight, they kept standing there, not saying anything.
Ryley cleared his throat. “We should…probably get to work?”
Vic looked down at him, and gave a tight nod.
They went back to the hotel, and Vic started setting up at the dining table without a word, pulling his laptop and files out of his briefcase and laying them out in his usual neat, orderly fashion.
Ryley took a chair and waited. They were working under the hope that this was a missing-person case, not a remains recovery, so he was going to let Vic take point. And if that meant letting the man get organized, so be it.
Even if it did give him several, agonizing minutes of just sitting there, trying not to stare at the man he'd lost.
“We'll work faster if we split up,” Vic suddenly said, breaking the silence. Ryley blinked and tried to mentally switch gears, sitting forward and looking as attentive as he could. “I made a list of the preliminary interviews we need to conduct or locations we need to find.” He set a slip of paper on the table in front of Ryley. “You start with those, and I'll check these,” he said, waving another slip. Then Vic reached for his laptop and opened the company's genetics software. He logged in, the connection slower than usual since they were getting a signal directly off a satellite rather than the local hubs they were used to back home.
They'd tried connecting to one of Erostil's web servers when they first arrived, and had that ever been a mistake. Waiting for a signal to ping from a satellite all the way out in the Void and connect them to the server on Agoran was actually faster than trying to use any of the wired connections to be found on the tropical Isle.
But at least their phones and computers still worked, slow though they might be.
/>
Finally, Vic was logged in. Ryley had only used this particular program once. They'd found a body burned beyond recognition, and had to use DNA samples, old photos, and time progression software to determine what the man looked like when he died. Ryley watched as Vic opened the Arden case file and selected a menu option.
A screen popped up, showing a genealogy chart with a few photographs in place.
Under Subject, there was a picture of a twelve-year-old boy.
Ryley cringed. “That the kid?”
Vic gave a tight nod.
“Gods,” Ryley whispered as a shudder ran through him. He pressed a hand to his chest, feeling that odd pulse there. Inhale, one. The pulse faded. “Poor little guy.”
Vic nodded again, focused on the screen as he clicked around. Ryley had to look away. Seeing that picture was almost enough to make him sick.
A kid missing. Lost, and alone. With any luck, somewhere out there in the world—because that would mean he wasn't dead—but probably scared to all seven hells from not knowing why his family hadn't found him yet.
How the hells did Vic do it? Ryley glanced at the man, seeing the look of utter concentration on Vic's face, and shook his head. Vic had to face these kids, day after day, and somehow manage to hold it together. Ryley couldn't have done it, that was for damned sure. Having to see the pain and fear in a little kid's eyes, and then the utter relief on his face at finally being found?
Ryley hugged himself and hunched forward, breathing slowly and trying not to be sick. He'd rather deal with a dead body any day.
“Alright,” Vic murmured, breaking the silence again. He clicked a button and sat back, then gestured at the screen. “We've got a picture of the kid, and his parents–”
“Where'd you get those?” Ryley asked with a laugh.
Vic shrugged. “They're socialites. Their pictures are all over the web.”
Ryley gave him a sideways glance. “Isn't that technically cheating?”
Vic shrugged, but Ryley caught the twitch at the corner of his mouth, like he was trying not to smile. “And we've got a picture of his uncle, but that's about it. So, if this thing is accurate,” he said, then paused before he added, “and Asher Arden is still alive, he should look something like…”