by G. R. Lyons
Vic spotted him and stood. “Asher! Good to see you–” He paused, giving Asher a once-over as Asher took the last few steps toward Vic's desk and shook his offered hand. “You're limping.”
Asher waved it off. “It's nothing.”
Vic seemed to accept that, and asked, “How have you been? I'm so sorry I've–”
“Hey, don't worry about it. You did so much for me, and–” Asher broke off, unsure of what else to say. He couldn't admit that Ryley had told him about Cam, and he didn't want to remind Vic that he'd witnessed Vic's breakdown when Vic had gotten that phone call. Not that Vic could probably help thinking of it anyway.
Vic cleared his throat as the silence stretched toward awkward. “What can I do for you?” He gestured at the chairs across from his desk, and Asher gingerly sat.
“I was wondering,” Asher began. “I found out Ryley's birthday is coming up and–”
“No.” Vic waved a hand dismissively. “Let me stop you right there.”
Asher frowned. “What?”
Vic glanced at Ryley's empty desk, clearly thinking something over, then sighed and met Asher's eyes. “Ryley doesn't celebrate his birthday. He never has.”
“Never?” Asher shook his head. “How is that possible?”
Vic shrugged, but it almost looked forced, as though he were putting on an act. “It's just not something he does. And if anyone does acknowledge it, he gets upset. My advice, when the day comes, would be for you to pretend it's just any other day.”
Asher stared at him. “You know something.”
Vic didn't say anything.
Asher sighed and sat forward. “Vic, look. I know you and Ryley have a history, and I can't begin to imagine how uncomfortable this must be for you–”
Vic held up a hand. “It's nothing to do with that.” Vic lowered his hand, lacing his fingers together on his desk, and sighed. “It's complicated, and a long story. Just…trust me when I say that you'd be better off pretending Ryley doesn't even have a birthday. It's for the best, believe me.” He paused again, then added, “He's not ready.”
“Not ready for what?”
Vic shook his head. “I can't tell you. Not yet. It wouldn't be fair to him. He needs to figure it out first.”
Asher didn't like the sound of that, but he supposed Vic had a point. If there was something about Ryley's life that Ryley himself had yet to come to terms with, it wouldn't be fair for other people to have knowledge of it before he did. Not that it lessened his curiosity one bit.
Although, it did make a twinge of guilt run through him.
“He told me about Cam,” Asher blurted out. Vic's eyebrows went up, and he sat back, staring at him. Asher sighed. “I'm sorry. I know it's none of my business. He just…He wanted me to understand what you were going through, that's all. I swear, I won't say a word to anyone,” he rushed to add. “And…Gods, Vic, I am so sorry.”
Vic looked away, swallowed hard, nodded, then looked at him again. “Thank you. It's…getting easier, but…” He trailed off and shook his head.
Asher chewed his lip, trying to think of something to say, then decided it was probably best if he just left. He was disturbing Vic at work, after all, and now he'd gone and brought up painful memories for the man. Asher rose slowly from the chair.
“I should let you get back to work.”
Vic snapped out of his thoughts, blinked at Asher, then stood. “Right. Well.” Vic offered his hand, and as soon as Asher managed to straighten up, he shook it. “Please let me know if you ever need anything. You or your uncle. I'd be happy to help.”
“Thanks,” Asher said, shifting his stance and wincing when a stab of pain shot through his hip.
Vic frowned. “Are you sure you're alright?”
Asher nodded, then glanced around quickly and lowered his voice. “Please don't tell Ryley.”
Vic raised an eyebrow.
“I just don't want him to worry,” Asher went on.
Vic looked about to argue, but then he snapped his mouth shut and gave a nod. The man couldn't very well betray Asher to Ryley when he'd just gotten through explaining why he couldn't betray Ryley to Asher.
They said their goodbyes, and Asher went back to the reception area to wait for Ryley so they could go on their lunch date, forcing himself not to let his face reflect any sign of pain.
Chapter 16
RYLEY WOKE the day after his birthday and breathed a sigh of relief. Another year gone by without anyone acknowledging the day. Just how he liked it.
The nightmares had gotten worse, of course. They always did around that time of year, and he had no idea why, but he'd learned to expect it. Now, though, the day was behind him. With any luck, he could move on and have a slight reprieve from the tormenting images of dark figures and blood.
He couldn't be entirely at ease, though. Asher was getting worse. Sure, the man was trying desperately to hide the fact that he was in pain, but Ryley saw. He noticed every little wince of pain that Asher tried to mask, heard every sharp intake of breath when the man moved the wrong way. Ryley was itching to drag the man to a doctor, but every time he asked Asher about it, the man insisted he was fine.
Going against every fiber of his being, he'd even tried to stop having sex with Asher since that always seemed to make it worse, but Asher always managed to tease and arouse him until he couldn't resist any longer, and with each passing day, they still fell into bed naked more often than not. Incredible as the sex was, Ryley was having a damned hard time saying no, but each time he saw Asher suffering, he knew something was going to have to change.
The really weird thing, though, was that Asher got worse every time Ryley had a nightmare, too.
Ryley couldn't make sense of it, but he had absolutely no way to explain it. Until he could convince Asher to go see a doctor, they'd be entirely without answers, and that was assuming there were even answers to be had.
It just didn't add up.
They wound up with a long weekend when Ryley suddenly found himself without any cases or contracts to work on, so Asher went to stay with Ryley, and they spent the days being totally lazy, curled up on the couch and watching films or making out in bed, not bothering to get up except to eat. Ryley woke Asher with a blowjob—that was the only sexual activity that never seemed to cause a problem—but otherwise tried to keep things pretty tame. The last thing he wanted was to spoil the weekend by seeing Asher suffer.
But Ryley's resistance was weakening. Every time Asher touched him or just looked at him a certain way, he found himself on the verge of begging Asher to fuck him, right then and there.
They were curled up on the couch, watching a film while Asher teased him with soft, lingering touches, and Ryley was just about to snap and give in to temptation when his mobile rang.
Fuck. Thank gods. He took a deep breath to compose himself, then got up and answered the call.
“Hello?”
“Dude,” Zac replied. “Jam session. Get your ass over here.”
Asher glanced up at Ryley with a questioning look. Ryley chuckled and rolled his eyes, throwing himself back down on the couch at Asher's side. “Zac, I'm kinda in the middle of something.”
“Man, come on. We haven't played in weeks.”
Asher's eyebrows went up, and he mouthed, “You haven't?”
Ryley grimaced, shaking his head.
“Besides,” Zac went on, “Vic's already here.”
Ryley blinked. “He is?”
“Yeah. Jam session was his idea. So, you coming?”
Ryley slowly shook his head. “Zac–” Asher held up a hand. “Zac, hang on.” Ryley covered the mouthpiece and looked at Asher. “What?”
“I've never heard you play.”
Ryley frowned. “You haven't?”
Asher shook his head. “Can we go?”
Ryley stared at him for a moment. “You want to go?”
“Yeah. You talked about your music all the time when we first met, but I've never actually seen you play.”
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��Huh.” Ryley blinked, then shrugged. If it meant putting off any chance of intimacy—and another chance of Asher suffering more pain—he'd take it. He put the phone back to his ear. “Hey, Zac, would it be alright with Adrian if Asher came along?”
“Hang on, let me ask him.”
“Adrian?” Asher whispered.
“Zac's boyfriend. He's super shy.”
“Ah.”
Zac came back on the line: “Yeah, he's cool with it.”
“Alright. I guess we'll be right there.”
They rang off, and Asher followed Ryley to his room so they could change into proper clothes. They climbed into Ryley's car, and Ryley selected Zac's address on the nav screen, sitting back while the car did the driving.
“I don't know how it is you haven't met Zac yet,” Ryley said.
“Well, we have kinda been wrapped up in our own little world,” Asher pointed out, reaching over to rest his hand on Ryley's leg.
Ryley chuckled. “Yeah, I guess we have.” He paused, shaking his head. “So, Zac looks really intimidating at first, but he's a total romantic softy since he's been with Adrian,” Ryley told Asher, who nodded along. “And Adrian…Like I said, he's super shy. He's got some sort of extreme anxiety disorder, so he doesn't like being around people too much. He might come off as cold or standoffish, but it's nothing against you. It's just…his way of keeping himself together. Actually, his dad disowned him, too, after he came out—not quite as violently as yours did, but still—so you'll have something in common.”
Asher cringed. “Alright.”
“Hey.” Ryley gave Asher's hand a squeeze. “We don't have to go if you don't want–”
“No, I'm fine. I just feel bad for the guy.”
Ryley gave him a half smile. “Hey, maybe you two will be friends.”
Asher smiled back.
They were silent for a while, until Asher suddenly asked, “Wait, you were all on Erostil for some music thing, right? Before you came looking for me, I mean.”
“Oh. Yeah. Just a little mini tour.”
Asher watched him, an expectant look on his face. “So?” he asked. “What happened?”
Ryley shrugged. “It didn't take.”
“Oh. I'm sorry.”
“Eh, it's no big deal, really,” Ryley said, shrugging again. “We got a call about a week after we got back. The agent said the gigs didn't show as much of a return as they were hoping for.” He laughed. “Not like we play mainstream music, so it doesn't really surprise me. Zac was really hoping for the big break, though. I mean, yeah, Vic and I love to play, but Zac's the real musician at heart. It's all he wants to do. And now we don't even have our old gig anymore.”
“What old gig?”
“We used to play every other week at Underground. It's this fancy lounge. Adrian's dad owns it, actually. The guy was probably looking for any excuse to cut us out of there. And while we were out of town, he booked another act in our place, and we haven't gotten around to looking for another venue yet. Just been too busy, I guess.”
Asher frowned and looked out the window, seemingly deep in thought.
The car slowed to a stop. Ryley patted Asher's hand.
“Come on. We're here.”
Asher gave him a smile, and Ryley led him into the house.
* * *
ASHER SAT near Adrian as they both watched Treble play. Well, Asher mostly watched Ryley play, and he was pretty sure Adrian was mostly focused on Zac. Asher couldn't make sense of that pair. Adrian was about as contained as a person could be, sitting there stiffly, wearing a sweater vest over a dress shirt and perfectly pressed slacks, while Zac looked like every wild, intimidating punk Asher had ever seen. The torn, black clothes, the studded accessories, the dark eye makeup. Zac was barely an inch shorter than Asher, but he had so much presence, despite his slender frame, that he seemed bigger. Considering Asher still had days when he felt twelve years old, his first impression of the guy was scary as all seven hells.
The guy had grown on Asher a bit as he'd watched him interact with Adrian, but the look was hard to get past.
None of that took away from the enjoyment of the experience, though. Asher was definitely focused on Ryley, but the group as a whole were really amazing.
The first few pieces they played were a bit rusty. Ryley had said they hadn't played together since the tour, and it showed, but once they hit their stride, the passion and energy defied description. It wasn't even Asher's kind of music, but he loved it. These guys really knew how to weave a piece of music into pure magic.
He didn't care what Ryley said. The man was clearly in his element, strutting about, grinning, playing his violin like it was the last thing he'd ever get to do. If he'd thought Ryley was beautiful in bed, that was nothing compared to this.
And it just made him want Ryley more.
It was absolutely tragic that these guys weren't up on a stage, performing for hundreds of fans. That was clearly where they belonged. Between songs, Asher excused himself to the washroom and locked himself inside, buying a moment of privacy so he could pull out his phone without being seen.
He sent a text to his uncle. Surely the man would have at least an idea, if not some sort of connection, that could get Treble a regular stage again.
When he didn't get an immediate response, he pocketed his phone and returned to the group. Uncle Greg was probably busy, as usual. In some meeting or another. Even on the weekends, the man never seemed to stop working. Although, he had been awfully attentive to Asher when he'd first come home. As the weeks had passed and Asher had spent more time with Ryley, he'd seen less of his uncle. He probably ought to go spend some time with the man. After everything Uncle Greg had done to track him down, it was the very least he could do.
But that would have to wait. At the moment, all Asher wanted to do was absorb more of the experience of Ryley and his bandmates making incredible music.
By the time they finally went home, Asher was hard as a rock, desperate to get Ryley naked as soon as humanly possible. Ryley had been oddly distant lately. Something just felt a bit off. He'd been turning down sex more often than not.
And Asher knew why. He hurt more and more every time they had sex, and it was getting harder to hide. Not that it was ever quite enough to kill his arousal or turn him away from the desire to have Ryley at any given opportunity. He would have been happy to keep the man in bed for days at a stretch, pain be damned, yet Ryley kept resisting. Looking at him now, though, riding the high of performing, Asher was pretty sure the man wouldn't be able to say no.
“So?” Ryley asked, almost bouncing in his seat. “What did you think?”
Asher smiled. “You were amazing.”
Ryley grinned. “Yeah?” He blew out a breath that turned into a laugh. “That was fun. Gods, I missed that.”
Asher opened his mouth to say he was going to look into a new venue for them, then stopped himself. Maybe he'd keep that a secret until something actually came through.
“Looked like you and Ade were getting along,” Ryley pointed out.
“Yeah.” Asher shrugged. “He's pretty quiet, but…you were right. Nice guy underneath.”
“And…Zac?” Ryley asked.
Asher shrugged.
Ryley hesitated, then asked, “Didn't like him?”
Asher looked at Ryley and put on a smile. “He was fine.”
Ryley looked away.
“Hey,” Asher said. “What's wrong?”
Ryley looked back at him and shrugged. “I was just hoping you'd like my friends, that's all.” He paused, then added, “I don't want them to be a problem for you.”
Asher frowned. “Why would it be a problem?”
Ryley shrugged again. “Your opinion matters to me, Ash. It's just…”
“Hey,” Asher interrupted. “I'm sure I'll get used to him the more I see him. Besides, they're your friends. They're part of your life. Part of you. And I like you just the way you are.”
Ryley blinked. “You do?”
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“Of course.”
Ryley slowly shook his head. “You can't tell me there's nothing you would change about me.”
Asher hesitated.
“See?” Ryley said, pointing a finger at him. “There is something.”
Asher shook his head and took Ryley's hands. “I'll admit,” he began slowly, “there are things that irritate me–”
“Like what?” Ryley asked.
Asher waved a hand. “But those things don't matter. If you changed them, you wouldn't be you anymore.” Ryley started to protest again, so Asher pressed a finger to his lips, then lowered his hand and went on. “If I told you, you'd try to change those things, pretending you were glad to do so, to make me happy, but your natural self—all your instincts—would be fighting against you the whole way, until you began to resent me. I saw my mom do that with my dad. I won't let that happen to us.”
Ryley blinked, his determination quickly giving way to a look of complete adoration. “Really?”
Asher nodded. “Nobody's perfect, Ry. We're not supposed to be. But I wouldn't have you change anything. I just want you.”
Ryley sniffed, then launched himself across the center console and kissed Asher like his life depended on it.
If Asher had thought the guy was aroused before, he was damned certain of it now.
Sure enough, they collided the moment they stepped inside Ryley's front door. Clothes got scattered everywhere as they made their way to the bedroom, groping and wrestling one another in an effort to get as much bare skin under their hands as they could manage. They collapsed into bed, and Ryley made quick work of preparing himself, not even letting Asher do it for him, before he pushed Asher onto his back, straddled him, and slowly sank onto Asher's cock.
Asher threw his head back with a groan. Gods, he'd been missing this, especially since they'd started doing it without condoms. There was no feeling in the world quite like sinking his bare cock into Ryley and leaving his cum behind, then waking up the next day and knowing it was still there, buried inside him, marking Ryley as his.
Ryley rode him with complete abandon, moaning and panting with every rise and fall of his incredible, lithe body. Asher stared at him, completely enthralled. How in the hells had he gotten lucky enough to meet this man?