by Robin Roseau
“Red wine,” Alyssa said. She and Jenna negotiated for a minute, neither asking my opinion. Jenna promised to be back with the wine, and then Alyssa smiled at me before leaning forward to capture my hand. I stared, rather overwhelmed, an unfamiliar feeling for me.
So I said the first thing that came to my mind. Well, it probably wasn’t first. The first was along the line of, “Oh my god, she’s beautiful.” I didn’t say that. Instead I said, “I love the website.”
“Thank you, Janis,” she replied. “But we’re not talking about work tonight. Tell me about the first girl you kissed.”
“Seriously?”
“Seriously. We’re not talking about work. What was her name?”
I considered carefully and then said, “Jenna.”
Her head snapped around, searching the dining hall, then she turned back to me. “Seriously?”
“I think I was eleven,” I said. “It was a dare. Technically, she kissed me.”
“On the lips?”
“Yeah.”
“Did you kiss her back?”
“I didn’t have time. It was just a peck, and I didn’t know she was going to do it. We laugh about it sometimes, but I’d rather you didn’t ask her about it.”
“Did you know you were gay by then?”
“No. We were both tomboys. Friends.”
“How did you meet?”
“Grandma introduced us,” I explained. “She lived with her parents just outside Grand Marais, but her mother worked here. Grandma gave Melanie permission to bring Jenna with her to work. We bonded over our love of the lake.”
“That’s really sweet,” Alyssa said. “When was your first real kiss of a girl?”
“A lot later,” I admitted. “College. You?”
“High school,” she said. “Did you go to school up here?”
“No, no. I grew up in Golden Valley.”
“No way!” she said. “Which high school?”
“Armstrong.”
“Cooper,” she said. I hissed at her; the two schools had been – probably still were – rivals. She laughed. “I bet you were into sports.”
“Not team sports,” I said. “I played a little soccer, but my love is for the lakes and woods, and I lived here most summers, from the day after school let out until a few days before it started up in the fall.”
She nodded. “I was in orchestra.”
“What instrument?”
“Cello.”
“Wow.”
“It had been my grandmother’s instrument,” she said. “My first instrument was violin, but once Mom and Grandma were sure it was something I was going to stick to, Grandma offered to buy me a cello.”
“Wow. Did you ever play with her?”
“A few times, but by then, her arthritis was pretty bad, and she didn’t really play anymore.”
“That’s too bad.”
She nodded, and that was when Jenna stepped up with the wine.
* * * *
I stared into her eyes. She smiled. “Ready for a walk?”
I nodded, although in the back of my head I thought about mosquitoes. Still, we stood. Alyssa tucked my arm in hers, and we headed for the front door. She led me outside, and we came to a stop at the top of the stairs.
It wasn’t quite dusk, nearly so. Alyssa took a deep breath. “I love it here,” she declared. “The lake is so beautiful.”
“It’s not the only thing here that’s beautiful,” I said, watching her profile.
She turned to look at me and smiled. “Flatterer,” she said with a little laugh. “Come on.” She tugged on my arm.
She led me to the water. We stepped out onto the dock, moving to the end over the water. The lake was still. A loon gave a cry, and there was an answer. We turned, and she pointed. “The babies are growing up.”
“Mom and Dad are still keeping watch over them.”
We watched the loons for a minute, Alyssa leaning against me a little. Then, slowly, she turned towards me, and I found myself wrapped in her arms, my own around her waist.
We didn’t talk. But we came together into a magical kiss. My heart began to pound, and when the kiss ended, I wrapped around her more completely, holding her tightly.
“I can feel your heart,” she whispered to me.
“You do that to me.”
“I know,” she said. “Come on.” She turned in my grip, slipping away, but grabbing my hand. She led the way to shore, and then to the boathouse. I didn’t resist as she pulled me to Jenna’s loft.
The lights were on low, and there were candles burning besides. I looked around. “Where is Blues?”
“With Henry and Flapper,” she replied. “Come here.” She tugged me to her, and we kissed again.
And then she led me to the bed. I said nothing as she turned to me. I said nothing as she slowly undressed me, stroking my skin as she bared me. Then she undressed herself as I watched hungrily.
Alyssa took my hand and then crawled up onto the bed, moving backwards and bringing me with her.
Can It Work?
It was some time later that I heard the downstairs door open followed by Jenna’s voice. “I hope you two are done with whatever you’re doing.” Then came the sound of dog nails on the boathouse wood floor. Alyssa gave a little screech as one of the dogs launched herself onto the bed; I could see it was Flapper.
From downstairs, Jenna laughed.
Henry and Blues invited themselves onto the bed, the three finding room, moving about until they were settled, dislodging Alyssa and me somewhat. I looked over to her. “Got enough room? I could go.”
She reached out and grabbed my hand. “You’re not going anywhere.” She partially levered herself up, taking inventory of the dogs. Then she settled back down and moved closer, stroking my arm. I closed my eyes, and soon I slept.
* * * *
“Good morning, Lover,” Alyssa said.
I stared into her eyes. “Morning.” I stretched. “Where are the dogs?”
“Frolicking,” she replied. She reached out and caressed my cheek. “You’re cute when you’re all sleep-tossed.”
“Ug,” I replied. “I’m not sure that’s true.”
“It’s true,” she said.
I eyed her carefully. “Only one of us is sleep-tossed.”
She smiled. “Do you always sleep so soundly?”
“No.”
She buffed her fingers against her chest. “Must have been the good sex.”
“Must have been,” I agreed.
She gave my cheek a pat. “We need to get up. You have duties. I’d like breakfast together, and then I’m going to go.”
I rolled onto my back, then all the way to the other side. After a moment, Alyssa moved up behind me, spooning me. She cupped my bottom in one hand and rubbed. “I’ll be back,” she said simply. When I didn’t say anything, her tone changed. “Am I welcome?”
“Yes,” I whispered, nearly choking the word out.
“Good.” She rubbed.
“I’m falling for you,” I added.
“I would hope so,” she replied. She gave my bottom a playful swat. “You’re going to head to your own room to shower. I’ll meet you in the dining hall in 45 minutes.”
I didn’t want to get up. I was more than falling for her, and my heart ached. But I slipped from the bed. Neither of us said anything while I found my clothing, but I could feel Alyssa’s eyes on me. Finally I turned to her. She was smiling and openly watching me.
“What?” I asked her.
“Nothing. Does it bother you I watch you?”
“No.” But then I added, “I’m not really accustomed.”
“You have a great body,” she said.
“I’m sort of a stick.”
“No, you’re not. You have a great body. 45 minutes.”
I nodded then headed from Jenna’s loft, my heart and thoughts in turmoil. I was sure this was a mistake, a horrible mistake. She might be coming back, but we lived six hours apart, and she
had a life in the cities.
Alyssa was a city girl. She wasn’t built for life in the north woods. Sure, coming to visit was one thing, but staying?
No. She wasn’t the sort to stay. And she had a job, a career, and while she might be able to work remotely part of the time, her career depended upon face-to-face meetings with her clients.
“What are you doing, Janis? This isn’t going to end well, and you know it.” But even while I said it, I knew I was helpless but to go along.
* * * *
I tried very hard not to cry as I walked Alyssa to her car. She was quiet as well, but she carried a soft smile.
We reached her car, and she moved into me, looking into my eyes. “I’ll be back,” she promised. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
I didn’t ask her if she knew what we were doing, but when she pulled me into the kiss, I gave her everything I could. We hugged tightly, and then she pulled away from me. “Blues.”
Henry tried to follow Blues into the car, but Alyssa was quicker than he was and blocked him. I tried calling him to me, but he was practicing a moment of disobedience, so I stepped over and grabbed his collar. Flapper watched this with an inscrutable doggy expression.
Alyssa gave me one more kiss, then, while my heart crawled up into my throat, she climbed into her car, smiled at me, said something to Blues, and then began backing away.
I stood watching them long after they were gone, Henry now in a sit, leaning heavily against my leg.
* * * *
Jenna leaned down to look up into my eyes. “This is not the expression of someone who had good sex last night.”
“Maybe it’s the expression of someone who watched…” I didn’t finish.
“Ah. Is she coming back?”
“She says she is.”
“You don’t believe her?” I turned away, but she wasn’t having it and circled around me. “Do you think she’s lying, Janis?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “Damn it, Jenna. This isn’t me. I’ve never pined for anyone.”
“Bullshit.”
“I haven’t!”
“You pined for me.”
“I did not!” I said hotly.
“You used to look at me and sigh.”
“I did not!”
She laughed lightly. “Sure you did. You especially liked looking at my legs, and I caught you staring at my ass once.”
“When?” I demanded.
“I think we were sixteen or seventeen.”
“I’m not in the mood for teasing, Jenna.”
“I’m not teasing.”
I stared, and I felt horror begin to crawl in my face, but Jenna just laughed again and held up a hand. “Don’t even think of apologizing. It took me a while to figure out what was going on.”
“Oh god,” I said.
“Do you remember Ace Stokes?”
“How could I possibly forget the love of your life. Now you used to sigh, every time you said his name.”
“Not every time,” she said.
“He was such a dork,” I declared.
“True, but neither of us realized that at the time.”
“I’m not the one who sighed over him.” Then I sighed. “Apparently I was sighing over my best friend.”
“Well, thank you.” She didn’t sound sarcastic. I cocked my head then raised an eyebrow in question. “You gave me confidence.”
“I did?”
“Guys, well,” she said. “They’re guys.” She said that word the way I might have. “Just cause they wanted to look at me didn’t mean a thing. They wanted to look at you even more.”
“I’m not sure that’s true.”
“It’s not a competition,” she said in an offhand manner. “My point is this: guys looking at me didn’t mean much to me. But you didn’t look at just any pair of legs.”
“Oh god,” I said again.
“It was flattering, once I figured it out,” she said. “It gave me confidence a few times when I really needed it. Thank you.”
“You’re serious about all this?”
“Absolutely,” she confirmed. “I thought about it.”
“About how I used to check you out, apparently?”
“Tell me you’re still denying it.” I didn’t say anything. “That’s what I thought. And yes, but that’s not what I meant. A few times, when some guy had been particularly good at asshole behavior, I thought about seducing you.” She smiled. “I’m not sure, but I think it wouldn’t have been very hard.”
She gave me a chance to think about it. I decided to be honest. “If you were gay, you’d be my dream woman.”
“I think you enjoy looking at Alyssa more than you like looking at me.”
“That’s true, but only because you’re not gay, and I figured that out sometime in the intervening years since I last sighed over your legs.”
“Uh, huh,” she said. “You like the femmes.”
“You’re here,” I said. “And we’re compatible. That’s worth more than almost anything else. And you’re not exactly hard on the eyes, as my sighs seem to have told you.”
She laughed. “Fair enough. So I’m just saying that yes, you’ve pined. You pined for me, and when you got here after your grams died, you were pining for what’s-her-name.”
“I wasn’t pining for her. I was pining for Grams.”
“It was a one-two punch, Janis,” she said.
“It was more than that. It was Christine, and then Grams. And then the realization the inn was to become mine, and now all the responsibility was mine, too. Talk about a crash course. Thank you for helping me.”
“You’re welcome,” Janis replied. “We’re off topic. You’re pining, Janice, and yes, you pine. Do you think she’s lying when she says she’ll be back?”
It took a moment but then I said, “No. But she’s not staying.”
“How was the sex?”
“None of your business.”
“Don’t be like that,” she pouted. “Come on, Janis. I’m not asking for details. Was it good?”
“Yeah,” I admitted. “It was good.”
“One to ten.”
I considered whether I was going to answer that. She waited for me, and finally I asked, “Which time?”
“What?”
“Which time?” I repeated. And I suddenly realized I could tease back, at least a little.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m pretty sure last night was your first night with her.”
“It was,” I said. Then I slapped my forehead as if I was just figuring something out. “Oh. You’ve only done it with guys. Women can go all night.”
She offered a droll look. “One to ten?”
“It varied,” I said. “From ‘oh, that was nice’ to ‘oh my fucking god’. But you do know it’s about a lot more than sex. You understand that, right?”
I could tell she was considering being a smart ass, but then she said simply, “Janis, she’s coming back.”
“I’m falling for her, Jenna.”
“That’s a good thing!” she said firmly. “The two of you aren’t facing any problems that can’t be solved. Smile! You had great sex, and you’re going to have more great sex.”
“Did you just tell me I should smile more?”
“Yes, as a matter of fact I did,” she replied. Smugly, I might add. “Besides the great sex, we have a great website now, and it didn’t cost us a dime. It might not generate any additional business for us, but we can be proud of it. It shows us off a lot better than the old one.” She paused. “Not that the old one was bad.”
“Yes, it was,” I said. “I couldn’t have done what Alyssa did. I didn’t even know the site could be better.” I smiled, although tentatively. “She did an amazing job.”
“She sure did. Do you have any idea what that would have cost us if we’d hired someone to do it?”
“No.”
“Well, I imagine she normally gets paid by the hour, and I wouldn’t be surpri
sed if she said it was one-fifty an hour.”
“No way!”
“I don’t know that, Janis,” she said. “But she’s not making minimum wage.”
“I suppose not.”
“She put her heart into our website.”
“I know,” I agreed.
“And she didn’t do that because she got to stay for free while working on it.”
I thought about that. “Maybe she did it because I cried with her.”
“Maybe. Or maybe she did it because she’s investing in you, Janis.” Jenna smiled then tapped my nose. “And it’s about time someone noticed how awesome you are.” I offered a ragged smile at that. “She’s coming back. And she’s not done investing.” Then her tone changed. “All night?”
I laughed. “We slept eventually.”
Time
Autumn arrived, and with it, lower pressure. Autumn at The Red Paws Inn remained a beautiful time. The last day of swimming was generally very early in September, and I missed that. But fishing was good, and it was quieter. Of course, that was both good and bad, but we were accustomed to the fluctuation in business.
That year was the first year I welcomed less business, as it meant Alyssa could stay more without infringing on rentals. Weekend business typically remained strong through September, but by October, even our weekend traffic reduced.
Alyssa stayed longer and longer, and the first week of November, I left the inn and two dogs to the care of Jenna and went home with Alyssa. I hadn’t been to the cities since Grams had died.
Alyssa had a nice home in the western suburbs of Minneapolis. I could tell when we were getting closer, as Blues stood up and began panting.
“Someone recognizes her own neighborhood,” I observed.
“She does that when we hit Grand Marais now, too,” Alyssa said.
“She does?”
“Yes. I think it’s because I stop and get her a Dairy Queen.”
“You do not!”
“She’s nice about it and shares with me.”
I laughed. “I bet.”
We turned off the main road into a community of very nice houses. I craned my neck, looking at the fine homes. Then Blues really got excited as we pulled into a driveway. Alyssa hit the remote, and the main garage door opened.
“Three-car?”
“Caroline and I bought it together,” she said. “Before we knew she was sick. We fell in love with the house, and she pointed out it was nice to have a third stall for the lawn equipment.”