by Peter Tonkin
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[IW1]Nice
[IW2]Sounds like a justification for him having noticed that – which seems unnecessary
[IW3]A second (though less direct) comparison to Hercules seems unnecessary here?
[IW4]Although his mind is reeling, the fact that the two assassins are women being left so late is a little confusing. Maybe it could be mentioned, and the point where he “realised one glaring fact” could be him pausing to actually consider the implications of this. That way, the scene needs little editing and the tension is maintained.
[IW5]How does Odysseus know this? Beginning to stretch the limits of plausibility with his deduction – maybe adding a line about how he worked out her sickness was morning sickness would help?