by Cathy Gaitan
It seems Julia Caesar and Titus Remington had been spending time together and working on plans for world domination by the Zombies. According to her we are months away from realizing ‘our dream’. Remember when I said everybody was crazy? Yep, Julia’s flying her flag like a champ!!
April 7, 2017
I’ve been thinking about the Zombie domination thing Julia had talked about. Is there a way to get an estimate of the Zombie population before the actual apocalypse? And how would we do that? Flyers? You know like the census ‘Stand up and be counted’ or maybe just run an ad like I did for my support group.
Questions to ask Julia:
How many Zombies exist?
If Zombies over throw Humans how do we determine a leader?
Will TV programming continue as usual? (important!)
Can I have a title? If so, can it be better than Pinkerton’s?
What will our flag look like?
Can Lumina be our mascot?
Can we skip the apocalypse and just have a Zombie reunion instead? (maybe ask for a vote!)
I think that’s a good start. I’m also really curious about her relationship with Titus Remington. She said they’d been hanging out again. Are they just fellow revolutionaries or something more? I kind of like the idea of being a revolutionary. Mercy Mayhem the Revolutionary changing the world one Zombie at a time.
Viva La Zombies!!
I know we’re not alive but I couldn’t think of a cool equivalent.
April 8, 2017
So, Lumina is single handedly creating her own Zombie Cat Army. There are three Zombie cats now haunting my living room. All with voracious appetites. I think I’m going to need to split them up but I’m kind of scared to see Lumina’s reaction.
All three cats seem to defer to Lumina. She gets first pick of everything offered to them. They take turns cleaning her fur. They step in front of her anytime someone enters the room. I think she might be taking this whole Queen title to heart.
It might be time to bring in an expert. Hopefully Mary Mary will know how to handle this.
April 9, 2017
I think Lumina’s onto me and my plan to separate her from her subjects. Mary ditto stopped by this morning but she wasn’t even allowed to get close to Lumina. The other cat’s hissed at her every time she attempted to approach.
Maybe they scented her dogs on her or maybe my cat is just too damn smart! Lumina has been giving me the side eye since yesterday. Is it possible for a cat to read minds? Maybe Zombie cats do that. Or maybe just Queen Zombie cats.
I guess I’ll need to get collars for the other three and assign them names.
April 10, 2017
I stopped by to see Julia Caesar today. She was with Titus Remington. They were practicing hand to hand combat and let me tell you Julia Caesar is a kickass female. She may be smaller than Titus but she is quick. Punch, jab, kick. It was almost better than City Hunter. And Titus was not taking it easy on her. She may be quicker but he is no slouch.
Did I mention he was shirtless? Well, he was and Titus is ripped. Did I mention he has Julia’s face tattooed on his chest? Well, he does! Along with her name across his abdomen in purple script!! Julia has been holding out on me!! I almost took a picture to send to Pinkerton then I remembered how he betrayed me. I decided I’ll tell him about it later and let him wonder if I’m telling the truth.
Neither Julia nor Titus paid me any mind. They just kept right on swinging at each other. It looked choreographed. It was that good! I decided I want Julia to train me to do that. Without actually hitting me or causing me pain which I know is out of the question for Julia. Her motto is ‘the best lessons begin and end with pain’.
Maybe I should practice with Pinkerton first. I’m slow but he’s slower. Do not even think about mentioning that 5k!! I was always faster. I was just in an unfortunate but beautiful pair of running shoes.
Once they were through battling one another I presented them with my list of questions. Julia and Titus looked at one another and rolled their eyes. “No comment,” muttered Titus as though I were some Human reporter. Then they just walked away holding hands. What the hell?
April 11, 2017
Pinkerton is so angry at me for not taking that photo. He calls me a liar then follows it up by asking, “Really?”. It’s so much better being the one with the knowledge for once. I’m sure he’s already planning on stalking Titus. Did I forget to tell him how good Titus is at hand to hand combat? Yep, I sure did! Titus is going to smash him if he catches Pink following him. He strikes me as the swing first ask questions later kind of Zombie.
I still can’t believe Julia ditched me like that. I don’t really know Titus so that could be the way he usually interacts with people. You know, rudely.
I guess I just need to talk to Julia one on one.
April 12, 2017
It seems Pink is more skilled than I thought. Not only is he now “buddies” with Titus Remington he also scored the picture I failed to provide him. How he managed to get it I don’t know but I’m pretty sure it involves the new tattoo he’s sporting on his upper arm. It’s a stick figure with a Mohawk and biker boots and the words Dead Man Walking. I kind of like it. Don’t tell Pink!
I think Pinkerton’s growing on Lumina. She actually lets him sit on the couch next to her without her guards between them. It’s because he brings her snacks but still. It’s a huge step for Lumina.
He wants to be there when I meet with Julia. I wasn’t really surprised about that. I was more surprised that I said yes. I make it a point to never agree with him about anything. It’s probably due to the sugar rush brought on by the jumbo box of Nerds he bought me.
I know I said I was planning on quitting my Nerds addiction. And I will. Tomorrow. Really!!
April 13, 2007
So, Julia says she and Titus are ‘just friends’. When Pinkerton mentioned the tattoo of her face on Titus’ chest she just shrugged like it meant nothing. When I pushed her on it she said it represented their shared goal to create a Zombie World.
I almost asked if she had a similar tattoo of Titus but she was done being questioned. She turned the table on us. She asked if Pink and I had made a decision. Did we want to be part of the fire or part of the ash. Pink and I looked at one another and in unison said “fire” because ash did not sound appealing.
Let the revolution begin!
April 14, 2017
I mentioned to Pinkerton that I might want to try hand to hand combat and he was all for it. I’m pretty sure I’m going to regret it. I usually do when it involves him.
Julia sent out a meeting request to the whole group for the day after tomorrow. It included this line:
Please bring your weapons, armor and tracking devices. What?!
My weapons are my wooden stake, spoons and Lumina. I guess I could bring my carving knife. Yes, knife! I only have one. The only armor I kind of have is a helmet I got when I decided to try bicycling. It’s pretty much new. I went out one time and fell off my bike into the river. I quickly decided bicycling was not a Zombie sport. As far as tracking device does the GPS in my phone count? If not, I’m pretty sure Lumina and her guard (Riki, Tiki, and Tavi) could be considered as such.
I’ve been thinking of changing my look. I’m not sure how yet. Maybe I’ll dye my hair blue. Maybe I’ll get a tattoo. I need to think on this some more. I don’t want to mention it to Pink yet. I know he’ll try to talk me into dyeing my hair pink and getting a matching tattoo but with the words Dead Man Walks All Over Me.
Is it crazy that I kind of like the tattoo idea? Don’t answer that!!
April 15, 2017
I beat Pink at hand to hand combat. I’m quicker than him but he’s got a really long arm span. He kept yanking on my clothes to annoy me and he laughed the entire time but I still beat him. I’m pretty sure he let me win but whatever. A win’s a win.
Do you think Julia’s going to make us whack at each other like Spartans? I have to admit, I’m a little nervou
s. I’m just hoping I don’t have to go up against her, Titus, or the Woodley brothers. I think I could handle the others.
I thought about getting some fatigues like Julia and Titus wear but a uniform is not really my thing. I guess I’ll just wear jeans and a t-shirt and my beautiful but useless running shoes.
I told Pinkerton I was thinking of making a change. I know I said I would wait to tell him but it just kind of came out. He mentioned he was thinking of getting a new tattoo and I said me too. He was weirdly excited by the prospect. He wants us to go together. I told him I was still deciding between the tattoo and a hair color change. And just like that he says, “Why decide? Do both.”
He already made appointments for me at the hair salon and tattoo parlor. Doesn’t he know I like to ruminate on things before doing them? What if I change my mind? Why do I tell him stuff? My mouth always gets me into trouble!!
April 16, 2017
So, I just got back from the hair salon and my hair is now blue. Like really blue. I’m not sure what I was thinking it would look like but definitely not like this. It’s sapphire blue. I need to learn how to own it because there is now hiding with hair like this.
Julia rocks her purple hair. I need to be like her. Shoulders back, head up and a ‘go to hell’ look in my eye. If other people don’t like it so what? Right?
Pink says once I get used to it I’ll love it. He says there’s freedom in living loud. I guess he would know.
Surprisingly the tattoo was the least worrisome part of this morning. I ended up getting a tattoo of me fighting myself. It looks kind of like an anime drawing. The first me (Mercy) has my original hair. I’m wearing my 5k jogging outfit, holding a spoon and am in a pretty weak fighting stance. The other me (Mayhem) is in a black ninja outfit, with blue hair, delivering a kick to nerdy Mercy’s face. Pink came up with the concept and the tattoo guy executed it perfectly. He even wrote my first and last name beneath them to show the dual personalities.
I actually love the tattoo. So much better than my first idea. Don’t tell Pink!!
I don’t love Pink’s new tattoo. He used a version of nerdy Mercy bent over tying her shoelaces while anime Pinkerton jumps over her (me) across the finish line. What a jackass!
We’re about to leave for the group meeting. I hope nobody laughs at my hair.
April 17, 2017
So, the group meeting was yesterday. The good news is nobody laughed at me. The bad news is everything else. Titus says we all need to get serious. Did I ever mention that ‘serious’ is my least favorite word in the English language? Well, it is.
Apparently we are all going to be issued assignments which sounds like homework. I’m pretty sure my brain turned off at that point because I don’t remember a lot of what was said. We need to utilize our skill sets something, something. We will have hardcore training something, something. Tactical mission army jargon, something, something. I think there was something about microchips and uniforms. Could that be right?
I don’t think I’m the only one who zoned out. Mary ditto looked like she wanted to be anywhere but at that meeting. The Woodley twins seemed all in but I think they may have been the only ones.
Later, when I asked Pinkerton about it he said he needed to think it over. He says we can discuss it tomorrow. Pink did not seem happy.
April 18, 2017
Apparently Julia and Titus want us to take a skills assessment test to determine how best to use us. We will be expected to train with them on hand to hand combat with and without weapons, target shooting with live weapons, grenade launching and bomb deactivation. We’ll be expected to perform planned tactical missions in ‘enemy territory’. Oh, and we must submit to microchip insertion and will have to wear uniforms like theirs only in beige and dark beige.
I’ve decided I will need to give them a hard no on everything but hand to hand combat without weapons provided it’s with someone of my choosing. I might be okay with tactical missions if the ‘enemy territory’ is Pizza Hut or Taco Bell.
Pinkerton was absolutely livid about the microchip thing. He says there is no way in hell he’s going to let them track him like a pet. I think they’re just being mean with the uniforms. Julia wears purple camouflage and we get stuck in two colors of blah and darker blah. No thank you. Pink and I have decided we may have to stage a coup.
He called his own group meeting minus Julia and Titus. He debated including the Woodley twins since they seemed so on board with Titus and Julia’s plans. In the end we figured Mary Mary would just tell Caine anyway so we might as well invite them as well.
His text went something like this: free@symbianize
Meeting at the Mayhem Motel tomorrow at noon. Bring tons of snacks! Mercy’s cats are ornery when hungry.
Mandatory: 2 jumbo boxes of Nerds each.
Pinkerton Floyd
That Zombie is really starting to grow on me!
April 19, 2017
I’m a little nervous about hosting the group meeting at my house. I stocked up on Fanta because why not? Also, they’re delicious. I told Lumina and her guard to be nice to the guests unless they’re mean to me.
Pink was here early. I think he’s nervous too and he should be. Julia and Titus are scary as hell. I mean they actually know how to shoot stuff and deactivate bombs. When did our support group get so dangerous?
We just need to be brave! That’s why I wore my green X-Files t-shirt. With my blue hair I kind of feel like a super hero.
Note to self: must learn martial arts. Also, a language. Maybe Korean in case I run into Lee Min Ho (aka City Hunter).
April 20, 2017
Yesterday’s meeting went remarkably well. Everyone seemed to be in agreement that Julia and Titus went a little too far over the line. Even the Woodley brothers agreed although I think they only did so because of Mary Mary but whatever. A win is a win.
We’ve agreed that training is fine but those not comfortable handling weapons should not be expected to. Only the Woodley twins seemed comfortable with bomb deactivation. We need more details on the tactical missions. Nobody wants to be microchipped. Everybody but the Woodley twins hate the uniforms.
Nobody but me seemed to mind the skills assessment test. I hate tests. Tests are stupid. Tests are soul sucking. What if I fail? What if I have no skills? Curses to the creators of skills assessment tests everywhere!!
We agreed to confront Julia, and only Julia, tomorrow. We are all too afraid of Titus to confront him. We’ll let Julia do that for us. Does that sound cowardly? Well, so what!!
Overall, I’m really pleased with our little support group. We came together. Like a family. I’m not crying. I’m just really happy.
April 21, 2017
The meeting with Julia did not go as well as I hoped. She was already in a bad mood when we arrived which was a little frightening since she’d asked us to meet her at the shooting range. Have I mentioned what a great shot she is? Every shot she takes is a kill shot. It’s the head and the heart every single time!
She turned to us with the gun still in her hand and an angry look on her face. Maybe she only looked angry because she was holding a gun. Whatever, it was enough to make a lesser Zombie faint. I know what you’re thinking but nope Pink held steady. Kind of. He pushed me forward and said, “Mercy has something to tell you.” Then he leaned down and whispered in my ear, “Fighting.” Damn him for conjuring Kim Na Na from City Hunter like that even as he threw me to the she wolf. I lifted my fist and pulled it down whispering the same word to myself.
Julia Caesar looked at me as she usually does like I’m half-crazy and a hundred percent annoying. She was still holding the gun but I didn’t let it scare me much. I looked her in the general direction of her eyes and told her we had some issues with the plans she and Titus had for us.
It kind of went downhill from there. Julia called us weak. I said okay because who’s going to argue with an angry woman holding a gun? Not me. From behind me Pinkerton injected his two cents. He said we had no int
erest in following a dictatorship. This revolution needed to be a democracy. We all needed to be included in the decisions. At that point I tried to duck but Pink was gripping my shoulder.
Luckily Julia backed down a little. She looked like she wanted to shoot one of us but she didn’t. She just said she’d discuss it with Titus and for all of us to get the hell off her property.
I know I always say a win is a win but Julia and Titus have weapons and they know how to use them.
April 22, 2017
Titus grudgingly gave in to our requests but I don’t think he and Pinkerton are ‘buddies’ any more. Julia Caesar and Titus agreed to consult with us before finalizing plans. We in turn agreed to hear them out before vetoing their ideas and vice versa.