by Sue Fortin
Lee looked at her for a long moment. ‘Yeah, we’re quits.’
Neve stood under the bridge for a long time, watching Lee trudge along the riverbank and eventually disappear out of sight. He hadn’t looked back once. Lee was so much like her. Always moving forwards. Never going back. And she had to do the same.
Chapter 31
Later that day, Poppy’s teacher, Mrs Ogden, came to the house to discuss Poppy’s return to school. They had decided that it was best if Poppy returned to her normal routine sooner rather than later. Poppy was all about routines so Neve and Kit had agreed that the following day would hail her return to school.
Poppy seemed to be taking the return to school in her stride. Kit had left for work that morning, saying goodbye as if nothing had happened the previous week. Neve knew it had been hard for him to do so. She had seen it in his eyes. His face may have fooled Poppy, but his eyes didn’t fool Neve.
‘She’ll be fine,’ said Neve. ‘Like Mrs Ogden said, the sooner she’s back in her normal routine, the better.’
‘I know,’ admitted Kit. ‘I’m just … well, if I’m honest, I’m scared.’
Neve nodded and standing in front of him, adjusted his tie and then on tiptoes, gave him a brief, but reassuring kiss. ‘You’re bound to be, but stay calm. The school said they’d phone during the course of the day. I think they are more worried about reassuring us than they are about Poppy.’
Kit let out a small sigh. ‘I know you’re right.’ He took her hand in his. ‘Thank you.’
Neve gave a small laugh. ‘What for?’
‘For being here. For me and Poppy. I don’t know what we’d do without you.’ He stroked the side of her face. ‘I thought for a while I’d lost you and I didn’t know how to change it. I thought if I let you get it out of your system, you’d come back. I was foolish, arrogant and naive.’
‘Hey, you don’t need to say all that,’ said Neve. ‘We’ve both been careless with our marriage, with each other but that’s stopped now. We both know we’ve got to cherish what we have. Move forwards, make us better, make our family better. In every way. And that means changes. Knowing what’s important to fight for and what’s not.’
‘I suppose you ever telling me about what took you to those art therapy classes in the first place is off limits?’
‘It’s not worth dragging up pain from the past that has no place in our future,’ she said carefully. She didn’t want to add the shame it would bring either. She had brought shame onto her family once before, she wasn’t going to do it again, not when everything was so fragile. She couldn’t risk losing everything she had just to satisfy Kit’s desire to know. She couldn’t change the past, as much as she wanted to, but she had control on how her future would play out and that was the most important thing. ‘I just want to focus on us. Our family. Remember how desperate we felt when Poppy was missing? Remember what we said, that we’d do anything to put things right?’
‘Of course, I do,’ said Kit. ‘And I meant it. I know what it will take to make you happy and, I must admit, these last few days have made me realise what a stubborn idiot I’ve been. How my own selfishness has been denying you the one thing you want. I know how precious Poppy is to me, how much she means, and there I was denying you that very thing. I was stopping you from having a child of your own to love so fiercely. I get that now.’
Neve felt tears spring to her eyes. ‘Oh, Kit, you don’t understand how much that means to me.’ She thought she was going to cry but she managed to rein in the tears. She didn’t want them to distract from this moment. Kit was openly saying that they could try for a baby together. However, when she looked at him through clear eyes, she could sense a hesitancy on his face.
‘What?’
‘I don’t know if I can go forwards without knowing things behind us are clear. I don’t want us to make the same mistakes again. It’s give and take, Neve. It has to work both ways.’
Neve could feel the disappointment drag in her stomach. Kit wanted a trade-off. How much would it cost her though if he did find out the truth? He may still love her, but he wouldn’t love what she had done, past or present. She wasn’t sure Kit would be able to get around that. He wouldn’t be able to stay with her and without him she had nothing. She didn’t want to start her life yet again. She fashioned a conciliatory smile onto her face. ‘Let’s talk tonight,’ she said.
Kit had headed off to work leaving Neve pondering her next move. She had to give Kit something, but she couldn’t give him everything. Everything was too dear a price. Giving Kit everything would ultimately leave her with nothing. He’d walk away, she was certain he would.
‘It’s eight fifteen,’ said Poppy.
Neve smiled at her daughter, relieved that she seemed to be slipping back into her old routine as if there had never been a break from it. ‘Excellent. Shall we go?’ she suggested, putting the return to routine theory to the test.
‘No. We have three minutes,’ said Poppy. She stood by the clock in the hall watching the hands move.
‘Ah, yes, of course we do,’ said Neve. Yes, Poppy was on perfect form.
Three minutes later they were walking out the front door and climbing into the car
‘Do you want dropping at the bus stop?’ asked Neve.
‘Yes.’
Neve hid her feelings of surprise. She really didn’t think Poppy would want to get the bus anymore. In fact, Neve and Kit had talked at length about this, in the end deciding to let Poppy have autonomy here. Neither were comfortable with the idea of Ben Hewitt starting up again, but Neve had reassured Kit she would stay in the car, watching from across the road until Poppy was safely on the bus.
‘Right, let’s go,’ said Neve, injecting a cheer into her voice.
Poppy gave her a sideways look but said nothing.
As Neve stopped at the end of the road to let traffic pass by, she noticed Linda Hewitt’s little red Mini, with its distinctive white viper stripes, charging along. Neve tracked the car as it approached. Inside she could see Linda’s face staring straight ahead and in the passenger seat was Ben. Neve’s heart gave a wallop of relief against her chest wall. She had just glimpsed his blazer and tie. The little shit was being given a lift to school. Hopefully this was going to be the normal mode of transport for Ben from now on. Maybe Linda wasn’t so confident in her son’s innocence after all.
‘Did you see that?’ asked Neve, as she pulled out and joined the traffic, travelling in the opposite direction to the Hewitts.
‘What?’
‘Ben Hewitt in the car with his mother.’
‘Yeah. He gets a lift to school now.’
‘How do you know?’
‘Nan told me.’
‘Oh. And how does she know?’
‘She’s friends with his nan,’ said Poppy, as if it was already a tiresome conversation.
‘I see,’ said Neve and left it there.
Once Neve had seen Poppy board the St Joseph’s school bus, she gave a sigh of relief. Mission accomplished. Well, that particular mission. She still had one more to do.
She needed to lay the ghosts of her past to rest. She needed closure and she needed to make sure whoever was behind those notes wouldn’t torment her, damage her or even destroy what she had now. She’d worked too hard for this life to allow that to happen.
She turned the car around and headed out of the village towards the motorway. She could get to Newport in three hours if she put her foot down, three and a half allowing for traffic. All she needed was an hour there and then she could be home again in time for tea. Poppy had an after-school club hockey session today and Kit was picking her up and taking her to tea at his mum’s.
Neve had already primed Kit with an excuse of why she wouldn’t be there. She’d give him a call in half an hour or so and advise him of her emergency dental appointment. She had made sure this morning she had commented on her non-existent toothache.
Neve neared her destination just on the edge of Newport city
– the small Welsh town she’d grown up in. As she drew off the motorway, her stomach churned, curdling her insides. She felt physically sick. Maybe she should have got a sandwich at the last service station.
Old memories came flooding back of her days growing up in the long-forgotten town. The glory days of a high street packed full of shops had disappeared, now replaced by charity shops and boarded up windows. She remembered coming here with Megan. How they used to rush into town on a Saturday to spend their pocket money and when Megan was older and had cooler friends than those of Neve’s, she would let Neve tag along. Neve always thought it was very grown-up to hang out with her older sister’s friends. They accepted her. They didn’t speak to her much, but they weren’t bothered she was there. Neve especially liked it when some of the girls from her year would see her hanging out with Megan’s crew.
It gave Neve the courage to throw a cocky look. One which she wouldn’t dare do without the safety of Megan’s friends and one which instantly made the girls from her year turn their heads and look the other way.
Neve blinked hard. She missed Megan. If only Megan were here now. She’d be at Neve’s side in an instant. She wouldn’t have let Neve face this homecoming alone. But Megan wasn’t here and much as Neve wanted to reach out to her sister, she knew she mustn’t.
And here she was now, at the turning to Cygnet Walk – home to her brother Gareth. It suddenly occurred to her that she hadn’t taken into account that Gareth may no longer work from home. What if he wasn’t here? She couldn’t leave without seeing him. She had to find out the truth. There was no way she could move on with her life if she didn’t. Despite what she had said to Kit, she still needed closure.
Her tummy felt like it was trying to pole vault itself out of her. Being here in Cygnet Walk brought back so many emotions and memories. Many she hadn’t wanted to revisit, hoping she had managed to lock them firmly away for ever. Neve was beginning to realise that there was no such thing as for ever.
She checked her watch. She didn’t have time to dither. She pulled up alongside the curb, not wanting to park on the drive. Somehow that felt too familiar. It was something you did when you knew someone well. She didn’t know her brother well anymore.
Her feet carried her to the front door, even though her heart was dragging behind. It was a solid oak door, with three square glass panels running vertically down the side. The detached house was clad in pale grey boarding on the top half and the lower half rendered and painted a soft cream. As she waited for the bell to be answered, Neve reminded herself of all the reasons why she needed to do this – Kit, Poppy, her marriage, her sanity and, most importantly, her much longed-for child.
Through the glass she could see a figure walking towards the door. She couldn’t make out if it was male or female. ‘Please let it be Gareth,’ she whispered, casting a skyward glance.
The door opened.
Neve stared at the person ahead of her. Her mouth dried, and her words stuck in her throat. Her armpits suddenly felt damp.
‘As I live and breathe,’ said her brother eventually. He stared back at Neve as they both took in the person before them.
Gareth, now aged forty-two, still mostly looked the same but he was wearing glasses, black-rimmed which seemed to stand out against his pale complexion. His eyes were still the same grey they had always been, but fine lines now fanned the corners. His hair, once fair like Neve’s, was now scattered with grey. And, although still slim, he had clearly started to gain a little middle-aged spread, as his V-neck sweater stretched across a slight paunch.
‘Hello, Gareth,’ Neve said, finally managing to eke the words out.
‘Neve. What the hell are you doing here?’
Neve could see in his eyes that he was totally bewildered by her presence. Then there was a shift as the surprise turned to alarm. He stepped forward, one hand on the door acting as a blockade should Neve try to cross the threshold. He glanced over her shoulder. ‘You can’t just turn up on my doorstep unannounced.’
‘I need to speak to you,’ said Neve. ‘It’s important. I don’t want to cause any trouble, but I need to talk to you about something.’
‘I don’t think this is a good idea.’
‘Please, Gareth. It’s important.’
‘We did all our talking years ago, Neve. I don’t have anything to say to you.’
‘Just five minutes, that’s all I ask and then I’ll go away, and I promise you won’t ever hear from me again.’ Neve felt the words choking her as before. She hated saying out loud to Gareth’s face that she was prepared never to contact him again, but if that’s what it took to stop anyone from damaging her future, then she’d do it.
Gareth’s shoulders dropped a fraction and Neve could see the features in his face loosen. He stepped onto the doorstep, pulling the door behind him but leaving a slipper to stop the door from closing.
‘I don’t know if you saw on the television about my daughter Poppy going missing?’ Neve asked.
‘Yes, I saw that,’ confirmed Gareth. ‘I’m glad she was found safely. I take it she’s OK?’
‘She’s fine, thanks,’ said Neve. ‘The reason I’ve come is because while she was missing, my husband received two notes, referring to what happened here.’
‘Right,’ said Gareth, folding his arms and looking down at her. ‘What’s that got to do with me?’
‘They must have come from here. They were postmarked Newport. No one else knows about what happened.’
‘When you say here, you mean here in this house, don’t you?’ said Gareth, a touch of sarcasm entering his voice. ‘What you really mean is, me or Lisa.’
Neve kept her nerve and returned her brother’s challenging look. ‘Yes. I do, as it happens.’ She pushed her lips together while she steadied herself. ‘It can only be one of you. I’ve already spoken to Scott.’
‘Scott! My my, you are doing the rounds of yesteryear.’ He gave a sigh. ‘Sorry, that was uncalled for.’
‘So, are you saying you didn’t send those notes?’ pressed Neve.
‘No. I bloody didn’t. Why would I? For Christ’s sake, Neve, I know we haven’t spoken to each other in years, but I wouldn’t do that to you. You’re still my sister.’
Neve wanted to fall into his arms and hug him for saying that, but she knew she didn’t have time and if she did, she would dissolve in a complete mess of tears. ‘Thank you,’ she said softly, pausing for a moment. ‘So, it must have been Lisa.’
‘No. It wasn’t. She wouldn’t do anything like that.’
‘She hates me. That would be enough.’
‘I don’t believe it,’ said Gareth. ‘What would she gain from it?’
‘Revenge. Satisfaction. I don’t know.’
‘Shit!’ Gareth looked towards the drive.
Neve turned and saw a grey Ford Focus pull up. ‘Shit,’ she echoed, as the driver’s door was flung open and Lisa stormed across the grass towards her. Neve took a step back as Gareth hurried towards his wife, stopping her from reaching Neve.
‘What the hell is she doing here?’ screamed Lisa, pointing a finger in Neve’s direction. ‘Get that bitch out of here!’
‘Lisa! Keep calm. Don’t be shouting now,’ he said, trying to placate his wife.
‘I’ll shout all I want. I don’t care who hears.’ She stopped in her stride as Gareth put his arms around her.
Neve could see the anger and loathing on her sister-in-law’s face. Gareth may have softened over time, but Lisa hadn’t. And she probably had every right to still be as angry as she was. In that moment, Neve knew she had the answer she’d come for.
She looked at Gareth. ‘I think I know the answer.’
‘Answer? What answer?’ shouted Lisa. ‘Oh, wait a minute.’ She gave a laugh. ‘I know why you’re here. Obviously arrived safely then?’
‘Lisa!’ exclaimed Gareth ‘Why?’
‘Because she’s a danger to children and her husband obviously didn’t know. He had the right to know.’
Lisa gave an exaggerated eye-roll. ‘That was easy. I just had to Google your name, pay a small fee to one of those on-line companies and they gave me the details.’
Neve’s mind swirled. She felt dizzy. A black tunnel was closing in around her. She gasped, trying to inhale a lungful of air as she dropped to her knees. The grass was cold and soggy, the dampness seeped through her jeans. She dipped her head and breathed in through her nose and out through her mouth. The light-headedness passed and she raised her head.
Her breath was taken away for a second time as she saw the passenger door of the car opening and the occupant stepping out. Her brown hair, now laced with low-lights, still long and still wavy, caught by the wind, rose and drifted back onto her shoulders. She looked at Neve with concern and confusion all over her face.
It seemed to be happening in slow motion as the thirteen-year-old broke into a run towards her mother.
‘Jasmine,’ whispered Neve.
‘You stay away from my daughter!’ screamed Lisa, pushing Gareth away.
‘Jasmine, go inside!’ shouted Gareth, grappling with his wife.
It seemed so dreamlike, Neve could hear their voices fading out as she watched her niece look anxiously from one adult to another. A tear dropped from Neve’s eye, followed by another one on the other side but she was too focussed on the young teenager before her. She was so beautiful, her face had slimmed and her features sharpened, but she still looked exactly as she did before. She was a daughter to be proud of. Neve’s heart lurched as the young girl ran inside, pausing in the doorway to take one last look at Neve.
Neve gazed at the closed oak door for a long moment, vaguely aware that someone was shouting her name. She turned her head and through teary eyes, she could see Gareth dragging his wife towards the house and yet beyond them she could see a figure standing on the driveway. She tried to blink away the tears but still her vision was blurred.