by Robin Leaf
He steps away from me, walking toward the door of the bedroom of the suite. “And I have to watch from the sidelines as the woman I love holds the hand of another man, supporting him, looking like his devoted girlfriend.” Before he slams the door, he adds, “And I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do that.”
He needs time to cool off, and I respect it. The other night, he gave me the time I needed, and tonight, I’ll give him his.
Despite the way he left the room in a huff, I smile.
Noah Daniel Reed just said he loves me.
Forty Two
Noah
I hear the door open and don’t look up from the computer screen that I’ve been staring at for the past hour. I see her out of my periphery sauntering toward me slowly. She’s simply the most beautiful creature on the planet.
Her hand reaches out and closes my laptop before she steps closer to me and pauses, studying me. I don’t want to look at her yet, knowing when I do, I’ll give her whatever she wants. She waits for a second, then places her hands on my shoulders and straddles my lap. She cups my cheeks, lifting my face to hers, and her toffee eyes, burning with intensity, hold mine captive.
“I love you, Noah Daniel Reed.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. Those words… God, my heart feels like it skips a couple of beats. Her hands tighten on my face, pulling me closer to her.
“Only you,” she whispers, right before her lips brush against mine. “We’ll make this work. I promise you that. I’m yours, only yours, if you want me.”
Leaning my forehead against hers, I place my hands under her ass and stand, carrying her to the bed. I sit on the edge and pull her closer to me before I run my fingertips down both sides of her face.
“I want you more than anything. I just don’t like the idea of sharing you.”
She smiles. “You told me over dinner last night that you were going to help Jason move overseas and get settled in at the clinic. I have to share you with him, so how is this any different?”
“For starters, Jason isn’t going to pretend to be my boyfriend in public, and you don’t have to watch me look like his devoted lover on camera.”
She moans and closes her eyes. “Wow, allow me to imagine that image for a moment.”
I pull her sharply to me. “Not funny.”
“It is a little funny,” she says, kissing up my neck, “and very hot.”
“Secondly, I want to date you openly.” I groan when she nips my neck. “I want the world to know I love you.”
Pulling my earlobe between her teeth, she bites softly and rocks her hips against my hardening cock. “All in due time, mi amor. Like I said, we’ll make it work.”
Leaning back, she begins to unbutton my shirt.
I watch her hands work, and I shake my head. “It’s not going to be easy.”
“The things worth the most in this life are never easy, güero.” She slides my shirt down my shoulders. “That’s precisely what makes them worth more.”
Her gasp fills the air when I flip her onto the mattress to hover over her. Her hair fanned out around her is a stark contrast to the white sheets. She is the embodiment of both innocence and temptation. I rest my head on her chest between her breasts.
“We will be together, whatever it takes. You are worth waiting for, however long it takes. I’ll stand behind you, walk beside you, be in your heart.” I lift my head, looking into her beautiful eyes. “As long as I’m the only one who gets to be inside you. That is until you…” I wince, because these next words are painful. “Until you decide you no longer want that to be only me.”
“God, Noah, I don’t see that ever happening.” She works my pants open and reaches inside to grasp my cock. “I just don’t like the idea of us being each other’s dirty little secret.”
“We won’t let it be.” I pull her underwear down her legs. “And we won’t have to hide forever. We’ll go with the flow, and if it’s ever not working out for one of us, we’ll talk about how to adjust it or end it if that’s what we want.” Taking a deep breath, I allow her to guide me to her entrance. I still myself and I lower my voice. “I just want you, who you are, and whoever you become.”
Her lips find mine, and I kiss her desperately, reverently, worshiping this angel as much as I can. I don’t enter her yet. I want to remember this moment, this bittersweet moment. The heaven I feel now is one I need to remember in the hell I know I’ll feel when she’s not with me.
“I love you, Cristiana, so much.”
She pleads with her eyes. “Show me,” she whispers, licking her lips and pulling my hips into hers. “Please.”
So I enter her and do just that. All night.
***
It goes against everything I am to sit with my back to the door, but since I arrived at the restaurant after Charlene, she chose her spot. I reluctantly take the seat across from her. We don’t hug; it’s not our style. We make eye contact, and I smile. Her eyes narrow, and I wince, knowing what it means. So I sit, waiting for the inevitable berating I’m about to receive.
“Okay, brother,” Charlene barks, snapping her napkin before placing it in her lap. “Spill.”
I fight the urge to roll my eyes, hoping I can make it through this conversation without doing as she just commanded. I trust my sister with the information, but one of the agreements I made with Cristiana is that no one know about us, including family. It’s… burdensome.
“About what?” I say, playing clueless.
“Don’t pull that on me. Fionn called.”
Fionn. Yeah. He tattled on me. Fucker. Lying to him is the hardest.
“He’s worried about you. He says you haven’t been the same for the last six months…” She lowers her voice the way someone does to soften the blow. “…not since the breakup.” And that’s all the softness I get as the next words are a bit sharper in tone. “The relationship and subsequent breakup that I had to hear about from him,” she waves her hand, “but I’ll try not to show how bitter I am about that.”
Breakup. That’s what we told those who knew. I had to finesse it so that people would leave me alone about it. That way, fewer people have to lie for us, and also, no one possesses the knowledge to potentially leak our secret.
“How are you?” I ask, deflecting. “How is the move going?”
Her eyes snap from behind me to mine. “It’s almost done, but my assistant still hasn’t found an apartment. I’m secretly negotiating a deal so she can get a full-time spot on Transcendental. They mentioned that they’ll probably offer her a permanent position because there’s been such positive feedback since the show aired.”
“I’ve heard of that show.” And I try to hide the fact that I’m impressed. That show has a rather large fandom. “How does one go from an assistant to a popular TV show? I thought you said you found her working as a saleswoman in a clothing store. Now she’s an actress?”
“Let’s just say everyone will soon know the name Darby Cheetwood,” she says distractedly, glancing over my shoulder. “And you never answered my question.”
“You never asked a question.”
“God, Noah, you’ve known me my entire life. You can’t tell when one of my questions is implied?” She pauses, softening her tone once more. “How are you, brother? Really?”
I’m wrecked. I’m lonely. I’m jealous. I’m grouchy. I’m on the verge of losing my shit.
All because the love of my life, who I haven’t touched in twenty-one days, the girl I have seen only five times in one-hundred eighty-seven days, is fifteen-hundred plus miles from me pretending to be in love with someone else.
Ignacio is still in Houston, living close to his doctors, and she, ever the dutiful, fake girlfriend, is living in his house, bonding with his dogs, staying close to his side. However, in the past six months, she’s had four choreographing gigs in L.A. She stays with me, and it’s fucking glorious, but she always goes back… to him. We talk on the phone every night, but it’s not the same.
She cam
e home to spend the holidays with her parents. I saw her briefly when I dropped in yesterday to deliver gifts to her family. I timed it so I could see her, but it nearly killed me. We had to act as though we were not desperate to devour each other, and we couldn’t meet secretly anywhere because she just had arrived. It was quite difficult.
Tonight, I’m going to touch her again. Our plan is to spend our first New Year’s together in a hotel not far from this restaurant. It’s why I chose to meet Charlene here.
God, I miss Cristiana, even when she’s in the same space, because I know we’ll have to leave each other again.
I want her with me all the time.
I want her in my bed every night.
I want to wake up tangled in her every morning.
How can I continue to do this for God knows how long?
I am normally patient, but for her, I really don’t want to wait.
She is worth it, but it doesn’t make it any easier.
I pull my fingers to the bridge of my nose. “I’m fine.”
“Based on what Fionn told me, you are certainly not fine.” Holy shit, when did Charlene start sounding so much like Mom? “He says you’re taking on too much work, that you’re sulky and snap at everyone. You’ve even been rude to clients. And in the past few days, I’ve noticed you’re… different. I didn’t want to say anything in front of Mom during Christmas dinner, but you look tired… sad even.” She takes a deep breath, her words changing from accusatory to concerned, and lays her hand over mine on the table. “What can I do to help you?”
I sigh, trying to keep my cool. “Charlene,” I grunt. “I. Am. Fine.”
“C’mon, Noah, I heard you the other night when I got to Mom’s and you were running on her treadmill. Listening to The Cure and the mopey songs from Depeche Mode means you certainly are not fine.” She picks up her water glass and takes a sip. “Next thing you know, you’ll be buying Doc Martens, shopping at Hot Topic, dying your hair black, and wearing guy liner.”
“First of all, I’m not that guy you dated in high school. What was his name?”
“Benji Morris.” Her eyes get exceptionally wide. “Oh my God. Do you know he owns a chain of kinky fetish stores now?”
My phone buzzes, and I check to see Cristiana calling. It kills me to have to deny the call, but I can’t answer it in front of my sister.
“Wow, that’s… strange.” I answer distractedly. “Look, Charlene, I appreciate your concern, I really do, but I’m okay. Really.”
Her eyes slide past me to the door, then she casually picks up her menu, pretending to read over it. I know my sister. She already knows exactly what she’s going to order, so this is a ruse. Her silence is dangerous. It means she’s thinking, most likely of ways to meddle and give me what she thinks I need.
“Okay, Noah. I’ll back off.” No, she won’t. “I know you’re going to help Jason in London for three weeks, but I might need your help before you leave. However, I know you’ll just continue to throw yourself into your work to avoid any emotional attachments, including the family members who love you and could help you through your time of need, but whatever.”
Three weeks in London.
Three weeks away from Cristiana.
If only I could take her with me.
I focus on Charlene, only to see her eyes looking past me once again.
“You’re making me nervous. Why do you keep looking at the door?” I ask.
Her eyes flash, and she smiles quickly before looking down. “You’re about to find out. Be nice to my assistant.”
Ugh. She’s fucking meddling. She has mentioned several times how she wants me to meet this assistant, and I bet this is Charlene’s idea of a match-making attempt. Fuck.
She stands as the assistant approaches.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” the woman says, turning to face me, assessing me. Trying to place me.
But I know who she is.
No fucking way.
Shit.
Shit, shit, shit.
I school my face, trying to mask the fact that I’m freaking the fuck out right now. I take a deep breath.
She holds her hand out, and I take it.
“Hi, I’m…”
“D,” I say quietly, simply.
Yes. It’s… Darla.
The love of Jason’s life is Charlene’s assistant, and my sister is trying to set us up.
I’d be hilarious if it wasn’t so incredibly fucked up.
I mentally shake myself out of my stunned state to notice she is experiencing a similar freak out. I need to make this okay. It’s what I do. I can do this.
Let’s just hope this doesn’t turn into a shit storm of epic proportions.
Forty Three
Cristiana
This bliss is bittersweet, being wrapped in Noah’s strong arms after six (yes, six) really powerful orgasms. I don’t ever want to move.
He chuckles and kisses my forehead. “You with me?”
“Barely,” I breath out, running my hand over his stomach. “How was your lunch with your sister?”
His abs flex tense beneath my hand right before his whole body tenses.
I push up to my elbow, searching his face. His neutral mask is in place, but I know him well enough to suspect that for a second, it showed panic.
“What happened?” I ask, not leaving any room for denial.
“Well,” he says, looking away for a split second. “There’s a funny story there.” He laughs nervously. “I’m not really sure how you’re going to take it.”
“How ‘bout you just tell me, güero, and we’ll go from there.”
He glances at me, and it looks rather sheepish. “Charlene tried to set me up with her assistant.”
I laugh. “You were worried to tell me that? C’mon, Noah. I know how you feel about me.” I kiss him sweetly. “I completely trust you.”
His smile is nervous, and he can’t look at me. “Yeah, but you haven’t heard who it is.”
I wait, but he doesn’t say anything. It can’t be that bad, but he looks scared… and if he’s showing fear, he must really be terrified. Jeez, what the hell? I’m not that scary, am I?
“Noah, who –”
“It was Darla…” he blurts, pausing to look down before looking in my eyes with apology. “… Jason’s Darla.”
Why the hell would I be mad about…
Oh. Yeah.
She’s the woman he fucked right before we got together, the “favor” he did for Jason that we’ve never discussed.
The favor that I honestly wanted to forget about.
Looks like we’ll be having that discussion right now, I guess.
I feel my teeth clamp together before taking a deep breath, concentrating on relaxing. I’m not jealous, really I’m not. I’ve accepted what he did as a favor to his best friend. I just never thought he would be set up on a date with her.
I’m not jealous.
Plus, he would never betray his best friend. He’s loyal to Jason, so loyal that he rearranges his life to help him with his medical issues. Therefore, this Darla chick? She’s perpetually off limits.
Anyway, he loves me.
Totally. Wholly. Completely.
“How’d that go?”
He smiles tightly. “She freaked out, so I had to talk her down. It sucks that I couldn’t tell her why Jason asked me to…” he trails off. “I just know if she knew the truth about him, it would help us all, and they would be together.”
“So why doesn’t he tell her?”
“He thinks she’ll give up too much to be with him, and he wants her to live her life without his complications. They couldn’t be intimate with each other. He doesn’t want her to be sad if he…” He trails off; I know the thought of Jason dying upsets him. “Honestly, I don’t know her, but from the time we spent at lunch today, but I’m fairly certain she would take Jason any way she could get him. I know she loves him just as much as he does her.”
“Was it awkward… to be around
her?”
“At first,” he nods. “But after we talked for a while, we were more comfortable. It turns out the guy I hired last week is her brother.” He hugs me tighter. “She’s actually very charming and charismatic.” I feel my nostrils flare. “You’d love her, Nana. She speaks her mind, just like you do.” He kisses my nose. “It’s one of the things I love most about you.”
I kind of have to chuckle. He doesn’t realize that mentioning her charming and charismatic personality and telling me that she possesses the trait he loves most about me will do nothing to quell my non-existent jealousy… you know, if I felt it, which I don’t.
“So, will you see her again?”
“Maybe. If she and Jason finally get together, I’m sure I’ll see her then. And I might see her if she comes to visit her brother at his apartment since she is moving to LA.” I feel that not-jealousy rising further, so I take a deep breath. His arms tighten around me, and he continues. “Charlene is actually working a deal with Transcendental for her to be a regular on the show, which means she will no longer be Charlene’s assistant.”
“Transcendental? Oh my God, Ignacio and I love that show.”
He tenses again, and I realize what I just said. Noah wants to be the one to watch the shows with me. He wants to be able to live with me. I get it. I mean I have to tamp down my feelings of not-jealousy, but at least he’s not living with Darla.
I can’t say the same.
I know that’s a point of contention for him. He’s kept silent about it, but I have put myself in his shoes many times. I would hate it if the roles were reversed. He’s been so very patient and loving. I need to let the not-jealousy go.
I look him in the eye, trying to amp up my level of excitement. “Do you know what character she will play?”