I didn't do feelings. I didn't trust men. I couldn't let this business relationship be ruined because I couldn't keep my feelings in check.
For these reasons I pulled away from Dane's lips; and regretted immediately that I had touched him. All the reasons and my sanity came crashing back to me.
Business relationship Emerald. Key word. Business.
"I shouldn't have done that." I muttered against his lips, my heart beating uncontrollable. God was this what it felt like to have a heart attack? The heart pumping so fast, that I swear my veins were swelling from the blood rush.
"I kissed you, if I remember correctly." His words blew across my face. He didn't look like he regretted it, but I was positive the only emotion that showed on my face was regret. I pushed away from him and got up.
What happened to the distance I was putting between him and me? Where did that idea go? Why had my brain suddenly thought, fuck it, kiss him?
God, I was so stupid. I was blaming my age for it. Clearly, I was young, delusional and falling for a man I shouldn't. Why did Dane have to be so damn perfect? Why couldn't I have scored a jerk of a fake husband?
"You alright?"
No, I was so far away from alright it wasn't funny. Maybe this is what a panic attack felt like?
"Emerald?"
I shook my head. "I’m fine." I turned and started to walk as quickly as I could as soon as I hit the sand. I nearly jumped when he took my hand.
"You don't look fine." His eyes narrowed on mine.
"That can't happen, ever again." I swallowed sharply. "Business remember? This is business." I was saying it more to myself than I was him. " Don't you have a pre-game you need to leave for?" I kept my feet moving. I was expecting him to let go of my hand but he didn't. It was as if he was holding on to it, to keep me from freaking out further. Or just not wanting to let me go. Either way, touching him wasn't helping. If anything it was reminding me just how much I liked to be touched by him.
He was looking at me, as if he could see through the freak out and to the real problem. Like he knew I had a problem trusting men and couldn't possibly face him breaking my heart. I hadn't married him to fall in love. I married him to put more distance between men and I as possible. To make me even more unreachable from men and what they could cause.
"You got any plans for today?" He looked at me calmly. Like he was purposely trying to change the subject to take my mind off my freak out.
I quickly snapped my eyes off him and looked up the beach. His house was nearly in sight.
"Your game. That's it." Maybe if I had something to take my mind off him, I would survive the day. But I knew I wouldn't have my mind fully off him till I was back at work and school on Monday. I really wished I had booked a Saturday job. But I was working tomorrow. So that would be a distraction.
"Maybe you should go to the spa or something? Try and relax?" He was drawing circles on the back of my hand and that seemed to always calm me down. Did he know that that calmed me? My stiff hand melted into his cool, welcoming hand. God if only he was drawing those circles on my back.
Don't focus on it.
I snapped out of it. Did he know what he did to my thinking?
"I'm not stressed." And I wasn't. Was I? Was I overacting? Because I had a busy week? If this was my reaction to one week of a full work and study load. How the hell was I going to be after a month? Or worse, what if I took that deal with Victoria’s Secret? Would I be a walking, stressed hormone?
"Do you have a busy week?" He was still making small calming circles on my hand.
"Victoria’s Secret is hunting me down this week. I committed to a runway appearance. But they really want me to sign the deal to be their new face. That on top of what is already booked means I won't be seeing you again after tonight." Why the hell was I telling him this? I could’ve just said one word. Yes. That would’ve answered his question. He didn't need to know the details.
"About that." He pulled on my hand, forcing me to stop. "I don't want you not taking that opportunity."
What was he talking about? I frowned. "What do you mean?"
"This deal that Victoria’s Secret is offering you. I don't want you turning it down for me." It sounded like he had really thought about this. It seemed like he had given it more thought than I had.
"I made a commitment to you first." I didn't care if I wasn't the new face. I really didn't need the stress. But from the messages I was getting from Mum, and the fact she was getting Dad to call me, meant she wasn't letting me pass it up just for Dane. "Like I said in the interview, you come first."
"I don't want that."
I groaned. "Well I can't do everything!" Why was everyone expecting everything of me? "I can't finish school. Continue my university studies. Keep up with already booked modelling commitments. Be your wife and give them full access to me! I just can't!" I pulled my hand from his grasp and went to go up the porch steps, but he blocked my path. His hands going down on my shoulders.
"Emerald, I'm not expecting all that from you."
I scoffed. "Sure, you’re not. But everyone else with an opinion expects it of me." The articles. The continued pushes of me to make a decision. Megan on my back. Mum on my back. Victoria’s Secret pushing and pushing. I was going to snap.
"Screw everyone else and just do what you want."
"It's not that easy! Victoria’s Secret keeps throwing more money at me!" I was so overwhelmed. I ran a hand through my hair.
"Do you need the money?"
"No! The last thing I need is money. I don't even spend what I've got. The only person who spends my money is..." My throat went dry.
"Is?"
"Jeremy, but he’s in hospital now."
"Have you gone and seen him?"
"No, he won't see me! I can't get past security. All he wants from me is to pay for his rehab treatment. He’s blaming me." Maybe that's what was really eating at me. Or was that just the cherry on top?
"It wasn't your fault." Dane's hands tightened on my shoulder. Making me stop squirming and standing still. "Breathe."
I rolled my eyes. I didn't need to be told to breathe. But when he arched his eyebrows at me, waiting for me to do it. I took a deep breath in and breathed out.
"You know that wasn't your fault right? What happened with your brother?"
"I gave him access to drugs and alcohol. It was my fault."
"You let him have access to money. What he did with it was his decision." Dane said firmly. "You didn't give him the drugs or the alcohol and you didn't give him a razor. That was all him. And the fact that he is blaming you just proves he’s too weak of a man."
"But-"
"No buts." Dane took a step closer to me. "Now, I need you to calm down."
"I'm calm."
"No you're not."
I took another deep breath in and slowly exhaled. And repeated it a couple of times. "Happy?"
"Not even close."
"Don't you have to go?" And leave me to drown on my own.
"You're more important."
"You need to go." I removed his hands and pushed past him up the front porch steps.
"Emerald, don't walk away from me."
I slid open the door and headed for my bedroom. It wasn't helping that I was dripping wet and as soon as I stepped into the air conditioning I was freezing.
"I need to get changed and you need to go." I said over my shoulder and walked through the lounge room.
"Stop." His hand gripped my arm, forcing me to stop at the bottom of the stairs.
"I'm cold Dane." And I was.
"We need to talk." Dane ran his hands down my arms, as if he was trying to warm me up. "About work, your brother, everything. I don't want you stressed. If I'm making your life worse, we can end it."
He'd really end it? We had a contract? I couldn't just walk away from it.
He wasn't making my life worse. It was the opposite. "I'll see you tonight at the game." I stepped out of his grasp. "If you're late for you
r first pre-game. There’s no point us being together."
"You'll be at the game tonight?" He looked torn.
"Yep. I doubt you’ll see me in the sea of people but I'll be there." I took a steady breath in. "Now, get your ass moving."
He nodded and walked up the stairs.
"Oh and Emerald?"
I looked up. "Yep?"
"What happened before, I don't regret it. And you shouldn't either." He smiled, winked at me and then turned around and jogged up the rest of the stairs.
He didn't regret kissing me? Wasn't I clear that, that wasn't going to happen again? Unless there was a camera pointed at me, I wouldn't be kissing him again. I knew when Dane disappeared, I would have to try harder to keep my walls up.
But the fact was I had feelings growing for him. And they weren't of friendship
Dane's Point of View
The stadium was packed, the first game of the year always attracted fans but also because we were last year's winners, and it brought even more people it. It would be a good game. And I wasn't nervous one bit about it. As we walked from the locker rooms, I had done the pre-game interviews.
Had what I was going to say to the boys in my head, ready for the pep talk which we did on ground before kick-off.
I was ready and I was prepared for the game.
Not for seeing Emerald.
We walked out on to the ground and I smiled, seeing her laughing with Jessie, Scott's girlfriend.
"Looks like the girls are getting on." Scott hand balled me a footy. "Em’s really nice."
"Yeah she is." I hand balled it back to him. And jogged over to her. She had her back to me, and I couldn't stop the grin, seeing the jersey she was wearing with my number on the back.
"Nice jersey." I wrapped my arms around her and she jumped. Was she still upset about this morning? When she turned in my arms smiling. I knew the answer. She wasn't.
"Thanks." She put her arms around my neck. "Now, I'm supporting you. You know you have to win right?"
"I won't let you down." My eyes flashed to her lips. Would she freak out again if I kissed her? She looked so much more relaxed, and so darn beautiful. She looked like she had just stepped off set. Which had me asking. "Did you go to work today?" She was meant to have the day off. Her only day off.
"No why?" She frowned.
"You look like you’ve just stepped off a set."
She smirked. "Is that your way of saying I look good?"
"You always look good." I pulled her closer to me. "So you're feeling better?"
"Yep. Sorry about this morning." She went on her tippy toes. "I may have taken your advice and gone to the spa. And did some reading that wasn't educational?"
Thank god, she took my advice. I smiled. "Good." My eyes darted to her red lips again and as much as I wanted to kiss her, I didn't want to make her freak out again. "And don't worry about this morning."
I swear I’d never enjoyed a kiss more, till I saw the look on her face when she pulled away. She didn't have to tell me she regretted it. I saw it clear on her face. I hadn't known want to say, but I hoped I had somehow eased her doubts.
I may have had extra time between press interviews and our pre-game conference and did something I promised myself I wouldn't, but after her reaction this morning I had to do it.
I googled her.
When it came to camera she was always beautiful, but the sex appeal she sold in those pictures had me wanting to chase her down, till I got a good taste of what she looked like free of underwear. I don't think any man would lie and say they hadn't pictured Emerald Asher naked.
The fact that men had and would be masturbating over my wife. Had my temper flaring. And it was only going to get worse if she did accept this deal with Victoria’s Secret.
My wife was famous. More famous than me.
Still, I hadn't just spent all my time just gawking at her pictures. I had found out small facts about her. Like how she hadn't lied when she said she didn't do relationships. From what I could find out, she has never admitted to being in a relationship with anyone. There wasn't any picture of her with another man, that wasn't a model and it was clear she was only posing with a fellow male model for work.
There wasn't one article mentioning her having a boyfriend or a lover. Till she released a few months ago she was engaged. She like me, hadn't mentioned who she was engaged too.
Because she didn't know.
The only articles on her were about her modelling. A part from one that went into detail about her being stalked. Which resulted in her leaving the country and heading back home. Here. Where she picked up working again but had bodyguards now.
She never told me she had bodyguards. And she hadn't told me she was being stalked. Was that the reason she agreed to marrying me? To make her fans see she wasn't available?
If she wanted to keep men away from her, I would happily help. I wanted the world to think Emerald Asher was my wife. And was completely and totally mine.
I tucked the stray hairs from the side of her face behind her ear. And the theme song started. Show time.
"I'll meet you at home. I'll be home late." I looked at her lips again and then looked into her soul sucking eyes.. "Don't feel like you have to wait up for me." As much as I wanted to talk to her. To find out her every secret. I knew she was working tomorrow and that was the beginning of her week. Like she said, she doubted she would see me this week.
I'd have to do something about that.
But I couldn't cancel any of her shoots just because I wanted to spend time with her.
I had to let go of her when I figured out the boys were waiting for me to run through the banner.
Suddenly, I was nervous. Not because everyone was expecting us to win the game but because she was going to be watching. I didn't want to let her down.
Chapter 8
DANE
We’d kicked the season off with a win. I had more disposals and goals than normal. It was a good game. They didn't let us win easily.
The week went quickly. I hadn't seen Emerald since Saturday night. She was that busy. It wasn't like my schedule wasn't busy either. My days were packed, but the nights were mine. So I found myself not wanting to be home.
I went out with the boys. They still couldn't believe Emerald was letting me out of the house without her. But when I explained how busy she was, they realized just how unlucky I was. Having a wife as hot as her and not being able to spend any time with her.
All week I’d been thinking of one thing. How the hell did I get Emerald to agree to date me?
It was Friday night, and seeing as my game wasn't till Sunday afternoon, I knew I wouldn't be seeing her till then and even then it would only be for a brief few seconds.
So even though I had stopped myself from reaching out to her all week. Even when I was wide awake of a night, wondering where she was. Or even during the day, I just wanted to know how she was. But I didn't bug her. Till tonight. My willpower was gone and I just wanted to see her. So I decided to call her. I took a gulp of my beer, listening to it ring.
It was eight, and I hoped she wouldn’t be working all night
"Hey Dane, it's Megan." Her agent answered her phone.
Great, I wasn't even going to be able to get to talk to her. "Hi Megan." I knew I should be thanking the woman for putting Emerald in my life but I also wanted to yell at her, for keeping Emerald so busy.
“I'm guessing you want to talk to Em?"
“Yeah." I took another gulp of my beer. "She there?"
“She's working." Megan just confirmed the fact I wouldn't be able to talk to Emerald. "But you could always come to see her."
“At the shoot?" Wouldn't that be crossing a line? I doubted Emerald would want me there. I get that she wanted to keep this a business relationship. But as soon as I laid eyes on her, I knew I wanted more than that.
“Yeah come! You might be able to convince Em to leave at a reasonable hour tonight. I'm telling you now, I might book the gigs but
she is the one staying till wrap." Megan laughed.
“I doubt Emerald would want me there." My truth just came out. And I quickly took another gulp of my beer to fill my mouth before I said something else. Like the fact I hadn't been able to stop thinking about Emerald.
“I'll ask her."
“No don't do that." I was saying it but I already heard Megan call out to Emerald. "Seriously, Megan don't bother her." I was saying it but from what I could hear, Megan was having another conversation and wasn't listening. Why couldn't I just keep my mouth shut?
"Em said come. If you want to." Megan was back on the phone.
“She actually doesn't mind if I show up?" I was stunned. I knew Emerald took her work seriously. And she wouldn't just blow if off for me.
"Nope. Do you want the address?"
Hell yes I wanted the address. "Yep."
Megan gave me directions and said she would let the guards at the door know I was coming.
"Now when you get here, maybe you could convince that wife of yours it doesn't have to be perfect. And I can start weekend at a reasonable hour." Megan was joking but at the same time I think she was serious.
Maybe I wasn't the only one sick of Emerald's work schedule.
"I'll try my best." I told her I'd see her soon and hung up. Grabbing my keys. It was when I walked past the hallway mirrors that I decided maybe I should change. I couldn't rock up, not looking my best.
I had seen Emerald in a wedding dress. I had seen her picture all over the internet. I had seen her in real life in her underwear. But what I was seeing now, well it was cruel. She had black lace panties on, and a men's white shirt with one middle button done up and no bra.
In the middle of a bed. And that was enough to get me hard. But what had my jaw clenched and me doing my best not to clench my fists, was the man she was straddling.
I thought she didn't like it when men touched her? But she looked so relaxed with this man. As he ran his hands up the outer of her thighs. Pushing the shirt up her legs and showing off the fact there was only underwear keeping them from skin on skin.
Mr and Mrs Sullivan: Standalone Arranged Marriage Romance Page 8