by Jamie Knight
I opened the door, expecting to see Jay, but was shocked when it was Alex who was standing there. We just stood there in silence, staring at each other.
He tried to give me a small smile as he said, “Hello, Hazel.” My former lover looked nervous, tired, and a little worried.
“Alex.”
That was all I could manage to say in my most polite voice. I tried to keep my emotions in check as I saw him there. They ranged from anger, to hate, to sadness, to confusion. I didn't know how or what to feel, let alone think.
Alex ran a hand through his hair. “Listen, Hazel, I know you probably don't want to even see me or talk to me, but could I please just have five minutes to explain?” he asked.
I sighed as I held the door. I was still hurt and angry because he ran off and left me, but at least he came back. “Fine, but only five minutes,” I replied, unable to keep the hurt out of my voice.
Alex stood there in the doorway. He was clearly nervous and trying to gather his thoughts before speaking. To be honest, I was already ravenous, and I didn't know how much longer it would be until my morning sickness came back. I didn't have time to stand around waiting.
Sensing my impatience, Alex cleared his throat and began to apologize. However, he offered no real explanation for why he left. I tried to be as patient as I could as I listened to him.
“There is no excuse in the world that I could use to justify running out on you like that,” he explained. I listened quietly. “It was wrong and very stupid of me to do that. I never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry. I talked to a friend, and he pointed out that I don’t deal with things when times get tough. I want to change that. I need to change that. Hazel, I need you in my life.”
I could see sadness and remorse in his eyes, but I had been down this road with him before. I held my opinions until the end because it appeared that he had more to say.
“I know you are angry with me and that you probably don't want anything more to do with me, but I am here now and determined to make things right with you. Just please forgive me,” he begged me softly.
I felt torn. I didn't know if I could trust Alex or believe him. He looked at me with wide eyes as he waited for my answer. I knew I couldn't stay mad forever. Eventually, I sighed in frustration before I answered him.
“Look, Alex. I forgive you, but I am going to need some time. You hurt me deeply, and it's going to take some time for me to get over that,” I explained. “I don’t trust you. Yes, you need to change, but I’m not convinced that you will.”
I watched his expression change from joy to sadness and understanding. “Is there anything I can do?” he asked softly.
I shook my head. “No.” I gave him a look of sympathy. “I just need my space and time to get past all of this. Please understand that?” I asked him.
He nodded his agreement. “I'll be here when you're ready. I'm not going to make the same mistake twice. Good-Bye, for now, Hazel,” Alex said before he walked off in the direction of his room.
I watched him walk away. “Well, at least he has a room here again,” I said to myself.
Finally free to go to lunch, I locked my room, went down to the lobby, and left the hotel. Outside, the weather was perfect for a walk. There was a diner down the road in the opposite direction that everyone went to. It wasn't a far walk. Besides, I needed to get out of the hotel and clear my head. Alex had given me a lot to think about, and I needed my space to process it all.
I knew only time would tell if he was really sincere in his feelings or if he was going to run off again. Ugh, I hated being put in situations like this. Having to wait on someone else or trying to guess their thoughts and feelings. It always made things incredibly complicated, but despite what Alex and I had been through, there were still lingering feelings there that I couldn't ignore.
I reached the diner and walked inside. The place was pretty much empty, so the waitress seated me right away and took my order. Pregnancy makes you crave weird things, so after looking at the menu, I decided on a large stack of pancakes, a basket of French fries, and a large root beer. I couldn't think about anything else as I ate. All I knew was that I felt more hungry than usual, and I wanted to devour everything in front of me.
I finished my meal with a slice of apple pie and a glass of milk. After eating, I paid my check, left the waitress a tip, and walked back to the hotel. I felt full of food and happiness. I knew it wouldn't be long before I got sick again, so I needed to get back into my room as soon as possible. I didn't see Alex or Jay as I hurried through the lobby. That was a relief because I had so much on my mind. I wouldn't be much company to anyone right now. Besides, my thoughts were things I needed to figure out on my own.
All these worries that I was having about Alex were going to make it extremely difficult to concentrate on my book. When I got back to my room, I decided that it would be better if I put writing off for a while. I needed to focus on the bigger problems that I had going on. I paced my room as I thought. I had already made up my mind to raise the baby on my own, but Alex being back in the picture certainly changed things, didn't it?
Should I tell him about the baby or stick to my original plan? Once again, I felt torn. I was still afraid that I couldn't trust Alex. What if he left again after all the promises he made? I paced back and forth for a long time. My thoughts kept going in circles. Eventually, I realized that I was making no progress this way. I was just going to have to wait and see. Whatever was going to happen would happen. That irritated me because I didn't like waiting.
I suddenly felt exhausted. I could also feel my nausea returning. I needed to do something to take a break and relax, deciding a nice hot shower would do the trick. I was starting to dislike the way certain clothes felt on my body. Maybe it was related to my pregnancy. Instead of my usual pajamas, I chose a long tee shirt I had brought with me. I was alone in my room. Besides, it was comfortable enough to use as a nightgown, so I went with it.
The shower worked wonders. Thirty minutes later, it had relaxed me to the point where my exhaustion had turned into pure tiredness. After my shower, I dried off and slipped into my tee shirt with a yawn. I turned off the lights and crawled into bed. I tried to watch a movie on tv to get ideas for my book, but my eyes felt heavy with sleep. I tried, but I couldn't keep them open any longer.
As my head hit the pillow, the remote fell from my hand and landed gently on the floor. I dreamed of uncertainty. I dreamed I was all alone. I could hear a baby crying in my dreams while Alex moved in and out of the background. I had a fitful sleep and awoke the next morning feeling confused and cranky.
Chapter Fourteen - Alex
It had been about two weeks since my return, and I had only spoken to Hazel that one time when I got back. I still saw her every day at group activities or passing her when we were walking in the lobby. I was doing my best to honor her request and give her the space that she needed to make her decision. I had to keep my promise to her and prove that I was actually here to stay this time.
Even though we had not spoken since that day, I wasn’t worried. I knew that Hazel would come around eventually. The feelings between us were too strong, plus we had so much history together. How could she not take me back? Besides, by being here every day, I figured I was making every effort possible to show her I was keeping my word.
With all the extra time I had been given there on my return, I buckled down and concentrated on my writing. I was close to finishing my novel and was really excited about that. I stopped writing for a second and thought about Hazel, hoping that I would get the opportunity to talk about my book with her some more. I wonder how she is doing with her own book? All of this time away from her had also given me time to reflect on things that I had done, as well as ways that I had behaved in the past.
I was suddenly filled with regret as I realized that since we had reconnected at the retreat, I never once asked my love about her book or the progress she was making. It probably seemed to her li
ke I didn't care. I recalled how she would always ask about my work and listened to me talk on and on about it. She never complained. That was another thing I needed to make up for.
I had gotten up a little too early one morning. By the time I had finished writing a few chapters and reflecting on the ways I could have treated Hazel better, I noticed I only had thirty minutes left until our writers’ group. It was one of our last few meetings, so I knew everyone would be there. I rushed through my showering and shaving that morning. After dressing quickly, I hurried downstairs. Some of the other group members had already gathered.
I could see Hazel talking and laughing with a couple of them. I stood by myself since I hadn't taken the time to connect with the other writers in the group like she had, so I thought it was best to avoid them. At that moment, I was content to just watch Hazel enjoying herself. She had truly become a remarkable young woman.
A voice next to me suddenly interrupted my thoughts. “Watching your girl, huh?” The voice asked in a mocking tone.
After turning to see who it was that had spoken to me, I rolled my eyes when I saw that it was Hazel's friend Jay. Ever since I had returned to the resort, the jerk had gone out of his way to mock my relationship with Hazel to my face every time he saw me.
“You know, Hazel and I got to be very close while you were away,” he persisted, trying to taunt me into doing something stupid again. I wasn't falling for it. I wasn't going to screw up and lose Hazel again.
Instead, I just shook my head, gave him a scornful look, and walked off. I ignored him for the rest of our group time, but I could feel Jay glaring at me from across the room.
A couple of writers approached me and inquired about my book. I spent the rest of my time talking with them, but I continued to keep an eye on Hazel. After the group was over, I watched her walk back up to her room. I desperately wanted to follow her and be near her but sighed and went out for lunch instead. I knew if I wanted this to work, I needed to be patient and have faith. This was going to be extremely difficult.
After lunch, I went back up to my room. I watched a little tv and got some more writing done. Without Hazel my days were empty. I tried to fill them with work to make the time pass faster, but it was mostly depressing.
A few days later, I was sitting at my desk trying to write, but I seemed to be stuck. I had rewritten the same paragraph three times, but it still didn't sound right. I got so frustrated I threw my pen down in anger and yelled out. A few seconds later, I heard a soft knock on my door. Muttering under my breath, I stomped to answer it. I yanked it open then froze when I saw Hazel standing there.
I gasped in disbelief. She gave me a little smile and asked, “Can I come in?”
I blinked a few times, still shocked to see her standing there. “Yes! Come in!” I said excitedly, then I closed the door behind her.
She walked inside and stood nervously in the middle of the room. I watched her anxiously. I wondered if I was about to hear her decision. “I hope you don't mind, but I came to talk to you about my book,” she told me.
I realized this was my chance to prove myself. “Of course! I'd love to hear all about it,” I replied happily.
Hazel smiled at me with such warmth and happiness that I knew I had made the right decision.
She sat in the chair at my desk, and I sat on the edge of the bed, facing her. “So, how is your novel going?” I asked her curiously.
She smiled proudly before saying, “I just finished it. That's what I came up here to tell you.” Hazel all but squealed with excitement.
“Oh, wow, congratulations!” I exclaimed as I leaned over and gave her a celebratory hug. The hug lasted only a few seconds then we pulled away from each other.
“So, tell me about your book,” I encouraged her.
I watched her eyes light up as she talked about it. I listened to every detail and was surprised that she had chosen to write a historical romance novel. After she finished explaining, I smiled at her and said, “Well, I can't wait to read it.”
Hazel surprised me by shaking her head. “Not yet. I want you to finish writing your book first,” she replied.
I laughed a little. “I’m having some trouble with that,” I admitted, looking away in embarrassment.
Hazel reached over and held my hand. “I'm here to help you, Alex. I have plenty of time now that my book is done,” she giggled happily.
We sat there, smiling and holding hands. I did my best to control myself. Suddenly, Hazel leaned forward and kissed me quickly on the lips. She smiled at me. I reached for her and pulled her closer to me so I could kiss her again. She didn't resist. We wrapped our arms around each other, and I pulled her into my lap.
As we kissed, I thought about how much I missed her. My girl felt better than I remembered as I massaged her full breasts with both of my hands. I slipped my palm between her thighs and massaged her clit through the outside of her pants. She moaned loudly and started to grind on my hand. How I missed her! As I kept rubbing her like that, she rode up and down on my hand until she came.
I undressed Hazel slowly, and she laid on the bed, looking up at me. I climbed on top of her. We were both wet, so my cock slid quickly inside of her. How I had missed this!
I felt her soft body bounce beneath me with each thrust. I couldn't control myself; I had missed her for so long. Desperate to have her come on my cock, I thrust faster and faster as I reached down and rubbed her clit. Hazel came hard, her pussy squeezing me until I came inside her.
Afterward, I lay next to her, playing with her hair. We enjoyed the blissful silence of each other's company.
Chapter Fifteen - Hazel
It had been a few weeks since Alex and I had renewed our relationship. We spent every moment together. My book was already finished so I spent my time motivating him to finish his novel. As we sat in his hotel room and worked together, he would frequently pause in his writing to ask for my feedback on each piece. This was something he had never done before. Since his return, I had definitely noticed a change in him, and I couldn't have been happier about it.
After a few more days of work, Alex completed his book when I stepped out to get us lunch. “I'm finally finished!” he announced proudly when I returned to the room.
I was so excited that I almost dropped the food as I ran to hug him. “Congratulations! I'm so proud of you!” I said excitedly.
After our hug, we sat down to eat. We had already made plans to fly home together once the retreat was over, then we would divide our time between our places. We were both happy, and our relationship had never been better.
Our last day at the writers’ retreat was spent packing. I felt a little nostalgic. I had gotten to know some of the other writers that had been here with us and would miss their company once I left. I stood in my room. My luggage was already packed next to me on the floor. I thought about the few memories and friends I had made in my short time here.
A knock on my door startled me from my thoughts. I opened it and smiled happily when I saw Alex standing there.
“Ready to go?” he asked as he smiled at me from the doorway. I nodded and turned to grab my bags. “I'll help you,” he said as he walked into my room. He grabbed my bags and carried them easily along with his own.
We walked side by side as we left the room and went to the elevators. “It’s weird leaving here,” Alex admitted once we were by ourselves in the elevator. I had to nod in agreement because he was right.
“We spent so much time here that so much has happened to us,” I murmured with a sigh.
Alex looked at me, curiously, but I avoided his gaze. We were quiet for the rest of the elevator ride. We reached the lobby and were walking to turn in our room keys. As we walked through the lobby, I saw Jay talking to someone across the room.
“I'll be right back,” I said to Alex before leaving his side.
I walked over to Jay and tapped him on the shoulder.
“Hey!” he said happily
when he turned around and saw me.
“I just wanted to tell you that Alex and I are leaving. I couldn't leave without saying good-bye.” I admitted.
Jay glared at Alex over my shoulder, but I ignored that. “Well, I'm sad to see you go,” Jay pouted as he pulled me in for a hug. I hugged him back. I was sad to leave him too. He had quickly become one of my best friends.
“I'll miss you too. Thank you for everything,” I said, trying not to sound emotional.
“Anytime. Just please be careful with him,” he cautioned me after our hug.
“I will, and I'll stay in touch,” I promised Jay before I walked back to Alex's side.
“Everything okay?” Alex asked me out of concern.
I nodded yes before giving him my happiest smile. “Never better,” I replied truthfully.
He smiled back at me, and we turned in our keys together. Once again, Alex picked up all of our luggage, and we walked outside to the cab that was already waiting for us. We climbed into the cab together, and Alex put his arm around me. I snuggled into his side. The whole ride to the airport, we were quiet. I actually had something on my mind, which was making it difficult to focus on being close to Alex right now.
As we pulled up outside the airport, I looked at Alex. “Can I talk to you about an idea I had?” I asked him.
He grabbed our bags while I paid the cab driver. “Sure!” he replied enthusiastically as we walked into the airport together.
We took our bags to be checked, grabbed our tickets, and sat down to wait for our flight. When we were seated, I turned to Alex and told him my idea. “What if we wrote a trilogy together now that our books are finished?” I asked him.
He smiled at me immediately. “I like that idea. It seems like we always work better when we are together,” my love replied happily.
I reached over and hugged him. I was overjoyed by how much he liked my idea. We talked more about it in the short plane ride back to Kansas.