In Development

by Rachel Spangler

  She shook her head. “You shouldn’t.”

  “Probably not, but honestly, we’ve already done a lot of things we shouldn’t. I shouldn’t be pretending to date someone I’m not. I shouldn’t manipulate the public to advance my career. I shouldn’t have lied to friends and family. Hell, I probably shouldn’t be touching you right now. There’s a whole lot of shouldn’ts in my life at the moment. What’s one more really going to matter?”

  Lila kissed her.

  She didn’t think about why beforehand, and once she got started, she didn’t care about her reasons. Cobie’s mouth became reason enough, soft and firm all at once because her shock never had a chance against her instincts. They had gone through the motions so many times. Their bodies held a familiarity that felt discordant with the sense of newness, of awakening, of exhilaration surging through her now as their lips parted, offering access previously denied.

  For her part, Cobie didn’t merely keep pace with the changes occurring between them. She pushed forward, her tentativeness from earlier encounters nowhere to be found as she worked her fingers in the hair at the back of Lila’s head. She urged her forward and encouraged exploration neither of them had dared to seek before. Tongues tangled and breath traded hotly between them. Was it all the talk of doing what they wanted, what they believed best, or was it merely their heightened sense of passion that gave them the freedom to greedily reach for more? Lila couldn’t give the question more than a fleeting thought, because Cobie’s other hand was at her side now, playing a teasing set of feather touches across her ribs, the way Lila might coax the sounds she sought from the piano.

  God, had Cobie always been this good? Could she have felt like this all along? Had Lila merely overlooked these skills the way she’d underestimated her in so many ways, or was sexuality just another of the many areas where Cobie had come into her own lately? Either way, she had never kissed her this way in the past. Maybe no one had ever kissed Lila this way.

  Cobie slipped her hand down Lila’s back, urging her forward until their chests brushed together with each ragged intake of breath. She ran her tongue along Lila’s lower lip, then followed the sensual caress with a possessive nip of her teeth.

  Nope, no maybe about it, she had definitely never been kissed like this before. The thought both terrified and thrilled her. She didn’t want to stay, but she didn’t want to run away either, which left only one choice. She charged forward.

  Taking the hem of Cobie’s shirt blindly between her fingers, she pulled it roughly up and off. They broke the kiss long enough for Lila to discard the barrier. Cobie never spoke a word, but her dark eyes opened wide, filled with questions Lila had never seen in a lover before. There was pleading laced with desire even as it sought permission. Lila tore herself away from the intensity of her stare and let her own gaze rake over the bare skin of Cobie’s beautiful form, from the soft swells of her breasts encased in a simple black bra to the hard ridges of her abs and the subtle curves of uniquely feminine strength along her waist and hips.

  “I want . . .” Lila started the sentence before she’d thought what would follow. What did she want? To touch Cobie? To be touched by her? Did she want some declaration? Some affirmation? Some sign she wasn’t the only one burning with this mind-melting desire? Or simply to surrender to it all?

  “Yes,” Cobie finally whispered.

  “What?” She blinked, trying to clear the red tinge of lust from her vision.

  Cobie cupped her face once more. “It doesn’t matter what the question is. My answer is yes.”

  Lila closed her eyes and kissed her again, searingly, as if she’d picked up where they’d left off, then cranked the volume up several more notches. Every remaining doubt faded, or was at least overcome by a more pressing pulse, one that started in her chest and pounded out through her limbs. Cobie deftly unbuttoned her shirt, and Lila reveled in the heat of her hands through the thin fabric, the urgency building between them until the last one fell open.

  Cobie tore her mouth away to kiss a line down her neck and across her shoulder, pushing away the shirt as she went until it slipped down her arms and to the floor. Then Cobie kissed her way along her collarbone. She took her time, painting Lila’s skin with her lips, imprinting it with the stamp of her mouth. She never wanted her to move, and yet she wanted her everywhere. Her senses burned with the need to be claimed and consumed, ravaged and ravished.

  Cobie unlatched Lila’s bra, once again looking up, her dark eyes seeking permission before she lowered another defense.

  Lila nodded, almost frantic to have the heat of Cobie’s mouth there. “Please.”

  Cobie complied and let the barrier fall, but before replacing it with her mouth as Lila so desperately craved, she instead took her hand and urged her up.

  “You’re beautiful,” Cobie whispered. Kissing her briefly again, she added, “But you know that.”

  Lila smiled, feeling something akin to shyness. “I didn’t know you’d noticed.”

  “I have,” Cobie said seriously. “I want you very much right now, but I need to know you feel the same. I need to know you want this too.”

  “Really?” Lila asked, both amused and mystified. No one had ever stopped this far in to ask such a thing of her.

  “Yes,” Cobie said.

  She caught hold of a belt loop on Cobie’s pants and pulled it forward. “I thought I’d made myself clear.”

  Cobie nipped her ear lobe. “I want you, Lila. I want to make love to you until you can’t see, can’t move, can’t think.”

  A shudder raced through her body as the words washed over her.

  “But I won’t take something that’s not being offered.”

  She nodded.

  Cobie sucked hard on her neck and practically growled. “Say it.”

  “I want you,” she said in a rush of heat as she clawed her fingernails across her flat stomach. “God, Cobie, I want you so much I can’t stand it. Don’t make me wait.”

  It was as if giving voice to the desire brought it more fully to life, but no matter what had conjured the need, Cobie was the one to fill it. No, she exceeded it.

  With one arm around Lila’s waist, she guided her steadily while they kissed until the back of her knees hit the large soft ottoman. If not for Cobie’s commanding hold on her body, she would have toppled over. As it was, she stayed upright only long enough for Cobie to peel her jeans over her hips, then she laid her down gently before stripping them all the way off. She kissed her way up Lila’s leg until she reached the final silk barrier between them. Hooking a finger in the waistband, she waited for Lila to arch up so she could pull them away.

  Her hips rocked forward of their own will, but even as she felt the cool rush of air against the heat building at her center, Lila was seized with an impulse she rarely felt. Perhaps physical vulnerability at Cobie’s hands inspired a willingness for emotional vulnerability, or maybe Cobie had just wrecked her usual defenses enough to allow for a disconcerting bout of openness, but she whispered. “Cobie, I’ve never been with a woman before.”

  Cobie smiled, sexy and taut as she crawled up along her body. “It’s okay. I have.”

  The shot of bravado should have annoyed her. Instead, she caught hold of Cobie’s hips and pulled her down hard. “Show me.”

  Cobie lowered her head and set to work doing the most amazing things with her mouth, down her neck, across her breasts, along her rib cage. Lila’s skin burned everywhere she kissed, and she writhed beneath her, desperate for more, until the moment Cobie’s lips closed around her need.

  She bucked up hard as the sensations overwhelmed her, twisting through her body and incinerating her mind. She was both covered and filled with Cobie, who played and coaxed with each press of her fingers or stroke of her tongue. She called out, but the words blurred together like her vision, as though need of this magnitude had no coherent language. She sank one hand into the plush fabric of the ottoman, trying to hold herself anchored, while the other clutched tigh
tly at the back of Cobie’s head, urging her to send them both toppling over the edge. The two instincts warred within her, the one to hold tight and the one to let go.

  Cobie apparently had no such conflict. She remained relentless in her pursuit of Lila’s pleasure through the proof of her own skill. In her fevered thoughts, Lila fervently vowed to herself and any higher powers who might listen she would never underestimate this woman again if only she’d keep doing whatever amazing thing she was doing with her mouth. Then, as if her prayer had been answered or the ante upped, Cobie pushed inside her, and another of the cords tethering her to reality snapped.

  A million lights flashed behind her eyes as every muscle coiled and pulsed. Her hips, legs, and back all arched off the ottoman, and air fled her lungs in the most exquisite rush. Then everything crashed back into a thrumming tangle of limbs and nerve endings. Aftershocks raced along her spine, contracting and shattering every connected muscle group. Still, Cobie refused to stop until she’d pulled every last bit of energy she had, leaving Lila completely spent beneath her.

  Crawling up beside her, Cobie curled into the crook of her neck and kissed Lila softly on the cheek before whispering, “Thank you.”

  Lila had the wherewithal only to wonder what Cobie could possibly be thanking her for when it seemed like the opposite was much more warranted. Cobie had been kind, attentive, respectful, skilled, and a million other delicious things that left her mind and body whirring. She should say so, or at least offer something in return, and she intended to as soon as she closed her eyes for just a moment to gather her wits and her strength once more.

  Chapter Six

  Two questions cycled repeatedly through her mind as she stood over the beautiful sleeping body curled up so serenely in her bed. The first was what the hell did we do, and the second was when can we do it again? There probably should have been a third, something along the lines of how can we undo this or what the hell can I do to mitigate this disaster, but Lila was too stunning in the early morning light to allow the darkness of regret to take hold. Cobie surrendered to her own reckless will one more time and kissed her lightly on the temple.

  Lila’s eyelids fluttered at the contact but didn’t open, and Cobie didn’t know if she should be relieved or disappointed. She would have liked to have seen those baby blues fixed on her as they blinked away a night of contented sleep, but then again, she worried how they might shift as Lila realized she’d woken in Cobie’s bed. Would she be grateful? Happy? Dreamy? Or would she distance herself? Perhaps she’d lash out or, worse, accuse Cobie of misreading or even taking advantage of the situation. She’d never know, at least not about Lila’s initial reaction. By the time she got back from her meeting, the moment would have passed, and she didn’t doubt she’d come back to find Lila fully dressed, fully poised, and in full defense mode.

  She straightened up and quickly left the room before she freaked out at the prospect of Lila turning on her. She’d have to have her mini-meltdown on the way to work.

  Malik waited for her in the front entryway, and a surge of guilt shot through her. Why? Because she’d slept with his friend? Because he didn’t know? Or maybe he did, because Malik seemed to know a lot more than he ever said aloud. Did he judge her? Had he seen this happen before? Had he hoped for better? Probably not. She was likely pinning her own emotions on him because doing so was easier to deal with than turning the mirror on herself.

  “Ready?” He finally asked as he held out a stainless steel go-cup, which from the smell held a strong serving of coffee.

  She nodded. “Thank you.”

  He didn’t speak any more as he led her out the door. There were no paparazzi as they got into the car this morning. Perhaps her staying there had become old news after only two days, or more likely, they didn’t expect anyone to be up so early. Funny how her going to get bagels the day before had been downright scandalous, but sneaking out on the sleeping star in her bed didn’t attract any attention. That was probably a good metaphor for her and Lila’s entire relationship. Everything that tantalized the public interest was safe, and every mundane moment carried an underlying current of danger. Every scripted encounter dripping with sexual innuendo left her distant and disconnected, while a quiet evening off the clock ended with them having sex.

  Cobie groaned, and Malik’s eyes flicked to the rearview mirror, but he said nothing, leaving her twisting in her own thoughts. She had slept with Lila Wilder. No, even the idea of sleeping together left her off the hook. She’d had sex with Lila. And Lila had willingly come along for the ride. She didn’t know which fact she found harder to believe.

  At least Cobie was a lesbian. She’d clearly been the one to understand what was happening at all times last night. She’d done most of the driving, and why shouldn’t she? She was physically attracted to Lila. Even now she felt the pull in her gut begging her to turn back toward the naked body in her bed, to kiss, to drink, to dive deeper into pleasure she’d denied herself for too long. But she couldn’t be that person. She couldn’t just take what her baser instincts demanded. Maybe in a full and equal relationship she would have kept Lila writhing beneath her for days, but what they shared had never been full or equal.

  And yet, last night she had not been alone, and she did not suffer any power dynamic Lila maintained, which was probably why she found Lila’s participation in the encounter so surprising. Perhaps participation was too clinical a word. Lila hadn’t just come along as a passenger. She’d kissed Cobie first. She’d removed the first article of clothing. She’d practically begged for release. Lila Wilder did not beg for anything, and yet she had. For Cobie.

  A surge of pride stirred in her, but she quickly tamped it down. She could not and would not see Lila as a conquest or something she’d used for the purpose of bolstering her confidence. Despite the new haircut and wardrobe, she wasn’t Vale, some devil-may-care, morally ambiguous womanizer. She’d never done anything like this before. She was in uncharted territory, which wouldn’t bother her so much if she felt like Lila could say the same. She didn’t begrudge Lila any of her past lovers, but it did bother her to think that Lila would once again have the upper hand in their power dynamic because of her experience in similar situations.

  She shook her head. She couldn’t believe she was sitting in a town car with a bodyguard, obsessing over the power dynamics of a business deal because she’d slept with a woman she was fiercely attracted to. Those things shouldn’t go together. Maybe they did for Lila, but not for her. She couldn’t sleep with someone and pretend it didn’t mean anything or, even worse, pretend it meant something it didn’t. Her body, her emotions, they weren’t about getting power plays or getting a movie role. Her sexuality wasn’t for sale, not for Lila, not for Stan, not even for Talia. She’d compromised her morals as far as she could for this charade, but she couldn’t have sex with someone to get ahead in her career.

  It all seemed so simple when she put it that way, and yet last night hadn’t been about work or the movie or even the charade. If it were about those things, at least then she’d know what to do, but she’d slept with Lila out of pure desire to do so. Desire was trickier, more complex, and less morally certain. Did what they’d done make a fake relationship a real one? Not exactly. Parts of it were still definitely for show, other parts were too real to be trusted, but now the two parts had intertwined in ways she couldn’t always decipher. If she took Lila’s hand in public, would it be because she wanted to or because the press wanted her to or because Lila wanted her to? And why would Lila want her to? Because she desired it or because she desired some benefit that might come from it later on? Could she ever know the answers to those questions? Could she live with herself if she went forward anyway?

  “Would you like me to park in the garage or let you out at the front door?”

  She jumped at the sound of Malik’s voice. Looking around frantically, she realized they’d arrived in Times Square. How the hell had she missed Times Square?

  “No,” sh
e whispered.

  “Excuse me?” Malik asked.

  She jumped again. She had to pull herself together. He’d asked her a question, one that needed more than a yes-or-no answer. “Sorry. You can just drop me here.”

  He pulled to the side, blocking traffic as horns blared around them. “Text me when you’re done, and don’t come out of the building until you see me pull up, okay?”

  She didn’t argue. His protectiveness was the least of her concerns right now. “Thank you.”

  She walked quickly through the lobby, refusing to make eye contact with anyone as she went. She couldn’t handle small talk or autograph seekers right now. She had a meeting with her manager. A business meeting she needed to handle like a professional. Like the professional she’d felt like yesterday morning. A professional who was committed to giving her fauxmance with Lila everything she had in her. Her mind flashed to the memory of Lila, spread naked and open across the ottoman. Her stomach tightened and her face burned. Perhaps giving everything she had was a bit too much, and yet if the situation arose again, she didn’t trust herself not to react the same way.

  Thankfully, she was in the right place to put a stop to it. As she rode the elevator up to Levy and Levy, she realized she was once again on solid footing. Stan didn’t care about her feelings. Stan didn’t even know she had feelings. Stan knew business. Stan made deals happen. He also knew how to make them go away. She didn’t know how, but that’s what she paid him for. He found a way to get her into this mess. He could find a way to get her out.

  She thought of Lila again, curled up in her bed, features serene and soft and vulnerable, but as the elevator doors opened, the rush of people and glint of glass jarred her back to reality. She and Lila weren’t a couple. They were a business agreement.

  The receptionist recognized her quickly this time and sprang from her desk. “Ms. Galloway, we’ve been expecting you.”