“That’s the first time you’ve seen her perform?” Emma asked, sounding confused.
“Yeah, well, pop concerts aren’t usually my scene, but I only made an exception for you.”
“Yeah right,” Emma scoffed. “I heard you singing along. You knew the songs, like, more than a few of them.”
Lila threw back her head and laughed. “Busted.”
Cobie feigned dismay. “How many times you gonna throw me under the bus tonight, Em-n-Em?”
“As many as it takes, Corn Cobe.”
“Corn Cobe?” Lila was laughing so hard her cheeks hurt.
“Oh yeah, and Corn-a-cobia and Cobra and Co-Jack cheese.”
“Lila, will you excuse us while I go smother my sister with a pillow?”
Emma ducked behind Lila, who put out her arms to create a human wall. “This kid is worth her weight in gold to me right now. Don’t make me scream for Malik.”
Cobie folded her arms across her chest and gave her the villainous stare she’d been practicing as of late. The smolder in her eyes was enough to cause a disconcerting flame to spark in Lila’s core, but she stood her ground. She’d gotten very good at hiding her physical reactions to Cobie’s more sultry expressions, even if she hadn’t been able to completely forget the sight of her naked body hard and attentive above her own.
“Fine,” Cobie finally said dramatically. “I’ll let her live, but only until she gets her first boyfriend so I can embarrass her the same way.”
Lila glanced over her shoulder and noticed Emma’s cheeks had gone a bright shade of pink. “Cobie, something tells me you won’t have to wait as long as you think.”
“No, I’ve got a couple years at least,” Cobie said, then faltered. “Em?”
Emma’s blush deepened. “I wanted to tell you in person.”
“Tell me what?”
“Remember how I went to the Christmas dance with Tommy Martin?”
“I remember how you said you went with a friend.”
“Well, now we’re more than friends.”
“Since when?”
“Since we went to the movies two weeks ago and he held my hand.”
“And?”
“And last weekend we went out for pizza and he kissed me goodnight.”
All the color drained from Cobie’s face, and Lila stepped closer, momentarily afraid she’d have to catch her when she passed out. “Hey, I think this is a couch conversation.”
“Yeah,” Cobie agreed as she slowly lowered herself down to the cushioned surface.
“Are you mad?” Emma asked.
“No,” Cobie answered. “Of course not. I’m just surprised this happened as early as it did.”
“I’m almost fifteen.”
“Yeah, I’m surprised that happened as fast as it did too,” Cobie admitted. “And I’m sad I wasn’t there for you when you got home. I’m sad I didn’t get to wait up for you and meet him at the door and give him my new villain’s-apprentice stare. Mostly, though, I’m sad I didn’t get to hear about it until a week later. You know you can always call me anytime you have something to talk about.”
“I know. It’s just not the same as talking in person,” Emma said, sitting down beside her. “And I knew I was going to see you this weekend. And I’m here now. And I told you. It’s not like it’s earth-shattering.”
“A first kiss is a big deal.”
Something about the way Cobie said the words, so soft and caring, made Lila’s heart twist. The memory of Cobie’s lips on hers the first time caused her to lift her hand to her mouth. She hadn’t understood then, or maybe she hadn’t wanted to, but the look on Emma’s face, her dreaminess in her eyes, the blush in her cheeks, the memory she’d cherish forever, that’s what Cobie had offered her in the restaurant. Something tender, something thoughtful, something so much like Cobie herself that Lila couldn’t even believe such a thing had existed then. Perhaps because she hadn’t understood people like Cobie truly existed then.
“He’s a nice guy,” Emma said. “He didn’t pressure me. He was sweet. So was the kiss.”
“Good,” Cobie said firmly, “’cause I have friends in high places and a lot of money to burn. If he ever so much as says a cross word to you, or about you—”
“Cobie!” Emma grabbed a pillow off the couch and used it as its name suggested by throwing it at her sister.
“I mean it, Em,” Cobie said, her tone a little lighter. “I want the best for you, and I know it probably sounds corny, but you’re special. You deserve to be around people who never let you forget that. Your first love is a big deal, but it’s really easy for things to get away from you. You do one thing to please him, then another and another, and they’re all little things, but before you know it, you can lose track of what’s for him and what’s for you. From there it’s not a long way to losing track of who you are.”
Emma turned to Lila. “Do you see? Do you see why I didn’t want to have this conversation on the phone?”
Lila laughed. “I’m starting to.”
“Oh, come on.” Cobie cut back in, but even she was laughing now. “You can’t gang up on me. Especially you, Ms. Wilder. You’re like teenage role-model extraordinaire. How many songs did you sing tonight about staying true to yourself?”
“A few,” Lila admitted.
“And how many songs did you sing about loss and regret and boys.”
“A few.”
“And what about the time between songs when you told the girls in the audience never to settle for less than they deserved. That was a very good speech. I got goose bumps.”
“You did?” Lila asked, surprised. She wouldn’t have expected Cobie to take her so seriously, not after everything they’d done over the last few months. She would have thought Cobie considered her a fraud. And she supposed in some ways she was. She’d spent the last two weeks doing exactly what she’d told her audience not to do. She’d passed up a shot at something genuine, something exciting, affirming, and wonderful to appease some expectation she let the market set for her.
“I did too,” Emma said.
“Wait. Why is it inspirational when Lila says those things and silly when I do?”
Emma laughed. “Because she’s her. She’s dated, like, everybody, and I haven’t even met any of your girlfriends since Tal.”
Cobie made a little squeak in her throat, and all the color drained from her complexion once more. Emma looked quickly from her sister to Lila and back again. What had she missed? The name? Tal? It didn’t mean anything to Lila, but it clearly meant something to the two of them. Cobie looked like she might vomit, and Emma’s expression suggested she might have accidently killed a puppy. Lila’s curiosity was overshadowed by her need to soothe them both, and thankfully, she’d learned to dodge unpleasant topics like a pro. Playing oblivious was always a valid choice for a pretty blond.
“I think your sister is probably a much better relationship model than I am,” Lila said. “I’ve kissed a lot of frogs and very few princes, and while I’ve never lost my head over any of them, I do have my fair share of regrets. How do you think I managed to write all those ballads?”
Emma’s mouth quirked up a little like she wasn’t sure if she was supposed to smile or not. The move reminded her of Cobie, and the kid worked her way a little deeper into Lila’s heart. “The first time I met your sister, I thought she was a massive dweeb. Honestly, you should’ve seen what she was wearing, and she literally fell all over me.”
“Did you?” Emma asked Cobie.
“I’m not sure I’d phrase it that way,” she said warily, “but I suppose the fact was I did trip over her. Was there a point to this story?”
“The point is,” Lila said, “your sister might not seem very cool at first glance, but she manages to be her own person, a good person, in a business that works hard to break women down and turn them into someone else. And that’s actually really cool, so maybe you should listen to her.”
“She might have a few good ideas about
standing up to pressure. I guess I have to give her that, but I think she’s punked you a little bit if you think she’s cool.”
Lila laughed. “Maybe I’ve just grown immune to her dorkiness after being around her for so long.”
“Like if you have chicken pox you can’t get them again because the virus is already in you.”
“All right.” Cobie grabbed Emma and pulled her into a headlock. “I’m sitting right here! No comparing me to viruses.”
Emma squirmed away, her laugher once again light and easy. “Fine, you win, not on the cool part, but you’re still my sister, so I guess we have to have each other’s backs no matter what. Sisters are forever.”
The final words struck Lila like a lance to the chest. She had to steady herself against the back of the couch and stifled a gasp by faking a yawn.
“Oh, jeez,” Emma said, looking over and seeming to notice her shaken state. “You look like you’re about to crash.”
Lila nodded. It’s all she could do as she turned from one sister to the other.
“I bet the shows take a lot out of you,” Emma said kindly, “and then all the people afterward.”
“It’s part of the job,” Lila answered, and after making sure her voice didn’t convey too much of her inner turmoil added, “but it does catch up to me eventually. Would you mind terribly if I went to bed?”
“Not at all,” Emma said quickly. “You guys go ahead.”
“You guys?” Cobie squeaked. “I’m going to stay in the room next door, with you.”
“No, you’re not. You’re going to sleep with your girlfriend.”
Both Lila and Cobie froze. Only their eyes moved back and forth from each other to Emma in a silent sort of questioning.
Emma finally laughed. “Do you guys think I’m a little kid or a prude?”
“No,” they both answered.
“We get the gossip news in Illinois.”
“Em, you’re not supposed to watch that stuff.”
“I don’t, but you two are everywhere. The magazines are in the airport, at the doctor’s office, the hair salon. I know you’re living together. You really think I believe you sleep in separate rooms?”
Lila frowned. They did sleep in separate rooms, with only one exception, but of course no one would believe that, which was sort of the point. But she’d never stopped to consider that everyone included people like Emma. Real people with real emotions and real investments. She didn’t have people like that in her life, and she hadn’t stopped to consider the fact that Cobie did.
“Guys,” Emma pleaded, “please don’t treat me like a little kid.”
Lila met Cobie’s eyes, seeing the questions and concerns roiling there. How could they get out of this without hurting Emma’s feelings or furthering the betrayal they’d already spent months perpetrating? Would telling her the truth now hurt her any less? If she believed that to be true, she’d do it without hesitation, but then everything else they’d said to her tonight would also feel like a lie, and it wasn’t. She thought back to earlier, when Emma told her Cobie really liked her and she replied in kind. That was the truth. It might not be the whole truth, but it was their truth. She cared about Cobie, and Cobie cared about Emma. They couldn’t undo what they’d done. They could only move forward with as much thought and caring as they could muster.
“She’s right,” Lila finally said. Cobie’s head snapped up, her eyes wide and her mouth open as if she intended to protest. Lila didn’t give her the chance. “She’s respected us. We need to show her the same respect. She’s not a child, and neither are we.”
“Yeah, but—”
Lila held up her hand and turned to Emma. “We’re three strong responsible women who care about each other very much.” She turned to Cobie, looked her straight in the eye, and said, “There’s nothing to be ashamed of or to apologize for when two people who respect each other want the same thing. Teaching her otherwise doesn’t help anyone.”
A muscle in Cobie’s jaw twitched, but she nodded. “Okay, you’re right. As usual.”
“This sister of yours is very smart,” Lila said to Emma exaggeratedly. “Or at least she knows when she’s beat, and that’s a kind of smarts too.”
Cobie snorted. “A kind of smarts Lila hasn’t developed yet.”
“It’s one I haven’t had any chance to practice.”
Emma rolled her eyes. “Yeah, and you two thought I wouldn’t know you’re sleeping together. Go bicker in your room so I can get some rest in mine.”
“Are you sure you don’t want to hang out more?” Cobie tried one more time.
“Goodnight, Cobie,” Emma said resolutely and headed in one direction while Lila took her cue and walked off in the other, with Cobie following reluctantly.
Lila shut the bedroom door, and the two of them stared awkwardly at each other.
“I’m sorry,” Cobie finally said.
“There’s nothing to apologize for.”
“I wasn’t prepared,” Cobie said sadly. “In my mind, she’s still a little kid who skins her knees on her bike and watches cartoons on TV. It all happened so fast. I didn’t think things through.”
Lila got the sense that Cobie wasn’t only talking about tonight. She could hear the doubt in her voice, and after witnessing the close bond they shared, she suspected those concerns went deep. She wished she could help more. She didn’t want to see Cobie suffer, and she didn’t want to hurt Emma, but she didn’t have answers for them. She didn’t have any experience with the kind of relationship they had, at least not any experiences she’d want them to emulate, and she didn’t have the emotional energy left in those areas to offer a cautionary tale. She could only say what she knew to be true. “Emma’s a good kid, and you’re a good sister. You’ll be fine. Let’s try to get some sleep.”
“Right,” Cobie said. “If you can spare a pillow, I can curl up on the floor.”
“Don’t be silly,” Lila said. “It’s a huge bed. We’re both fully clothed adults, and we’re both exhausted. I think we can be trusted to resist temptation for one night.”
The corners of Cobie’s mouth quirked up. “I don’t know. I’m pretty irresistible.”
Lila raked her tired gaze over Cobie, seeing not only her dark jeans and tight shirt, but also the memories of what lay beneath them. Thinking of Emma sleeping in the other bedroom, she gave a shudder. She had more than the physical enticing her. She also had powerful forces holding her back. She suspected it would be the latter that proved strongest.
• • •
Cobie must have fallen asleep. She didn’t think she would with Lila’s body so soft, warm, and tantalizing just across the sea of sheets, but as she stirred in the darkness, she found that sometime in the night the vast space between them had shrunk. Or, rather, disappeared.
Her eyes had yet to adjust to the darkness, but the warmth of Lila’s breath caressed her cheek as the scent of orchids and amber filled her nose. Lila was dangerously close and restless. The sheets stirred with erratic movement, and fingers clutched at Cobie’s sleeve.
“You can’t.” Murmured words floated through the night, followed by a string of incoherent mumblings.
“You said you wouldn’t.” Lila’s voice grew louder. “You said. You promised.”
Cobie sat up. “What?”
“You promised, Selena!”
“Promised Selena what?” Cobie was fully awake now, and the lights coming from the stadium were enough to illuminate Lila’s pale form on the bed beside her. Her face contorted, full lips pressed thin.
“I can’t,” Lila whimpered, and Cobie realized she was dreaming. Lila’s beautiful eyes were closed tightly against something she didn’t want to see, but her effort was fruitless, as whatever phantom tortured her clearly lived on the inside.
The urge to protect was strong and swift. Cobie lay a hand on Lila’s arm and whispered, “Shh, I’m right here.”
“No,” Lila begged. “Don’t go.”
“I’m not going anyw
here,” Cobie said a little more firmly. “I promise.”
“Selena, I can’t do it alone.”
Selena? A friend? A lover? Whoever she was, Cobie hated her for whatever she’d done to cause such a strong woman to shiver and shake.
“Lila,” Cobie said. She remembered reading once that you weren’t supposed to wake people from nightmares. Supposedly doing so could cause something bad to happen, but something bad was already happening inside Lila, and the thought of watching her suffer was too much to bear. “You’re dreaming. Wake up.”
Lila jerked, her eyelids fluttering but not coming all the way open. “Selena?”
“No. It’s Cobie.”
Lila’s chin quivered, and two big tears glistened along her white cheeks, reflecting in the dim light. The sight shattered Cobie’s heart. She sank to the bed once more, only this time she didn’t seek the distance she’d so adamantly imposed before. Wrapping an arm around Lila’s waist, she pulled her close so their bodies spooned together tightly.
Lila’s shoulders shook as she shed silent tears, and a piece of Cobie’s heart dissolved with each one. She didn’t know why Lila was hurting, but she was, and that’s all the mattered in the moment. The desire to soothe her overrode every curiosity or instinct for self-preservation. She held Lila tightly to her, stroking her hair and kissing the top of her head while she whispered soft reassurances. “I’ve got you. You’re safe. No one’s going to hurt you now. I’m here.”
After a long time the shudders subsided, and short shallow breaths gave way to a steadier rise and fall of her chest. For several moments, Cobie suspected Lila had fallen back into dreamless sleep, but she couldn’t bring herself to let go. Something still didn’t feel right. This clearly hadn’t been a random night terror. Lila hadn’t merely trembled. She’d called out a name. A woman’s name. A million thoughts swirled through her, but she fought to slam the door on all of them. Tonight, for better or worse, she was the only woman in Lila’s life. She was the woman in Lila’s bed. She was the woman holding Lila in her arms. She kissed her shoulder lightly and snuggled closer.
In Development Page 20