“Cobie?” The sound of her name in the darkness would have startled her if Lila’s voice hadn’t sounded so small and raw.
“I’m right here.”
Lila turned slowly in her embrace until they shared a single breath.
Cobie’s body responded against her better instincts, but fighting her own heartbeat was useless. She gave into the urge to fall into Lila’s shimmering eyes and imprint the memory of her body so supple and languid against her own.
“Thank you,” Lila whispered.
She smiled. “My pleasure.”
“You’d throw everything away right now if you could to protect Emma, wouldn’t you?”
The question was so simple and yet so unexpected it hurt her heart. All she could do was nod.
“You won’t have to,” Lila said. “I promise.”
The conversation felt surreal, the topic so disconnected from the press of their bodies. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“It’s okay,” Lila said. “I do.”
Cobie didn’t understand her, but she believed her. “You aren’t alone.”
Another tear escaped the corner of Lila’s eye, and Cobie used her thumb to wipe it away, but as she drew back her hand, Lila caught it in her own. She brought the palm to her lips and kissed it. Cobie drew a heavy breath as a mix of emotions and sensations raced through her, each one trying to top the others. The urge to soothe battled with the urge to consume. She chose the better angel and shifted so her lips weren’t so perilously close to Lila’s. Placing a chaste kiss on her forehead, Cobie closed her eyes to the temptation stirring in her core. Lila, however, didn’t share her fortitude, or perhaps she rejected the notion that she needed to be protected from the new tension building between them. Cupping Cobie’s face in her hand, she tilted her chin until their lips were once again level and pressed forward.
The kiss was feather light and soft as a spring breeze. There could be no danger in anything so tender, or at least that’s what Cobie told herself as she surrendered. Their mouths moved against each other slowly, exploring in ways they hadn’t had the time or inclination to do before. Lila’s lips were soft and searching, yielding and enticing. And soft. Had she already marveled at their softness? It was worth enjoying more than once. Lila’s kiss was no longer that of a woman with something to prove or someone surrendered to reckless abandon. She kissed Cobie like a woman who wanted nothing more than to be right here, right now. She kissed her squarely on the mouth, then along the corners that tried to flex up in a smile. She kissed her lower lip, bringing it gently between her own, and then moved up to kiss the tip of her nose, her cheek, her eyebrow. She started a slow arc around her hairline to her temple to her earlobe, pausing there to whisper, “You feel so good.”
“You,” Cobie muttered against the smooth skin of Lila’s cheek.
“I want you,” Lila said, her voice low.
“I’m right here.”
“I want you everywhere.”
Cobie groaned and pressed her lips more fully to Lila, her muscles coiled tightly, ready to spring into action, to take, to meet, to fill every need until her tongue flicked across her own lips and the taste of salt brought her up short.
Tears.
Lila was still crying.
Slowly, softly, silently, but still hurting. All the lust drained from her veins, and the energy that had coursed through her seconds before disappeared with it. She couldn’t do this.
“Lila.” She breathed the name as if it were as essential to her as the air carrying it. “We can’t.”
“What?” Lila searched her eyes. “Why?”
“Because you’re hurting, and I don’t know why.”
“You don’t need to.”
“You’re right. I don’t need to know. Not if I want to hold you. Not if I want to comfort you. Not if I want to protect you. I can do all those things right now, and I will, gladly. I promise I’ll be here through tonight and as many nights as you want without ever knowing anything more than the fact that I care about you,” Cobie explained, her voice trembling from the weight of the truth it carried. “But I can’t make love to you without knowing it’s for the right reasons.”
Lila stiffened and started to sit up, struggling against Cobie’s arms around her waist. “Who gets to decide what reasons are right?”
“You get to decide for you, but I get to decide for me. And I don’t want to be a numbing agent or a moment of weakness. I don’t want to be a regret.”
She expected a fight, or at least a cold shoulder. She got the sense that no one told Lila Wilder no, especially in bed. Lila’s eyes went wide, the pain now clearly visible there, but instead of wrenching away, she crumbled back onto the mattress, and resting her head on Cobie’s chest, she began to sob.
Cobie held her tightly once more, rocking her lightly and kissing her hair. She didn’t understand this pain. If she could have broken open her own chest and allowed Lila to crawl inside, she would have gladly borne her anguish, but she couldn’t control it or even combat it. She could only stand witness while it poured itself out, shaking them both and soaking her shirt. She held her as close to her heart as she could, for as long as she could, knowing that even after the storm passed and Lila pulled away, a part of her would always remain imprinted there.
Chapter Eight
“So, she didn’t sleep with you?” Malik asked softly as they drove through the streets of New York City. She sat beside him today, though she didn’t know why, and he hadn’t asked. He never did. Maybe that’s why she found herself telling him things she didn’t tell anyone else.
“She slept with me, but that’s it. I mean that’s not it. She held me all night. She kissed me. She promised she’d be there for me.”
“That’s a lot.”
She sighed. “But it didn’t lead to sex.”
“Does it have to?”
“It always has in the past,” Lila admitted. “I mean, not the whole crying thing. That was new, but the holding and tenderness and the empty promises.”
“Why do you assume her promises are empty?”
“All the others’ have been.”
“But they always led to sex too.”
She understood his point, but she didn’t like it. Cobie wasn’t like all the others. Somewhere deep inside she’d known that for a long time, maybe even from the beginning, but then again, she’d known that in the past too. She’d been so sure. She’d felt it with every fiber of her being only to be proven wrong. Nothing lasts forever.
“What did you tell her in the morning?”
“Nothing,” Lila said, shame pricking her chest.
“Nothing?”
“I snuck out of bed. I couldn’t face her. She was so perfect and strong and pure, and I wasn’t any of those things. I was a coward. I hid behind Emma.”
He didn’t respond. He kept his eyes firmly on the road ahead, and she could feel his disappointment as keenly as her own. She knew Cobie deserved better. She’d known it even then as she’d ordered a lavish meal from room service and kept the conversation light, never allowing the two of them to be alone. Not that morning and not after they’d returned to New York. In the week since, she’d used Felipe and work and even the press as a buffer. Not that Cobie had pushed. Cobie never pushed. She just stood there, always present, always steady. Lila would have almost preferred an outburst or, at the least, the petty arguments they’d had before. She would have preferred bickering to the quiet reminders of her own cowardice.
“I think having Emma there set me off.”
He nodded.
“I really haven’t had the dreams for a long time.”
He nodded again.
“I think it’s just because Emma’s at that age.”
He didn’t nod.
She sighed. “You think it’s because of Cobie, don’t you?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“She’s different. I see it. You think the contrast should mean something to me?” she aske
d, then didn’t wait for him to speak. He wouldn’t. “Just because she’s a good sister doesn’t guarantee she’d be the same in a relationship.”
“No.”
“And just because she didn’t want to sleep with me doesn’t mean she’s some sort of self-sacrificing saint.”
“No.”
“She’s a very good actress.”
He nodded again.
“Good sister, good person, good actress, I can’t trust any of it. I mean I could, but I don’t have to. I don’t want to. I’m doing fine, Malik. And Cobie, it’s just . . . damn it.”
He smiled, but not his big one. This one was more subdued, more sympathetic. “You’re going to have to deal with Selena.”
“I deal with Selena just fine, thank you. I deal with her to the tune of several thousand dollars a month.”
“You know that’s not what I mean.” He pulled the car into the parking garage and put it in park.
She folded her arms across her chest and stared out the side window. Of course she knew.
“Girl, you go after what you want in every other area of your life. You bend the whole world to your will when it comes to your career. You build empires and topple kings. You call every shot in every area but this one.” He laid his big palm softly on her shoulder and gave a gentle squeeze until she turned to face him. “If you let her keep you from trusting again, whether that’s trusting yourself or trusting someone else, you’re still beholden to her.”
“I’m not. She’s nothing but a bad memory.”
“Then why can’t you go after what you want with Cobie the way you go after everything else in your life?”
“I’m not sure what I want with Cobie.”
His dark eyes regarded her sadly, so much like the ones she tried not to remember. “That’s something only you can figure out. It’s your choice, but until you make peace with where you’ve been, you’re going to keep pulling her in and pushing her away, and you deserve better than momentary brushes with real connection.”
“You mean she deserves better.”
“That too.”
She sighed and shook off his hand, then reaching for the door, swung it open.
“Lila,” Malik said softly. “You got a lot of love in you. Sometimes denying that hurts worse than losing it.”
Emotion clogged her throat to the point she couldn’t speak. She merely gave him a curt nod and walked away.
She stalked through the halls of the hospital, ball cap tugged low, and ducked into the staff elevator. Pushing the button she wanted a little harder than necessary, she rubbed her hand and willed herself to settle down. She shouldn’t be angry at Malik. She wasn’t really. Maybe frustrated was a better term. He hadn’t given her anything she hadn’t asked for. And she’d opened that door because he was polite and insightful and sensitive. She shouldn’t be frustrated with him for being exactly what she loved about him.
Love.
Why had he used that word? She hadn’t said it herself. She didn’t even feel it. Not toward Cobie, not toward Selena, not toward anyone. Sure, she cared. She had interests and passions. She was also deeply attracted to Cobie, and not just on a physical level.
The elevator opened, and she kept her head down as she strode through the hall, avoiding eye contact with patients and nurses alike. No one paid her any attention anyway. Their problems dwarfed any inner turmoil roiling through her now. Coming to a stop outside an open door, she peeked quietly inside to see a young woman sitting on the bed, frail and alone as she stared out the window, a single suitcase next to her on the bed.
“Addie?”
The girl turned slowly, her smile tired and wary but resilient. Her eyes sunken but shining. Her body beaten but not broken.
Lila’s heart constricted in her chest as a rush of protective instinct clattered up against a wall of helplessness. Was that what love felt like? If so, then Malik was correct. She did have a lot of it in her, but she also had plenty of safer outlets for it than Cobie Galloway.
“Come on,” Lila said. “Let’s get you out of here.”
• • •
Cobie rose from the massive glass conference table at Levy and Levy as the opaque glass door swung open to allow Malik to enter. She smiled at him, but he was in full work mode, noting her presence the same way he would a potted plant. Once his intense gaze had swept the room, he stepped aside for Lila to breeze in, followed by Felipe.
“Hey,” Cobie said. “Where did you run off to before breakfast this morning?”
“I had some things to attend to.” Lila sat beside her, crossing her legs in a way that made her already-tight maroon pants seem like a second skin.
“Things to attend to?” Cobie raised an eyebrow. “Vague.”
“I told you I’d meet you here.”
She glanced at her watch but didn’t mention the fact that their agreed-upon meeting time had passed twenty minutes ago. Lila didn’t usually do fashionably late when it came to business meetings, so one time wasn’t worth fighting over. Then again, not much felt worth fighting over after Cobie had held her while she sobbed. Ever since then, their interactions had been limited to the short and tentative, and they never occurred in private. She’d considered pushing for more of an explanation or simply trying to check in on more than a surface level several times, but Lila had worked hard to never give her the chance.
Maybe that wasn’t completely true. Lila had been evasive, and Cobie had willingly accepted the message. She didn’t want to hurt her or embarrass her, and she certainly didn’t want to go back to them bickering all the time, but if she’d wanted to, she could have tried a little harder to knock down the walls between them. The truth was she wasn’t just worried about making Lila mad or triggering some unpleasant memories. She had concerns about her own emotional fortitude as well. It had been hard enough to resist Lila when their attraction had been purely physical. If she started feeling the need to protect her or comfort her or hold her through those long nights, she wasn’t sure she could survive. So while she didn’t really love being avoided, if the choice was polite distance or complete abandon, she supposed Lila had done her a favor by pulling away. Sure, she would have loved some middle ground, but when it came to Lila, there didn’t seem to be any chance of doing anything halfway.
“Ladies,” Stan called as he burst through the door with Mimi in tow. They were both dressed in pinstripes today. He wore classic navy with red accents, hers was cream and fuschia. “What a joy to have you both here at the same time.”
“Come here,” Mimi called as she skipped, her high heels giving happy little clicks across the floor as she went. “Can I hug you? I’m going to hug you. Both of you. Group hug!”
Cobie had barely gotten to her feet when Mimi caught her by the scruff of her shirt and pulled her in. She wrapped her arms around them both and did a happy dance, causing everyone to rock back and forth. Cobie sighed and extended her arms in resignation, which triggered a fleeting connection with the subtle curve of Lila’s waist where her soft sweater had ridden up. Her fingers brushed along smooth skin, and the images that flashed though her mind sent Cobie stumbling back. She might have gone all the way to the ground if Stan hadn’t caught her.
“Oh, that martial arts training hasn’t completely entrenched any catlike reflexes yet, has it?” he asked, his smile big and artificially white as he steadied her.
“I guess not.” Cobie took her seat again quickly in the hopes that no one would notice her blush. “But I had my initial read-through, and it went really well.”
“Oh, right,” Lila said as if remembering some important detail. “I forgot to ask. Did you read or act?”
Cobie grinned. “I acted the shit out of it.”
“Way to own it, Meryl,” Lila said with the broadest smile Cobie had seen from her in weeks.
Mimi and Stan exchanged a look of amusement, or was that concern? It was hard to tell with all the Botox they’d had injected into their brows and foreheads.
“You
two are playing beautifully together,” Stan said. “I already told Cobie, but it bears repeating, we’re impressed with both of you. You’ve been consummate pros, and the press’s reactions have gone beyond my wildest expectations.”
“Hear hear.” Mimi slapped a heavily jeweled hand on the glass tabletop with a metallic plink. “You’ve both upped your profile in what could’ve been really dry months for you. And Lila, you’ve cut your downtime between records in half. You’re ready to start recording?”
“Mostly,” Lila said, Cobie recognizing her show smile. “The major tracks can roll any day. Just working on the last song now.”
“The love song?” Mimi asked with a frown. “We could pull in a different writer.”
“No, no need.” Lila’s voice carried a forced casualness. “It’s almost there. So much love, a hit for sure.”
Cobie suspected Lila was lying but didn’t know if she’d fibbed for Mimi’s sake or her own. She didn’t have long to ponder the question though, because Stan cut back in.
“How’d the costume fitting go last week, Cobie?”
“Great. I mean I can’t eat for the next two weeks because everything’s skin-tight leather, but the director seemed pleasantly surprised with the muscle tone I’ve built over the last few months.”
“So I keep hearing,” Stan said, “and yet I only see pictures of you in baggy pants and sweatshirts.”
“That’s my doing,” Lila said. “We’re still gunning for the Vale look, dark and ominous rather than sex kitten, but I can vouch for the muscle tone. It’s there, and it’s impressive.”
Mimi and Stan’s eyebrows shot up so far they managed to even wrinkle their plastic foreheads this time, but Cobie couldn’t summon any more embarrassment through the wash of pleasure at Lila’s unexpectedly sexual compliment. She found her muscles impressive? That little bit of information would have her walking on air all day.
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