Defying Gravity: An Ice Tigers Hockey Novel

by Isabella Cassazza

  The screen flashes and a horse appears on it. The quality sucks, but at least it isn’t stopping and reloading all the time.

  “How many more until it’s Lily’s turn?” I watch as the horse knocks down a fence. The better for Lily. I hope she’ll reach her goals today.

  He clicks on a pdf button, and a starting list appears on the screen. Danny was right. Lily’s name is at the very bottom. According to the list, there are ten competitors left before we’ll see her.

  And then there’s only one rider left, and I’m ready to fly off the handle. It’s driving me crazy to sit here and watch helplessly as the woman I love enters the arena on my horse. The camera zooms in on her face, which is a mask of concentration and determination. I shift on my chair and jump as Danny takes my hand.

  Hypnotized, I watch as Lily and Cornado approach the first jump. Even over the live stream, the stomping of his hooves on the ground is audible. He seems as determined as she is, and I will him to lift his legs. Come on, boy, you can do this. Do it for her.

  I hold my breath as they approach a scary-looking combination, but Cornado flies over the big jumps, playing with them. I don’t know how many jumps are left, but no matter where they end, I’m proud of Lily. And of the stallion. It still feels weird to think of him as my horse, but I better get used to it.

  Danny squeezes my hand, and Cornado lifts his big body off the ground again. Applause erupts, and I look at Danny. “Is it over?”

  “I think so. Wait, I’ll check the list of results.” He flips to a different screen. “She won. Ty, she won the competition. Apparently no one else managed a clear round.” Danny shakes my arm back and forth.

  “Let me see.” I push him to the side, but there it is. Black ink on white paper. First place, Lily Parker and Cornado.

  I leap up from my seat and jump around like crazy. “Lily is a winner. Lily is a winner.” I only stop when I realize a phone is pointed at me.

  “Did you just film me?”

  He shrugs and smiles innocently at me. “I also sent Lily the video. It might be good for her to see how much we care about her.”

  Yeah, he’s right, she needs to see how much we care about her, even if it means she’ll think I’m a moron.

  It’s all we can do right now. I just hope she won’t leave us hanging for long.

  Chapter Twenty

  Lily

  “Well done, Lily. I’m so proud of you.” Ryan pets Cornado on the neck and looks up at me with a huge smile on his face.

  I should be over the moon right now, but as it is, I can barely muster a smile. This is what I always wanted—to win an international competition. Even if this one is just a developing class for young horses and not the actual grand prix, it counts. But winning isn’t as important as I thought it’d be. Not anymore.

  If it hadn’t been for Cornado’s brilliance, I’d have achieved nothing today, anyway. I can hardly remember pointing him in the right direction, let alone helping him with the distances. I’m functioning on autopilot today, and he deserves an extra bowl of mash tonight. I’m so proud of my big boy and hope the new owner will let me keep him for the time being. It might be nice to actually experience competitions with him and not just be a passenger on his back.

  I haven’t slept well these past nights. I still can’t believe I let Ty make love to me. It was so wrong, but so good at the same time. The most erotic night of my life followed by the worst morning after.

  How could I let this happen? I should have stopped him. But I didn’t want to. Just once I wanted to experience his touch on my body, to feel him inside me. Nothing could have prepared me for the passion between us. Reality beat my dreams a thousand times over. I’ll cherish those memories forever, even if I die a little each time I think of his pinched expression when we woke up the morning after. I could tell he felt as guilty as I did, which made me feel even worse about myself.

  I still don’t understand what happened. He said he has feelings for me, but he’s gay. Or was gay. I get that he must have been confused about his growing attraction to me, but I wonder if this was just an experiment for him. His life would be much easier if he were into women, and now he’s proved to himself that he can have sex with a woman.

  But it wasn’t fair to Danny. I’m not the one in a relationship with him, but he’s my friend—or was. He doesn’t deserve to be treated like this. I hope he got my message and he and Ty can fix things. I’ll keep my distance as promised, and things will go back to normal in no time. I can’t be the one responsible for their breakup. I’d never forgive myself for that.

  I’m a robot during the prize-giving ceremony. I smile when people congratulate me and accept everything they hand me. My cheeks hurt from the fake smile, but inside I feel only numbness. Cornado is a star though, standing tall and straight for the camera, patiently waiting for the ceremony to end. He has been my rock today, and I don’t know what I’d have done without him.

  After my part is over, Ryan decides to pull out of his competition as it has started to rain heavily, and the ground had already been slippery from the beginning. No point in risking an injury in the first outdoor competition of the season. Once we’ve loaded everything inside the truck, I’m bone-tired and ready to collapse.

  I’m glad Ryan is driving us back. Who knows where we’d end up in my current state of mind. I hope he doesn’t want to talk too much. I’m tired and hyperemotional, and I don’t want to lose it in front of my boss.

  He pulls out of the parking lot, and we’re on our way home.

  “Everything all right, Lily?”

  I muster a halfhearted smile. “Just a little tired. I couldn’t sleep last night.”

  “I see. I remember my first international competition and how little I slept beforehand. Go to sleep, then. I’m proud of you, Lily.”

  I turn in my seat and use my hair as a shield so he can’t see my face. Tears stream down my cheeks. If he only knew. I’ve been lying to him the whole time, and my behavior with Tyler is nothing to be proud of.

  It’s warm in the truck, but I feel ice-cold inside. Those puck bunnies were right, I’m a slut without a conscience. I pull my arms and legs closer to my core and bite my cheek to stop the sniffles from erupting.

  My back hurts like crazy after a while, protesting against my huddled position, but I don’t dare to move, afraid of giving myself away. I could use Danny’s magic hands, but that’s not going to happen. I’ll be lucky if he talks to me again.

  Sleep doesn’t come on the drive home, but pretending to saves me from conversation. Instead, I stare out the window and take in the gloomy weather that mirrors my state of mind perfectly.

  Once we’ve arrived home, the autopilot inside me takes over again and I see about Cornado. When he’s back in his stall, he nudges me gently in the side, and I put my arms around his neck and cry into his soft coat. His love is unconditional, and he puts his head on my back while I cling to him like my life depends on it.

  * * *

  I wake up after another restless night and take a quick shower. My shower isn’t as comfy as the incredible bathrooms in Danny and Ty’s apartment. Funny how quickly one gets used to new standards. Growing up, we never had a lot of money, and compared to the trailer we had to live in for two years, my apartment now is a vast improvement.

  After I put on my work gear, I sit down at my foldable table in the kitchenette and rub my eyes while I wait for the coffee to brew. Five horses are waiting to be ridden today, and Wioletta has a lesson scheduled later as well. What am I going to tell her?

  Ty and I haven’t broken up officially, have we? I can’t just let him down like that. Maybe we can continue our act. Perhaps he can excuse me at functions, and we won’t have to see each other again, but I could still be of help in name only.

  I stand up to collect my coffee and pick up my phone. I have two messages, one from my mom and one from Danny. Another wave of guilt washes over me. I didn’t even call my mom yesterday, even though I knew she’d be rooti
ng for me. I’ll give her a call later. Right now, I might lose it talking to her.

  My finger hovers over Danny’s message. I’m not sure I want to read it, but waiting until tonight to find out isn’t a good idea either.

  I don’t want to be thrown off and risk an injury just because I can’t concentrate. Not every horse is as supportive as Cornado has become over the past weeks.

  When I click on it, I see it’s a video message.

  In the short video, Tyler is jumping around in their living room and shouting, “Lily is a winner. Lily is a winner.” Then the perspective shifts to Danny, capturing his boyish smile that I’ve come to love so much.

  “This is what happens when you’re not here. But you were right, he’d have caused a big commotion. Don’t ever let him attend your competitions. We miss you, Lily. Please come back to us.”

  I press my hand against my mouth but can’t stop the tears from falling. Apparently this means they haven’t broken up, and I’m so happy for them. This is the way it’s supposed to be, but I have to keep my distance from now on. I can’t be the reason for any problems between them. They deserve better than me.

  I brush away my tears and down my coffee, not tasting the strong brew at all. A tight fist constricts around my heart. I’ve lost everything. If I only knew how to deal with the emptiness inside me. I want to crawl back into bed, hide underneath the blanket, cry until there are no tears left anymore.

  Instead, I inhale deeply and push the chair back. It’s time to head to the stable. I just hope the others can’t guess my current state of mind. How would I explain what happened to them? I can’t tell my coworkers the truth; I’ll suffer in silence instead. No way I’m giving away Danny and Tyler.

  Because I can’t stop my hands from shaking, it takes me ages to put on my boots and leave the coach house. I’m running late for my first horse, but just when I’m about to enter the barn, Jess runs toward me.

  “Lily, Ryan wants you in his office.” She doesn’t stop but keeps running toward the coach house. Weird. I haven’t paid much attention to what’s been going on at the stable these past weeks. I know she and Nick didn’t get together, but I’m not sure what happened. It’s time to catch up with her again, but first I need to find out what Ryan wants. He only calls us into his office if something is amiss. My already crappy day is about to get worse. But I have to face him, so I knock on the office door and enter.

  “Good morning, Lily. Please take a seat.” His expression is serious. Have I done something wrong? I barely remember how I got to bed last night. Perhaps I left a stable door open?

  “Lily, I wanted to inform you that Cornado’s owner has bestowed him to you.”

  “Say that again?” What? Why? The stallion is worth a fortune. Why would someone give me a present like that? I don’t even know the owner’s name.

  “Why?”

  “Because he wants you to keep him. He wants to see you win again.”

  “I don’t have to own him to do that. Who’s this mystery owner anyway?”

  “I’m not allowed to tell. He wants to stay anonymous.”

  Something isn’t right here. I’ve never heard of such a thing. This isn’t a Hollywood movie. The owner doesn’t even know me in person… or does he?

  The only person I can think of with enough money to buy Cornado is Tyler, but he wouldn’t buy a horse. He’s religious about saving money. But the more I think about it….

  He wanted to pay me in the first place, but I wouldn’t accept any money. Gifting Cornado to me might be his way to ease his conscience.

  “It’s Tyler, isn’t it?” I grab the armrest, waiting for his answer.

  “I can’t tell you.”

  I blink rapidly. “You knew and didn’t think to tell me?” What happened to honesty in this world? As if you’re any better, Lily, a tiny voice inside my head whispers. I’ve become the queen of secrecy over the past months.

  Unwilling to think about my situation, I don’t give Ryan a chance to answer, just bolt out of the office, banging the door shut. I’m ready to explode. Who the hell does Tyler think he is? He can’t buy me a horse as expensive as Cornado.

  Without thinking, I dial Ty’s number.

  “Lily—” His voice sounds soft.

  “You can take your fucking gift and shove it up your ass.”

  “It’s nice to hear from you too, Lily.”

  “Cut the crap, Tyler. How can you do this to me? Are you paying me for services received? Was I that good? When did you buy Cornado in the first place?”

  I have trouble breathing and hold onto a fence, gulping for air.

  “Wow, Lily. That’s bullshit, and you know it. I bought the horse as an investment when he went up for sale, and don’t you dare imply what you just did. Don’t cheapen what we have.”

  “Had, Tyler. Past tense. I can’t see you anymore.”

  I hear his labored breathing.

  “Then you’ll have to accept Cornado. I won’t take him back.”

  “I don’t want him either.”

  “Then come over and talk to us.”

  “That’s blackmail.” Even to me, my voice sounds weak.

  “Please, Lily. We only want to talk.”

  I sigh. I have some things in the apartment that I need to collect anyway, and we have to resolve the situation with Cornado. I won’t accept a gift as expensive as that. He’s wrong to think I’ll take the horse as payment for playing my role. “I’ll be over at eight.” I hang up before he can reply. Just once more I’ll have to see them. One last time.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Tyler

  When the doorbell rings, Danny and I both jump up and freeze, simultaneously locking eyes with each other.

  “You should go.” He motions me to the door.

  I take a deep breath and will myself to put on what I hope is a warm and welcoming smile as I reach for the door, but I don’t open it right away. Whatever happens tonight is going to have a significant impact on my life—on our life. Either we’ll be happier than we’ve ever been before or we’ll all end up heartbroken. I bet my left ball that Lily is in love with both of us, but she hasn’t said so, and I’m not sure if she’s willing to take a chance on us.

  “Open the door, Ty. She’s waiting.” Danny’s voice startles me.

  I open the door and step to the side.

  “Hey.” Lily doesn’t meet my eyes when she brushes past me. A wave of fruity sweetness hits me and my dick twitches in response. I swear to God she’s even more beautiful than the last time I saw her, even with dark blue shadows underneath her eyes, but I need to keep my head in the game. There’s much at stake. I’m playing the most important game of my life tonight.

  I close the door and turn to her. When she looks at me with those big blue eyes, the only thing I want is to lose myself in them again. But we’re not quite there yet. Instead of hugging her, I kiss her cheek briefly, not trusting myself to do more. I’ve never felt more uncertain than in this life-altering moment.

  “Hey, Lily.” Danny’s voice saves me from further embarrassment.

  “Hey, Danny.” He doesn’t hug her either but follows my example and places a kiss on each cheek. Afterward we stare into each other eyes as if the other has the magic solution at hand.

  Lily breaks the silence. “I won’t accept Cornado. You can’t just give him to me.”

  “Lily, I know I said we would talk about the horse, but don’t you think we have more important things to discuss first?” I take a step in her direction.

  “Like what?” Well, at least she’s willing to listen. She’s holding herself so tightly together that I’m afraid she’ll break into a thousand pieces any second.

  “Like the fact that you’re in love with me, and I’m in love with you.”

  “Doesn’t matter. You have Danny, and I’m an intruder.”

  “What if Tyler isn’t the only one in love with you?” Danny steps around me and takes Lily’s face in his hands.

  “But… n
o. You don’t have to pretend to want me. You should hate me for what I’ve done to you.”

  “I could never hate you, Lily. I’m in love with you.” And then he bends his head ever so slowly, and his mouth descends on hers to claim her lips in the sweetest kiss.

  “That’s not fair.” Lily pulls away.

  “All is fair in love and war, Lily.” Danny palms her cheek.

  “This isn’t war.” She stares openly at Danny.

  “But it’s love. Stop denying yourself. Stop denying us. You’re our missing piece, Lily. The one you only know you’re missing when all the other pieces have already been laid out. The one that completes the picture, and the one you’ll never let out of sight again after you’ve found it.”

  Her mouth opens and closes again. Damn, my man can give speeches. I couldn’t have said it better.

  Danny chuckles, smiling warmly at her. “I’ve missed you, little one.”

  “I’ve missed you too.” She smiles shyly at him, then turns to me. “And you. I’ve missed you too, Tyler.”

  “Is it fair to say we all missed each other?” I wink at both of them and receive an enthusiastic nod from my two favorite people in the world.

  “I think we all want the same thing.” Danny takes Lily’s hands in his.

  “How would this work?” Lily asks, all matter-of-factly, and I remember her voicing those exact same words on the evening when we first met her after she saved Danny and me in the parking lot.

  “To the outside, everything stays as it is. You and Ty are an item. In private you’re with both of us. We’re all in one relationship.” He caresses her hands with his thumbs, keeping their hands interlaced.

  “Aren’t you jealous?”

  “No, Lily, I’m not jealous. I admit I wasn’t happy when Ty told me what happened between the two of you at the fundraiser. Actually, I was pissed. I’m still not happy that Ty didn’t talk to me about his growing attraction to you. I’d rather have been involved from the beginning, but I’d be a hypocrite to reproach him for doing the very same thing that I’ve been dreaming about for quite a while now. I truly can’t blame him. To be honest, I wanted you from the moment you stormed into our life. Just for the record, I wanted to kill you too when you stepped in front of Ty and kissed him, but once I got to know you, I’d have done anything to keep you in our lives. I’ve tried long enough to fight my attraction to you, but I’m done with that.” Danny takes a deep breath. “I’m in love with you, Lily, just as I’m in love with Ty, and I know he feels the same way.”