“I heard him ask Emma, and then he asked me.”
“What did you tell him?”
“I told him you were in the house, probably feeding Mollie. Why didn’t you leave the kitchen?”
Rosanna shrugged. “I felt more comfortable there.”
“The other young folks are your freinden. I’m sure you’d fit right back in if you gave yourself the chance.” Sarah held out her arms. “Now give me this precious girl. You haven’t gone to the last several singings. You need to get out. Mollie will be fine. You know how Katie and Sadie dote on her. She won’t lack for attention.”
Rosanna looked at her mamm’s outstretched arms but still hesitated. Part of her wanted to go, but a bigger part of her wanted to bathe Mollie, cuddle her, and tuck her into bed.
Sarah wiggled her fingers. “You can go and return with Tobias, so you won’t be alone.”
“He might want to take someone home. He wouldn’t want me around.”
“He can take someone home. He can simply drop you off before he takes home whichever girl he chooses.”
“I don’t want to spoil his evening.”
“You’ll only spoil my evening if you don’t hurry and get ready to go,” Tobias said from the doorway. How much of the conversation had he heard? Not much, Rosanna hoped. He crossed the room in several long strides. He gently tweaked Mollie’s nose and playfully punched Rosanna’s arm. “Besides, I might not want to take anyone home this evening.”
Rosanna threw him a mock look of disbelief. “What? Are my ears playing tricks on me?”
Before Rosanna realized what he was doing, Tobias had lifted Mollie from her arms and plunked her in Sarah’s waiting arms. “Now go get ready!”
“But . . .” Rosanna looked from Sarah to Tobias, feeling totally helpless.
“Go have a gut time,” Sarah said. “We’ll be just fine.” She stroked Mollie’s cheek.
Rosanna sighed in defeat. She wasn’t at all certain she’d be “just fine.” Maybe she could sneak back outside and hide in the buggy until Tobias was ready to go home. The weather was a bit cold, though, to stay in a dark, unheated buggy for too long. And it would be nearly impossible to hide in Tobias’ open courting buggy. She dragged herself toward the stairway.
“Hurry up!” her bruder barked out behind her. “I move faster than that in my sleep.”
Rosanna turned and wrinkled up her nose at him. She might have poked out her tongue if Mamm hadn’t been watching. That probably wouldn’t be a very mature thing to do, though, and she did need to set a gut example for Mollie.
Reluctantly she pulled her blue dress from the peg on the wall. She should be excited to go to a singing. Instead she dreaded the entire evening. She changed her dress, smoothed her hair, and straightened her kapp. She imagined Tobias was standing at the bottom of the stairs with his arms folded across his chest and the toe of one foot tapping furiously.
“It’s about time!” he said when she emerged from her room.
Rosanna had been mostly correct. Tobias was standing at the bottom of the stairs. He already had on his jacket and black felt hat. His toe tapped. Instead of having his arms crossed, though, his fingers drummed on the handrail. “I didn’t take that long.”
“Right.”
“What’s your hurry? Are you anxious to see someone special?”
“Nee. I just don’t like being late for anything.”
Rosanna supposed that was true. Tobias generally arrived early for any activity he needed to attend. For all his joking and lightheartedness, he was a very punctual person. “I don’t think anyone will care if we’re a teensy bit late, but we probably won’t be.”
“Here.” Tobias held out Rosanna’s cloak and bonnet.
“You really are anxious. I think there’s something you’re not telling me, Bruder.”
“I think I’m going to pick you up and carry you out the door.”
“Let me kiss Mollie.”
Tobias sighed and rolled his eyes. His toe tapping increased in intensity and volume.
“I’ll be right back.”
A few moments later, Rosanna settled herself beside Tobias on the open buggy seat. It would definitely be a chilly ride. She scooted a little closer for extra warmth. “So who is it?”
“Who is who?”
“Who is the girl you’re so anxious to see?”
“I didn’t say I was anxious to see anyone, if you remember.”
“I remember you said that, but my gut tells me otherwise.”
“Maybe you should have taken some medicine for that gut problem.”
Rosanna elbowed his upper arm. “I won’t tell anyone, you know.”
“There’s nothing to tell anyway.”
She sighed. “If you say so. Just remember you have to take me home.”
“Maybe you’ll ride home with someone else.”
“Not a chance. I’m sorry, Bruder, but you’re stuck with me.”
“Could be worse, I guess.”
Chapter Thirteen
Rosanna’s attempt to sneak into the singing as Tobias’ shadow was thwarted when Emma spotted her almost immediately and tugged her to a seat on the girls’ side of the Bylers’ big barn. She had hoped to sit near the door and plan her escape, but Emma apparently had other ideas. Rosanna couldn’t easily refuse to accompany her freind without causing a ruckus and drawing unwanted attention. As she had told Tobias, they weren’t late, but they arrived barely before the singing began.
By the start of the third song, Rosanna had relaxed. The tension in her shoulders eased, and she felt the wrinkle between her brows smooth out. She loved to sing and soon lost herself in the songs, which were sung a cappella. Her gaze wandered from time to time. When her eyes flicked in Frannie’s direction, a pain wrenched her gut with a vengeance, and she nearly choked on her own saliva. Rosanna would have to be blind to miss Frannie’s less-than-subtle glances at Henry. “Out-and-out staring” might have been a more apt description. She tried hard to suppress a strangled cough but couldn’t quite hold it in.
“Are you all right?” Emma whispered.
“I swallowed wrong.” Rosanna coughed so hard tears flooded her eyes. So much for not causing a commotion or drawing attention! She gasped for breath and swiped a hand across her eyes before waving at the song leader to continue. If they started singing the next song, she could cough a little more inconspicuously and try to get herself together. Her cheeks burned hot enough to light a bonfire on a windy, wet day. She stared hard at her feet.
A prickling sensation crawled up Rosanna’s spine, raising the little hairs on the back of her neck to stand at full attention. Someone was staring at her as he or she sang. She tried to ignore the ripple that washed over her, but her curiosity won out. She lifted her eyes ever so slowly and scanned the girls’ section. They were all focused on their books or stealing glances across the barn at the buwe. None seemed even remotely interested in her.
When Rosanna’s eyes traveled to the male faces on the opposite side, her heart began to pound. Would Henry be looking at her instead of at Frannie? Nee. His eyes roved to where Frannie sat. Rosanna struggled to keep disappointment at bay. The certainty she was being watched persisted. She shifted her eyes slightly to discover Paul Hertzler staring at her. When their eyes locked, the smile he offered was so warm and sincere Rosanna couldn’t help but smile back. Why was Paul watching her?
Rosanna’s cheeks grew warmer. She snapped her attention back to the singing and threw herself into the rhythm of the next song. She needed to forget about Henry. She didn’t want to analyze the smile she had exchanged with Paul. She simply wanted to sing and make an escape as soon as she could.
Hearing only silence from the girl next to her, Rosanna peeked at her freind. Emma had stopped singing. Rosanna followed the other girl’s gaze to where it landed smack on Tobias’ face. Tobias? Emma was interested in Tobias? From her bruder’s smile, the interest appeared mutual. Rosanna’s nudge startled Emma. She jumped nearly off the bench and immediately joined
in the song.
“Tobias?” Rosanna whispered.
Emma jabbed Rosanna with a sharp elbow in answer. She ducked her head, but not before Rosanna glimpsed the other girl’s glowing face. Rosanna nearly laughed aloud. How interesting!
* * *
Paul’s heart warmed and its tempo increased when Rosanna smiled back at him. She had such a lovely smile. It lit her whole face. He’d been troubled by her solemn expression when she entered the Bylers’ barn a short time ago. It appeared that Emma practically dragged her inside. Even after the singing had begun, Rosanna seemed skittish, like she was set to take off at any moment. She sang each song with great fervor, but in between songs, that frightened-doe look took over. At least she had made the effort to attend tonight for the first time in a while. Paul prayed the right words would enter his mind to reassure Rosanna, and he prayed he got the chance to utter them before she bolted.
Whatever transpired between her and Emma obviously amused Rosanna. She looked as if she was about to burst into laughter. Her mirth brought a smile to Paul’s lips. He’d give anything to be the one to bring Rosanna joy. He had wanted to rush to her side to pat her back or to offer her a drink when she had that earlier coughing fit. He’d forced himself to remain seated. He’d felt her embarrassment as his own. He really wanted to talk to her when the singing concluded. Someday, somehow he had to show Rosanna how much he cared about her and Mollie. So far, suitable words hadn’t popped into his head to start even a general conversation, much less a serious one, and they were getting ready to sing the final song of the evening.
As soon as the last note died, Paul made his move. He didn’t want to be rude, but he feared he might have to trample over the fellow next to him to reach Rosanna before she slipped out the door. He saw Emma lay a hand on Rosanna’s arm, halting her, momentarily at least. Keep talking, Emma! Paul scooted past the other fellow but couldn’t make it any farther. A thump on his shoulder stopped him in his tracks. Ugh! Of all times for Ammon Byler to want to talk about his daed’s new horse! He tried to listen but was too preoccupied to give Ammon his full attention. He hoped he made appropriate responses. Before he could politely make his escape from his freind, he glimpsed Rosanna creeping out the door and disappearing into the darkness beyond.
Evidently satisfied with the conversation, Ammon shuffled off toward the refreshment table. Paul considered grabbing a few cookies to take to Rosanna, but figured any further delay in getting outside would give Rosanna time to put distance between herself and the barn, if she had taken off on foot toward home. Maybe she had decided to wait in the buggy for Tobias.
Paul paused for a moment after he stepped away from the doorway to allow his eyes to adjust to the darkness. He strained to hear any crunch of footsteps on the gravel or dried leaves to give him a hint as to which direction Rosanna took. All he could hear, though, was the sound of muffled voices from the barn. He looked around but couldn’t detect any movement. The night must have swallowed her and left no trace of her whereabouts. Would she even answer if she heard him call her name?
“Rosanna?” Paul whispered as loud as he dared. He certainly didn’t want to draw the others out of the barn. Rosanna would be mortified to have an entire search party trail her.
“Rosanna?”
Not a whisper, a gasp, or a grunt in response. He hadn’t been that far behind her. How fast a runner was she? He’d check the buggies first to make sure she wasn’t hiding there in the dark. With the nip in the air tonight, she’d freeze if Tobias lingered very long.
Paul swerved onto the grass so his footsteps didn’t create any noise. Now to discover which buggy belonged to Tobias. Surely if Rosanna was here he’d see her even in the blackness of the moonless night. His eyes swept each open buggy as he passed. He stopped when his gaze fell upon a lump in the last buggy. This one had to belong to Tobias, since he and Rosanna had been the last to arrive tonight.
“Rosanna!” He called a little louder since he was most likely out of earshot of the folks in the barn. She didn’t answer, but he saw her hunkered beneath a blanket. He climbed into the buggy and laid a tentative hand on the blanket. “That is you, isn’t it, Rosanna?”
“Jah.” The reply was soft, muffled by the blanket.
“Why are you out here? You’re going to freeze.”
“I-I’m okay.”
“Then why are your teeth chattering?” The blanket moved beneath his hand. He assumed she shrugged her shoulders. “Didn’t you want something to eat?”
“I-I’m not hungry.”
“Didn’t you want to talk to your freinden?”
“I shouldn’t have kumm at all.”
“Why not? We’re your freinden. We’ve missed you. I’ve missed you.” It was a gut thing Rosanna was still hiding beneath the blanket and couldn’t see him. Surely his cheeks glowed brighter than any full moon ever could.
“You have?”
Paul barely heard her voice. “I have. I was hoping to talk to you.”
“I-I figured everyone would pair off or would want to do that. I didn’t want Emma to think she had to babysit me if she wanted to talk to someone.”
“I don’t think Emma would feel like she had to babysit you. And you know very well not everyone pairs off. Some of us just like talking to everybody.”
“You’re right. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” The lump shifted. Rosanna poked her head out and gulped in a breath of air.
Paul chuckled softly. “I wondered when you were going to emerge for oxygen.”
Rosanna snaked a hand out from under the blanket to straighten her bonnet and to swipe at her face. Paul wasn’t sure if she had brushed away stray strands of hair or tears. Without giving his brain a chance to gain control over his hand, he reached over to capture her cold, much smaller one. “Your poor hand is as cold as an icicle.” He briskly but gently rubbed it between both of his own hands. He was surprised but encouraged that she didn’t immediately pull away. “Do you want to tell me what’s wrong? I’m a gut listener.”
“Ach, Paul! I don’t fit in anywhere anymore. I’m not sure where I belong. I’m not a carefree youngie now, but I’m not a married woman, either. I’m a single mudder, and let’s face it, there aren’t many of those in this community.” Rosanna gave a little laugh, but the sound was not at all joyful.
“We’re still your freinden, Rosanna. That hasn’t changed because you have Mollie. I, for one, think it’s wunderbaar that you took Mollie in without any hesitation.”
“I love Mollie.”
“That’s obvious.” Paul gave her hand a little squeeze. “She’s easy to love. She’s a very special little girl.” He paused a moment before blurting, “And you’re a very special mudder.”
“I want to be a gut mamm, but I don’t feel like it when I’m here instead of home with her.”
“Is this the first time you’ve left her in the two months you’ve had her?”
“Jah, except for when Becky’s twins were born and your mamm watched her for a few hours.”
“Don’t you think you deserve a little break once in a while?”
“Most mudders don’t . . .” Her voice trailed off.
“Sure they do. Daeds or grands or neighbors help out so they can catch their breath a bit.”
“That’s what Mamm said, too.”
“Sarah is watching Mollie tonight, ain’t so?”
“Jah.”
“I’m sure she’s happy to do so.”
“She is. She loves Mollie, too. All my family dotes on her.” A huge sigh escaped. “It’s me. I guess I’m the one who’s changed, not everyone in there.”
Paul could barely see Rosanna’s nod toward the barn. “But you’ve changed in gut ways. Ach! That didn’t sound right. I didn’t mean you needed to change at all. You were perfect as you were, but your nurturing and protective instincts kicked in. It makes me think of Misty, our barn cat. She was a gentle, loving cat, but when her kittens came, she became more loving as she lavished attention on h
er bopplin.” Paul chuckled. “I guess that didn’t kumm out right, either. I didn’t mean to compare you to our cat.”
Rosanna squeezed his hand this time. “That came out exactly right, Paul. It was an ever so nice thing to say. I’ll always remember your kind words. You know, I’ve always loved cats, so it’s rather fun to think of myself as a mudder cat.”
This time they laughed together. Rosanna’s laugh ended with another sigh. “I hope . . .”
“You hope Mollie is okay.”
“How did you know that’s what I was thinking?”
“Like I said before, you’re a gut mamm. Mamms always worry about their kinner. I’m sure Mamm worries about me and my bruders, even if we are older. And I’m sure Sarah is taking great care of Mollie.”
“I know she is. Mollie is probably sleeping right now.”
“Why don’t you kumm back inside to grab some cookies and warm up a bit?”
“I think I’ll just wait here for Tobias. He probably wants time to visit. I’ll be fine huddled under the blanket. But you go ahead. You must be hungry and probably want to talk to the others. Maybe you even want to talk to someone special.”
Paul could hear the smile in Rosanna’s voice. The thought that persisted in his head slipped out before he could catch it. “I’m already talking to someone special.”
“Ach, Paul! You’re such a gut freind.”
Paul struggled to swallow his disappointment. Would she ever think of him as more than that? He tried to reassure himself. That was a gut start, wasn’t it? He couldn’t expect her to be ready for anything more at the drop of a hat. Patience was a virtue he would apparently need to cultivate more of.
* * *
He’d called her perfect and special. Could Mamm have been right? Did Paul think of her as more than a freind? Did he have other, deeper feelings for her? She could picture his red cheeks beneath his big, hazel eyes when he’d uttered that remark. He was probably glad the darkness masked his face. He could be inside enjoying himself, but instead he sat out here in the cold keeping her company.
Maybe she should go back inside the barn for his sake. But if they were spotted entering the barn together, everyone would think they had slipped out together, too. Oooh! Everything was so confusing? Besides, that glimpse she caught of Frannie slipping away with Henry and walking so close to him a gnat could barely squeeze between them left her feeling wounded and miserable. “I’ll be fine, Paul, if you want to go inside.”
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