by Lexi Wilson
I made the drinks and gave them both half off, then I punched out and grabbed my tips. I was eager to get out of the shop before I was asked to do anything else, knowing it wasn’t at all uncommon for Miss Jean to find a few extra things for the day shift to take care of before they left.
We’d done all that we were supposed to do, but she was the sort of person who wanted to see everyone do extra by the day, and she didn’t care if we were on or off the clock.
“Let’s get out of here before my manager comes up front,” I said. “See you later, Mitch!”
“Bye, Zia!” Mitch called after me as he pulled Kira close to kiss him before she left. It was nice to see her with someone and being so happy, but I always felt awkward being the person standing there while two other people were kissing, so I headed outside.
I knew she wasn’t going to be long, but I did have the time to check my phone before she got outside. I hoped I’d have a missed call from Josiah, or perhaps even a text message that would be asking me to come over for the night, but the screen was blank save for a few email notifications, and I sighed.
I knew he was busy, but there were times in my life when I really wanted him to be the one to send me more messages during the day. I felt so special when he would do things like that, and I always held the hope he was going to, but I wasn’t going to bring it up to him, and I would often tell myself it didn’t matter who did the texting first.
The last thing I wanted was for him to see me as clingy or needy, so I wasn’t going to ever mention to him that I wanted him to text me more often. I was still looking for the right time to bring up the fact I wanted to be official with him, and even that felt difficult.
“Sorry,” Kira said when she stepped outside. “I got a little caught up.”
“I noticed,” I said with a smirk. “He’s a great guy. I’m glad the two of you have been hanging out.”
“Me too,” she said, unable to hide the smile that grew across her face. “I wasn’t going to cuff anyone, but when he and I started talking beyond just having sex, well, I guess things just went from one thing to another, and here we are.”
“I think it’s for the best,” I told her. “You don’t need to be the one chasing guys when you have so much to offer the world. Let them be the ones to chase you.”
“Thanks,” she gave me a squeeze before the two of us started toward the small grocery store that was on the way back home. I wasn’t sure what I was hungry for, but I was trying to think about anything but Josiah. I didn’t want to talk about him again, knowing that I already talked about him all the time to Kira. She had to think I was obsessed.
But then, maybe I was.
“So, when am I going to get to meet this boyfriend of yours?” Kira asked, cutting into my thoughts.
“What?” I asked, surprised at her being the one to bring him up.
“You’re staring at your phone again. That can only mean one thing: you’re waiting for your boyfriend to call or text or something, but you’re also trying to be strong enough to not be the first one to contact him, am I right?” she grinned.
“You usually are,” I said, then sighed. “Yes, you’re right. I don’t know. I just don’t want him to think that I’m desperate by being the one to reach out first, you know? I mean, I would like to text him to come over for dinner tonight, or to go over to his place, but I mean – I’m almost always the one to contact him first.”
“I wouldn’t worry about it. I mean, the two of you have been pretty strong for nearly a month now, so I’m sure he’s serious. He’s just busy, that’s all,” she said. “And I want to finally meet him!”
“I know, I know!” I said. “I’m going to have him over soon, then you can.”
“You better,” she said as she walked into the store. I paused, however, as I recognized the car that pulled up to the curb.
“That’s him!” I exclaimed. “I’ll go see if he wants to come in!”
“Okay,” she giggled before disappearing around the corner inside the store. I was glad for the chance to ask him if he wanted to officially meet my roommate, not just because of the fact I didn’t want to spring the meeting on him, but because I hadn’t actually officially asked yet if he would be my boyfriend.
I wanted him to be. That was something I knew without a doubt. But, as with the text messages and hanging out, I didn’t want him to think I was being clingy, or that I was trying to get him to commit too soon. I wanted him to be the one to ask me to be his girlfriend rather than asking him if I could be, or asking him if he would be my boyfriend.
Maybe I was old fashioned, or maybe I just wanted him to make me feel special in that way. Either way, I just wanted to know for sure where things were going between us, and I knew we’d have to have that talk sooner or later.
“Hey!” I said as I reached his car. He’d gotten out and was now leaning against it with his hands in his pockets, looking as sexy as ever. He caught me in his arms and pulled me toward him, kissing my tenderly as he did so. It felt so natural, so right, all the doubts about where we were going and what we were dissipated.
“My roommate’s inside, and she’s been really wanting to meet you. Do you want to come in with me and say hi? She’d like that, and maybe you can come over for dinner, I’d like that, too,” I said. It was hard to talk between the kisses, but I managed to get it out, and I giggled as he hugged me tightly in his arms.
“I would if I had the time, but I can’t right now,” Josiah said, making my heart drop. “I wanted to talk to you for a second, so I was on the way to your job, but I’m glad I caught you out here.”
“You know you could always call me if you want to talk about something,” I said with a playful punch to his arm. “That’s the whole reason they invented cell phones.”
“I like to do things in person,” he said. “But I’ll keep that in mind.”
“What do you want to talk to me about?” I asked. I hated the suspense that came with the statement, and I wanted to know what was going on as soon as possible. I didn’t want to feel insecure or negative, but without having the official title on the relationship, it was difficult not to be paranoid at times.
“I’m not going to be able to see you this weekend,” he said. “I’m going out of town for a family thing, and unfortunately it’s something I can’t get out of. But I wanted to let you know before I left.”
“Oh,” I said, worried about the fact school was starting on Monday. I knew I was about to get really busy, and I didn’t want to lose the chance to see him on the last weekend I’d have free. “When are you going to be back?”
“I’m going to try to be back early Sunday afternoon, but depending on how it goes, I might not make it back until later in the evening. I’ll let you know when I’m back in town though,” he said.
“When will I get to see you again?” I asked. “I mean, school starts on Monday, and I’m going to have to work on top of it. I’m afraid you’re going to think I’m too busy and don’t want to spend time with you if I’m suddenly busy all the time.”
“Don’t worry about that,” Josiah said as he ran his fingers through my hair. I still didn’t want to be dramatic, but I was worried. “You’re going to see me next week.”
Chapter 16
Josiah
I sat outside my dad’s house, dreading the next few hours. I didn’t want to go inside. The shouts were already loud enough I could hear them from my car, and I knew there had to be yet another fight going on between my parents.
I hated broken families. I’d grown up in one, and I had dealt with the issues of students who had shared the experience in their own lives. It seemed to me that the only reason my parents were ever together was so they could fight about the fact that they were.
Most of my childhood, I questioned whether they truly loved me. Even though my mother had been the one to take me when they split, I wasn’t close with her anymore, either.
I’d arrived in town the night before, but I’d gotten a ho
tel room. I wanted to put off seeing my family as long as possible, and I wanted to have the chance to leave if I felt the need. I might have shown up like my sister had made me promise to do, but it didn’t mean I was going to stay if things got ugly between anyone.
In fact, I questioned whether I even wanted to go in. I could text my dad and tell him that I showed up, but there was so much shouting going on inside the house, I didn’t want to deal with it and left. I knew that wasn’t likely to go over well, but there was another part of me that felt they deserved it.
I didn’t deserve having to deal with this, not after the childhood that I’d already endured. There was a reason I had moved all the way to New York when I was able to leave, and a reason why I hadn’t moved back to this town when I returned to Illinois.
I didn’t tell anyone much about my family, even when I was asked directly. The fact was that I didn’t want anyone to know. I didn’t even care to check in with them often. I didn’t care what was going on with the rest of them, and I didn’t want them to know what was going on with me, either. I just wanted to live my life and forget about the pain I had dealt with when I was younger.
But I had driven all this way, and I knew the best thing to do would be to head inside and at least prove to them I had shown up. At least then, if I had to leave, they wouldn’t be able to argue that I hadn’t been there in the first place.
Gathering all the courage and grace I had in me, I walked up to the door. I debated knocking, hoping that would break up the argument that was taking place inside before I walked through the door. But with all the shouting that was going on, I didn’t know if anyone would hear me, and I wasn’t in the mood to stand outside and wait.
I walked in, ducking just in time as a plate came sailing out of seemingly nowhere. It shattered against the wall behind me as I looked back, then looked to see where it had come from.
My mom was standing in the kitchen, her hands in mid-air. It was clear to me she was the one who had thrown it, and since my dad was standing in the living room, I knew it was meant for him. Clearly, they had already escalated their fight to the point they were getting violent, and I wasn’t sure I was in the mood to stay for any of it.
My presence alone had been enough to stop the argument in its tracks, and I could see by the look on my sister’s face, she was shocked that I had shown up after all. She had a glass of wine in her hand despite the fact it was only lunchtime, and I was tempted to join her in her numbing.
“You came!” my mom said as she rushed over to me. She threw her arms around me and sobbed into my neck. “I was hoping you would, but it’s been so long since I or your father have seen you, I wasn’t sure you’d actually show up!”
“I was told I had no choice,” I said, looking over at Miriam. She rolled her eyes and took another drink of her wine before answering.
“I told you that Dad wanted to see you, did I lie?” she asked.
“You didn’t say I was going to walk into a war zone,” I said. “And I’m going to tell you right now, all of you, I’m not going to sit through another family fight. If you are going to throw things and scream at each other, then I’m out.”
“We were just having a friendly discussion,” my mom tried, but I held up my hand to stop her.
“I could hear shouting when I was still in my car, and that alone was almost enough to make me turn around and head back home. I didn’t come here to watch you two fight about anything and everything like I had to do for years. I’m not in the mood for it,” I said.
“I know it’s hard for you,” my dad tried, but I wasn’t going to let him lecture me either.
“I don’t think you realize how hard it was on me or Miriam! The fact that the two of you can’t keep a marriage, and you’re always drifting in and out of relationships with people was draining enough, but to have you fighting and at each other’s throats every time you’re in the same room is more than stressful on both of us. I’m not even sure why she agreed to try to get me to come here in the first place. She clearly doesn’t want to be here, either!” I pointed at the wine glass, and she shrugged.
“I told her to try to get you to come because I have something important to talk about with you both,” my dad said. “Which is why it’s just the four of us this year. I wasn’t going to bring in the rest of the family to discuss matters that only pertain to you two.”
“Then why did Mom have to be here?” I asked. “If you’re going to talk to me and Miriam about something, why did you have to bring in the one person you can’t seem to stand?”
“Because this has to do with her, too,” he said. “And I wanted to have you all here so we can talk freely and openly with each other, and so we don’t have any confusion down the road.”
“Confusion about what?” I asked. Miriam already seemed to know what this was about, but I wasn’t going to ask her anything. I wasn’t nearly close enough to her for that. She might have been the other person in my life who had to go through the same thing, but she and I still didn’t get along well enough to speak of, and I wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of knowing something I didn’t.
“Why don’t we talk about it at the lunch table?” my mom suggested. “Lunch is ready, and it would be a shame for the sandwiches to get soggy while we talk out here.”
“That’s fine with me,” my dad said.
“I’m starving,” Miriam added.
“I bet you are,” I muttered under my breath. I didn’t judge her for drinking so early, but at the same time, I didn’t feel any of this was fair, especially considering the fact she clearly knew more than she had let on over the phone, and she wasn’t helping me now.
The fact that she was buzzed from the wine was enough to tell me she wasn’t happy being here with both our parents, and I didn’t think it was fair for her to numb her mind enough to deal with them when I was the one who had to be sober to talk.
I just wanted to turn around, walk right back through the door, and forget the entire thing. Clearly, there was something in the works, and I could already sense within myself I didn’t want to get involved in whatever it was – and I didn’t even know what it was.
We all sat around the table, but the tension in the air was so thick, I felt I could cut it with a knife. I didn’t want to eat anything, feeling unsettled with the atmosphere, but not knowing what else to do. I didn’t want to add to the tension in the room, but I wasn’t going to sit through another argument, either. This was ridiculous, I knew that from the moment my sister told me I was supposed to be there, and I only felt it all the more with each passing minute.
“Okay,” my dad said when we were all settled. “I wanted to talk to you all about the fact that I’m not getting any younger, and with the extensive history of heart disease and stroke on my side of the family, I feel it’s time that I have a plan in place in the event something were to happen to me.”
“Dad?” I asked. “Are you sick?”
“No, son, I’m not sick,” he said. “Not right now. But, that doesn’t change the fact that we aren’t in control over our lives, and if something were to happen, I want to know that you are all taken care of. Which is why, I’m going to write up a will in the next few months which calls for the estate to be divided between you and your sister.”
“What about Mom?” I asked.
“That’s why your mother is here. We’ve already spoken about it, and your mother agrees she’s being taken care of by her last divorce. Which is why she’s here to tell you she gives this her blessing as well. We want what’s best for the both of you, and we both feel that if you were to divide the estate between yourselves after I’m gone, then we can both rest easily,” he said.
I sighed. I didn’t want anything from my dad. I didn’t want any of his land, any of his money, or any of the assets he had, either. In fact, I just wanted him to leave me alone. But with the way my mom was looking at me with brimming eyes, I knew this was important to her, too.
“I don’t have a l
ot I can leave you in the event something were to happen to me,” she said. “So I wanted to show my support for you both by supporting this decision from your father.”
“Do we need to sign the will?” Miriam asked. “Why do we have to be here?”
“Why couldn’t we have had this conversation over the phone?” I asked, not waiting for anyone to answer her question. “This seems like something I could have heard when I was still back home.”
“We haven’t seen you in so long, we felt that it would be best to talk about it in person,” my mom said. “And I know you’ve got a lot going on, but I need you to come see me more. Promise me you’re going to come back and see me next week. Promise me!”
“Don’t get off topic, Doris,” my dad said. “We’re talking about the will right now.”
“I need to know that he’s going to be back!” she snapped. “I know the two of you aren’t getting along as usual, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t miss my son!”
“I’ll come visit,” I said, mostly for the sake of moving on with the conversation. I felt suffocated and trapped in the kitchen, and Miriam wasn’t being any help in the matter. But I was an adult, and I could get through this even if she wasn’t going to participate.
If there was one thing I had learned early on with my parents, it was to tell them what they wanted to hear, then do my own thing when I got the chance. It only got worse the more independent I became, but I wasn’t afraid to do it again.
I had my own life, I had my own money, and I had my own real estate. There was no reason for me to take anything from either of my parents, but I wasn’t going to make the situation worse by saying so. I would just take it with a grain of salt and deal with it when the time came.
For now, I just wanted to get through the afternoon so I could get back to Chicago. It was going to be a stressful enough week ahead, and this was just making it worse.
If that was even possible.