by Lexi Wilson
“It’s your night,” I said. “I want to make sure you’re the one having fun.”
“Then being up here’s a funny way of showing it.” She glanced away. “And…I’m kind of there with you. After all the work I’ve been doing over the last year I kind of just want to take a month-long nap.”
“I hear you. But I know you won’t – you’re too ambitious for that.”
She grinned. “You know me too well. And you’re right. I have to start looking for a job, saving money, doing some proper adulating.”
“You’ll make it work. I’ve got total faith in you, Nat.”
Natalie nodded again. But the happy expression vanished from her face. She looked worried, like she wasn’t sure how to say what was on her mind.
“What’s up?” I asked.
She chewed on her bottom lip.
“That thing you’re doing,” I said, raising a finger toward her. “That’s the thing you do when you’ve got something on your mind that you’re worried I’ll get mad about.”
“Oh God,” she said, shaking her head. “Am I that obvious?”
“Only because I’m your brother. Now, tell me what’s up.”
She wringed her hands together and sighed.
“It’s…I was talking to Amy and Melanie.”
“Uh oh. I don’t like the sound of that.”
“What? Why?” she asked, getting defensive.
“Because they’re bad influences, getting all wasted on the weekend. And didn’t Amy get busted for weed possession not too long ago?”
“That was over three years ago,” she shot out. “And she’s stayed out of trouble since.”
“Whatever. Tell me what’s up.”
“We were talking about my graduation. And they’re both about to finish their graduate degrees too.”
“Go on.” I already didn’t like the sound of this.
She cleared her throat. “We were talking about how we’re all graduating, and how we’re all about to start on this new phase of our lives, and how we’re all in the same place in life together. Right?”
I nodded, folding my hands over my stomach and leaning back.
“And we got to talking more, and we all decided it might be kind of fun for us to get a place together.”
“Not a chance.”
Her eyes flashed with surprise. “Wait, what?”
“It’s not going to happen.”
“Are you serious? You’re not even going to think about it?”
“Of course I’m not. What’s there to think about? You’re still young, you’re barely out of school, and you’re not even close to having a stable footing out there in the real world.”
“But that’s just it!” she said, leaning forward. “I’m at this new phase in my life and I’m ready to take it all on by myself.”
“Why would you want to do that?” I asked. “You’ve got a great place to live where you don’t have to worry about anything. Stay here for a few more years, get down the path of a good career, and save some money. Then, when you’re ready, maybe you can buy a place. And maybe I’ll help with the down payment.”
“But…what if that’s not what I want? What if I want to go out into the world and earn all those things for myself? You know, stand on my own two feet.”
“You can learn all that later. Right now, you’re in a precarious spot. Starting off in a new career isn’t easy, and adding living on your own on top of that might be too much.”
“So, you don’t think I can handle it.”
“No, it’s not that. It’s more that I want to be here for you if you stumble along the way.”
She shook her head, frustrated. “You’re not getting it, Nick. I’m going to stumble, sure, but I don’t need you to be here to pick me up when it happens. I appreciate everything you’ve done for me – you know I do. But I can’t stay here forever.”
“You’re not going to stay here forever, you’re going to stay here until you’ve got a handle on what it takes to be an adult.”
“And that’s not what I want. I want to be responsible for my own choices, I want to earn my own money, I want to…date.”
There was pleading in her eyes, like she was pouring her heart out to me. I let her words hang in the air.
“I’ll…think about it.”
She scowled.
“Maybe I don’t want to wait for your permission. Maybe I’ll just go out on my own.”
I rose slightly from my seat, holding out my palm. “Don’t…don’t do anything crazy. Let’s talk about this more, OK? After the party.”
“I know you, Nick. That’s your way of hoping I forget all about this.”
“Because you probably will.”
“I won’t. This is what I want. And if you don’t want to support me, then I’ll have to live with that. But don’t be surprised when I make a decision that doesn’t involve you giving your blessing.”
With that, she rose from her seat and stormed out of the room.
And I was left with plenty to think about.
Chapter 3
AMBER
I was bleary-eyed as hell when the alarm went off.
“Come on,” I said, as if I could talk time itself into giving me a few more minutes. “Just…ugh.”
I reached over and pressed “stop” on the phone alarm, rolling over and bringing the phone to my face.
“Ah, shit.”
“Mommy?”
I rolled the other way, spotting my eight-year-old daughter Jamie at the entrance to my bedroom, her favorite toy, a stuffed cow named Heffer, in her hands.
Even though I was in the middle of a slept-in-too-long panic, I couldn’t help but take in the sight of how beautiful my little girl was. Jamie was tiny and slender, with my red hair and her father’s big brown eyes. She was dressed in her foot pajamas, and held her little cow close.
She was my world, the reason I got out of bed every morning. I’d do anything for her.
And in this case, “everything” meant working as an exotic dancer and not getting home until three in the morning.
“I’m up, muffin,” I said, rolling over and putting my bare feet on the floor. “How long have you been out of bed for?”
She came over to me and I put my hand on her head of frizzy red hair.
“Only a little bit. Nan’s up and made me breakfast.”
Relief washed over me at the realization she hadn’t been wandering around the house waiting for me to get up.
“Alright, good. So you’re ready for your playdate?” I looked her up and down, seeing she was still in her pajamas. “Never mind – you’re most definitely not.”
“Nan’s cleaning up and said you could get me dressed.”
“Happy to do it, muffin,” I said, leaning over and planting a kiss on her cheek.
“Good,” she said with a smile. “Because Nan said I could pick out what I’m going to wear today.”
I grinned. “Oh, did she now? Well, show me what you’ve got in mind.”
“OK!” Jamie took my hand and tried to yank me out of bed with all her might.
“Whoa, kid,” I said. “Let me put some pants on, first.”
“You don’t need pants!”
Even so, I grabbed my sleeping pants off the ground and stepped into them as Jamie led me out of the room.
Connie, my mom who lived with us, was in the kitchen- we just called her Nan. She was short and skinny with silver hair done in a braided pony tail. She’d been with us for years, ever since Jamie’s father left us, my own dad having long passed when I was still a teenager.
And it was nice as hell to have her around. She had health problems of her own –ones I had to pay for and ones that prevented her from leaving the house too often- but she was worth her weight in gold when it came to helping out with Jamie.
“Morning, kiddo,” she said, shooting the words over her shoulder as she washed dishes. “Coffee’s ready. And there might be a slice of toast left if I don’t eat it first.”
“Gotta dress the muffin,” I said. “Be there in a sec.”
I went into Jamie’s bedroom, putting my hands on my hips and shaking my head at the sight.
“Jamie, this place is a mess!” And I was right. Clothes were everywhere, and the bed was unmade. “And you’re already late for your playdate!” I knew I mostly had myself to blame for the tardiness, but still.
“I know where my stuff is,” she said, trudging into the room and fishing for clothes. “I’ve got my pink tutu right here.” She reached into the mess and, sure enough, pulled out the pink tutu.
“If you want to go to Katie’s you better clean this mess up first.”
“Moom!”
“I’m serious. Clean it up and when you’re done I’ll help you pick out your clothes.”
“But I don’t want to.”
“Well, I’ve got news for you, muffin – life’s one thing you don’t want to do after another. Might as well get used to it now.”
She shrugged. “Fine. But when I’m done I want to show you my outfit!”
“I’ll be right in the kitchen when you’re ready.”
With that, I headed out, going into the kitchen where Nan already had a cup of coffee waiting for me.
“God,” I said, dropping into the chair. “I feel like the worst mom ever.”
Nan gave me a knowing look, one that suggested she wasn’t going to take total issue with what I’d just said.
“Don’t you start too,” I said, wrapping my hands around my coffee.
“Well, you’re up all night because you’re working a job that no respectable woman should be working. I swear, never in a million years did I think my own baby girl was going to be taking her clothes off for strange men for money.”
“I don’t ‘take my clothes off’,” I said. “I go out in a bra and thong, and leave the stage in a bra and thong. We’ve been over this already.”
Nan laughed. “And you think that makes it any better? That’s barely better than being a streetwalker.”
Her words made me think about what had happened the night before with Lucien, his asking if I’d spent the night with his friend. Just the thought of it was enough to send a shiver up my back.
“I know we’ve been over this before,” I said. “And I’m going to tell you the same thing I always tell you – if you can think of a job where I can support my mom and my daughter on a single paycheck, I’d like to hear it.”
“Well, you’re the one who ran off with that low-life Marcus and decided not to attend.”
“Mom, I’ve barely been up for fifteen minutes – can I at least get through my cup of coffee before you start giving me crap about my life choices?”
Nan sighed, sitting down across from me. “I know, I know. But I just want the best for you, baby – you know that.”
“And that’s what I want for my little girl. You know that.”
“If you want to know what Jamie needs, it’s a father figure. Kids need their dads – it’s as simple as that.”
“Well, I don’t exactly have time to squeeze in a solid dating life in between being a single mom and working sixty hours a week. Besides, men aren’t exactly chomping at the bit to marry single moms.
“But you’re young and you’re pretty,” said Nan. “You’ve got more than what it takes to find a great guy. I’ll tell you this, though,” she raised her finger. “A man can accept a divorcee. A man can accept a single mom. But no good man on this planet will accept a stripper.”
“Technically, me and Marcus aren’t divorced.”
“Oh, that’s right – he ran off on you without even bothering to file for it. My mistake.”
I opened my mouth to speak and say something in my defense. But instead, I got up, went over to my purse, and unzipped it. Then I reached inside and took out the several rolled-up stacks of hundreds and tossed them onto the table.
“See that?” she asked. “That’s electricity. That’s food. That’s your medical bills. That’s Jamie’s college fund. That’s rent. I know how I got it isn’t pretty, but it’s what I need to do.”
Mom said nothing, her eyes on the money. “I…I know. I just want something better for you, that’s all.”
“And so do I. But maybe the best I can do –the best we can do- is make sure that she’s the one who’s got something better. Because if I have to strip until my boobs are drooping down the floor, I’ll do it and I won’t think twice about it.”
Before the conversation could go on, Jamie came out of her bedroom. She was dressed in her pink tutu and a bright purple sweater, yellow sneakers on her feet.
“I cleaned up,” she said proudly. “So I got dressed. What do you think?”
She gave a “ta-da” gesture, smiling broadly.
“I think you look amazing,” said Nan.
“A little hard on the eyes,” I said. “But it works. And you promise your room’s clean?”
“Super clean.”
“Good. I’ll check it out and in the meantime, you go brush up so we can get going.”
“OK!” she bounded off toward the bathroom and I gave her room a peek. Sure enough, it was looking good.
“We need a few things from the store,” said Nan. “I’ll make dinner tonight and get Jamie’s lunches ready for the week of school ahead.”
“Thanks,” I said. “And I’ll run to the store after I drop her off.”
I went over to the table and took one of the rolls of hundreds. Then I passed one more over to Nan.
“For the doctor this month.”
Nan pursed her lips and nodded. “Thanks, baby. And you…you know I’m only hard on you because I want the best for you, right?”
“I know. I love you, Mom.”
“And I love you, too.”
We hugged.
“Now,” she said. “If you want to get a job that doesn’t involve putting your butt in strange men’s faces, I wouldn’t be upset.”
I laughed. “I’ll look into it.”
After our hug, I hurried into my bedroom and threw on some jeans and a blouse and some Nikes, ready to start the day. Work was at six that night, and I had plenty of errands to take care of before then.
Once Jamie was good to go, I grabbed my keys, said “bye” to Nan, and headed out. The morning was perfect LA weather, warm and sunny and mild, not a single cloud in the sky.
I got Jamie loaded in the car, Heffer in tow, and started the drive to her Katie’s. My home was a small ranch-style in the valley, a little place that still managed to cost an arm and a leg. But the neighborhood was safe, the school district was solid, and there was a chance I’d be able to actually pay the house off before I aged out of my particular line of work.
But it was crazy – I made decent money, but still had a hard time making ends meet. Sure, I was putting cash away for Jamie’s college fund, and Nan’s medical bills weren’t cheap, but I still – things should’ve been easier than they were.
Then again, I was a single mom – who said anything about it would be easy?
Jamie spent the drive telling me all about what she and Katie were going to get up to, and when we arrived at Katie’s place I led her to the front door, giving her a kiss goodbye once Katie and her mom had greeted us.
I didn’t have a second to spare. I needed to hurry to the store and grab some groceries, then go to the gym –fitness being a requirement of the job- then get home to help Nan tidy the house before going to pick up Jamie and then coming back to get ready for work.
Then sleep, then repeat it all again the next day, and the day after that.
But I wasn’t bitter about it at all. I wasn’t just doing it for myself, after all – I was doing it for my little girl.
I pulled up to the store, list in hand as I parked and hurried out of the car. I did my shopping in record time and was soon out the door.
Right as I went back outside, however, something happened that I hadn’t been prepared for.
My bags were cradled in my arms, and I cou
ld just barely see over the top. And that meant I “just barely” saw the tall, blonde man in the parking lot coming into the store slam into me.
My bags fell out of my hands, dropping onto the concrete.
“Shit!” I said, running my hand through my hair and staring in disbelief at the mess.
“Oh, dammit,” said the man.
I looked up, ready to chew him out for his klutziness.
But there was one more thing I hadn’t been prepared for – just how damn good-looking the man was.
He was tall and built, with wide shoulders, his jaw wide and face trim, with high cheekbones and sparkling blue eyes. His hair was as bright as the California sun, slicked back behind his ears. A dark blue T-shirt clung to his muscles, fitted blue jeans on his legs and a pair of clean, white sneakers on his feet.
I didn’t know what to say. He was so handsome, so fucking sexy that I was, for the first time in as long as I could remember, speechless.
“I’m so sorry,” he said, looking over the spilled groceries and shaking his head, his hands on his hips. “Here-“
He stuck out his hand to help me up.
“I’m fine,” I said, pushing myself off the ground to my feet. “Just…help me with the groceries.”
“Of course,” he said, not wasting a second helping pick them up.
We worked together, gathering all the groceries and putting them back into the bags.
“You know,” he said. “It’s crazy how I didn’t see you.”
“What, in a hurry or something?”
“Yeah, but you would’ve thought I’d notice a woman like you from a mile away.” He grinned at me, still putting items into the bags.
Part of me wanted to chew him out for laying down a line that corny.
But I didn’t. If anything, I was flattered – he was that good-looking.
“You want to make it up for me,” I said. “Help me make sure none of this stuff gets run over.”
“You got it.”
We put the last things into the bags, and before I could do anything, the man had the bags in his hands.