by Sage S Wolf
I shook my head and focused back on the road as the light turned green. “I’m gonna see you on that hoarder's show in a few years and your house will be filled with baby dolls that you swear are your real babies.”
“Bahaha. You’re the one talking about getting custody of another person’s kid, not me.”
“Yea, well, that kid is Erik’s brother.”
“Good point.”
We spent the rest of the drive home in silence. I didn’t know what Darik was thinking about, but I was thinking about what I was going to do with two kids and no money from my dead ex to get my life started after him.
Fucking bastard…
Chapter Twenty-Five
Darik
I tried to digest everything that had happened at the lawyer’s office the rest of the drive home. I even started wondering how many more of Zack’s secrets we were going to discover while Tessa waded through the shit he’d left behind.
And when she’d started hyperventilating earlier, it scared the shit out of me. No way that kind of stress was good for her or the baby. I’d calmed her as quickly as I could. I was trying not to interfere in her business. Just like she’d done for me the day before.
Tessa parked in the garage and we headed inside.
“I’m gonna start the goulash now if you want to help me,” I said, going over and opening the fridge to get the veggies out for it.
“I’d love to help. Cooking helps me relax.”
I handed her the veggies. “You’re in charge of these then. I’ll grab the pasta and other stuff.”
Tessa got herself set up on the cutting board while I got to work on cooking the pasta and started the hamburger.
We worked in comfortable silence until we poured all our ingredients in the pot with the pasta to simmer for a while. You wanted to cook some of the flavor into the pasta as well.
“I need to sit down,” Tessa said, rubbing her lower back. “Being on my feet for long periods is not as easy as it used to be.”
“Go sit down in the living room and I’ll bring your food to you when it’s done.” I gently nudged her in the direction of the living room.
Tessa laughed and swatted me away. “Fine, I’m going! You don’t have to be pushy about it.”
“You’ll thank me once your ass hits that cushion.”
“Mmhmm,” she hummed as she left the kitchen.
It was quite obvious she’d been the only one looking out for her wellbeing for a long time. She would have to get used to another person doing that now.
I checked the Goulash and then sat down at the island. Without Tessa’s presence to occupy my mind, I started to sink back into my depressive thoughts.
Cecilia. I wondered what she’d think of Tessa being here in our house and helping me as much as she had the last week. Would she be mad? Jealous? Disappointed that I couldn’t seem to survive my grief alone? I honestly didn’t know.
Cecilia had been right when she said she’d changed. And the more time I spent thinking about it, the more I’d realized she hadn’t been the person I married anymore. We had spent so much time building up our careers that I didn’t see the signs until I started asking about starting a family. I mean, at the core she was the same person. Great personality and caring. The sex had still been phenomenal. But her long term goals and wants had drifted from mine.
I had built my business up so that it would run fine without me and I could stay home if I wanted to once we had children. I wanted the freedom of being able to take off work if my kid was sick or needed me for a field trip.
Cecilia had built her career up to the point that she was hardly ever home and traveled constantly. Having a child for her would have been stressful and she wouldn’t have been very present unless she chose to take them to restaurants with her, which I knew she wouldn’t have done.
Somewhere along the way she had fallen more in love with her job than the idea of being a mom and she’d decided to choose her job.
I understood so much better now. I wish she would have just explained that to me and saved us both a lot of lost time together because she was ignoring me over that fight. I’m sure it would have come out in therapy if we’d made it that far together.
We didn’t, though. “Why didn’t you just tell me the truth, Ceci?” I asked, rubbing the spot where my chest physically ached. “I would have compromised with you so that we could both have what we wanted in the end.” I choked at the last few words. Fuck, I missed my wife.
“You okay in here, Darik?” Tessa’s voice was balm to my bleeding soul.
I shook my head and sighed. “I’m not okay, Tess. But I’m trying to be for you and the baby.”
“You don’t have to do that. I’m fine.” She patted her bump and smiled. “Erik is fine too. Don’t let us stop you from grieving the way you should. We aren’t going anywhere for a while. Especially since my husband left us literally nothing to start over with.”
I patted the stool beside me for her to come sit. “I don’t have a creative enough imagination to think up a word for what that monster was. I don’t think one exists for him yet.” Tessa sat down beside me and leaned back in her seat. I was about to ask her permission to touch her stomach when she grabbed my hand and placed it on her bump. “How did you know I wanted to touch it?”
Tessa chuckled. “You get this specific look in your eyes when you want to. That, and you become laser-focused on your prize.”
I huffed out a laugh. “My prize? Is that how you think I see him?”
“Maybe,” she shrugged. “But it’s not the worst thing you could see him as--”
“Tess.” The baby kicked under my hand and I smiled. “He is not a prize. He is an incredible miracle that I will never, ever take for granted. I can’t wait to watch him grow and teach him things. Maybe I’ll leave him my practice.”
“Are you nuts? You’ll leave that to your own kids when the time comes.”
I pulled my hand away. “I don’t know if I could be in a relationship after Cecilia. It would feel too much like betraying her.”
“I guess I understand that to some extent,” Tessa said, standing and going over to check the goulash. “I don’t know if I will ever want to give a man the ability to have that kind of control over me again. Guess only time will tell for us both,” She looked over her shoulder at me. “This is done by the way.”
Tessa was right. I might change my mind about moving on at some point. Not anytime soon though.
“Good.” I stood from the stool and stepped around the island to open the cabinet that held the plates and bowls. “Plate or bowl?” I asked.
“Bowl,” Tessa answered, turning the stove off. “If not, I’ll be wearing more than I eat.”
I grabbed a bowl and handed it to her. “Wouldn’t want you making a mess of that pretty sweater dress.”
“Shush! Once my bruises heal a little more, I promise to wear something cooler. Believe me, I don’t enjoy sweating as soon as I step outside.”
“I bet.” I took the serving spoon from Tessa once she filled her bowl and began filling my plate. “You wanna eat in here or on the couch?”
“Couch. And maybe we can find a movie to watch while we eat.”
I smiled. It had been way too long since I’d sat on my couch and watched a movie. “Sounds good. Let’s go get settled.”
I followed Tessa into the living room and held her bowl for her while she got situated on the couch and then handed it back to her.
“Thanks. Now sit down and pick us a good movie.” She gestured to the spot beside her.
“Let me go grab us some drinks. Wanna break all the rules and drink grape juice with dinner?”
“Hell yes! Consider me a rebel.”
I laughed and set my plate on the coffee table before heading back to the kitchen to pour us each a glass of grape juice…
Chapter Twenty-Six
August 10th, 2020
Tessa
The last six days had flown by. The day after the mee
ting with the lawyer, Darik had offered to pay movers to go to my old house and pack all the stuff and donate it to charity. I had no intention of ever going back there, nor did I want anything from my old life.
I’d met with the landlord and ended the lease. The fact that Zack had convinced me he’d bought that house for me was still attempting to be digested by my brain.
I received a call on the eighth to come pick up his ashes from the funeral home. Darik came with me to pick them up and we’d taken them to the lawyer’s office for Susan to pick up. I wasn’t surprised when she’d said she wanted them. I’d also learned that I had zero rights when it came to Tristan which broke my heart. He was my son’s brother, even if they only shared a father. I still wanted them to know each other.
Darik’s mental state seemed to be a little more stable in the last few days. He was having fewer crying episodes and smiling more. He had a great smile.
Living with a man that wasn’t afraid to burst into tears in the middle of dinner or drop to his knees in front of me and talk to my son with so much love in his voice as if the baby was his own was a little overwhelming at times. Yet, he was a breath of fresh air for a girl who had spent two years being treated like shit.
There were moments when my heart said we should just stay here with him, then my brain would speak up and point out that we needed to get out of his space so he could heal properly. I knew he used my presence as a distraction at times. I didn’t mind. But Darik needed space to learn to live his life alone in this house and then eventually he would be able to move on and have the life he had always wanted.
✽✽✽
I was still lazing in bed when Darik knocked on the doorframe. “You awake?”
“Yea, just laying here thinking.” I rolled onto my side, wincing at the soreness in my breasts when their weight shifted. “Ouch.”
Darik was immediately in front of me, hands protectively over my stomach. “What’s wrong? Is it the baby?” He sounded so panicked, I just had to laugh.
“No, Erik is fine,” I assured him, and his body relaxed. “My boobs however are sore as hell.”
“Oh.” Darik’s eyes darted quickly from my stomach to my boobs and then up to my face. “They’re probably sore because you start producing milk in the second trimester which makes them grow bigger…” He blushed and it was adorable.
“Someone has been doing their homework.” I ruffled his hair.
I don’t know why I did it, it was just the right length to do it. His beard was growing in too. He hadn’t shaved since before the accident. Said he just didn’t feel like it.
Darik smiled and pressed his cheek against my bump. The man was becoming obsessed with being near my son. I should’ve probably been concerned by how attached he was, but I wasn’t.
“I just want to know what’s normal and not so that we both aren’t constantly worrying about new things as they happen. Sore boobs included.” He chuckled when Erik kicked against his cheek. “Good morning, little dude. I’m gonna feed you and your mama in a minute and then I’m gonna take her to get some new bras for her boobs.”
I laughed and playfully pushed his head away. “Get out of my way, ya dork.” Darik stood and offered his hand to help me get out of bed. I felt huge today. The new swollen boobs were not helping me feel smaller. “I have nineteen more weeks of this and I’m only going to get bigger.”
I sighed and straightened my tank top. Most of my bruises had faded. I didn’t even need my wrist brace anymore. Not that I’d worn it after the first four days, anyway. “Are you gonna hire a crane to lift me out of bed when I’m the size of a whale shark?”
“If I must,” Darik said with a wink before scurrying out of the room.
“You’re gonna pay for that, mister!” I yelled after him, sporting a smile.
The man had a great sense of humor even when he was poking fun of a pregnant woman.
I brushed my teeth and washed my face before dressing in a long flowy flower-print sundress. I studied myself in the mirror, smoothing my hand over my growing baby bump.
My body had changed so much in the last two weeks. My cheeks had color and were fuller, where before my face was pale and my cheeks almost looked hollow. My body in general had filled out a bit, with my stomach and now boobs taking the lead. I looked good. Healthy. And I was finally able to eat a whole meal without getting sick. I’d even had seconds of the chicken and fettuccine with alfredo sauce Darik made last night.
Things were looking up and I almost felt good enough to start looking for work. I doubted I could get a head chef position like I had before Zack, but I was sure with my culinary degree and experience I could probably land a cooking job somewhere. Then I could save up until I could afford a small two-bedroom apartment for me and the bean.
I smoothed my hand over my bump one more time. “Let’s go have breakfast with your papa.” Papa? I didn’t know why I’d just referred to Darik that way. Though now that I’d said it a little more in my head, it sounded right. He was Erik’s godfather anyway, so wouldn’t it make sense for him to have a fatherly name for his godson to call him?
I went to the kitchen and was greeted with the smell of French toast.
“Your food is on the island. I made you a smoothie, too,” Darik said, not taking his focus off the French toast he was making for himself.
“Thank you.” I took my seat on the stool in front of my plate and took a sip of my smoothie. “Goddess, this smoothie is delicious, Darik. Did you add something different today?” It seemed a little sweeter than the last one he’d made me a few days ago.
Darik shook his head and smiled at me as he turned off the stove and plated his food. “I didn’t add anything new. I did add an extra banana for the potassium since you had that calf cramp yesterday. Maybe we should ask the doctor to check and make sure you’re not anemic.”
I huffed out a laugh. “Calm down, papa bear. I will ask the doctor to check when I go for my twenty-four-week checkup.” When Darik didn’t respond, I looked up to see him staring at me with a strange expression. Shit. “Look, I’m sorry I called you that. I just thought because you’re going to be Erik’s godfather, you deserved a fatherly endearment for him to call you. You are gonna be so much more than an uncle figure to him, I can just tell by how you treat him now. I’m sor--” Suddenly I was being hugged.
“You want your son to call me papa?” Darik whispered into my hair.
“I think it’s quite fitting if you don’t mind him calling you that. I understand if it’s too personal.”
“Tessa,” Darik pulled back to look at me. “I don’t think anything would or could ever make me happier than to have him call me that. I know I’ve grown attached to him fast. You two came into my life when I needed an anchor to keep me from drifting off into a sea of depression. Yes, I’ve still been really fucking depressed and all over the place emotionally, but all the thoughts of letting myself self-destruct are pushed away by one thought.” He placed his hand on my rounded stomach. At that point, it honestly couldn’t be called a bump anymore. “Him. This little life that you have growing inside of you has saved me.”
I took a moment to digest Darik’s words. Then I pulled him into another hug. “You saved us too, Darik,” was all I could say before I started to cry. Stupid hormones.
“Shh, don’t cry, Tess.” Darik began rubbing my back and rocking us slowly side to side. “I didn’t mean to make you cry, mama.”
I held on tightly to him, keeping my face buried in his chest until my tears slowed and I was able to get ahold of myself. “Can we finish our breakfast now?”
Darik chuckled and kissed the top of my head. “Of course.” He helped me up onto the stool before sitting down beside me. “What are the plans for today?”
I took a big gulp of my smoothie before answering. “Honestly, I would like to go get some new bras and maybe have lunch at that little Italian place that just opened. I might pick up some applications while we’re out too. I think I’m about ready to go b
ack to work.”
“You sure? You know you can wait until after Erik is born. I don’t mind taking care of you.”
I sighed. “I know you don’t, Darik. And believe me when I say that I appreciate it so damn much, but I don’t want to rely on someone else to take care of me anymore. I need to be able to support myself and my son for my own peace of mind.”
“I understand, and as much as I want to argue with you, I know it’s not my place and you deserve to be allowed to make that choice for yourself without an argument from me.”
“You know, you’re kind of awesome,” I said, smiling at him.
Darik puffed his chest up. “I know.”
I threw my head back and laughed. “Just stop and eat your food.”
“Yes, mom,” he grinned and made a show of cutting off a piece of French toast and popping it into his mouth. “Like this?” He showed me the food in his mouth.
“I’m moving out,” I joked, pushing him away.
Darik laughed and bumped my shoulder with his. “Stay and I promise to have better manners.”
“Deal.”
We stopped goofing around long enough to finish our food and then headed to the living room to watch a movie…
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Darik
Tessa was crashed out with her feet in my lap by the time the movie ended. Her face looked so relaxed. As it should. Long gone were the dark circles under her eyes and sunken cheeks. She was beautiful before but now that she was healthier and putting on weight… Stunning. And her sense of humor matched mine so well that I didn’t have to worry about offending her or grossing her out. She was the whole package, baby included.
Maybe in another life, we could have been more than friends.
My eyes drifted from her face to her rounded stomach. Another thing that had changed quite a bit since the accident. A good change that meant the baby was growing as he should.
“You know staring at my stomach is not gonna make this pregnancy move faster. You have to wait to meet him, just like me.” Tessa’s voice was a little raspy from sleep.