CHAPTER X
Reflections. I make another Good Joke. Am annoyed at the constantserving-up of the “Blanc-Mange.” Lupin expresses his opinion ofWeddings. Lupin falls out with Daisy Mutlar.
NOVEMBER 16.—Woke about twenty times during the night, with terriblethirst. Finished off all the water in the bottle, as well as half thatin the jug. Kept dreaming also, that last night’s party was a failure,and that a lot of low people came without invitation, and kept chaffingand throwing things at Mr. Perkupp, till at last I was obliged to hidehim in the box-room (which we had just discovered), with a bath-towelover him. It seems absurd now, but it was painfully real in the dream.I had the same dream about a dozen times.
Carrie annoyed me by saying: “You know champagne never agrees with you.”I told her I had only a couple of glasses of it, having kept myselfentirely to port. I added that good champagne hurt nobody, and Lupintold me he had only got it from a traveller as a favour, as thatparticular brand had been entirely bought up by a West-End club.
I think I ate too heartily of the “side dishes,” as the waiter calledthem. I said to Carrie: “I wish I had put those ‘side dishes’ _aside_.”I repeated this, but Carrie was busy, packing up the teaspoons we hadborrowed of Mrs. Cummings for the party. It was just half-past eleven,and I was starting for the office, when Lupin appeared, with a yellowcomplexion, and said: “Hulloh! Guv., what priced head have you thismorning?” I told him he might just as well speak to me in Dutch. Headded: “When I woke this morning, my head was as big as Baldwin’sballoon.” On the spur of the moment I said the cleverest thing I think Ihave ever said; viz.: “Perhaps that accounts for the para_shooting_pains.” We roared.
NOVEMBER 17.—Still feel tired and headachy! In the evening Gowingcalled, and was full of praise about our party last Wednesday. He saideverything was done beautifully, and he enjoyed himself enormously.Gowing can be a very nice fellow when he likes, but you never know howlong it will last. For instance, he stopped to supper, and seeing some_blanc-mange_ on the table, shouted out, while the servant was in theroom: “Hulloh! The remains of Wednesday?”
NOVEMBER 18.—Woke up quite fresh after a good night’s rest, and feelquite myself again. I am satisfied a life of going-out and Society isnot a life for me; we therefore declined the invitation which we receivedthis morning to Miss Bird’s wedding. We only met her twice at Mrs.James’, and it means a present. Lupin said: “I am with you for once. Tomy mind a wedding’s a very poor play. There are only two parts in it—thebride and bridegroom. The best man is only a walking gentleman. Withthe exception of a crying father and a snivelling mother, the rest are_supers_ who have to dress well and have to _pay_ for their insignificantparts in the shape of costly presents.” I did not care for thetheatrical slang, but thought it clever, though disrespectful.
I told Sarah not to bring up the _blanc-mange_ again for breakfast. Itseems to have been placed on our table at every meal since Wednesday.Cummings came round in the evening, and congratulated us on the successof our party. He said it was the best party he had been to for many ayear; but he wished we had let him know it was full dress, as he wouldhave turned up in his swallow-tails. We sat down to a quiet game ofdominoes, and were interrupted by the noisy entrance of Lupin and FrankMutlar. Cummings and I asked them to join us. Lupin said he did notcare for dominoes, and suggested a game of “Spoof.” On my asking if itrequired counters, Frank and Lupin in measured time said: “One, two,three; go! Have you an estate in Greenland?” It was simply Greek to me,but it appears it is one of the customs of the “Holloway Comedians” to dothis when a member displays ignorance.
In spite of my instructions, that _blanc-mange_ was brought up again forsupper. To make matters worse, there had been an attempt to disguise it,by placing it in a glass dish with jam round it. Carrie asked Lupin ifhe would have some, and he replied: “No second-hand goods for me, thankyou.” I told Carrie, when we were alone, if that _blanc-mange_ wereplaced on the table again I should walk out of the house.
NOVEMBER 19, Sunday.—A delightfully quiet day. In the afternoon Lupinwas off to spend the rest of the day with the Mutlars. He departed inthe best of spirits, and Carrie said: “Well, one advantage of Lupin’sengagement with Daisy is that the boy seems happy all day long. Thatquite reconciles me to what I must confess seems an imprudentengagement.”
Carrie and I talked the matter over during the evening, and agreed thatit did not always follow that an early engagement meant an unhappymarriage. Dear Carrie reminded me that we married early, and, with theexception of a few trivial misunderstandings, we had never had a reallyserious word. I could not help thinking (as I told her) that half thepleasures of life were derived from the little struggles and smallprivations that one had to endure at the beginning of one’s married life.Such struggles were generally occasioned by want of means, and oftenhelped to make loving couples stand together all the firmer.
Carrie said I had expressed myself wonderfully well, and that I was quitea philosopher.
We are all vain at times, and I must confess I felt flattered by Carrie’slittle compliment. I don’t pretend to be able to express myself in finelanguage, but I feel I have the power of expressing my thoughts withsimplicity and lucidness. About nine o’clock, to our surprise, Lupinentered, with a wild, reckless look, and in a hollow voice, which I mustsay seemed rather theatrical, said: “Have you any brandy?” I said: “No;but here is some whisky.” Lupin drank off nearly a wineglassful withoutwater, to my horror.
We all three sat reading in silence till ten, when Carrie and I rose togo to bed. Carrie said to Lupin: “I hope Daisy is well?”
Lupin, with a forced careless air that he must have picked up from the“Holloway Comedians,” replied: “Oh, Daisy? You mean Miss Mutlar. Idon’t know whether she is well or not, but please _never to mention hername again in my presence_.”
The Diary of a Nobody Page 10