CHAPTER XXIII
Lupin leaves us. We dine at his new apartments, and hear someextraordinary information respecting the wealth of Mr. Murray Posh. MeetMiss Lilian Posh. Am sent for by Mr. Hardfur Huttle. Important.
JULY 1.—I find, on looking over my diary, nothing of any consequence hastaken place during the last month. To-day we lose Lupin, who has takenfurnished apartments at Bayswater, near his friends, Mr. and Mrs. MurrayPosh, at two guineas a week. I think this is most extravagant of him, asit is half his salary. Lupin says one never loses by a good address,and, to use his own expression, Brickfield Terrace is a bit “off.”Whether he means it is “far off” I do not know. I have long since givenup trying to understand his curious expressions. I said theneighbourhood had always been good enough for his parents. His replywas: “It is no question of being good or bad. There is no money in it,and I am not going to rot away my life in the suburbs.”
We are sorry to lose him, but perhaps he will get on better by himself,and there may be some truth in his remark that an old and a young horsecan’t pull together in the same cart.
Gowing called, and said that the house seemed quite peaceful, and likeold times. He liked Master Lupin very well, but he occasionally sufferedfrom what he could not help—youth.
JULY 2.—Cummings called, looked very pale, and said he had been very illagain, and of course not a single friend had been near him. Carrie saidshe had never heard of it, whereupon he threw down a copy of the _BicycleNews_ on the table, with the following paragraph: “We regret to hear thatthat favourite old roadster, Mr. Cummings (‘Long’ Cummings), has met withwhat might have been a serious accident in Rye Lane. A mischievous boythrew a stick between the spokes of one of the back wheels, and themachine overturned, bringing our brother tricyclist heavily to theground. Fortunately he was more frightened than hurt, but we missed hismerry face at the dinner at Chingford, where they turned up in goodnumbers. ‘Long’ Cummings’ health was proposed by our popular Vice, Mr.Westropp, the prince of bicyclists, who in his happiest vein said it wasa case of ‘_Cumming_(s) thro’ the _Rye_, but fortunately there was more_wheel_ than _woe_,’ a joke which created roars of laughter.”
We all said we were very sorry, and pressed Cummings to stay to supper.Cummings said it was like old times being without Lupin, and he was muchbetter away.
JULY 3, Sunday.—In the afternoon, as I was looking out of the parlourwindow, which was open, a grand trap, driven by a lady, with a gentlemanseated by the side of her, stopped at our door. Not wishing to be seen,I withdrew my head very quickly, knocking the back of it violentlyagainst the sharp edge of the window-sash. I was nearly stunned. Therewas a loud double-knock at the front door; Carrie rushed out of theparlour, upstairs to her room, and I followed, as Carrie thought it wasMr. Perkupp. I thought it was Mr. Franching.—I whispered to Sarah overthe banisters: “Show them into the drawing-room.” Sarah said, as theshutters were not opened, the room would smell musty. There was anotherloud rat-tat. I whispered: “Then show them into the parlour, and say Mr.Pooter will be down directly.” I changed my coat, but could not see todo my hair, as Carrie was occupying the glass.
Sarah came up, and said it was Mrs. Murray Posh and Mr. Lupin.
This was quite a relief. I went down with Carrie, and Lupin met me withthe remark: “I say, what did you run away from the window for? Did wefrighten you?”
I foolishly said: “What window?”
Lupin said: “Oh, you know. Shut it. You looked as if you were playingat Punch and Judy.”
On Carrie asking if she could offer them anything, Lupin said: “Oh, Ithink Daisy will take on a cup of tea. I can do with a B. and S.”
I said: “I am afraid we have no soda.”
Lupin said: “Don’t bother about that. You just trip out and hold thehorse; I don’t think Sarah understands it.”
They stayed a very short time, and as they were leaving, Lupin said: “Iwant you both to come and dine with me next Wednesday, and see my newplace. Mr. and Mrs. Murray Posh, Miss Posh (Murray’s sister) are coming.Eight o’clock sharp. No one else.”
I said we did not pretend to be fashionable people, and would like thedinner earlier, as it made it so late before we got home.
Lupin said: “Rats! You must get used to it. If it comes to that, Daisyand I can drive you home.”
We promised to go; but I must say in my simple mind the familiar way inwhich Mrs. Posh and Lupin addressed each other is reprehensible. Anybodywould think they had been children together. I certainly should objectto a six months’ acquaintance calling _my_ wife “Carrie,” and driving outwith her.
JULY 4.—Lupin’s rooms looked very nice; but the dinner was, I thought, alittle too grand, especially as he commenced with champagne straight off.I also think Lupin might have told us that he and Mr. and Mrs. MurrayPosh and Miss Posh were going to put on full evening dress. Knowing thatthe dinner was only for us six, we never dreamed it would be a full dressaffair. I had no appetite. It was quite twenty minutes past eightbefore we sat down to dinner. At six I could have eaten a hearty meal.I had a bit of bread-and-butter at that hour, feeling famished, and Iexpect that partly spoiled my appetite.
We were introduced to Miss Posh, whom Lupin called “Lillie Girl,” as ifhe had known her all his life. She was very tall, rather plain, and Ithought she was a little painted round the eyes. I hope I am wrong; butshe had such fair hair, and yet her eyebrows were black. She lookedabout thirty. I did not like the way she kept giggling and giving Lupinsmacks and pinching him. Then her laugh was a sort of a scream that wentright through my ears, all the more irritating because there was nothingto laugh at. In fact, Carrie and I were not at all prepossessed withher. They all smoked cigarettes after dinner, including Miss Posh, whostartled Carrie by saying: “Don’t you smoke, dear?” I answered forCarrie, and said: “Mrs. Charles Pooter has not arrived at it yet,”whereupon Miss Posh gave one of her piercing laughs again.
Mrs. Posh sang a dozen songs at least, and I can only repeat what I havesaid before—she does _not_ sing in tune; but Lupin sat by the side of thepiano, gazing into her eyes the whole time. If I had been Mr. Posh, Ithink I should have had something to say about it. Mr. Posh made himselfvery agreeable to us, and eventually sent us home in his carriage, whichI thought most kind. He is evidently very rich, for Mrs. Posh had onsome beautiful jewellery. She told Carrie her necklace, which herhusband gave her as a birthday present, alone cost £300.
Mr. Posh said he had a great belief in Lupin, and thought he would makerapid way in the world.
I could not help thinking of the £600 Mr. Posh lost over the _ParachikkaChlorates_ through Lupin’s advice.
During the evening I had an opportunity to speak to Lupin, and expresseda hope that Mr. Posh was not living beyond his means.
Lupin sneered, and said Mr. Posh was worth thousands. “Posh’s one-pricehat” was a household word in Birmingham, Manchester, Liverpool, and allthe big towns throughout England. Lupin further informed me that Mr.Posh was opening branch establishments at New York, Sydney, andMelbourne, and was negotiating for Kimberley and Johannesburg.
I said I was pleased to hear it.
Lupin said: “Why, he has settled over £10,000 on Daisy, and the sameamount on ‘Lillie Girl.’ If at any time I wanted a little capital, hewould put up a couple of ‘thou’ at a day’s notice, and could buy upPerkupp’s firm over his head at any moment with ready cash.”
On the way home in the carriage, for the first time in my life, I wasinclined to indulge in the radical thought that money was _not_ properlydivided.
On arriving home at a quarter-past eleven, we found a hansom cab, whichhad been waiting for me for two hours with a letter. Sarah said she didnot know what to do, as we had not left the address where we had gone. Itrembled as I opened the letter, fearing it was some bad news about Mr.Perkupp. The note was: “Dear Mr. Pooter,—Come down to the Victoria Hotelwithout delay. Important. Yours truly, Hardfur Huttle.
”
I asked the cabman if it was too late. The cabman replied that it was_not_; for his instructions were, if I happened to be out, he was to waittill I came home. I felt very tired, and really wanted to go to bed. Ireached the hotel at a quarter before midnight. I apologised for beingso late, but Mr. Huttle said: “Not at all; come and have a few oysters.”I feel my heart beating as I write these words. To be brief, Mr. Huttlesaid he had a rich American friend who wanted to do something large inour line of business, and that Mr. Franching had mentioned my name tohim. We talked over the matter. If, by any happy chance, the result besuccessful, I can more than compensate my dear master for the loss of Mr.Crowbillon’s custom. Mr. Huttle had previously said: “The glorious‘Fourth’ is a lucky day for America, and, as it has not yet strucktwelve, we will celebrate it with a glass of the best wine to be had inthe place, and drink good luck to our bit of business.”
I fervently hope it will bring good luck to us all.
It was two o’clock when I got home. Although I was so tired, I could notsleep except for short intervals—then only to dream.
I kept dreaming of Mr. Perkupp and Mr. Huttle. The latter was in alovely palace with a crown on. Mr. Perkupp was waiting in the room. Mr.Huttle kept taking off this crown and handing it to me, and calling me“President.”
He appeared to take no notice of Mr. Perkupp, and I kept asking Mr.Huttle to give the crown to my worthy master. Mr. Huttle kept saying:“No, this is the White House of Washington, and you must keep your crown,Mr. President.”
We all laughed long and very loudly, till I got parched, and then I wokeup. I fell asleep, only to dream the same thing over and over again.
CHAPTER THE LAST
One of the happiest days of my life.
JULY 10.—The excitement and anxiety through which I have gone the lastfew days have been almost enough to turn my hair grey. It is all butsettled. To-morrow the die will be cast. I have written a long letterto Lupin—feeling it my duty to do so,—regarding his attention to Mrs.Posh, for they drove up to our house again last night.
JULY 11.—I find my eyes filling with tears as I pen the note of myinterview this morning with Mr. Perkupp. Addressing me, he said: “Myfaithful servant, I will not dwell on the important service you have doneour firm. You can never be sufficiently thanked. Let us change thesubject. Do you like your house, and are you happy where you are?”
I replied: “Yes, sir; I love my house and I love the neighbourhood, andcould not bear to leave it.”
Mr. Perkupp, to my surprise, said: “Mr. Pooter, I will purchase thefreehold of that house, and present it to the most honest and most worthyman it has ever been my lot to meet.”
He shook my hand, and said he hoped my wife and I would be spared manyyears to enjoy it. My heart was too full to thank him; and, seeing myembarrassment, the good fellow said: “You need say nothing, Mr. Pooter,”and left the office.
I sent telegrams to Carrie, Gowing, and Cummings (a thing I have neverdone before), and asked the two latter to come round to supper.
On arriving home I found Carrie crying with joy, and I sent Sarah roundto the grocer’s to get two bottles of “Jackson Frères.”
My two dear friends came in the evening, and the last post brought aletter from Lupin in reply to mine. I read it aloud to them all. Itran: “My dear old Guv.,—Keep your hair on. You are on the wrong tackagain. I am engaged to be married to ‘Lillie Girl.’ I did not mentionit last Thursday, as it was not definitely settled. We shall be marriedin August, and amongst our guests we hope to see your old friends Gowingand Cummings. With much love to all, from _The same old Lupin_.”
The Diary of a Nobody Page 23