Sitting at the crowded dining room table almost makes me want to run. If it weren’t for Neil’s side pressed to mine I might have already. The Brenemans are loud and they argue over everything. From who gets the first piece of bread, to who drank all the tea already, to where to sit, and who is the most annoying.
Being around them gives me whiplash, but also a sense of longing. Watching my brother interact with his family, it hurts, but it also warms my heart because knowing he had them and seeing it are two different things.
The most fascinating part of it all is that they include me in their conversations. I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t that. They’re not just dealing with me being here, they aren’t just being polite, but they are trying to make me feel like I belong.
“We should have another competition after dinner,” Lacey says. “I still can’t believe I lost the last one.”
“Hard pass,” Lena replies, “Alex will just play something he wrote for Jamie and everyone will swoon and no one stands a chance against that.”
“Or Lou-Lou will cheat again and use my student against me,” Alex adds.
His youngest sister shrugs, “there’s nothin’ in the rules that says I can’t have an accompaniment. You can’t really be mad that you’ve taught Riv well enough to keep up with me, can you?”
Jamie laughs, “she has you there, Lex. What does it say about your skills as a tutor if you begrudge how well your student takes to the lessons?”
Alex grumbles, “I never expected them to be used against me.”
“All’s fair in love and war,” Lacey chimes in.
Alex tosses a piece of bread at his sister, who laughs and bats it away. It lands on Nathan’s plate, he just shrugs and picks it up, taking a bite.
“All right, children. Enough. We don’t want to scare Matthias off. Y’all could at least act like you have manners.” Mrs. Breneman frowns at her children, but the stern look is lost by the twinkle of amusement in her eyes.
After dinner, everyone finds a place to sit in the family room. There aren’t nearly enough seats, so people take up space on the floor and each other’s laps. Neil and I sit squished on a sofa with Lacey, Tasha, and Lena. Across from us on the other sofa, Rhys sits on Jamie’s lap, while Alex sits next to them, and Noah on the floor, his lap full with Louisa and River.
“Sit on your man, Neil,” Lydia says as she pulls Lacey up by the hands and sits before Lacey situaties herself on her sister’s lap.
Neil makes himself at home on me and it’s...comforting, intimate in a way I never expected.
“Are you okay?” Neil looks up at me, “I can sit on the floor if you’re uncomfortable.”
I grab him around the waist and pull him to me. “This is perfect.”
Neil beams and grabs the back of my neck, pulling me down for a soft kiss. My chest explodes, not from worry over doing this in front of people, but from happiness.
Whatever lingering tension I’ve been carrying since leaving my parents’ house dissipates.
Someone lets out a whistle, while someone else, Lacey I think, says, “get a room. There are children present.”
Neil breaks the kiss only to stick his tongue out at her before dragging me into another kiss. We ignore the catcalls and teasing.
Tonight is nothing like I expected and everything I didn’t know I wanted or needed.
I might not have a place here yet, but with the man on my lap, I know that doesn’t matter. I will find my footing in my new reality, and I have the best person to help me with that.
Neil.
I can’t believe that Kathy’s farm is where Matthias wanted to spend his thirty-fifth birthday, but whatever. When he told me I gave him a look but then shrugged and jumped online. After all, being here means cows.
“Thanks for inviting me,” Bas says, giving Matthias a hug, “happy birthday.”
“Thank you. Of course, you’re invited. We invited Maribelle too, but she turned us down.”
Bas rolls their eyes, “she’s such a debbie downer.”
The past four months haven’t warmed my sister to my boyfriend. It doesn’t matter that we’ve been together for five and a half months give or take and Matthias hasn’t wavered in his affection for me once in that time. Especially now that he’s been seeing a therapist for the past three months.
Things get rocky, sure. What relationship doesn’t have those moments? We’re not perfect. But I know he loves me, and I love him. Everyday I love him a little more than the last. It’s crazy and sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure it’s real, but I wouldn’t change anything.
“You’re back!” Kathy shouts as she comes out of the barn. “And you brought friends.”
“We couldn’t stay away, even if we wanted too.” Matthias says, “I think Neil would have skinned me alive if I kept him from Berry any longer.”
“And Miranda,” I input. “I haven’t met her yet.”
Kathy laughs, “you might just get lucky. Let’s get y’all on some horses and then we can go see what the others are up to.”
Matthias and I get Rosie and Daisy again. Kathy walks around making sure everyone is comfortable on their horse before swinging up on hers and leading the way.
It’s as beautiful out here in the spring as it was in the fall. It’s warmer of course, more humid, but that doesn’t take away from the experience.
Kathy takes a different trail this time, though she says it should take about the same amount of time, maybe longer, since we have a bigger party.
Aside from Bas, we invited Jamie, Alex, Rhys, Noah, and River. All of them jumped at the chance to not only come horseback riding and see the cows, but to spend Matthias’s birthday with him. Especially since he’s been low-key freaking out that he’s now officially ten years older than me. Only for three months, but that doesn’t matter to him. Hopefully someday in the future he’ll learn to get over it.
The ride takes about two hours. We see some new sites, like the areas that they use for equestrian training. No one is out there today, but Kathy says we’re welcome to come back and watch some training one day.
When the horses are all brushed down Kathy leads us to the fence where not one, but two cows are waiting for us. I squeal like a child and everyone laughs, but no one says anything when I run up and start petting them.
I give Berry a few pats with the promise of more as soon as I introduce myself to Miranda. Unlike Berry, she’s all white and so fucking adorable.
“I feel a little replaced,” Matthias says from behind me.
I didn’t even hear him walk up but then again, something much more interesting at the moment has my attention. “Oh hush, leave me alone. It’s a freaking cow, Matthias. How could you not love it?”
“But you can’t give your boyfriend a little love?” He teases, “it is my birthday.”
I sigh, trying to sound as put out as I can. “Fine,” spinning around I gasp.
There on one knee is Matthias Harthorn. His blond hair gleams in the sunlight, blue eyes are shiny with unshed tears.
“Neil Daniel Denning, you are…” he clears his throat, “you are the most important person in my life. I honestly do not know where I would be right now without you. Would you…” his voice breaks,” would you please, do me the honor of allowing me to love you every day for the rest of our lives?”
“Yes,” I whisper.
Matthias stands and grabs my face, kissing me senseless. “Yes?” he asks against my mouth.
“So much yes.”
He kisses me again. “I love you.”
“I love you, Matthias. I’m never going to stop, baby.”
One of the cows moos and we both jump. “I think your friends approve.”
“I think so too.”
“Okay, y’all. We want more pictures,” Jamie calls out. “Turn around. And Matthias, you better have gotten him a ring.”
“Of course I got him a ring, I’m not a heathen,.” he yells over his shoulder.
Rea
ching into his pocket he pulls out a white gold band, it’s simple in design aside from three diamonds that adorn it, but it’s perfect for me.
Matthias slips the ring on my finger and nothing has ever felt more right.
Author’s Note
Dear Reader,
What a ride, huh? To be honest I had no clue what this book would become. All I knew was that Matthias had a story to tell and I told it. And as I sit here in tears because I finally finished this book, I wonder, was it everything you hoped it to be?
If you were hoping for a big redemption story I hope you’re not too disappointed. To be honest, the second title for this book was A Redemption Story, but as I started writing it, I realized that it didn’t fit. Because that is not what Matthias needed. He didn’t need to redeem himself. While he did do things that he had to make up for—is still making up for—he also needed to heal.
This book doesn’t touch on mental health as much as the first two, and the reason for that was because Matthias wasn’t ready. You have to accept that you need help before you can get it. And he will. You might not see the process, but there is still one full-length book to come, so you know there will be some mention of it.
The more Matthias developed, the more I realized how broken he is. I knew on some level, but others were a complete surprise. I knew that he needed Neil. His take no shit attitude was always the perfect pairing for Matthias. I didn’t know how or why their relationship was going to work. They’re so different from Jamie and Alex, and Noah and Rhys. But they work. They complement each other so well and give each other so much. It might not be the love and life that either expected, but it’s what they need.
I cried more in this book than I expected. I knew it was going to be hard but I didn't know how hard. To be honest, there were many, many, many times while writing that I doubted myself.
In the end, I let the characters tell me what they needed and they did. This story means so much to me. There’s so much to unpack. So many things we didn’t know before. So many tears. But also a lot of love.
I hope that now that you’re finished, you see why I had to tell this story the way I did. There was no other way it could be.
Thank you for reading my boys. I hope they touched your heart as they touched mine.
-Abri
Acknowledgments
Writing this series is a joy. It’s also the hardest thing I’ve ever tried to do. This series means so much to me. The stories told in these books are so important not just for me and the characters, but for everyone who reads them. While writing is my job, something I do in solitude, there would be no words without the people who hold my hand and tell me to get my life together so I can bring you all the words.
Claire— You’ve been here since the beginning. I would not be able to publish without you and your inability to tell me no. Thank you so much for being by my side through everything.
Lorelei— I couldn’t do anything without you. Thank you for being in my corner, even when I annoy you. You’re the best friend ever.
Renee— You’re the scariest PA ever and I am so glad you decided to kidnap me. I would not have finished this book on time without you checking up on me. I appreciate it so much. I don’t know how I ever did it without you and your support. Even if it scares me sometimes.
Emma— I love you. You are so supportive, so caring, I don’t know how you do everything you do for me and others, but I am so glad you do because even when I’m stressed you’re a little voice of reason that helps me keep somewhat sane. Thank you for the pretties and for helping me make sure that my words make sense.
Catherine— You’re the best alpha reader I could ever ask for. Your input helps so much and the best scenes would not exist without your suggestions.
Karen & Chriss— You are the best beta readers ever. Your love and understanding for these boys means so much. Your feedback helped settle my nerves for this book and I will always appreciate that.
Julia— Thank you for not only wanting to read and give feedback on my book, but for all the advice you give me. I love you and your words so much and watching you enjoy mine is surreal.
Elaina— This is the first book I’ve written where you weren’t the first person I went to when I was freaking out. Even though you’re not here you’re still here in the spirit of the words I write. Without you, I would not be able to write what a true, loving friendship is. Thank you for everything you did for me. I love you and I miss you every single day.
To all my readers and everyone else who supports me. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, I would not be here without you.
About the Author
Abrianna Denae is a twenty-three-year-old author living in Northern California. An English major, she has always had a passion for writing.
Deciding to sit down and write one of the many stories that had plagued her mind for years was the easy part—finding the time to do it was a different story.
Caffeine is her best friend, and sleep is her worst enemy.
A lover of books that make the reader feel something, she tries to incorporate as much of her real-world views and feelings into her stories as she can.
Abrianna spends way too much time on Facebook. You can find her here:
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Other books by Abrianna
Destroyed By Love Series:
Forever
Bullets & Bloodlust Series (written with Claire Marta):
Bloody Ties
Stories Series:
A Love Story
A Hate Story
A Healing Story (Stories Book 3) Page 19