“No, I’m good,” Cassandra says. “So are we still on for the BoPo meeting this week?”
“Yeah I’m good. I’ll see you there. Take care Cassandra.”
“You too, honey. Bye.”
Cassandra hangs up and I’m left looking at my phone, shaking my head. I wish that she could understand what I saw in the meeting with the teams today. Then again, today was supposed to be the easy day. I know that the more challenging groups will be coming up soon.
I just hope I’m ready.
Still, as I get my cup of coffee and sits down behind my desk to do my patient notes to prepare for tomorrow, I can’t help but spent most of my time thinking about Louden. I don’t know why, maybe it was the flat declaration that he finds me attractive, but whatever the case, I’m looking forward to the next time we get together.
Chapter 7
Louden- Family Time
“Daddy!”
My heart swells as my four year old daughter Cathy comes tearing across the lawn of her mother’s home towards me, her pigtails flying behind her as she leaps the last few feet into my arms. It’s been too long since I was last able to see her, and while we’ve talked on the phone three or four times a week, it isn’t the same as being able to hold her in my arms again.
“Hey sweetheart, it’s good to see you again!” I answer her, giving her a squeeze and lifting her into the air. I swing her around twice before tucking her onto my back and turning back around, my breath catching for a moment as I see Cathy’s mother and my ex, Lana Roberts.
She might be dressed in just a plain T-shirt and jeans, her long blonde hair pulled to the side in a ponytail, but she’s still heart stoppingly beautiful. Even though I’ve come to that weird realization that I can both love her and not be in love with her anymore, I kick myself for the ten thousandth time for letting her get away.
Strange, but then again, I guess life isn’t quite like a storybook. “Lana. Thank you for being flexible on me taking her for the weekend.”
“It’s not a problem,” Lana says, giving the two of us a smile. “I guess it’s an okay compensation for the season being over now, right?”
“Better than the big title,” I confirm for Cathy’s sake before setting her down. “Sweetie, before we go out to lunch, let me talk with Mommy for a moment, okay? Grownup talk, so can you go get buckled into your car seat?”
“Awww Daddy, why do I have to still use the baby seat?” Cathy protests, but after a raised eyebrow from me she doesn’t argue anymore, going over to my car and climbing into the probably over-designed car seat that I have for her.
But I don’t care. I’m going to take care of my baby.
“I see you still have her in the NASCAR seat,” Lana says with a chuckle. “She’s growing so fast, she’s going to outgrow that thing pretty soon.”
“Until then, it’ll do just fine,” I say with a small shrug. I don’t mind being overprotective of Cathy. “Everything good with her? Anything I should know from school or anything she’ll want to talk about?”
Lana bites her lip a little, then shakes her head. “No, things have been going good at her preschool, she’s been really looking forward to this. Although, would you mind if you kept her overnight? I know it’s short notice, but….”
“No, it’s totally okay,” I answer, waving it off. “I’m sure you’ve got stuff to do too, and you’ve more than once changed your plans to fit my craziness. What time do you want me to bring her by tomorrow?”
“How about after breakfast? Unless you want to take her to her haircut I’ve got scheduled at Kelly’s,” Lana says, smirking. Kelly was one of her best friends in college, and after Lana and I broke up, her attitude to me put me on a rather distinguished list of people that includes Charles Manson, Hitler, and Attila the Hun. Thankfully Lana doesn’t echo her friend’s point of view.
“No thanks, I like being able to count to ten with my fingers alone,” I answer with a regretful laugh. “Okay, I’ll have her back here around ten or so.”
“Thanks. And Louden, don’t sweat it, you’ll be getting her for your time in a few weeks. I’d agree to it now, but she’s going on Spring Break soon from preschool...” Lana starts, and I wave it off again.
It’s part of life, and it’s working.
“I know. It’s a good changeover time, and I’ve got recruiting trips coming up anyway. That big push right before Signing Day, it’s all cool. I’m just glad to have this extra time with her, really. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
After lunch at Cathy’s favorite near-campus burger joint, a little place where some of the waitresses know her by name and a few have even used her as a way to flirt with me, I take her to the movies, a ‘first day’ tradition that we’ve done for two years now.
Thankfully, the choices this time are a lot better than last time, when I had to scramble to find something that didn’t seem inappropriate for her. This time there’s two competing kids movies out, a Disney one that’s new and a holdover from the Christmas holidays that’s a little old, but still getting decent sized crowds before it goes to Blu-Ray.
Cathy chooses the Disney one, and while it’s pretty standard Disney Pixar type fare, lots of silly humor for the kids with enough ‘adult’ Easter eggs to keep me laughing from time to time, I notice that the hero, a plucky little wolf who spends most of the movie trying to get everyone to see the real him and not the Big Bad Wolf stereotype his father was, is from a single parent household.
Guess those damn little pigs did their jobs too well in this version.
Afterwards, Cathy and I drive back to my place, where I make her a “Daddy Special” of macaroni and cheese mixed with ground meat and then baked in a casserole dish, the meal that got me through more dinners as a player than anything else.
“So what do you think?” I ask Cathy as we chow down on the mix. At least I’ve upgraded from my student days, the cheese is real and not neon orange. “Like the changes?”
“I don’t know, Daddy. I liked the corn last time too,” Cathy says, making me roll my eyes. She’d protested the vegetable so hard when I included them that I thought she was going to throw a tantrum. Now she’s saying she liked them.
I can’t win, sometimes. Cathy sees my distress and pats me on the arm, her little face very serious. “Don’t worry Daddy, your cooking is still better than Craig’s.”
“Craig?” I ask, making a guess and feeling guilty, but I can’t help but pry a little. “Who’s Craig?”
Cathy grins and stabs her casserole again, taking a bite. “He’s Mommy’s new boyfriend. He can’t cook at all, Daddy, but he’s okay. You wouldn’t like him, though.”
“Why?” I ask, trying to keep my voice pleasantly neutral hearing that Lana has a new boyfriend. If Cathy knows about his cooking skills, I’m guessing it’s serious enough that Lana’s had him over, and if so, I guess it’s not that hard to guess who she’s with right now. “Is he like a booger eater or something?”
Cathy laughs, screwing up her face at the gross-out. “No! Even worse, Daddy. He’s a, uhm, the word’s hard, an stock escalator?”
“Evaluator?” I ask, and Cathy nods. “What’s so wrong with that?”
“He’s always talking weird, and he likes numbers a lot. And he hates basketball,” Cathy confides in me. “He says that football’s better.”
I shrug, reaching across and ruffling Cathy’s hair. “Well, nobody’s perfect. Come on, let’s finish up dinner, and if there’s time, we can read in bed together before it’s time for you to go to sleep.”
After Cathy goes to sleep, I sit up for a long time, pretending to watch basketball highlights but I don’t see a single dunk or three point shot the entire time. Instead, I think about Lana.
We’d met when I was a sophomore, coming off a great freshman season under Coach Two Eagles, getting a lot of playing time for a frosh. Lana was my academic tutor. When Coach found out about my challenges he didn’t treat me like shit, he just pulled me aside and said that I could do better, a
nd he would get me the help I needed.
To say it was love at first sight with Lana would be a total lie. Actually, at first we could hardly stand each other. She never, ever let me slack off in class. She didn’t care how many points I scored, how many boards I grabbed, or assists I dished out, she cared about my grades. Our first date, in fact, was after I showed her that I’d busted my ass with her help and had gotten an A on an English Lit paper.
So while we didn’t hit it off at first, once it took, it took hard. We were the campus solid couple, but I fucked it up. I wanted to marry her, but I knew she wanted to go into business, and that would have been hard for a pro ballplayer’s wife. So I held off, even when I could see she wanted me to ask.
After I didn’t get drafted, I felt like a failure, first that summer of chasing a D-League contract, and then starting over as a grad assistant under Coach. I couldn’t ask her then... but we slipped up with the protection one night, and the next thing I knew, I was a father.
I should have asked Lana then, but I kept putting it off, and putting it off, and putting it off. Eventually, I put it off too long, and she moved out two years ago.
I’ve never been bitter about having Cathy, I love my daughter with all my heart, but I should have made that clear to Lana. I know for a while she blamed herself for ‘ruining my dream,’ and by the time I found the words to tell her she hadn’t ruined anything but given me a precious gift, it was too late.
We’ve stayed friends, but I’ve seen it in her eyes and in her voice too often, she’s never going to love me the way that she used to.
I guess I deserve it, really. The best thing to happen in my life, the woman who gave me my daughter, and I fucked it up.
Fuck this, it’s time to go to bed.
* * *
I pull up in front of Lana’s house, and note again that she’s doing pretty well for herself. While I’m helping out with the rent, she’s got some new add-ons to the place which really make it look good. She’s put her brains to good use, that’s for sure. I’ve always made sure to do more than just pay ‘child support,’ but to make sure that Cathy has everything she needs, or at least as much as I can give her. It feels good, if hollow at the moment.
“Back just like I promised,” I joke to Lana as I help Cathy with her backpack. “And in plenty of time for her haircut.”
“Don’t worry, Kelly gave me a call about fifteen minutes ago, she came down with a stomach bug and just blew chunks all over her booth,” Lana says apologetically. “But thank you.”
“It’s all good,” I say, but there must be something in my voice, and Lana tilts her head, looking at me with the same look she had when I was trying to feed her a line of shit about my studying. This time though, I don’t know what to say. “What?”
“Come on up, I’m betting Cathy told you about Craig,” Lana says, glancing over her shoulder. “She’ll get into her coloring, we can sit out here on the porch. Besides Louden, it’s been too long since you and I just chatted. We talk all summer, but once the season tips off, it’s quick talks and text messages. I’d like to just talk, that’s all.”
I feel a weird sense of relief as Lana goes inside to point Cathy in the right direction before coming out with two glasses of fresh lemonade. That’s one of the nicest things about living in Virginia, front porches and fresh lemonade.
I accept my glass and sit back in one of the chairs, sipping. “It’s good. Not too sweet, like some folks make theirs.”
“I don’t want Cathy to have fifty cavities by the time her baby teeth fall out,” Lana says with a little chuckle. “So... Craig.”
I nod, trying to find the right words. “So. A stock evaluator, huh?”
“And a Redskins fan,” Lana adds, making me wince. She laughs softly, sipping her tea. “Yeah, Cathy didn’t like that part either. She likes him, though.”
“That’s good,” I reply. “Lana, it’s not that I’m not glad you’re finding a guy who’s good for you, or anything like that...”
“But you always figured you’d be the first to move on,” Lana says, and I shrug helplessly. “You’ve got a problem though, Louden.”
“Too busy with work?” I ask, and Lana shakes her head. “What?”
“If it were just work, that’d be one thing, Louden. You’d have gone back to being the player I remember you being your freshman year and that first semester of soph year. God, you pissed me off with you trying to be Mr. BMOC. You’re still hot as hell, Louden, you’d have no problems picking up one night stands left and right. And that school is a very easy place to get women for a player with your looks, I don’t care if you’re staff or not.”
I nod, acknowledging that Mount Reston is one of those schools that tends to attract a lot of well to do families, families that produce daughters who got their trips to the dentist and more taken care of. “Still...”
“Still, you’re not the boy you were all those years ago, Louden. You’ve matured, and you’ve become a decent man. You’re looking for something more than a one night stand, aren’t you?”
I think about Denise all of a sudden, and blush slightly. “I’ve tried, but recently, I might have slipped up there a little. She’s, well, never mind.”
Lana considers me for a moment, then nods in acceptance. “Okay. Louden, all I’m saying is that there are a lot of reasons it didn’t work out between us. Some were my fault, some were yours, but I’m beyond the pain of it. I’m glad you’re still my friend, and regardless of where this goes with Craig, you’re always going to be Cathy’s father. I would never, ever try to take her away from you.”
“I never thought you would,” I reassure her, taking another sip of lemonade. “Tell me one thing though, Lana. Craig... he makes you happy?”
Lana nods, giving me a small smile. “So far. It’s not the same as when I was with you, Louden. But I’m old enough now to understand that it doesn’t have to be to still be good, just different. And I’m letting it grow naturally, I won’t force anything. I’m smart enough to know I don’t need to have a man. I want one, I’d like one, but I don’t need one. Not when Cathy has a father as good as you in her life.”
“Yeah,” I say bitterly. “Absent half the year except for dinners on odd nights where I can give her mementos of various cities I’ve traveled to. Great fathering skills there.”
“She loves you, Louden,” Lana says simply. “And in my own way, I always will too. Not in a ‘I want to get back together with you’ way, but you’re a tremendous man. And when you find the right woman, I know you’re going to do the right thing this time.”
“Thought I was doing the right thing last time,” I say regretfully. “You were never meant to be a basketball wife.”
Lana laughs, nodding. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I would have tried, but you’re right. But Louden, basketball is part of who you are. There are too many people in this world who have to settle for working shitty jobs, slinging burgers or working registers, or even being stock evaluators. They lose sight of the one thing that makes them happy in this world, they lose sight of the thing that they can do that makes them special. There’s too many people who never figure out what makes them special, too. You Louden, you’re special. And basketball is your way of showing it. Never, ever give it up, because while it takes a lot from you, it also makes you the person that Cathy loves. It makes you a father so awesome that she looks forward to those odd nights of dinner together, or days like yesterday. She’s looking forward to being dragged to that arena in the afternoons too, and she’s looking forward to having time with her father. So never give up the basketball.”
“And the rest?” I ask, thinking of Denise again. “Me slipping up?”
Lana chuckles, and finishes off her lemonade. “If I remember right, our first kiss was a slip-up too. One I will never, ever regret.”
“Me neither,” I say, finishing off my lemonade and standing up. “Thanks, Lana. And if Craig makes you happy, I’m glad for you. If he screws up though...”
Lana smiles. “Don’t worry, he already knows. Have a good afternoon, Louden.”
Chapter 8
Denise- The Locker Room
I knew that the soccer teams were going to be easy, that was by design, but looking out at the women’s volleyball team, all I see are hostile looks, and I know that I’ve got my work cut out for me.
Unfortunately, looking at Louden, he’s distracted by something. It’s nothing I can put my finger on directly, maybe he’s got something going on with his team, or maybe he’s just having a bad day.
Meeting him in his office prior to the meeting with the team, he wasn’t rude or anything, he was as professional as he’s been since we came to our initial understanding. He helped me get my stuff set up, and he even gave me a few bits of inside information to help me understand volleyball players, nothing I didn’t already anticipate, but it was reaffirming to see that he’s still giving a shit about these meetings.
But still, he seems a half step slow on the whole today, and looking at the eighteen girls seated in the folding chairs, I’m wishing I had him fully on his game right now. I go over, whispering in his ear. “Louden?”
“Yeah?” he asks, glancing at his notes. “You forget something?”
“No, but are you okay? You’re displaying a bit of abstracted behavior today,” I whisper, looking him over. Abstracted? Where in my thesaurus of a mind did I pull that one from? It’s not even the right word, I think.
“I’ll be fine,” Louden says, shrugging and sounding a little hostile suddenly. “Let’s get this over with.”
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