by Mary Coffin
Cnāwan walked over and sat in front of Jon. Fynn watched and wondered what the cat was up to. Then she heard the cat’s words in her mind for the first time in several days.
He has to let go of the guilt.
Jon noticed Fynn frown as she stared at the ground in front of him. “What is it?” he asked.
Fynn asked the cat: What do you mean?
He has to let go of the guilt if he is to make it home. He’s spent a lot of his energy feeling guilty about missing the first call. He must forgive himself and let it go so he can use that energy to get home.
Fynn looked at Jon and cleared her throat. “Uh, Cnāwan says you have to let go of the guilt. You have to forgive yourself and let it go so you have the energy to get home.”
A look of pain crossed Jon’s face – emotional pain. He turned away and Fynn knew those words struck a sensitive chord in him. He took in a deep breath and slowly let it out. Then he turned back and looked at the ground in the vicinity of where Fynn had looked.
“I know,” he said. “I’m trying. It’s just that we lost five people.”
Fynn knew he was talking to the cat, even though he couldn’t see her.
They made the choice. They knew the risk.
Fynn repeated Cnāwan’s words to him. Jon nodded his understanding and Cnāwan walked away. She found another sunny spot, curled up in a ball, and went to sleep.
Tibby and Fynn continued practicing in silence. It was obvious that Jon was considering Cnāwan’s words and they wanted to give him the space to do so.
Several minutes passed. Jon stood and stretched his body. He rubbed his belly. “Anyone hungry?”
“Sure,” said Tibby. “What do you want?”
Jon knew Tibby was willing to make the food appear. He shook his head, “Sorry but we have to do this the old fashioned way. I’ll get us something. You need to use your energy to practice – not to manifest food. There may be a need, however, for your help on the journey home.”
Chapter 20
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“I’m heading to town,” said Ben. He stood from the kitchen table and set his breakfast dishes by the sink. Mel and the kids were still eating. “Be alert, Mel. They’re watching us. I’m not certain but I may have been followed part way home last night.”
“Did you let Jon know?” she asked.
“Yes, I told him. Do what you can to speed up the training.” He motioned toward the kids, whose backs were to him. “We might have to move sooner than I originally thought.”
Mel nodded in return. She understood his meaning. They needed to get the necklace back soon so she had to finish training Fynn.
Ben left. Mel stood and walked around to find the right spot. She needed to start with a simple wall; one that had no objects on either side. From there she would build Fynn’s confidence so that thicker, concrete walls were no problem.
As she stepped into the living room, she realized a small part of the kitchen wall she had just passed was bare. She looked in the living room. There was a chair, a lamp and a small table against the wall. She quickly moved the furniture out of the way and went back into the kitchen.
“Okay, you two. Let’s get started.”
Fynn and Tibby joined her near the kitchen wall. “What are we doing?” asked Fynn.
“You’re going to walk through this wall.”
Fynn suddenly felt nervous. “You mean like we did at the bookstore?” She didn’t know exactly why it made her nervous. It was an involuntary reaction – like falling into deep water and instinct says: Don’t breath or you’ll drown.
“Yup, except this time, you’re doing it on your own. When Jon and I held your hands and we were all connected, we created a circuit that allowed you to do it. Now you need to learn to do it on your own. I remember hearing you gasp as we went through the bookstore wall, Fynn. It was fear, and fear will stop you dead in your tracks.”
“I thought I would suffocate or something,” she replied in her defense.
“You won’t suffocate. It looks solid but it really isn’t. Just clear your mind and relax. That’s the most important part of it. Once you’ve done that, say the word flowan. Don’t think about it. Just walk forward and you’ll feel the momentum pull you through. If you think about it, you’ll pop back out.”
Fynn looked at the wall and then back at Mel. Tibby could feel her tense up and wished he could help her.
“Want me to go first?” he asked.
“Good idea,” said Mel. “Go ahead.”
Tibby stepped to within a couple feet of the wall. He closed his eyes and took in a couple breaths while he cleared his mind. “Flowan.” He opened his eyes and stepped forward. He didn’t even hesitate. Fynn heard him giggle on the way through.
“I did it,” he shouted from the living room. “That was awesome.”
“Good job. Come back through,” said Mel.
Fynn stared at the wall and first saw Tibby’s foot poke through as he was mid step. The rest of his body followed and he stood in the kitchen with a big smile on his face, while he scratched at his arms and legs. “That was fun.”
Mel looked at Fynn. “You can do it, Fynn. It’s one of the easiest things you’ll ever do. You just have to believe you can do it. Trust the Gädweg.”
Fynn gave her a perplexed look. “The wha...oh, yeah. The source of life, right?”
Mel nodded her head. “You’re a Wær, Fynn, and the Gädweg is awake in you. Your mind is used to seeing things as solid and permanent but they aren’t. Nothing is as it appears. So, you have to get past your mind and trust the energy of the Gädweg; it can do things that our limited minds cannot.”
Fynn stepped to the wall. She closed her eyes and took several slow breaths, then opened them and quietly said, “Flowan.” She didn’t feel relaxed but took a step forward anyway. Her foot went through the wall and the rest of her body started to follow. Just as her face was about to pass through, she gasped. The momentum suddenly reversed and kicked her out. She almost lost her balance but Mel grabbed her by the arm to steady her.
“Try it again.”
Fynn shut her eyes and listened to her rapid heartbeat. She took several deliberate breaths to calm it. Okay, I’m a Wær. I should be able to do this. It will be okay. Relax. She opened her eyes and said, “Flowan.” She slowly stepped forward and her foot led the way into the wall. Don’t gasp. Just relax. Her upper leg made it through now. Don’t think, just relax. Her upper body started to go through it. When her face passed through, she stopped and looked around. She didn’t see wood, electric wires or plasterboard; she saw everything at a molecular level. She saw all the tiny, miniscule particles of the wood...moving around! On one hand, it was kind of cool; on the other hand, it scared her. She gasped and was thrown backwards and landed hard on her butt.
“You were almost there. What happened?” asked Mel.
“I don’t know. I just saw all these little things moving and it startled me.”
“Fynn, you’re focusing too much on the wall itself. Don’t think about the wall. Don’t think about what you’re doing. Don’t think – at all.”
Fynn stood and brushed off her bottom. “That’s easy for you to say.”
“You’re making this harder than it is.” Mel thought for a moment. “Tibby, stand on the other side of the wall.” He stepped through it as easily as walking through an open doorway.
Show off, thought Fynn.
Mel put her hand on Fynn’s back as she talked. “Step up to the wall.” Fynn took a couple steps and stopped. “Now close your eyes and breathe. Think of Tibby standing on the other side of the wall. He’s facing you. You’re simply going to walk up to him, like you’re going to hug him.”
Fynn opened her eyes and looked at Mel with a bashful grin. Mel lowered her voice. “Just pretend, Fynn. Close your eyes. In your mind, picture him standing in the living room. Then w
hen you’re ready...”
Fynn took a couple more breaths. I can do this. It’s easy. She pictured Tibby in her mind, standing in the living room facing her. She opened her eyes and said, “Flowan.”
She took a step. Suddenly, Mel shoved her. What the...? Fynn lost her balance and gasped. She had already passed through the wall so the momentum didn’t reverse on her but Mel had pushed a bit too hard and Fynn tripped into Tibby’s arms. He caught her.
Fynn looked up as Tibby smiled. Suddenly she felt self-conscious about being in his arms. Her cheeks reddened. She quickly composed herself and shouted to Mel. “Hey, what’d you do that for?”
Mel joined them in the living room, “Sorry. I wanted you to do it before you had a chance to think. I didn’t mean to push that hard.”
Tibby realized that he didn’t mind one bit. In fact, he enjoyed catching Fynn. Thinking about it made the smile return to his face.
Mel walked to the fireplace. “Come over here.”
On the floor, leaning against the wall, were two paintings. They had seen one of them in the art gallery. It was the picture of the two mountains, with the bridge between them. It still made their bodies tingle when they stared at it. Even though they had never been to Elione, it was like their bodies somehow knew the place, on a cellular level.
The second painting was large. It had to be because it was of a city built in a caldera, the crater of a volcano, but this one was obviously inactive. The volcano was huge to contain the enormous city, which took up the whole basin all the way to the outer edges.
It was a colorful city and there was no need for street lights. Most of the buildings were made of a gold substance and radiated light as the sun was setting, low on the horizon. The rooftops were made of precious gems, smooth and glassy but colorful: there was ruby red, dark purple – like amethyst, and a brilliant sapphire blue. Gardens, containing beautiful flowers, spread throughout the city.
Mel said, “I know you haven’t been there but this is your home – your real home. This was home to your parents. They wanted to return but now they can’t. You can, though. They would want this for you more than anything else.”
“What’s it like?” asked Fynn.
“Words don’t do it justice. You’ll have to experience it. But none of us will get there without the key. This is our last chance. Keep these pictures in mind...both of you...and trust that the Gädweg will lead us there. Let this be your motivation to do what is needed to get back. If we stay true to the task at hand, then we’ll find the gate.”
Fynn thought about her mother and how she said she should have told her some things long ago. Elione must have been one of those things. Fynn looked at the painting and tried to picture her mother and father there. She wondered how anyone could forget about such a stunning place.
After the pep talk, Tibby and Fynn spent the rest of the day walking through walls. With repetition, Fynn’s anxiety lessened. By the end of the day, she was walking through the outside walls of the house with no hesitation.
That night, as the house fell into silence, Fynn lay in bed, wide awake. She had a difficult time settling her mind. She turned on the bedside lamp and looked around the room. Then, wondering if she could climb out the window and sit out on the roof like she did at home, she climbed out of bed and opened the window. The backside of the house dropped straight to the ground, so there was no place to sit, but the breeze was refreshing. The curtains fluttered in response to the gentle wind and caught her attention.
She reached over and felt the fabric between her fingers and was instantly taken back to her mother’s room. The fabric of the curtains was the same fabric as the curtains in her mother’s room. It was a heavy cotton weave with traces of colorful threads interwoven throughout the material. The memory of her last conversation with her mother filled her mind; her mother’s frail state, the box with the necklace and the poem...her promise.
She tried not to think about how the weight of retrieving the necklace fell on her shoulders alone. No - she had to stay focused and keep the right attitude. She couldn’t allow herself to entertain the idea of what would happen if she failed. Not only would she let the others down but it felt like she would be a disappointment to her mother and father, even though they were both dead. They wouldn’t really know but the truth was that she would know...and the burden of living with that felt worse than shouldering the responsibility of retrieving the necklace.
Chapter 21
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The night was so black that Fynn was blinded; she couldn’t make out any shapes. The others had accompanied her to the outside of the big cement building that housed the orphans of Happy Days Home for Children. They hid in the trees and waited for her to do her job. From there, she had to go alone, with one exception - the cat joined her.
It was a cool night but she perspired as though it was noon and ninety five degrees outside. Nerves. She wasn’t very skilled at calming her nerves in a tense situation. Internally, she was a wreck and felt a burning knot in her gut.
With arms outstretched before her, she approached the cement slabs at the front of the building. She couldn’t make out any details in the dark but the weight of the structure pressed heavily upon her senses. Relax, she told herself. Breathe. Jon said it would be like taking candy from a baby.
She wished the cat would say something – anything – to help her calm down. Cnāwan sat on the ground a couple paces ahead and stared straight ahead. Then the cat stood and walked through the wall. The cat’s urgent words filled Fynn’s mind: It’s time. Fynn closed her eyes and concentrated on relaxing and clearing her mind. It’s now or never, she told herself. She opened her eyes and said, “Flowan.”
She took a step forward and her foot went into the cement block. The rest of her body followed. Even though she couldn’t physically feel the slab against her skin, her senses knew it was cold, hard and unforgiving. How horrible it would be to get stuck in here. As soon as she had that thought, the momentum stopped pulling her through the hard cement but it didn’t push her back out either.
Her body felt heavy and she could barely move. It was like trying to wade through a neck-deep pool of mud. She hollered. “Cnāwan! Help! I’m stuck!”
The cat’s face appeared before her. It changed into the woman with black hair and clear, emerald eyes. The woman said, “No you’re not. It’s not real. Get yourself unstuck.” Then the face disappeared.
Fynn woke with a gasp and sat up in bed. She sucked in several breaths before realizing it had only been a dream. The light coming through the window revealed the dawn breaking but the house was silent; the others were still asleep.
The dream left her on edge. It was simply an indication of how nervous she felt. Like I need a reminder! Tonight’s the night we go to get the necklace – that I get the necklace. Her heart was still beating fast. She needed to get a grip on her thoughts and emotions.
Quiet time, outside with nature, was always calming - it helped her relax. She dressed, snuck downstairs and headed out the back door. There were lots of trees to choose from and she found one that was easy to climb and straddled the bottom branch.
She watched, and listened to the quiet, purposely not thinking but simply observing. Why was it so easy for her to stop thinking in situations like this but not when she had to walk through a wall? Her brain struggled yet with the concept that things weren’t really solid but she didn’t want to go there right now. She just wanted to sit in the silence.
After a few minutes, she felt herself relaxing. Then she thought about her mom and how so much had happened over the past week. It suddenly dawned on her that she hadn’t had much time to think about her mother. At that realization, she felt sad. She missed her mother terribly. She also felt bad about not keeping the necklace safe. She had to get it back. She promised.
Fynn closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. She knew
that someplace deep inside she had the strength to discipline herself and to calm her mind. She knew that somewhere within was the ability to trust, like she had never trusted before. She reasoned that being a Wær meant she already had the innate skill to master the use of energy, but first she must contain her own thoughts and emotions – she must direct them, not the other way around. Otherwise, what would be the point? The Gädweg was not stupid. With quiet determination, she tried to get a hold of herself. She had to; otherwise, she might fail.
She thought about the girl at Happy Days who took the box. Little Snipwit. Fynn recalled the look on her face that morning before the fire alarm sounded. She recalled seeing her outside in the courtyard with the box in her lap as she and Tibby began their escape. Thinking about all of this angered her...the nerve of the girl. She had no right to take it! Fynn felt herself getting warm with anger. She pictured herself taking the necklace back and realized she would enjoy it.
She was preoccupied and didn’t notice a crow land in the tree next to hers. Soon a second one landed next to it. They both perched on the branch and stared at her. After a moment, they made quiet cawing sounds as though they were whispering to each other...in crow talk. A few more landed in the tree and joined in. Before long, the whole tree was full of crows. We all know what happens when a large group of whisperers get together...they get louder just to be heard above the whispers of all the others. As more crows landed in other nearby trees, it turned into yelling. Caaw! Caaaw!! Caaaw!!!
The racket caused Fynn to open her eyes. She had never seen so many crows gathered together. She flung her arms out in front and said, “Shoo. Go on.” None flew away but they stopped cawing and stared at her.
Once again, she closed her eyes and took in several breaths. The chatter started again but, in spite of it, she felt herself calming once again. She thought about the training she had received over the past few days and wondered how she would put it to use for retrieving the necklace.
Then she thought about the building and the cement slabs she had to get through. Her dream came to mind and the fear she felt from being stuck in the suffocating concrete resurfaced. Her breathing quickened and her heart beat a little faster at the thought of it.