Arianna laughed. “That’s not the image I have of you, believe me. And that’s also not what I asked. I asked if you had a good time.” This was good. Looked like she’d be able to grill Penny for a little while here, help her figure out what was obvious to Arianna—that she preferred Willie to the banker—and, in the process, keep her own romantic issues off the table.
“I don’t know. It’s just not...comfortable, you know? I feel like he’s trying to prove himself to me.”
“As he should. You undersell yourself. You’re a very attractive, smart, successful woman.”
Penny snorted. “Who’s barely gotten the ranch out of the red, and whose husband left her for the secretary. Not even his secretary, my secretary. But I don’t want to talk about me.”
“Let’s talk about these kebabs, then. They’re so tender. And not even fattening.”
“Why you worry so much about your figure, I’ll never understand.” Penny sipped her iced tea. “Believe me, there will come a day when you’ll look back on that smooth, perfect skin and those hourglass curves and wish you had them back.”
“Doubtful,” Arianna said. And then their conversation moved to the art therapy group Arianna was doing at the ranch, and how well the veterans were responding, and whether it was time to start a second group.
“Jack’s keeping pretty late hours,” Penny said finally, glancing up at the clock.
Arianna clapped a hand to her mouth. “Oh no, he’ll be home any minute, and the place is a mess.” She stood and started clearing plates. “Please stay, Penny, if you don’t mind my doing a little cleaning while we talk.” She hurried a load of dishes to the sink and then turned back for more.
Penny was looking at her, head cocked to one side. “Are you always this paranoid about the state of the house?”
“Oh, well, my mom was really a clean freak. So is Jack. And I’m more the slob type.”
Penny stood and carried the serving dishes to the counter. “I look around this place—and your place—and I don’t see a slob. I see someone who’s creative and who’s been taking care of a baby all day.”
“Yes, but Sammy went to bed an hour ago.” She should have cleaned up the living room right away rather than collapsing on the couch and reading a novel.
“And shortly after he went down, you got unexpected company,” Penny said, pointing at her own chest. “Whom you greeted very hospitably, I might add.”
Arianna loaded plates and silverware into Jack’s state-of-the-art dishwasher. “You’re sure of a good welcome when you come bearing food.”
“I was glad for someone to share it with. Glad for some girl time.” Penny found a sponge and started wiping down Sammy’s high chair, and Arianna didn’t have the heart to tell her that she was using the counter sponge, not the Sammy sponge. Or did she have that wrong? Maybe the blue one was for Sammy.
“Anyway,” she said, “Jack’s pretty orderly, and he’s paying me well, so I’m trying to be neater than I would be on my own.”
“This room looks fine,” Penny said, returning the possibly incorrect sponge to the dish by the sink. “Come on, let’s tackle the living room, and you can tell me about your mom.”
They’d gotten the place into a semblance of order, and Penny was laughing about Arianna’s stories of competing with her sister for neatness awards their mother had set up, when Arianna heard the rumble of Jack’s truck.
Her stomach tightened.
Things had been so uncomfortable between them since that wonderful, terrible kiss. Jack had backed way off, obviously avoiding her. What was up with that? Was he one of the many men who preferred the chase to the conquest?
But it was you who told him you didn’t want to do it anymore, she reminded herself.
And for very good reason. How could she justify keeping secret the fact that she was Sammy’s mother if her relationship with Jack deepened?
And yet how could she justify telling Jack something she’d promised never to tell, and something that would undoubtedly sully his view not only of her, but of Chloe?
The door opened and Jack came in, and all of a sudden the house seemed the way it should again.
Well, except for the baby toys that still littered one end of the living room.
“Hey, Penny,” he said as he stowed his briefcase and picked up the mail. “How’s it going?”
“I’m going,” the older woman answered. “Arianna and I were having a nice visit, but I’ve got an early morning tomorrow.” She opened the door, then tossed over her shoulder, “Don’t give her too hard of a time about the state of the house. It’s tough to keep it looking like a showpiece when you’re taking care of a baby.”
As the door closed behind her, Jack stared at Arianna. “You’ve been keeping the place extra neat for me,” he said.
“I’ve been trying,” she admitted. “Fallen down on the job today a little.”
He put down the mail and grabbed a can of soda from the kitchen while she finished straightening the living room. She was just about to gather her things when he came back into the front room, sat down and patted the couch beside him. “Penny’s right,” he said. “It’s hard with a baby. And everything looks just fine. Can we talk?”
Arianna’s heart stuttered. He was going to fire her.
She was going to lose the chance to care for her son. Lose the chance to be near Jack. And suddenly, her on-the-road life as an art therapist, a perfectly good and adequate life, didn’t even seem palatable.
Tears pushed at the backs of her eyes and she drew in deep breaths, trying to keep them from falling. Miserably, she approached the couch and sat down beside him.
“Look, Arianna,” he said, his expression gentle and kind, which meant disaster, of course. “It’s been...awkward between us.”
She nodded, both because it was true and because she couldn’t speak.
“That kiss was...premature.” He kept his eyes on hers. “I’m sorry for that. I’ve been happy—very happy—with your work with Sammy. And...” He hesitated, his face coloring a little. “And I like being around you,” he added finally. “Do you think we could try to go back to that, to the way we were before?”
Her insides were dancing so fast that she could barely find the wherewithal to nod.
He’d said “premature.” Not a mistake, not wrong, just premature.
Did that mean he was good with it happening? Even that he wanted it to happen again?
At any rate, he hadn’t fired her, and that meant she could continue working with Jack and with her son. “I’d like that,” she managed to choke out through a throat tight with gratitude.
But as she gathered her things, an uneasy feeling penetrated her happiness. She hadn’t told Jack about Sammy’s heritage, and that fact stood in the way of them ever getting closer.
Tell him.
It wasn’t an audible voice, there in the moonlight as she walked across the lawn to her place, Jack watching from the porch. It was just a feeling in her heart, but she knew the author of that feeling, because it was the same message she’d gotten in prayer before.
It was true, probably; she should tell him. But she was afraid. Afraid of hurting this wonderful, tentative, fragile accord between them.
Afraid of being barred from caring for her son.
Chapter Ten
“Are you ready, Sammy? Ready to take the dog to Miss Arianna?” Jack didn’t have to strain to put excitement in his voice, something the TSS had recommended.
Sammy’s face remained impassive, but he toddled over to the door, which, as Arianna always pointed out, was a clear form of communication.
Jack scooped up the eight-week-old puppy he’d just examined and wrapped it in a towel, and they headed over to Arianna’s place.
It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon. From the mountains, a warm breeze blew the scent of pine, rich and resinous.
A Steller’s jay squawked from a nearby aspen tree, scolding them, maybe scolding Jack for the eager anticipation he was feeling.
He and Arianna had a new, fragile accord, and he treasured it. After the awkwardness of that week after they kissed, Jack was being cautious not to reveal the attraction he felt for his redheaded nanny.
That attraction had caused them problems before. He didn’t want to risk their friendship by acting on it again.
Then what are you going to do with the attraction?
Because he wasn’t going to stop feeling it, that much was clear. So was he just going to shove it aside and continue treating Arianna as a friend? That seemed like it might be really hard to do. But on the other hand, if he made another move to get closer to Arianna, he might scare her away entirely.
When he’d hired her, it had been for a temporary position, just for the summer. She’d planned to seek work elsewhere if she couldn’t find a permanent art therapy job here. But now the thought of her leaving stabbed at his heart.
He looked up at the clear blue sky. Father, You’re going to have to take over, because I don’t know what to do, and I keep messing this up.
He helped Sammy climb the first couple of stairs and then knelt and scooped him up to carry him the rest of the way to Arianna’s second-floor apartment. Sammy’s walking was improving, but stairs were a challenge still, of course.
At the top, arms full of puppy and boy, he tapped on the door. “Dog delivery,” he called through the screen.
From inside Arianna’s apartment, a loud squeal erupted and then Arianna ran through her small kitchen to the door, talking a mile a minute. “Did you bring me my puppy? I’m so excited! I can’t believe I get to have him!” She opened the door and held out her hands, and Jack carefully shifted the puppy into her arms before putting Sammy down.
“He is so precious! I can’t believe how tiny he is. And how wiggly!” She knelt so she could be at the same level as Sammy. Of course. She was always conscious of that, always trying to include him, to teach him new things. “Look how cute he is, Sammy,” she said. “Oh, Jack, I love him already.”
Jack could have stood there and watched her for an hour as she cuddled the puppy and showed it to Sammy and put it down on the floor to let it walk and laughed at its clumsiness.
Her feet were bare, her toenails painted bright pink. He swallowed, then cleared his throat. “Do you have everything you need? You got bowls and food and a bed?”
Great, he sounded like a scold.
But rather than being annoyed, Arianna bobbed her head up and down and rose to her feet, graceful, the puppy in her arms. “Come see. You can tell me if I got the right stuff.”
So Jack took Sammy’s hand, and they followed her through the little apartment. She showed him the food and water bowls, simple and basic, just what Jack would have purchased himself. “And I got the puppy chow you recommended. And a few treats.” She smiled a bit guiltily and showed him four different kinds of dog biscuits. “Are these okay for him to eat?”
Jack had to laugh at her. “They’re fine. It’s okay to indulge a puppy. Everyone does.”
In the living room, more of that indulgence was on display. In addition to a small crate, she had gotten the little dog a warm fleece bed and at least eight different toys.
“I know, I know, I went overboard,” she said. “They had a sale. That’s my excuse.” She put the dog down, and they all knelt around it. The puppy pounced on a banana-shaped toy, then jumped back when the toy squeaked.
Jack and Arianna laughed, and then Sammy let out a sound that could or could not have been a laugh, and Jack’s eyes met Arianna’s. Her smile was brilliant. And Jack could tell his own face held a similar expression.
“You know,” she said, “if it turns out that Buster would be a good dog for Sammy to have, I’ll give him to you.”
“No, he’s yours,” Jack protested.
“Sammy is the priority,” she said firmly. “If I’m just the puppy raiser for his service dog, I’m okay with that.”
Her words sent a wave of happiness through Jack. One, because of the idea of Sammy having a service dog. That just might make a big difference for him. And two, he was impressed by Arianna’s generosity and willingness to sacrifice.
Strange, on paper Chloe had been the upright, perfectly behaved, rule-following sister. Women’s committee at church, Sunday school teacher, always tastefully dressed, a great cook and housekeeper.
According to Chloe, Arianna was the one who had gotten in all kinds of trouble as a kid. She’d struggled in school and wrecked her car and gotten into fights with her parents.
But as adults, and maybe this was because of Arianna’s childhood difficulties, Arianna was the more generous and compassionate one. It seemed like Chloe had gotten more and more rigid. And living with her, Jack knew better than anyone the anxiety and tension that had hovered just beneath her perfect facade. It had gotten to the point that it made her miserable, and Jack had begged her to seek counseling. But she had refused, because that would have destroyed her carefully crafted self-image.
After a few more minutes, Sammy turned away, his signal that he had had enough. Arianna read it as quickly as Jack did, and she found a board book and helped Sammy sit down in a quiet corner on his blanket. There, he turned the pages methodically, tapping his foot on the floor in a complicated rhythm.
The puppy seemed to be overwhelmed at the same moment. He walked and climbed and tumbled his way into the fleece bed, flopped down on his side and fell instantly asleep.
So now it was just Jack and Arianna, her on the couch and him in the armchair catty-corner, because he wasn’t going to push himself on her by sitting too close on the couch. But that good resolution was negated by the question he couldn’t help asking. “Have you seen Nathan lately?”
She looked at him, surprise evident in her expression. “No, I haven’t. I think he’s gone back to the university.”
“Are you upset about that?”
Now she really looked puzzled. “No, I’m not. Why would I be?” Color climbed into her cheeks.
Jack observed her narrowly even as he shrugged and lifted his hands, palms up. “No particular reason.”
She didn’t seem upset about Nathan being gone, and that made his heart beat a little faster. Did that mean she would be open to exploring a deeper connection with Jack?
But on the other hand, he was pretty sure there was something about Nathan that she wasn’t telling him.
Restless now, he stood and paced around the little living room. “You have it set up so nice.” With the colorful pillows and throws, the rattan shades at the windows and the hanging plants, the place already looked artsy and fun, just like Arianna herself.
He glanced at the photos on the mantel and paused at a picture of Chloe and Arianna, probably taken when they were teenagers. They both had their heads thrown back, laughing. Jack swallowed. “This is a good shot,” he said, nodding sideways at the picture.
Arianna came to stand beside him. “I love it,” she said. “There weren’t that many times when we laughed together, but I treasure the few happy moments we had.”
“What was it that put you two so much at odds?” Jack really wanted to know. He felt like it would solve some of the mystery of Chloe, help him resolve the past.
She picked up the photo and then put it down again, sighing. “Mostly, it was our mom. I guess she was trying to help us both excel by pitting us against each other. But I don’t think it really worked. Sisterhood shouldn’t be a competition.”
“Chloe was jealous of you, you know.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Jack regretted them. He didn’t want to betray Chloe by letting Arianna know her deeper feelings.
But to his surprise, Arianna just nodded. “We were jealous of each other,” she said. “I always wanted to be perfectly groomed and well organized the way
that she was. She was in every club and organization. She got straight As. She was the perfect one.”
Jack knew what she meant, but he couldn’t let that analysis go. “She didn’t feel perfect. Not inside herself.”
“I know.” She sighed. “In some ways, it was easier to be me than it was to be her. She came close to meeting Mom’s standards, and that motivated her to try harder and harder all the time. I was so far below them that I just did my own thing.”
“She thought I was attracted to you.”
Arianna sucked in a breath. “What?”
He nodded. May as well go through with this now. “She got kind of obsessed with the idea that I wanted to be with you. That’s why she didn’t want you to come to our house very often. When you did, it always left her in a terrible funk.”
Color had risen in Arianna’s cheeks. “Wow, I didn’t know that,” she said. She glanced up at his face and then looked away just as quickly.
He’d better push it to the end now. “She was wrong,” he said. “I never wanted to be with another woman while I was with Chloe. Our marriage wasn’t perfect, but I loved her, and I was loyal to her. It’s important to me that you know that.”
“I never would have doubted it, Jack,” she said quietly.
“It’s a little confusing to me,” he said, “because now I do feel attracted to you.”
Again she flashed a glance at him and then looked away, biting her lip.
“But I guess you know that.”
She nodded almost imperceptibly, not looking up at him.
“Look, Arianna, I don’t know where it might lead, but I would like to know you better in a social way, not just this employer-employee way.” He drew in a breath. Asking for a date didn’t get any easier than it had been when he was a teenager. He cleared his throat. “Would you like to go to the Redemption Ranch fund-raising gala with me?”
* * *
Arianna stared at Jack, wondering if her ears had deceived her. “Did you just ask me out?”
The Nanny's Secret Baby--A Fresh-Start Family Romance Page 11