“When the music begins,” Cindy said, “you’ll simply walk up the aisle between the chairs and then take a step off to the side—about the distance that the best man is from the groom.”
The best man. The cute best man. I wondered what he thought about me when we met. Probably not much. Maybe it was a good thing that Julie wasn’t coming with me. She’d always been more outgoing than I was. Without her along, I’d be forced to be more assertive, meet people, and engage in witty dialogue. I wouldn’t be able to sit back and let Julie take the lead. I’d have to be the one in control.
My mouth grew dry, my hands began to shake, and my knees weakened. Why I was suddenly so nervous was beyond me. It wasn’t my wedding. I wasn’t the one who was going to exchange vows. Yes, my life was about to change, but still, I knew I wasn’t the one whom everyone would be gazing at. I would get a passing glance, and then everyone would start looking around me, trying to catch a glimpse of the bride.
At least that’s what I did when I attended weddings. So I had no reason to be anxious about the next few minutes. They were totally my mom’s.
The strains of Here Comes the Bride suddenly filled the air. I took a deep, calming breath. I could overcome this unexpected nervousness.
“All right,” Cindy whispered. “That’s your cue.”
I walked up the aisle, trying not to look at the best man but finding myself looking at him anyway. He was incredibly hot. He certainly didn’t look like a baby-sitter to me. Why did Walter think I needed looking after? And why was this guy so willing to do it?
I took my place, and turned so I was looking toward the rear of the deck where my mom was waiting. My heart tightened when the music deepened. Mom began strolling up the aisle. She wore a big, bright, glorious smile on her face. I hadn’t expected to feel tears stinging my eyes, hadn’t realized all the various emotions that would cascade through me at this moment: joy, loss, fear of leaving the familiar behind, apprehension of all that was going to change.
My mom was actually getting married. I felt as though the reality had only just now hit me. And it was quite a powerful blow.
Mom truly did look beautiful and happy. She smiled at me briefly, and then it was as though her whole focus, all her attention, settled on Walter as she came to stand beside him.
The captain’s voice rang out, “We are all gathered here this evening…”
I slid my gaze over to Ryan. He was studying me, almost as intensely as I was studying him. I didn’t think he was much older than I was. I found myself wondering if he had a girlfriend, if he had a list of things he wanted to accomplish on this cruise. Would he like the Lindsay who was standing before him now? Or would he prefer the one I planned to change into at midnight—the wild, carefree, always-having-a-great-time Lindsay?
Then I noticed that Mom was extending her bouquet toward me. Taking it from her I paid the wedding more attention as she and Walter exchanged their vows, their rings, and a kiss.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” the captain announced, “I introduce to you, Mr. and Mrs. Walter Hunt.”
The music started up again. Mom and Walter began walking back down the aisle, and suddenly I was staring at an awkward moment. I wasn’t exactly sure what I was supposed to do. Ryan stepped forward and extended his bent elbow.
I hooked my arm through his, and walked down the aisle with him.
“Your mom looked really pretty,” he said.
I glanced up at him. “Thanks.” And then I realized that was a silly thing to say. I didn’t have anything to do with the way she looked.
“So you’ve known Walter a long time,” I said.
He grinned. “Since I was born.”
“I didn’t know—”
“Oh, Lindsay.”
Mom was hugging me before I realized we’d come to the end of the walkway. I hugged her back. Then I turned to Walter.
“Welcome to the family,” I said quietly, just before I hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.
The guests began gathering around us, passing along to Mom and Walter their well wishes. Since this event was a little on the informal side, I managed to slip away from the receiving line virtually unnoticed. It wasn’t long before Julie joined me.
“Ryan didn’t take his eyes off you the entire time,” she whispered.
“Because Walter asked him to keep an eye on me.”
She laughed. “No, silly. I think his interest is more than that.”
I wondered if that was true. And if it was, what should I do about it? My plans for this cruise revolved around me having fun with people I’d never see again so I could be a little crazy. I would probably see Ryan again.
Waiters were walking around carrying trays with flutes of champagne on them. I didn’t hesitate to take one when it was offered to me. Neither did Julie.
Walter caught my attention, and signaled for me to join him, Mom, and Ryan.
“I’ll be back,” I promised Julie.
I walked over to Mom. I was happy for her. I really was. But I was so ready for this wedding to be over so my real vacation could begin.
“Does everyone have a glass of champagne?” Walter asked.
There must have been almost a hundred people murmuring “yes” on the deck and nodding.
“Great!” Walter said. “Then I’d like to make a toast to the beautiful woman who changed my life, and her lovely daughter. Tonight I’m truly a lucky man.”
He clinked his glass against Mom’s, then mine, then Ryan’s. Then Mom and I touched glasses. Then Ryan reached his glass toward mine. Clink.
I took my first sip of champagne. My lips kinda puckered and my tongue went up to the roof of my mouth.
“Wait a few bars, then you two join us,” Walter said quietly.
Wait a few bars? What was he talking about?
Then I heard music. Older people’s music. The kind Mom listened to in the car, and I would never program a button for on my radio. I wasn’t familiar with the song that the band was playing. It certainly wasn’t a song that I’d danced to at our prom.
People moved back as though an invisible hand had shoved them aside. Walter led Mom onto the empty space and began dancing with her.
Suddenly I realized what kind of bars Walter had been referring to. He expected Ryan and me to join him and Mom in the dance area.
“Let me know when you’re ready,” Ryan said.
“I’m not familiar with the music.”
“Me either, but I figure we can fake it.” He furrowed his brow. “You started to say something earlier.”
I nodded. “Right. I didn’t realize—”
“Ryan?”
Ryan looked over his shoulder. Walter was motioning us over.
“Guess that’s his signal that we didn’t start dancing when we were supposed to,” Ryan said, taking my glass and setting it on a nearby table along with his.
Wrapping his hand around mine, he led me out to the dance area. Then he smoothly took me into his arms. I had my hands on his shoulders. His were on the small of my back. His lead—and the song’s rhythm—was easy to follow.
I really enjoyed dancing with Ryan. We were completely in sync, and I loved the way he held me.
Ryan made a girl feel like dancing with her was the only thing that he wanted to do. He had such intense, blue eyes. They gave the impression that he was giving his partner his total attention.
“All right,” he said. “One more time. What were you going to say?”
I smiled, but it seemed so silly to say what I had wanted to. “I didn’t realize Walter had made arrangements to have someone watch over me. I don’t need a baby-sitter.”
Ryan shrugged. “That’s cool. I’m not really into baby-sitting.”
I felt a sense of relief. “Good.”
“So is your friend traveling with you?” he asked.
“My friend?”
“I think her name was Julie.”
“No, like most of these people, she’s just here for the ceremony.”
>
“So you’re traveling alone,” he said.
“Right. And you?”
“Alone.”
When the song ended I didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. I was a little of each I suppose. Especially when Ryan said,
“Thanks for the dance.”
And walked away.
But that’s what I wanted. The freedom to be other than myself without anyone expecting a certain behavior from me. If Walter’s godson was hanging around me, I’d have to be Lindsay the Dull, because our paths might pass in the future.
I went in search of Julie. I found her standing near the railing. A waiter walked by, and I snatched another flute of champagne off his tray.
“This could be the love boat,” she whispered.
“You and Ryan looked so good together.”
“As we talked about you,” I said.
“Talked about me? What did you say about me?”
“He wanted to know if you’d be on the cruise.”
“He was probably trying to figure out if you’d be traveling alone.”
I wondered if she was right. My conversation with Ryan had turned in that direction. She suddenly smiled brightly.
“Hi, Ryan.”
I glanced over my shoulder. Ryan stood there, and he was holding another glass of champagne as well.
“You really don’t have to watch out for me, you know,” I said.
A corner of his mouth hitched up. “I know. It’s just that I think you’re the only two up here who are under forty. Except for the staff, and I don’t think they’re allowed to mingle with the guests.”
“Then you’re welcome to hang around with us,” I offered.
“Thanks.”
“So your girlfriend couldn’t come?” Julie asked.
I wanted to kick her. Ryan, however, seemed unperturbed by her pointed, nosy question.
“My girlfriend and I broke up in the spring,” he said.
“Ouch,” Julie said. “Break ups are hard.”
Not that I would know. Sometimes I thought that I was the only person alive who’d never had her heart broken. I figured a broken heart symbolized that a person had first-hand knowledge of what it was to be in love. I’d yet to experience either of those rites of passage, so I could only imagine what Ryan had gone through when he’d broken up with his girlfriend. Julie knew because she’d once broken up with a guy and now she was in love with Ben. So she and Ryan were having a bonding moment here that left me feeling like an outsider.
“Ours wasn’t too bad,” he said. “We both realized it was time to move on.”
Time to move on. That was how I felt. Like I needed to move beyond the innocence of high school and into the mature world of college.
“So are you in school or what?” Julie asked.
Honestly it was like she was Nancy Drew or something.
Ryan just grinned. “Junior. University of Texas.”
Julie perked up. “Really? That’s where Lindsay is going in the fall. She’ll be a freshman.”
“Cool. Have you decided on a major yet?” he asked me.
“I’m thinking computer science.”
“That’s a hard major.”
“I know, but I took a couple of computer-science classes in high school and really enjoyed them.” Programming was really nothing more than compiling lists of instructions for the computer to follow. And I was very good with lists.
“What’s your major?” I asked.
“Biology.”
I widened my eyes. “That doesn’t sound any easier than computer science.”
“It’s not, but I like it.”
“What are you going to do with a biology degree?” Julie asked.
“I’m thinking sports medicine.” He shrugged. “But who knows? I’ll see how I feel when I’m finished. I’m trying to keep my options open.”
“Do you live on campus?” I asked.
“I did, but next fall, I’m going to share an apartment with some friends.”
“They’re not on the cruise, are they?”
He shook his head. “No, they have to work.”
“Bummer,” Julie said. “That’s why I’m not going on this cruise with Lindsay. Have you been on one before?”
“No. Walter has invited me several times. He’s big into traveling on the ocean, but I’ve always had something else going on. This time I was free—and honored—that Walter asked me to be his best man. I’ve never been a best man before.”
“I’ve never been a maid of honor,” I said. “It was fun.”
“I have a feeling the cruise will be even more fun,” Ryan said. “Listen, they have a whole lot of food over there. I’m going to go get some. Can I get anyone anything?”
“No, thanks,” I said.
Julie, much to my surprise, said the same thing. I figured she’d convince him to bring something back for me.
“All right, then,” he said. “I’ll catch up with you later.”
As soon as he was out of hearing range, Julie said, “He is totally nice. You are going to have so much fun.”
“Yeah, he is.”
I knew she also thought that I was going to be having fun with Ryan. But I wasn’t planning on it.
Ryan was nice, but he was Walter’s godson and he goes to the same university I’m going to attend. So he was definitely not a candidate for my last-night fling. And I didn’t figure another guy would show any interest in me if he thought I was with Ryan.
I faced the ocean and crossed my arms on the railing. The night breeze had picked up. Lights from the ship and Galveston glittered off the water and muted many of the stars. I could well imagine that tomorrow night, with nothing but the water surrounding us, the sky would be twinkling.
“I’ve never seen a falling star,” I said quietly.
“I bet you’ll see some tomorrow night when you’re out on the ocean.”
“I hope so.” I looked over at my best friend in the whole world. “I’m sorry, Julie, if I was snappish when I thought you were playing matchmaker earlier. I just want this to be the very best vacation of my whole life.”
“I don’t see how it can be when I’m not with you,” she teased.
“It will be hard,” I agreed.
“At least you’ll have Ryan—”
“I’m not planning to hang around with him, Julie,” I interrupted.
“Are you nuts? Why not?”
“Because I have a list of things that I want to do on this cruise, and it would cramp my plans if I hung around with him.”
“A list of things? Like what?”
“Snorkeling. Sunbathing. Hiking. All sorts of things.”
“I don’t see how Ryan would cramp any of those plans.”
“He just would. Okay?” I didn’t want to reveal that losing my virginity was also on that list. That’s where having Ryan around really wouldn’t work.
“Because he’s not on your list?” Julie asked incredulously.
“In a way.”
“Pencil him in,” she demanded.
“Julie, I want to have a fling while I’m onboard.”
“A fling?”
I nodded. “A summer fling. A cruise fling. One special night.”
“But Ryan—”
“Ryan and I might cross paths at school or at some get-together with Walter. And it would be uncomfortable. So he is definitely out. It has to be someone I don’t know and will never see again.”
“A fling,” she said. “That is so un-Lindsay.”
“I know. And to have the kind of cruise that I want to have, I can’t hang around with Ryan.”
“I hope you know what you’re doing.”
So did I.
The ship’s horn blasted. Crew members began informing all the guests that they needed to disembark.
I gave Julie a hug.
“Have a great time,” she said.
“I will.”
“Stay up here and wave to me,” she ordered.
“Okay.”
I watched her disappear into the crowd of guests. I walked over to the dock side of the ship.
I could see people wandering onto the pier. I didn’t spot Julie, but it didn’t really matter. She knew I was here. I knew she was there. I started frantically waving, as other people—both on the ship and on the dock—began doing the same.
Another sounding of the horn, and we were moving away from shore.
Moving away from everything I knew. Everything with which I was familiar.
Moving into uncharted territory.
Into the unknown.
CHAPTER 5
“More champagne?”
I looked to the side. Ryan stood beside me, holding two flutes of champagne. I took one. “Thanks.”
Turning I leaned my back against the railing. It looked like maybe two dozen people remained onboard. The band was still playing, people were dancing, and the waiters were walking around offering champagne.
I took a sip of my drink. Was this my third or fourth glass? I couldn’t remember.
“I’ve never had champagne before tonight,” I said.
“This is very fine champagne,” Ryan said. “See how tiny the bubbles are? The smaller the bubbles, the finer the champagne.”
In the dim light, the bubbles weren’t that easy to see. Still, I said, “That’s fascinating.”
“I’m a constant source of useless information.”
“No, really,” I said, placing my hand on his arm, surprised that I felt comfortable doing so. It had to be the champagne working its magic to help me relax. “It was fascinating information.”
He grinned. “Well, I heard that when you go on a cruise alone, you’re supposed to study up on the ports of call so you can be an informal tour guide. Apparently women gravitate toward knowledgeable men.”
“Really?”
He shrugged. “That’s what some ‘guide to having the best cruise of your life’ said. But I spent spring break at Padre Island, and I don’t remember any babes trying to hook up with guys because they could ramble off facts. I figure a cruise isn’t that much different from spring break.”
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