Tori gave up on the partially arranged bouquet and leaned against the counter, crossing her arms. “Maybe. Or maybe something happened that changed him. The point is, he really hasn’t given me any reason to pin my romantic dreams on him. Yeah, every once in a while he looks at me with something in his eyes, but maybe it’s just a warning that he sees how blatant I am and wishes I would stop already.”
“I don’t think—”
She sliced her hand to cut off her sister-in-law’s words. “Five years, Lauren. Five years I’ve watched him, admired him, dreamed about him. I’m twenty-seven years old. How pathetic is that? He clearly doesn’t feel the same. How long do I put my life on hold for something that won’t ever happen?”
“I doubt...”
“Seriously? Do you know anything I don’t? Has he said anything to James? Don’t hold back if he has.”
Lauren shook her head. “I’m pretty sure he hasn’t.”
Tori’s heart fell. “That’s my answer then. I gave it my best shot.” She fingered her short, auburn-tinted hair. “If he noticed my haircut or my new clothes, he never said a word.”
“I wondered if Garret was behind your transformation.”
“Denae thought it might help.”
Lauren’s mouth twisted a little. “You went to Denae for help?”
Tori heard the unspoken words: and not me? “It’s not like that. You know what a romantic she is. She sees love under every rock. It was all her observations and ideas.”
“I guess I can see that. So, Garret left you in the middle of the dance floor. Do you want James to talk to him? Corner him?”
“No way.” Just the thought made Tori squirm in embarrassment. “Too many people already saw me stitch my heart to my sleeve and parade it around. No. I have to set this whole thing aside. Focus on something else.”
Lauren’s eyes widened. “Some other guy? Not Sawyer, I hope.”
“Never Sawyer. Didn’t you see him sneak out early with Anna? And besides, I’ve never been able to stand him. The guy has some serious growing up to do before he’ll be fit for anything or anyone. I don’t know what Anna is thinking.”
“True that.” Lauren snapped her fingers. “You used to want to be a teacher, and you’re so good with kids. I see you all the time with the resort’s young guests. Why not...?”
“I don’t know. I wouldn’t be able to get in until January at the earliest, since admissions for September closed a long time ago. And do I really want to go to college with kids ten years younger than me?”
“Why not? You’ve got maturity on your side. You’d do well, I know, and have more job offers than you’d know what to do with after graduation.” She grimaced. “Not that I want you to leave Saddle Springs. I like having a sister nearby, and it seems I’ve only just started to get to know you.”
That beat Meg’s response. “I don’t know,” Tori said again. “I don’t have to decide about college for a couple of more months, but I’m not sure I can wait until the new year to do something. Now that I’ve decided to end the stupid waiting game, I don’t know how I can sit around and do the same old thing every day.”
“The resort is busy. The summer will go quickly. Besides, I’m not sure what your parents would do without you leading the trail rides and all.”
“I’d hate to leave them in the lurch. That’s true. But I think they’d understand. There are teens in town who’d be happy for summer work. Matt was asking about a job for a friend just a couple of days ago.” Tori thought about that for a minute. “Anyway, nothing will likely come of it. I just feel so... stuck. Like a hamster on a wheel. You know?”
“Everything changed for all of you with your father’s accident.” Sympathy lined Lauren’s face.
“Well, yeah. And I’m still sorry it happened, but mostly for Dad’s sake. I’d say in a lot of other ways it turned out for the best, even though James couldn’t finish college.”
“He’s pursuing his degree online.”
“Oh, that’s great!” Another example of how little Tori knew about anything. “And Mom is so outgoing and hospitable that transitioning to a guest ranch has really made her thrive. It’s been a good change.”
“For everyone but you.”
“And it’s not all about me.” Not for her parents. Not for Garret. Not for anyone.
Her sister-in-law’s phone buzzed, and she glanced at it. “It’s James, wondering when I’m coming.”
At least Lauren had someone who noticed and cared when she wasn’t around. “Go on home. Thanks for caring.”
Lauren gave her a swift hug. “You sure you’re okay? I’ll keep praying for you. God will show you what He’s got for you. I know it.”
“Thanks. I appreciate it.” She really, really did.
Garret squirmed in his seat the next morning in church. He’d have skipped if he hadn’t been leading worship. Not only did he not want to face anyone — Tori, especially — but his parents seemed more exhausted than expected. They hadn’t wanted to miss a minute of the lengthy wedding reception, but it had been too much. Mom hadn’t even been out of bed this morning when Garret left for soundcheck. Unheard of. Them missing church was even more unheard of. Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all that. Hebrews 10:25. One of the hundreds of scriptures Dad had drilled into him over the years.
And then Garret’d had to face the songs he and James had chosen to go with Pastor Roland’s sermon on Jesus’ words to the disciples in the midst of the storm, “Take courage.” Like Garret knew anything about that topic. He’d pivoted on his heel on the dance floor and left Tori standing alone in a celebratory crowd. The act of a coward, not a man of valor.
Her devastated expression as he turned away would be etched in his memory forever, right up there with Jenna’s lifeless blood-covered face and Chantelle’s smug defiance as she walked away with his sheets of hand-scribbled music and the career he’d had all but in his grasp.
This time he’d been the one to do the walking. This time he’d guarded himself from falling in love. It was a trap, anyway. Maybe not for every guy, but it was for him.
Except the walls he’d built weren’t thick enough to keep every feeling out. He felt, all right. He felt like a heel. He felt like his heart was broken all over again. That he hadn’t fallen in love with Tori was a lie he’d been telling himself for at least two years.
Courage. What a laugh.
“We are to be unsinkable saints in the storms of life.”
Garret’s attention had wandered, but those words of Pastor Roland’s caught him and tugged him back.
“I don’t need to tell anyone here that storms will come.” The pastor paused and leaned on the podium. “Am I right? We have health storms. We have financial storms. We have relationship storms. Hiding in a corner with an umbrella above our heads may lull us into thinking we’re protected for a short time. But the storms will come, and some of them are inside us.”
Garret closed his eyes, doing his best to keep his face as blank as it could be considering the turmoil inside. One of those squalls swirled within him, threatening to drown him or, at the very least, push him into an unwanted port.
“Storms are good for us. Without them, we will not grow. We will not be strong. We will be like hothouse flowers, not fit for serving in God’s kingdom. Did you notice Jesus sent the disciples out in that boat to cross the Sea of Galilee? Did you notice that the storm came, and He waited to rescue them?”
Garret blinked and focused on his Bible, open on his lap. There it was, in Matthew 14:24-25. It didn’t seem fair. Didn’t seem very nice of Jesus. Didn’t he know the disciples would be terrified out there with the wind and waves pummeling their little boat? Sure, the guys were fisherman and accustomed to the elemental extremes, but this seemed to be a storm of epic proportions. Not your average tempest in a teapot.
God hadn’t been in any hurry to help Garret out, either. Even as the thought crossed his mind, his conscience ja
bbed. The little boy who’d watched his mother die of a drug overdose? That child had found a forever home with Tuck and Nancy Morrison in a few short weeks. Many kids in the system were shuffled from foster home to foster home, but he’d lucked out. Not luck, though. God had met him in the storm and given him a port of refuge.
The fresh college graduate whose brand new wife had died before they reached their honeymoon hotel? That man had been devastated. Shattered. But he’d turned to Jesus in the midst of his pain and been comforted. Strengthened.
The aspiring musician who’d sought to bolster his career by the company he’d kept? Then, stupidly, he’d actually fallen for Chantelle Deveraux — thought they were building something real — only to be double-crossed. Served him right, probably. But God had been there to pick up the pieces. Tuck and Nancy had feigned boredom with his retirement from teaching at the university and bought a riding stable clear across the United States, giving Garret the opportunity to start over. They’d owned a thoroughbred breeding ranch in Tennessee, so it was mostly the location of their new venture that shocked their circle of friends.
Garret startled back to attention when he heard the worshipers around him speaking in unison. What was going on?
“I didn’t hear you. What did Jesus tell the disciples in the midst of the storm?”
“Take courage!” chorused the congregation.
“Did He say, ‘close your eyes and hope for the best’?”
“No! Take courage!”
“Did He say, ‘you’re right to panic; it’s a terrible storm’?”
“No! Take courage!”
“Did He say, ‘this storm is all your fault’?”
“No! Take courage!” With each exchange, the voices strengthened, became bolder.
“Did He say, ‘this will teach you not to come out in a boat ever again’?”
“No! Take courage!”
Take courage? Garret took a deep, shuddering breath. How could he do that? He’d seen a lot of life’s storms and never wanted to see another. But Pastor Roland was right in one thing at least. Jesus met the disciples in the storm.
Chapter Ten
“I didn’t see you in church.” Mom’s gaze assessed her when Tori slid in the backdoor at lunch time.
Tori took a deep breath. “That’s because I didn’t go.”
“Why not?”
Did other women in their late twenties get this kind of interrogation for their actions? Wasn’t she old enough to make her own decisions? Oh, right. She still lived at home. “I didn’t sleep well last night.” That at least was completely true.
“I’m sorry. So you didn’t wake up in time?”
That would be an easy out, but it wasn’t true. To not wake up in time meant she’d slept at all, and that seemed incongruent with the fact she’d seen the numbers on her clock at least once per hour. “I took Coaldust for a ride.”
How she’d needed the escape, and so had the gelding. It had been far too long since she’d ridden for the sheer pleasure of a horse between her knees. There had been so many trail rides paced for the least experienced guest. So few chances to canter and cross creeks and climb steep trails and stop to pick daisies and lie on her back in a meadow soaking up rays while Coaldust whiffled her hair.
Mom searched her face as Meg strolled into the kitchen and set two-year-old Sophia down. The little girl scampered through to the living room as Meg looked between Tori and their mother.
“Everything okay? Missed you in church.”
Tori sighed. “Because I didn’t go. Does that really require the Spanish Inquisition?”
“Sorree. I didn’t notice you being tortured or burned at the stake.”
“Funny, Meg. Can we just let it go? Sometimes a girl needs to be alone with God out in creation instead of cooped up in a building, okay? It’s not a billboard announcing I’ve lost my faith. What can I do to help with lunch, Mom?”
Even though Meg and Eli and James and Lauren lived nearby, life on the Flying Horseshoe was busy enough with everyone coming and going that their parents had decreed Sunday lunch to be for the family so everyone could gather and spend time together. Otherwise, with Lauren’s long hours as a veterinarian and the resort guests and everything, they might not get the chance to stay connected.
Normally, Tori loved it. Loved seeing her nephew and niece. Loved dissecting Pastor Roland’s sermon. Loved eating Mom’s comfort food instead of the ranch chef’s more gourmet style. Not that eating Ollie’s meals was ever a hardship.
Today, though, she was restless. The time alone with God while riding had definitely helped, but it hadn’t erased the uneasiness in her spirit. The time with Garret at the wedding reception last night was like a magnet in her mind. The instant she wasn’t forced to pay attention to something else, she snapped back to the moment where he’d mumbled something and pivoted away from her like he’d been an arrow shot from a bow.
Maybe she should have gone to church. Maybe that would have distracted her away from the replay, but Garret would have been there, and she just couldn’t handle watching him and James lead worship. He definitely wouldn’t have skipped out and left the pastor in the lurch like he’d done to her last night. He wouldn’t have shown any hint that the situation last night affected him in any way... because it hadn’t.
Sure, he’d bolted, but that had been distaste. She’d put her sentiments out there and he’d been too kind, too shy, to flat-out tell her he didn’t have feelings for her and never would. Whatever she’d seen in his eyes those few times had not been connection. They’d been something else. She hadn’t figured out what, yet, but he was only aware of her as the annoying younger sister of his best friend.
Well, then. She’d scrape together her bruised ego and... she had no idea what. Something, though. Something valid that would get her out of Saddle Springs where she could regroup in peace.
“...get out the salad?”
Tori blinked at Mom’s voice. “Sure.” She turned for the fridge.
“What’s going on?” asked Meg, quietly. “You seem unusually spacey.”
“Thanks.” It was impossible to keep the sarcasm out of her voice.
Meg pulled back. “What?”
Tori sighed. She’d longed to be closer to her big sister and, finally, Meg asked her a real question, and all she could do was snap? “Sorry.” She pulled open the fridge and lifted out the big salad bowl.
Meg peeked under a lid on the counter to reveal a layered chocolate cake. “Yum, Mom. That smells awesome.” She glanced back at Tori. “Wasn’t that a gorgeous wedding?”
“Sure was.” No denying it. “And Lisa managed not to snipe at Michelle. Win, win.”
Meg laughed. “Well, Denae’s mom and stepmom often goad each other, but they were both on their best behavior. Made it much nicer for Denae and Trevor. I wish we could have stayed longer, but Sophia tripped, hit the floor, and would not be consoled. She was so overtired.”
Which meant her sister might not have witnessed Tori’s humiliation, but someone would certainly tell her within the next twenty-four hours. It was surprising she hadn’t heard about it at church from a ‘concerned’ congregant, like Lauren’s mom, who lived to share juicy gossip. Or maybe Meg had heard, and that was why she brought up the wedding at all?
Too much second guessing. “You probably didn’t miss much. More dancing. More food. The bouquet toss which Denae fired straight at me.”
“Ooh. Gorgeous bouquet. Do you have a nice vase for the flowers? If not, I have one you can borrow.”
Tori nodded. She’d nearly sent them home with Lauren. How could she stand to look at them and remember Garret’s rejection?
“Who got the garter?”
“Sawyer.” Tori rolled her eyes. “And you know better than to even start with that.”
Meg laughed. “You’ve got that right, but I’m here to tell you that God has ways to pull a wanderer back to Him. Sawyer’s not beyond redemption by any stretch.”
Some had thought M
eg too far gone a few years back, but God had wooed her back. “I sincerely hope and pray Sawyer comes back to the Lord, but that won’t make him the right guy for me.”
“Not when Garret Morrison is around.”
From the corner of her eye, Tori saw Mom’s eyebrows rise at Meg’s dig. Best to squash this one right now. “There’s nothing between us, trust me. We danced together a bit, but we’re just friends.” Or they had been. What they were now was anyone’s guess.
“Okay.” Meg dragged the word out as she studied Tori’s face.
“I think we’re ready to call everyone for lunch.” Mom carried a bowl of sautéed vegetables toward the dining table. “Meg, can you grab the fried chicken from the oven? I’ll get the potato salad.”
Possibly the interrogation would resume, but Tori would do her best to divert attention. Good thing Meg’s kids were so stinkin’ adorable and kept the family’s attention with their funny comments and over-all cuteness.
Garret’s mom cleared her throat. “There’s something we need to tell you.”
He paused, his fork loaded with steaming eggs halfway to his mouth. Garret didn’t miss how his father’s hand reached over and covered his mother’s on the table. He had a sudden suspicion that he wasn’t going to like this confession and lowered his fork to his plate. “Oh? What’s that?”
They exchanged a tender look as Mom’s fingers curled around Dad’s.
Pain stabbed Garret’s heart. He would never have entire unspoken conversations like this with the love of his life. But the pain wasn’t just from longing for something he couldn’t have. It was the sadness in both their eyes.
“I took your mother to the doctor on Friday.”
“And?” Garret prompted, wary when they both remained silent.
“Her cancer’s back, son.”
“No.” If only his vehement rejection were enough to banish the horror forever.
“We won’t have a clear idea until they run more tests later this week. But it doesn’t look good.”
The Cowboy's Belated Discovery: A belated epiphany Montana Ranches Christian Romance (Saddle Springs Romance Series Book 5) Page 7