I can feel the tension Keira carries seeping into my bones. She doesn’t like the man I am when we’re here, but it is what it is. I don’t want to hurt her feelings.
When we make it to my office, after I do my rounds, I close the door behind us, sighing in relief. There is so much shit that needs to be done, new girls to be selected.
I need to talk to Toni and Dave and set up a meeting with all my men to discuss keeping post, since clearly it’s a fucking issue being that my brother got his hands on Keira in our establishment. My head is spinning, and yet the only fucking thing I can focus on is this stupid dinner with my sadistic brother—and the fact that my hands will be forced into playing whatever game he has up his sleeve.
“Umm…” Keira clears her throat, interrupting my thoughts.
I lift my gaze to hers from where I sit behind my desk. She is in her spot on the couch—where she sat the other day…though it seems like forever ago. I’ve been on edge since our conversation earlier, and I’m certain she can feel it—her facial expressions confirming it.
“Yes?” I try to keep distaste from my tone. Her dark brown eyes soften me. She looks at me like I am her entire world, and I can’t let her down—not today or tomorrow, never.
“We didn’t…” She stumbles over her words, her teeth worrying her bottom lip, “we didn’t use a condom, and I’m not on birth control.”
Fuck. The thought never occurred to me. Then again, I wasn’t focused on anything but making Keira feel good.
“If you’re worried about catching something from me, you don’t have to be. I’ve never fucked anyone without a condom, and I get every woman screened who works here.”
“You’ve slept with every woman here?”
I lick my lips, not really wanting to discuss this with her. She’s sensitive, far too sensitive than I have the patience for right now.
“No. I haven’t slept with every single woman here. But I don’t think it matters how many women I’ve slept with now that I’m with you.” I lift a brow.
Shame fills her eyes. “Okay. I’m sorry.” Her apology is full of heart, and I know she is just concerned with my feelings for her, and maybe a little worried I’ll find someone else. But she has no idea what last night meant to me, or what every day being in her presence means.
“Don’t be, but don’t ask questions we both know you don’t want answers to. I’ve slept with a lot of women. I have a lot of experience, but you have one thing they don’t.” I pause briefly, the words settling to the inside of my cheek.
I have a lot of experience, but you have one thing they don’t. “My heart.” I pause, panic seizing me.
“What’s that?” she asks, taking a seat at the front of my desk.
I’m not ready for this moment—not even fucking close. I care for Keira, I want to protect her, but love her? I’m not sure I’m ready to admit it.
“Nothing, baby. Nothing. Forget I said anything.” My voice is rough, and I hope she can’t tell how raw I’m feeling. Because if she notices, if she pries, I'll have no choice but to say something that may hurt her.
Her face falls at my response, as if she was expecting me to say something else. “Okay…and what about a baby? Unprotected sex leads to babies, and I don’t know what your thoughts on children are.”
My thoughts on children? They're nonexistent.
The thought of having a baby couldn't be farther from my mind. Just imagining it seems odd. I don’t think I can. However, for some reason, I like the idea of Keira’s belly growing round and her breasts getting heavy with milk. Beyond that, I just don’t know. A child…in my world…
It'd only be another person to protect—another person to hide from my enemies.
I’m about to give her some generic asshole response—like we’ll worry about it later, or we’ll take care of it when the time comes. But seeing her worried face, I know I need to do better. I need to be better than that…for her.
Only for her.
“We’ll do whatever you want. If you want to start using birth control, I’ll make it happen. If you were to get pregnant, I would be there for you every step of the way. I’m not going to leave you—if that’s what you're worried about.”
I can see the tension leave her body, and a relieved smile spreads across her face. This is what I want—to make her feel happy and secure—for her to know I'll go through heaven and hell for her.
A knock sounds, ending any further discussion. The smile on Keira’s face falls, and I tighten my mask into place. It has to be this way.
“Come in.”
The door swings open, and Gunner appears, followed by his girlfriend.
Shit, I don’t need this right now.
“Hey, boss.” He’s making a serious effort not to look at Keira—unlike his girl who is staring holes into her face.
“Keira, are you okay?” the girl asks—the one who is clearly ignoring me—as she steps closer. And Keira gets up like she is about to hug a friend.
“Sit your ass down,” I order Keira. She regards me with a pout on her lips, but does as she’s told. Then I turn my attention back to this girl.
“And you, you wait outside the door.” I point and glare at the girl. Now I got her attention, but she’s still not following my orders. She looks back at Keira, and I catch the exact moment she sees the bruises. Her eyes widen, and her eyebrows pull together.
“Did he do that to you? Is he hurting you?” she yells, and I’m sure everyone in the club can hear.
“Lily, please…it’s not like that.” At the same time, Gunner steps in front of Lily, shielding her from my gaze.
“Babe, calm the fuck down,” Gunner scolds her.
I grit my teeth, trying to relax myself. He better rein her in soon because my patience is running thin.
“Yeah, you might want to listen to him before I do the same to you,” I snap.
Gunner visibly tenses. He knows I’m not playing games. Lily, however, doesn’t get the memo—or she just doesn't care.
“No, I won’t calm down. He’s holding her prisoner, keeping her from coming to class, and now he is beating her? Look at her neck, Gunner!”
Feeling my patience vanish into thin air, I walk out from behind my desk and come to a stop a few feet in front of Lily.
“I can do with my property whatever the fuck I want, so if I decide I want to choke her while I fuck her, then that’s what I’m going to do.” I mean business now, but I refuse to look at Keira. I don't want to see the way she’s looking at me right now.
Keeping my gaze trained on Lily, I stare her down, hoping to scare her enough to get her to leave, maybe even take a step back when I came around the front of the desk, but instead, she fucking lunges at me.
She’s not close enough to reach me, so I don’t even take a step back, but I am slightly shocked. She’s got balls, I’ll give her that. She doesn’t get far. Gunner already has a grip on her, trying to keep her away from me. But I get the feeling that's not going to stop her.
“Jesus, Lily, calm down. Are you trying to get us killed?”
Either Lily is not hearing what he is telling her, or she doesn’t give a shit. I’m going to go with the latter. Nevertheless, she's pushing buttons she has no business pushing.
She thrashes back and forth like a wild animal in Gunner’s arms, and I have no doubt she will attack me again in a heartbeat if she gets loose. Out the corner of my eye, I catch Keira starting to cry on the couch. Her perfect brown eyes fill with tears, and she probably knows what I'm going to do next.
I pull my gun from the back of my pants and point it at her friend. My finger is on the trigger, ready to shoot any second.
As soon as Lily catches sight of the shiny metal of my gun, she stills. Her eyes grow wide. With my free hand, I grab cash from the drawer and throw it to Gunner.
“Get the fuck out of here before I put a bullet in both your heads. And, Gunner, from now on, you come alone—or not at all. I won’t have shit like this going down in my o
ffice. My word is rule here. I won’t end things so easily next time.”
“Got it, boss,” Gunner mumbles before dragging Lily out of the office by her arm.
The door closes behind them, and Keira is on her feet and across the room, running into my arms the next second. I pull her close to my chest, trying to absorb all her sorrow. I want to hide her from the world, protect her from everything that could hurt her—even me.
“She was just trying to be a good friend,” Keira manages between sobs.
The warmth of her body seeps into mine, and I want to walk us to the couch and kiss her over and over. I want to forget about my responsibilities. I want to tell my brother to shove this dinner up his ass. I want to stay here and just be with her.
But I can’t, and that’s the harsh reality of the world we live in.
“I know, baby, but it’s better like this. It has to be this way,” I whisper close to her ear.
Even in my own club, I can’t risk people hearing me talk to her like this. It’s bad enough that my brother knows how important she is to me. The more people that know about her, or my feelings for her, the bigger the target on both our backs.
I hold her for a short time before releasing her. After all the things she’s asked me today, I realize I never cared to ask her something in return. Probably because a part of me worries if I get too attached and something happens, it will kill me. Still…knowing little things about her can’t hurt, right?
“What did Lily mean when she said I’m keeping you from going to classes?”
Keira sniffles. “I was going to college to get a degree—in what, I don’t know yet; I’m still undecided—but I won’t be able to return, so it doesn’t matter anyway.”
“Once this whole thing with my brother is settled, you can go back to classes.” There will be a man protecting her on campus at all times, but we can talk about security measures later.
“I still won’t be able to go.” She’s not looking for pity…this, I know. She’s simply stating the truth.
“And why is that?”
“Because Leo paid for all of my schooling, and now that he’s…” she trails off, as if she doesn’t want to say the word. “I won’t be able to pay for tuition, and even with a job, it’s not going to be manageable. I have to eat and find a place to live too.”
Shit, it never occurred to me Leo was supporting her. Paying for her schooling, her housing. It’s no wonder he got caught up in some bad shit with my brother. He was trying to take care of his little sister.
He was trying to protect her—and he paid for it with blood.
“Keira, if you want to go to school, then you can. I’ll pay for your tuition in full. You don’t have to worry about money or paying me back. And you don’t have to worry about a place to live either.” Keira looks at me in disbelief.
“You can stay at my house. I’ve got food, heat, running water—everything you’ll ever need.”
“You don’t mean that, Damon.” She sniffles.
“Yes. Yes, I do, baby. I’ll give you whatever you need to make it out of this shithole. You say the word, and I’ll do it.”
The words have never been more convicing. I’ll do anything for Keira. Paying for her college tuition is nothing. Allowing her to live with me…nothing.
There is no cost for her happiness—not in my mind.
“I’ll get everything arranged when we return from my brother’s.”
Oh fuck. Dinner. My brother’s. I pull my phone from my pocket and check the time. We’ve got two hours before we need to be at the mansion.
“I’m going to call Candy. She’s got your dress, and she’s going to help you do your hair and makeup.” I feel myself slipping back into the old me, the person I have to be. Keira must feel it too because she slowly retreats to the couch.
“Okay,” she mumbles, placing her hands in her lap.
I feel the organ inside my chest beat. It’s pounding, pumping blood through my body, but I can’t let it control my decisions.
I need to use my head to protect Keira…
…not my heart.
Chapter 15
Keira
I stare at myself in the mirror. Damon has me changing in the stripper’s dressing room. I feel cheap, but I don’t object. He has business to attend to, and he all but pushed me into Candy’s arms as soon as she entered his office.
Coldness washed over him earlier, hiding all his emotions now. He’s changing, reverting to his old self—slowly, so slowly. Maybe he doesn’t think I see it. I don’t know. I thought after last night we had made some headway…that things had changed, but…
“What are you thinking about inside that head of yours?” Candy asks while I start to get undressed. She already has my hair up in big rollers, making me look ridiculous. I hope she doesn’t plan to keep these in my hair as part of the hairstyle tonight.
“First of all, I’m glad you picked this dress for me. I was worried you would choose something…um, more—”
“—like this?” She holds up one of the stripper’s outfits from the nearby rack. The damn thing is made with less fabric than some of my underwear—and that’s being nice.
“Yes,” I giggle. “No offense, but I’ve never seen you in anything besides super revealing clothing, so I just didn’t know what you would choose.”
“Hon, I work in a strip club. Revealing clothing is our uniform. That doesn’t mean I don’t know how to dress for a dinner party.” She winks at me, and for the first time, I wonder why she’s working here. Does she like it? How does she know Damon? I think about asking, but then decide against it.
Her business is none of mine, and with the shit storm called my life, the last thing I need to be doing is questioning someone else’s choices.
“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry.” I feel ashamed for judging her—when clearly my own life is in shambles.
“No, don’t be, honey. It’s okay to be curious and question things, but I only dress this way for the tips. The more revealing the clothing, the better the tips. Now, enough about me, why don’t you let me put this beauty on you.”
She holds the dark green ombre dress in front of me so I can step into it easily. She zips it up like she’s been doing this her whole life, and I run my fingers against the material. It’s soft and clings to my curves. It doesn't show any cleavage, but it highlights the shape of my breasts, and the collar falls over my shoulders. It fits like a glove—even though I never told Damon my size.
Taking a step forward, I look in the mirror, realizing how far the slit on the side hikes up, revealing a lot more leg than I’m used to. It’s sexy, but not overly—plus, it suits the design and adds to its beauty.
My thoughts turn to Damon. I think he will appreciate this dress. After all the things he said to me in his office, I want to be any and everything for him.
“You look beautiful, Keira.” Candy smiles at my reflection in the mirror. “Now, sit down over there so I can do your hair and makeup.”
I tense. Makeup and hair. Oh god, it’s a dinner, not a party, right?
“Don’t worry, I’m not going to go crazy. No stage makeup for you, just something simple and natural. A little mascara, eyeliner, and eyeshadow. That should do the job,” Candy reassures me, and I really hope she knows how much this means to me.
“Thank you. Seriously, thank you for being so nice to me.” I take a seat in one of the makeup chairs, and Candy starts working on my face. I close my eyes as she starts to apply powder with a large brush, then the eyeliner, mascara, and lipstick.
“There you go. Just some blush so you don’t look so pale, and your makeup is all done.”
I swivel in my chair so I can look at myself in the vanity mirror. My mouth pops open, and the words I want to say are there, but they just won’t come. I almost can’t believe my eyes. She only used a few items, but I look so much different. Like an entirely new person.
“I’m glad you like it.” Candy chuckles. “Now, let’s get these curlers
out of your hair and you’ll be all done, Cinderella.”
Just as she removes the last roller, the door to the dressing room opens. A string of high-pitched giggles fill the room. My stomach knots. Not only do I have to face the possibility of death tonight, now I have to face Damon’s strippers.
I avert my eyes to the floor, and let Candy finish my hair.
“Oh my, look who it is, girls? Are you finally starting to work the stage, or are you going straight to the backroom for blowjob duty?” Hayley asks me with her nose in the air. She has bitch written all over her face, and suddenly, I realize why I left high school.
The girls flanking her must be part of her bitch-squad because they look down at me the same way.
“Just shut up and get ready for work,” Candy snaps, but it’s apparent Hayley doesn’t care what Candy says. She blows past her and steps directly in front of me.
“You know you’re just some temporary toy to Damon, right? He is going to throw you in the trash as soon as he gets bored playing with you.”
Each word stabs me like a knife straight to the heart.
“He’s had a lot of girls, but he always comes back to me.” Her pink-painted lips twitch into an evil smile. “He’s been doing it for over a year. I’ve been his one and only, and to this day, I’m the only one who knows how he likes it.” She keeps talking, and each statement twists the knife deeper and deeper.
“You will never satisfy him like I do—hell, like any other woman.” Her eyes move over my body. “You’re garbage compared to us.” She all but spits, and she may as well have slapped me across the face. I’m sure it would’ve hurt a lot less.
“Hayley!” Candy shouts, but once again, she’s ignored. All eyes are on me and Hayley.
I can feel pressure building behind my eyes. Stupid tears are about to fall and mess up my makeup. I can’t believe I’m letting this bitch have so much power over me, but I can’t help it. Not when she’s highlighted every insecurity I have and rubbed it in my face. Thoughts of Damon enter my mind he said so himself—he held back with me. He wants to fuck me hard, and I don’t know if I can give him what he desires.
Protect Me: A Mafia Romance (The Rossi Crime Family Book 1) Page 11