My excuse has her ending the call quickly, with just a few words, “Feel better soon.”
Light dims, evening arrives. I flick on the light automatically but see nothing it illuminates. Instead my mind goes over and over the words Skull spoke on Sunday morning. But no matter how I try to analyse his final phrases, there was nothing, no warning, no indication he wouldn’t return.
He’d expected to come back, hadn’t he?
Of course I was concerned when he hadn’t, but I hadn’t allowed myself to really worry until I’d gone to the club for the explanation. Instead, I found what Skull had told me had been a lie.
Where is he? What is he doing?
He said he loved me. Only death would keep him from coming home.
No, no, no, no, no. I can’t afford to think like that. I can’t imagine I’ll be bringing up a fatherless baby. Can’t, just, can’t.
I honestly couldn’t tell how long I’ve been just sitting, with thoughts going around and around my brain. I’m startled when at last I hear a motorcycle engine.
Skull?
No. However much I want it to be, it doesn’t sound like his bike.
But it does stop outside. Realising it’s probably Pyro and he may have news, I rush to the door and open it before he knocks.
“Shouldn’t do that, Mel,” are his first words out of his mouth, then he explains, “it might not have been me.”
I go to tell him that it had been the logical, and as it turned out, correct assumption, but the expression on his face shows he’s completely serious. For some reason he’s annoyed that I’ve thrown open the door without checking.
Because of something they’ve found out about Skull?
It’s my turn to speak. When I do, the floodgates open.
“Have you found anything out? Do you know where Skull is? Have you found him?”
Instead of answering, his hands come to my arms and apply pressure, so I move back out of the doorway. Turning, he closes the door behind him, shooting across the bolt.
He shrugs when my eyes question him. “Can’t be too careful.”
“What is it, Pyro? Please, tell me whatever you know.”
“Can we sit?” He sends a pointed glance toward the sofa.
I don’t answer with words, just step over to my comfortable three-seater, taking a place at one end. He sits at the other, and for a moment, holds his head in his hands. There’s something about his posture that shouts out this man is exhausted.
“Can I get you anything?”
“What?” He glances across the space between us. “Nah, thanks Mel. But I’m okay. Just been a stressful day.”
“Because of Skull?” I make the assumption. “What is it you know?”
He takes a deep breath, then sighs. “Easier to tell you what we don’t know. We don’t know where he is. We’re trying to find leads of where he might have been going or gone. He may have gotten to his destination and stayed. With fuck all to go on, we’re checking in every direction. All I can tell you is that so far we’ve found no body in a morgue, no injured biker in any hospital, and no police reports which could show he’s been arrested.”
“That’s good news, isn’t it?” I’m clutching at straws.
“Could be worse,” he agrees.
“Can you really be sure of your information? What have you been doing? Making calls?” Even if someone had been on the phone ever since I left them, they couldn’t have contacted every organisation he’s named.
He gives a half-smile. “Nah, we’ve got other ways. Got the computer experts in all our chapters searching.”
“Oh.” I didn’t realise they could do that. Computer hacking probably comes under their one-percenter ways which Skull had alluded to, but never told me about. “You are searching under his real name, aren’t you?”
He rolls his eyes. “Kris Cox, yeah.”
Of course they are.
“So, he’s not dead, dying or arrested,” I surmise.
“So far we can’t say that. Not locally that’s for certain. We’re casting our net wider and wider, Mel. We’ll keep trying.”
“What…” I struggle to get out my thought, “what if he crashed, and his body’s not yet been found?” I sob. “What if we never find out what happened to him?”
“Darlin’, don’t be defeatist,” he says sharply. “We’ll find him. It’s just a matter of time.”
But even if they discover his whereabouts, there’s no guarantee he intends to come home. If he did, he’d have contacted me. Skull had never proved to be anything but dependable and he cared for me. But perhaps that too, had been a lie. Maybe disappearing had been his intention. If he left of his own volition, if nothing’s preventing him returning…
“Maybe he left me. Just didn’t want to tell me.”
“Then he’s a fuckin’ fool.” Pyro’s eyes blaze. “Skull’s got everything going for him. A good woman, a beautiful woman,” he corrects, and now it’s time for my eyes to roll. “The possibility of a family and his club. Man doesn’t walk out on that unless he’s crazy. There are ways of leaving the Satan’s Devils if that’s what he wanted. Bikers do not simply walk out on family.”
The notion I’d been selfish hits me. I hadn’t considered it wasn’t just me he’d abandoned. He must have work commitments for the club. Is it really possible he just walked out and left them?
“Something’s happened to him. We just don’t know what yet.”
Pyro doesn’t contradict that statement. “You got beer, darlin’?”
“Yeah, sure.”
“Nah,” he holds out his hand, palm facing me, “I’ll go get it. In the fridge?”
“Yes, through there in the kitchen.”
He stands, walks the few steps to where I’d indicated, and I hear a door opening and closing. It’s a few more seconds before he returns. As well as a beer, he’s holding the pregnancy test kit.
Pressing my lips together, I throw a horrified look at him and shake my head.
“Mel, you probably could do with a drink yourself. But until you know for certain, you can’t have one.”
“I was waiting for Skull,” I respond in a whisper.
He shuffles, looks uncertain, then says, “Let me be here for you instead.”
I close my eyes, thinking. Pyro’s right. I’d kill for a glass of wine or something stronger at the moment. If I’m wrong and I’m not incubating a child, I could have one. How long will I be waiting for a man who may not return? Nine months? Huh, I’ll know for certain long before then, but not for weeks yet. Unless… I take that test.
“I’m scared.”
His eyes soften. “Of course you are. But you’re not alone. You’re club.”
“Not without Skull.”
Suddenly he’s no longer standing, nor seated at the far end of the couch. He’s sitting up close beside me. “You are club,” he repeats. “Skull claimed you, which makes you a Satan’s Devil’s ol’ lady. If Skull’s not here to take care of you, everyone else will step up. You’re part of our family, darlin’.”
My eyes widen. I’d assumed they’d want nothing to do with me.
“You hardly know me,” I object.
“Don’t need to know you, Mel, though I think we probably know more than you’re thinking. But you’re one of us now. Sure, you’ve got the choice. Skull doesn’t reappear? You don’t need to have anything to do with us, but we’re here if you want.”
I like the club, the atmosphere, the men and the old ladies. May be able to do without the whores, but that’s another matter. I’ve enjoyed all the time I’ve spent at the compound. But to go there without Skull? To take from his friends when he’s not there to support me?
Eventually I shake my head. “I don’t know, Pyro. I can’t take advantage…”
“Take advantage?” he rears back. “Mel, whether or not you take us up on the offer, you’ll find we’re there for you. We owe it to Skull. Wherever he is, whatever he’s doing, he’s still a member of this club. If he’s got
himself locked up, we’ll look after his woman for him until he’s able to do it himself. That’s the way it works, Mel. You’re still his old lady.”
“I’m still his old lady?” I gaze at him incredulously. “He walked out on me…”
“Nah. You don’t know that. Want my view? That’s the last fuckin’ thing he’d do. Something’s stopping him coming back.”
“Something made him leave in the first place,” I counter.
Pyro’s eyes fall to the packet he’s still holding. Could Skull have left because he was scared I was pregnant? Didn’t want to step up and do the right thing? Before I can have second thoughts, I stand, snatch the test out of Pyro’s hands and head off to the bathroom.
I need to know.
If I’m not, perhaps somehow he’ll find out, perhaps someone would get the message through and he’ll come back.
Although if that’s the reason he did, would I really want him? A man who left because he was too scared to have a baby.
I read the instructions, do the necessary, then walk back out to where Pyro’s still sitting. I leave the test on the side, suddenly changing my mind. I don’t want to know.
If it’s positive, life as I know it changes.
If it’s not, I’m still on my own.
Minutes tick by.
“Want me to look?”
I haven’t got the nerve to do it myself. I give a small nod. Then watch, trying to read the expression on his face, but his features give away nothing as he stares at the result.
Then he comes back. Dropping to his knees he takes hold of both my hands, and gazes into my eyes intensely. “You are not doing this alone. You’ve got me and the club behind and beside you. This baby will have all the love it could have, whether or not Skull’s here to take up his responsibility. Think I told you before, you’re club, and so is your baby.”
Baby?
I’m pregnant.
Even though I had suspected it, the result comes as a shock.
“Skull couldn’t have known,” I explain, trying to justify my man’s actions more to myself than to Pyro. “It wouldn’t be the reason he’s gone.” Though it could be the reason he won’t come back. “We talked about having a family, Pyro. The first time it happened…”
“Man’s a fuckin’ idiot,” Pyro snarls. “Forgetting once is one thing. A second time? Sheer fuckin’ carelessness. If he likes it bare so much he should be prepared to deal with the consequences.”
“He was drunk, Pyro. I didn’t think to remind him.”
“This is not on you, Mel.”
I glare. “I think it is. I was the one in bed with him. I was fully into it when we made love.” And Skull had gotten me so aroused and in such an orgasmic haze, I didn’t know which way was up, and certainly not capable of realising he’d forgotten the condom. But I was a fully active participant, and to be truthful, had I realised, I might not have minded. My body clock is marching on, if I’m going to have a baby I want to be in my prime. I want to see my child grow while I can be active along with it.
My child.
Oh my freaking God. I’m pregnant.
Pyro’s face has gone tight, then it relaxes. “When we find Skull, he might be over the moon. You’ve got enough on your plate without second guessing his reaction.”
One thing is for certain. However much I feel I need it, I can’t have that drink now.
He understands. And, as the tears start rolling down my cheek, looks around and takes some tissues from the box I keep handy, passing them to me.
Then, he hesitantly puts his arms around me, pulling me in close. I rest my chin on the leather cut which smells slightly different to that of my man. But, I take comfort from the warmth he’s emitting and his strong arms, trying to ignore the little voice that reminds me they’re not the right ones.
Chapter Thirteen
Pyro
Today started off as normal. I’d gone to the auto-shop and put some hours in, then, having left my fucking phone of all things back at the compound, took a break to go retrieve it. Got suckered into a game of pool with the VP—well, I manage the shop, who’s going to criticise me?
That’s why I’d been there when the day took a downturn with Mel’s revelation that Skull was missing.
This was news that none of us like hearing. We’ve heard it too often before, only a year or so ago, Ingot, our old enforcer, had been run off the road and killed. My first thought, and still the favourite, although unthinkable, is that we’ll find that’s the answer to Skull’s disappearance, he hasn’t returned as he’s not able to. This life we live is not without risk, either death dealt out by our enemies, or from the simple fact that we ride around on motorcycles. The fact that medical staff view us as potential organ donors on wheels isn’t too much of an exaggeration.
I’ve also had to deal with the stress that comes with disarming potential explosive devices. Trying not to shake or cut the wrong wire, dealing with something designed not to be interfered with all carries a strain of its own. While a hundred percent concentration is required, at the back of my mind is always the question, will I know? Will I feel my body disintegrating? Will it hurt? Or will I simply cease to exist?
Now, I’ve got a pregnant weeping woman in my arms. Today seems never-ending.
But she’s Skull’s. I hadn’t misled her. Whatever has happened to him, he claimed her, which makes her the responsibility of the club.
I wasn’t particularly close to Skull. Would give my life for him as he was one of my brothers, but he hadn’t sat around the table long enough for us to become friends. Nevertheless, something drives me to take personal responsibility for his woman.
Doesn’t hurt she’s exactly the type of woman who’d attract me.
But being Skull’s, she’s completely out of bounds.
My hand moves up and down her back, rubbing gently. Contradicting what’s going through my mind, I repeat in what I hope is a soothing tone, “It will be okay. It will work out. You’ve got us, you’re not alone.”
Gradually her sobs start coming less often. She pulls away, sniffing loudly then blowing her nose. She stares at me, then looks horrified.
“Your tee shirt’s wet, I’m so sorry.”
“No matter.” That’s the least of my worries.
“I’ll be okay. You don’t have to stay.”
I’m not surprised she’s embarrassed. I’m a virtual stranger, I’m here in her home. Yet I was the one to confirm she is indeed pregnant, and now the man whose clothes have been dampened by her tears.
I’m also the man who’s got one more blow to deliver.
“I do,” I contradict, wiping my hand down my face. “I’m sorry, but I’m not leaving you alone.”
Her reddened eyes crease. “What?”
“Until we know what’s happened to Skull, we need to take precautions.”
“What?” she repeats. “What do you mean, precautions?”
I breathe in deeply. “You know we’re a one-percenter club?”
A little nod. “But I thought you weren’t into shady stuff.”
My mouth quirks at the way she describes it. “We’re not, much, nowadays. In fact, we can’t name an enemy who’d want to hurt us.” Or not until Demon and Beef have their meeting with the Wretched Soulz. “But there’s always the chance someone is using Skull to get to us, which means we pull up the drawbridge just in case.”
Her head moves side to side. “I don’t understand.”
“Tonight, I stay here, sleeping on your couch. Tomorrow, you move to the compound.”
Her head shakes more emphatically. “I can’t. Not without Skull. This is my home. And how long for? I’ve got work…”
“Tomorrow you call in sick. Fuck, woman. You’re in no condition to go to the office.”
“I’ve already told Beth I can’t go in tomorrow.” Before I can ask, she adds hurriedly, “Not why, not until I know more. I’ve told her a lie for me, that I’m sick.”
“You’re worried sick about
your man. That’s not a lie. No one can blame you. I’d stay off until after the weekend. If you want to go back then, we’ll make it happen if we’re still on lockdown.”
She’s quiet for a moment, then, “You’re right, Pyro. I’ll not be able to concentrate. Hopefully Skull will be back between now and Monday, and if he’s not?” She gives a little shake as if she’s no idea what she’ll do. If he doesn’t reappear, she’ll have to start to come to terms with a new normal. Fuck, I’m hurting for her now.
“But I’ll stay here. I’m not coming to the compound.” Her mouth sets in a stubborn line.
How do I make her see sense?
“Mel, look. Skull’s missing. You’re Skull’s woman. May not have had much trouble in the recent past, but if someone does have him, if someone’s starting a war with the club, then they’ll hit us where it hurts. You know what our weakest spot is? You know what would fuckin’ destroy us?”
Again her head moves first to the left, then to the right.
“Our women. Someone wants to hurt us, they’ll go after our women first. And you, being close to Skull, would be one of the first targets. Can’t leave you unprotected darlin’. Need you on lockdown at the compound.”
“Lockdown?”
“We call everyone in and stay for the duration.”
“I can’t do that. I can’t afford to lose my job. I can’t let everyone down.”
She’s feisty, and loyal to Skull and her colleagues. Now all I’ve got to do is get some of that loyalty the club’s way. “Already said, we’ll make that happen. You’ll just have an escort there and back, got it?”
Her lips press together. “You really think it’s necessary for me to move to the compound?”
It seems she’s starting to listen to what I’m saying. “I do. If you don’t, then either I or a prospect will stay here with you. Look, it’s easier if we have everyone under the same roof. The compound can be protected. If we have everyone scattered all around, it spreads us thin and makes it harder to keep everyone safe.”
She stands while I move out of her way and she starts to pace the room. It’s in the middle of her third back and forth that she stops. Her eyes come to my face. “Do you really think I’m in danger?”
Satan’s Devils MC -Colorado Box Set: Books 4-6 Page 11