Her gaze darted to his, the agony she found there so intense it made her gasp.
“I’m sorry,” he told her with bleak sincerity. “Christ, Sarah, I’m so very sorry for how I’ve behaved.”
She stared back at him. “Where have you been?”
His throat worked as if he struggled to form the necessary words. Withdrawing his gaze from hers, he appeared to study the floor for a moment before he finally said, “At Mivart’s.”
“The hotel?” Sarah shook her head, incredulous. “But that’s…that’s only a five minute ride from our house.”
“I know.”
“Your note said you had urgent business.” Her voice shook with renewed pain. “You lied to me, Matthew, and then you left me. Why? I want an explanation.”
“And you deserve one.” He seemed to choke a little and when he met her gaze once more, she saw his eyes were filled with tears. “The truth is your love terrified me, because it made me realize that I could love you in return – that I do love you in return – and in my experience love can only lead to unspeakable pain. So I ran with every intention of shutting it out, of shutting you out, and of wrestling my feelings for you back under control. But it didn’t work. Instead, I missed you, dreadfully. Sarah, I’m sorry, so terribly sorry for how I’ve mistreated you. I can only pray you’ll forgive me. Please, Sarah. I need you to do so.”
“You hurt me, Matthew.” She had to be honest too. No holding back now, no matter what. “I felt completely rejected, alone in a way I’ve not been since Claire died. It was awful.”
“I’m sorry.” His hands shook as he clasped hold of hers. “Please tell me there’s hope for us yet. Please, let me do what I can to make this up to you, to prove myself worthy of your affection, and to convince you of my love.”
“Will you share the details of your past with me?” she quietly asked.
“Yes. I’ve realized in recent weeks that ignoring a problem won’t make it go away. One must face it, and even then, there’s no guarantee it will ever be completely resolved. The loss I suffered as a child was overwhelming, but having you by my side, letting you share the burden with me as you have offered to do, will make it more bearable.”
“More than that, it will bring us closer.” Reaching up, she placed her palm against his cheek and swiped away a tear with her thumb. “You have suffered more than any man should. I know you fear it will happen again, and it might. Life gives us no guarantees. All I can promise is that I will do my best to fill every day we have together with happiness, starting right now.”
She pulled him in for a tender kiss meant to soothe his soul, then whispered against his lips, “You’re going to be a father, Matthew.”
His breath caught in response to the words. “Truly?”
“Yes.”
A new sensation flooded his veins – warm and sunny, without the slightest hint of trepidation. His chest expanded and with it his heart, both filling with an abundance of joy so vast it threatened to slay him completely. Unable to speak one more word, he pulled Sarah fiercely against him and kissed her with thorough abandon, imparting his love, his regret, and the hope he now had for their future.
To his relief, she kissed him back, as if he’d not abandoned her for five weeks, as if she’d not had to suffer the fear of uncertainty he’d made her face, as if he’d not been an absolute ass. This was Sarah, and Sarah wanted to help and to heal. He could only count his blessings that he’d managed to make her his wife and that he somehow seemed to have gained her forgiveness for what he’d done.
“I love you for not giving up on me,” he whispered while grazing her neck with his lips. “For opening my eyes and making me face the truth. For simply loving me as you do.”
“I shall always love you,” she said as she helped him remove the rest of his clothes. “And I shall always do what I can to help you with whatever troubles you face. We’re in this together now, you and I.”
Her words were a balm to his soul, offering comfort in ways nothing else ever had. He needed her – an awareness that would have frightened the hell out of him a short while ago. Now it simply felt right. She felt right. And as he sank into the bath moments later and Sarah proceeded to wash him, he allowed himself to appreciate what he had: a wonderful wife to love and a child on the way. What more did he need?
“I really should ask the innkeeper if he has a blade I can borrow so I can finish your shave,” Sarah said as she dried Matthew off in front of the fire. “You look like a heathen.”
“Later,” he murmured. “I’ve something else in mind first.”
“Oh?”
Tossing the towel, he reached for her, because there was one more thing he did need, and that was to show her just how much he loved her. He’d been granted a lifetime in which to do so, and he meant to start right away.
An Unexpected Temptation
Preface
Athena Townsbridge ruined Robert Carlisle’s chance at marriage once. Will he keep holding a grudge when she tries to make amends, or will he start seeing her in a new light?
Chapter 1
Balancing at the edge of the sofa, Athena waited for her four-year-old niece, Lilly, to make her next move.
“Come on,” Lilly’s older brother, Lucas, said. “You’re taking forever.”
“It’s hard,” Lilly said. She stared at the low stool she was meant to get onto next. “My legs are too short.”
Athena had deliberately placed the furniture with this in mind. She knew Lilly could make the jump with ease, but after misjudging the distance between two stone benches in Hyde Park a few weeks earlier, the girl was fearful of falling and getting hurt once more. Sympathizing, Athena grabbed a throw cushion and tossed it onto the floor. It landed between Lilly’s chair and the stool.
Lucas jerked toward her with a glare. “That’s cheating.”
“Would you rather your sister be eaten by crocodiles?” Athena asked. Lilly hopped down onto the cushion, freeing up the chair so Athena could move forward.
“No,” Lucas grumbled. “But she could have made that jump. And now she’s about to grab the treasure.”
“Unless you’re able to reach it first,” Athena told him slyly.
“Not possible,” Lilly said with confidence.
“What did I say at the very beginning,” Athena asked, “when you insisted there were no crocodiles in England?”
“To use our imagination,” Lucas said. His eyes suddenly widened. He seemed to study his surroundings with greater care. A grin widened his mouth as he eyed the folded blanket hanging over the back of the loveseat. “I’m making a bridge.”
“You can’t,” Lilly said. She turned to Athena. “Can he?”
“I can’t very well stop him after I made an island pop out of nowhere for you.”
“I’d rather play hide and go seek,” Lilly grumbled. She crossed her arms and pouted while her brother triumphantly claimed the biscuit tin at the center of the room.
“We can do that next,” Athena said. “After you have survived the pit of doom.”
Lilly blew out a breath and leapt across to where her brother stood. Athena jumped forward as well, landing on the stool as the door to the parlor swung open.
“What on earth is going on in here?” Athena’s mother, Viscountess Roxley, asked. Mouth agape, she stared at Athena. As it turned out, she was not alone. The rest of the house party stood immediately behind her.
“Playing,” Athena told the assembled group. She and her entire family had been invited to spend the second two weeks of December at the Marquess and Marchioness of Foxborough’s estate. The Foxboroughs’s daughter, Abigail, had married Athena’s brother James three years prior.
“That is what one does in the nursery, Athena. Not,” her mother informed her, “in the parlor belonging to one’s host and hostess.”
“I’m sorry,” Athena said, “but the nursery furniture isn’t very conducive to jungle adventures.”
“It’s quite all right,” Lady Fox
borough said with a slight frown. “I’m sure we can put the room to rights quickly enough if we all lend a hand.”
“William,” Athena’s oldest brother, Charles, told their sibling. “Help me move the sofa, would you?”
Athena hopped off the stool and picked up the blanket Lucas had used as a bridge. She proceeded to fold it.
“Do we still get our biscuits?” Lucas asked while hugging the tin.
“Yes,” Athena assured him, “but you may have to share with a lot more people now. Unless you make a hasty escape.”
Lucas gave the doorway a quick glance, then grabbed his sister’s hand and promptly took off, with Lilly tripping and squealing behind him.
“Honestly,” Athena’s mother sighed. “Could you not try to set a better example for them?”
Athena shrugged. “They can learn about rules and decorum from everyone else. From me, however, they shall learn how to have fun.”
“Which is why we left them in your care in the first place,” Charles’s wife, Bethany, told Athena with a twinkle in her eyes.
“And we have every intention of doing the same with Benedict once he’s old enough,” Abigail said. “So I hope this won’t be the only time we’re tidying up this room.”
Athena shared a look with her mother. The lady’s features softened until she allowed a smile. Athena knew she’d only chided her because she believed it was her responsibility to do so, not because she actually minded the ruckus. If anything, Lord and Lady Roxley both welcomed the boisterousness their grandchildren provided. As they put it, it made them feel young again. But they were very aware that this was not a view shared by all since most members of the upper class preferred to have their children hidden away and cared for by governesses.
“Hopefully, the weather tomorrow will be clear so we can get the children outside,” Charles said once all the furniture had been put back in its proper spot and everyone comfortably seated. “A long walk and some fresh air would be wonderful for them.”
A maid arrived with a tray, allowing tea to be served. Athena took a soothing sip while the conversation ensued around her. She loved that they’d all been gathered in this way. With her sister, Sarah, married off to the Duke of Brunswick in October, she’d experienced a void in her life she’d not been prepared for. All too often, she found herself reflecting on how things used to be before her siblings had moved out of Townsbridge House. There had been laughter and love, constant chatter, footsteps moving across the floors, the sound of games being played.
Now there was too much silence, and Athena longed to escape it, to carve out moments for herself in which she could recreate what she missed. Only there was no going back, just forward, and the future that spanned before her looked mighty lonely.
Of course, the solution would be to marry and have a hoard of children of her own. The only problem with this was that she wasn’t sure she’d ever make a match for herself, as evidenced by her lack of suitors. No man wanted to touch a woman as daring or unpredictable as she. They couldn’t accept the scandal she’d caused at the age of fourteen when she’d stood up in church and informed everyone that Bethany loved Charles rather than the man she’d been in the process of marrying.
Mayhem had ensued and Athena’s reputation had suffered irreparable damage. But, she mused, she would do the same thing again in a heartbeat. For if there was one thing she could not abide, it was the idea of people sacrificing their happiness for fear of causing a scandal. As far as she was concerned, there was only one life, one chance to get it all right. Why waste that on making oneself deliberately miserable for the sole purpose of appeasing others?
“We have the holiday dance at the assembly hall of course, but if you like we could arrange a ball here as well,” Lady Foxborough said, snapping Athena out of her reverie. “There are a few families in the area we could invite. A couple even have young men of marriageable age.”
“Really?” Athena’s mother murmured with far too much interest for Athena’s liking.
“Plotting the next match already?” Athena’s father asked with the resignation of a man who’d long since realized there was no point in trying to dissuade his wife from her goals. “You don’t waste any time, do you, dear?”
“I see no reason to,” Athena’s mother said.
“How about the fact that Sarah was allowed to wait until she was two-and-twenty before she married?” Athena asked. In truth, she wouldn’t mind finding a man with whom she could fall in love sooner rather than later, she simply didn’t believe it was likely to happen and had no desire to suffer the torture of being paraded about. “I should be permitted to do the same.”
“All things considered, I think it would be best if we began showing you off to your best advantage as soon as possible,” her mother argued. “You’ve many excellent qualities, Athena. I’d like to remind people of that so they can start viewing you in a different light.”
In other words, her mother expected her road to the altar to be a lengthy one involving a shift in public opinion. No time to waste then. She allowed herself an inward groan and took another sip of her tea.
“Mama has the right of it,” William said. “And a ball would be a great deal of fun.”
“There’s just one catch,” Lord Foxborough said, cutting a stern look at his wife. “Protocol would require us to invite the Marquess of Darlington, and I’m not sure how any of you would feel about that.”
Athena’s hand shook in response to the name. Hot tea fell against her thigh. Robert Carlisle had been the Earl of Langdon when she’d last seen him. Although things had ended badly between them, she’d been sorry to hear of his father’s passing. Athena darted a look in Charles’s direction. He and Bethany had both gone utterly still.
“I forgot he had property in this area,” Athena’s father finally said.
“I’ve not spoken to him in six years. Not since I left him at that inn where I found him after…” Charles cleared his throat and clasped his wife’s hand.
Athena returned her teacup to its saucer with a clatter. “I should like a chance to apologize to him.”
“No.” The word was unanimously spoken by her parents and siblings alike.
“But—”
“Darlington was furious after what happened.” Charles’s voice was strained with regret. “He made it very clear to me there was nothing more to be said between us.”
“Nevertheless, I would like a chance to explain myself to him directly.” What she was truly after was his forgiveness. Darlington had been Charles’s friend. She’d known him most of her life and while he’d been wrong for Bethany, she could not deny the guilt she still felt over how she’d upended his life. “It would mean a great deal.”
“I’m sorry,” Charles said. A brief silence followed before he confessed. “I made repeated attempts to apologize to him on all our behalves. I wrote him letters, Athena, and he responded once, in a manner I cannot repeat with ladies present. His words were extremely harsh, especially those directed at you. And while I’ve no doubt he was foxed beyond reason when he penned the missive, I cannot excuse such behavior.”
“Not even when we are the ones who drove him to it?” Athena asked. She held Charles’s gaze. “Out of everyone who has criticized me over the years for the part I played in your marriage to Bethany, he is the one with the most right.”
“You’re not wrong,” Athena’s father said, “but there are instances when it is wisest to leave the past alone and move on. It is my opinion that this is such an instance. Our goal right now is to see you settled, not to ruin your chances further by reminding everyone of what happened, and yes, they will be reminded the moment they see you and Darlington in the same room.”
“So then I gather we ought to avoid a ball?” Lady Foxborough asked.
“What about the dance at the assembly hall?” Bethany asked. “Is there any chance Darlington might show up there?”
“No,” Lady Foxborough said. “The marquess, as I understand it, does no
t go out at all.”
“So then?” Athena prompted. “Why not invite him if you know he’ll stay away.”
“I fear he would not.” Lady Foxborough reached for her teacup while Athena tried to make sense of what she was being told. “The assembly hall functions are free from obligation, but if we, the Marquess and Marchioness of Foxborough, were to ask another peer to join us for a formal event, I believe he would feel duty-bound to attend, so as not to cause offense.”
Athena sank back against the sofa with a sigh. What foolish nonsense. The Foxboroughs could not host a ball because to do so they would have to invite a man who did not wish to attend but would have to do so simply for the sake of appeasing a group of people who did not want him there. Once again, she was reminded of how ridiculous Society was.
She glanced at the beveled glass windows, wet with rain. For six years she’d dreamed of running into Darlington, of voicing her regrets and wishing him well. In all her imaginings, he’d refuse to listen at first, but would relent when she persisted. Eventually, he’d tell her he understood, that it was all right, and that what had happened was for the best.
The only problem was, the marquess had cut all ties with her family and remained absent from Town. She’d had no chance to approach him – no opportunity to make amends. Until now.
Her pulse quickened. She wondered how far away his estate might be. If the Foxboroughs felt they had to invite him to an evening affair in the winter, he must be quite close – at least within an hour’s drive by carriage. Pressing her lips together, she considered those around her. None would provide her with the directions she required.
Perhaps it was just as well. Athena picked up a biscuit and bit into it with a sigh. She knew herself well enough to realize it was probably a foolish idea – the sort of idea best scrapped before it fully formed and began to grow roots in her brain.
But when she got up the following morning after a restless night of contemplation, she accepted what had to be done. If she was to find true happiness, she would have to make peace with the man she’d hurt. It was the only way forward.
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