by Brittany Bly
Chapter Seventeen
“Are you almost done? You’ve been in there forever!” Marissa yells from the living room.
I still haven’t found the right outfit; and no matter how long I stare at myself in the mirror, this one isn’t getting any better. Clothes are scattered around my room, tossed there out of frustration and indecisiveness. Groaning, I shout back, “Don’t complain if you aren’t going to be helpful, bitch!”
Heels click on the hardwood floor as she comes to join me, “Jesus, I see… having issues dear?”
“Eh! Why can’t I find anything?”
“Well – a beautiful rock star could be the cause,” Marissa says grinning. She rummages through the discarded clothes, missing the vulgar gesture I give her.
“You couldn’t be more wrong.”
She tosses a skirt and shirt at me “Hey, there is nothing wrong with wanting to look good for someone. I make it a point to wow at least one person a day. Now, go put those on. Blaine will be drooling, unable to stop himself.”
Honestly, I’m tired of hunting through my closet and pick them up, carrying them to the bathroom. Sliding the skirt up my freshly shaven legs, I fasten it. Then one arm at a time, I let the shirt fall into place. She wasn’t wrong. Damn, I look good. The shirt hugs me, showing off the girls beautifully with the back open completely while the skirt wraps around me like a second skin. Paired together making one sexy outfit.
Marissa whistles when I exit the bathroom “Damn, girl! Am I good or what?”
“Fortunately for you, I do make this outfit look good,” I grab her by the elbow linking arms “Let’s go listen to some music and get drunk.”
“Sounds like my kind of evening,” she smiles devilishly. She smacks me on the ass as we leave the room.
×××
The arena’s packed even though the show doesn’t start for another thirty minutes. We squeeze through the crowd, flashing our badges to get to our VIP box. “These seats are amazing,” I say looking around. Our view of the stage is unobstructed, even with the amount of people milling about.
“They are, aren’t they? Oh, and you’re welcome” Marissa says bumping my shoulder before taking her seat. The box is just for us – two chairs and a table make up the space. A menu sits on top of the table with a call button next to it. Leaning back, she looks it over, “You want some whiskey?”
“Dear, you don’t ever have to ask.”
Grinning, Marissa presses the call button. We don’t have to wait long before a tall guy with bronze skin wearing a waiter’s uniform stops outside the box. Marissa purrs, yes, literally purrs, at the sight of him. Tall and good looking is everything she looks for in a man. I let her have complete control over this. I try and tune out the flirting, looking around the place once again. It’s not a huge place, but it’s still a good size. What counts though is that every seat is filled as everyone waits for the guys to come out.
“He’s yummy,” Marissa says as the waiter walks away with a smirk on his face.
“Poor guy has no idea what he’s in for” I grin.
Marissa crosses her legs, one over the other, revealing her creamy skin. Her short dress barely covers her mid-thigh “It’s better that way.”
Mr. Yummy brings our drinks, his chocolate brown eyes lighting up as Marissa runs a hand down his arm in thanks. Lucky for me, the lights begin to dim, saving me from whatever form of tip she’s about to provide.
Everyone goes insane. There are no signs of the guys yet, but the atmosphere changes as everyone’s excitement builds. Silhouettes appear in the dark. I can immediately pick out each of them. Axton’s leading them out as Blaine and Cohen follow with Hensley bringing up the rear. No surprise that sweet Hensley’s last. Blaine comes to the front as the lights suddenly come on, bathing them in radiance. Blaine grins, holding up one hand in a wave to the crowd. Wasting no time, they break into their first song. I still, until this point, hadn’t heard any of their music. At first, it was more out of principle but after that … well, I don’t know. But watching him now… Blaine’s just Blaine, not the rock star that he is known to these people. His voice’s just how I remember… and just like that, I’m back in our college apartment, sitting across from him, watching his fingers strum the guitar. He would play anything from Willie Nelson to Metallica. Many of our nights were spent just like that.
“Thank you guys for coming out tonight” Blaine’s voice draws me back to the here and now.
Staring at the man that once meant the world to me, I can’t help the feeling that washes over me. Unfortunately, he isn’t that man anymore… and I’m no longer that girl.
“We can’t put into words how excited we are to see you guys. How about we just show you?” Blaine says, smiling.
And with that, they break into another song. He’s mesmerizing. His voice is like silk, causing goosebumps to erupt along my skin. I know the moment he notices me. I’m all too aware of his gaze locked on mine. Air leaves my lungs as those deep green eyes roam over my body. My hips sway as his voice mingles with the guy’s instruments in a way I haven’t heard before. I’m lost in his voice… his words as I dance. All too soon they end, the words fading replaced by screams around us.
Marissa leans in yelling, “Do you want another drink?”
Nodding, I glance to her briefly before turning back to watch the crew bring a stool out for Blaine to sit on. Marissa hands me my newest drink, but I don’t even glance her way. I bring it to my lips, taking a gulp. Blaine begins strumming his guitar, the spotlight solely on him. Several people around us holler out in excitement, knowing what song is coming. With closed eyes, he bends his head, fingers strumming on his acoustic guitar bringing it to life. His face scrunches up with concentration and each note he brings from his instrument. It isn’t long before his voice joins the melody, adding a haunting quality.
Don’t let me go
There is no hope shining through
Only the darkness remains
In this world of Ashes
He’s willingly sharing his demons with everyone who is listening, whether it be here tonight or someone listening to their album at home. I down the rest of my drink sitting it on the table and ask Marissa for another. She doesn’t argue but looks at me, assessing, before nodding and pressing the button. It doesn’t take Mr. Yummy long to deliver it – I can only imagine the feeling he gets when our box number shows up. Despite getting to see him, it won’t be long before Marissa cuts me off. She’s watching me like a mother hen, already prepared for whatever. She just doesn’t think I notice.
After several minutes of my own personal hell, the song ends. Blaine smiles, looking all around – taking it all in “Seattle, let me introduce the guys to you all.” Turning, he looks toward the back of the stage, pointing to Cohen first, “Have you guys met Cohen?” The crowd erupts, Cohen waves his drumsticks from behind the drum set “Hey, guys!” he shouts.
Rotating slightly, Blaine says, “What about Hensley?”
Poor Hensley, he turns about five shades of red as the crowd shouts. Slowly, he raises his hand in a small wave. I can’t help but smile at the sweetness that is Hensley. I couldn’t imagine having a passion for music yet being unbelievably nervous in front of people in general.
“And who could forget Axton?” Blaine says swiping a hand in the guitarist’s direction.
“Woo! Hell yeah!” Axton shouts throwing a couple guitar picks into the crowd as the fans scream.
Blaine just grins, shaking his head “Guys, the next song I’m sure you all know. It was our first hit, thanks to you guys. It’s a very personal song for me. Thank you for embracing it the way you did.”
Blaine speaks to the crowd in such a way that you would think they are old friends, and they are just having a normal conversation. He always could make anyone feel comfortable and unique all at the same time. He looks at me briefly, his face almost scared before the music starts. It has a slower pace than the other songs they’ve
played, but that haunting quality remains.
This is my fate
Barely alive
A walking ghost
Somehow we lost our way
But if you would allow me to
I would fight this world back to you
I can’t hear anymore; my brain shuts off. No sounds enter – all I can do is stare at him. His eyes only occasionally leaving mine. There is no doubt who he’s singing about. This… this had been what Marissa had tried to explain that night at the bar. Turning, I find her staring at me. She’s gauging my reaction. I look back, and Blaine’s gaze is still on me as he lays everything out for me – his truth. Tears begin to build as the pain starts to swallow any air I try to take in. I stand unable to sit any longer. My hands shake as I take hold of the railing to steady myself. I need to get away… out of this room where he surrounds me. I don’t know if Marissa is following. The only thing I’m aware of is my feet taking one step at a time to my escape.
×××
Unable to fall asleep, I lay here looking at my ceiling. Darkness surrounds me. The only noises come from Fox’s purrs at the foot of my bed. My fingers twitch, the thoughts from this evening refusing to leave my mind. A dull glow lights up my room, turning my head, it’s coming from my phone. One single text has come through.
Blaine: Why did you leave the show?
But I’m unable to type a response. I can’t put into words what happened or even how I felt listening to those words for the first time. So, I resume my post of staring at the ceiling and pray that sleep takes me soon.
Chapter Eighteen
It’s Saturday night, I have no plans and wouldn’t have it any other way. I want nothing more than to decompress in my space after the week I’ve had. I waste no time as soon as I step through the door. I change into a pair of sweat pants and a shirt that is two sizes too big. It drapes around my small frame, resting at my knees. I stand with one hand on the fridge leaning in, the cold air seeps out, hitting my face as I attempt to find something edible for dinner. Unfortunately, I’m not much of one to go grocery shopping. I reach in taking hold of the one container of yogurt sitting on the top shelf – whether it’s good is up for debate. Peeling back the lid, I sniff it, and my stomach rolls as the smell of spoiled milk floats up to my nose. Spinning I toss it in the trash before it has the chance to make me vomit. The only other things that happen to be taking up space in my fridge are some wilted salad mix and a jug of juice. “Eh, what am I going to eat?”
My doorbell rings and I look up over the fridge door toward the front door. Scrunching up my face, I make my way over to it, who could that be? Fox runs ahead of me on his way to who knows where causing me to stumble. “Excuse me, sir,” I say, glaring at his backside.
You can never be too safe, so I glance through the peephole before opening the door “What are you doing here?”
Marissa holds up a take-out bag from a Chinese restaurant saying, “Girls night!” Her blue-grey hair is piled high on top of her head in a messy bun and even in yoga pants and a t-shirt, she looks terrific. Anyone else, I would be jealous. She pushes past me walking in, “And is that any way to speak to someone who brought you food?”
“How did you know I was hunting for something?” I say shutting the door and following her into the kitchen.
“I was watching the camera I had installed,” Marissa says placing the bag on the counter.
“Is that what that blinking red light is?” I ask in faux surprise.
Marissa pulls out one of the barstools, having already gotten most of the food separated for us. Fox jumps into the seat, landing right beside her “Hello, Foxy darling,” she greets him taking hold of both sides of his face.
His purr answers her loudly as he leans into her hands.
“He’s been moody today,” I say glaring at him.
“I would be moody too if I stayed cooped up with you” Marissa replies speaking in a baby voice leaning closer to his face “Isn’t that right, Foxy?”
Rolling my eyes, I pull out the second barstool and take a seat. Not waiting for her, I begin eating out of the boxes placed in front of me.
“Foxy darling, could I have my seat, please? Since your mother so rudely began eating without me.” Marissa receives a meow just before he jumps down and pads into the living room with his tail swishing high in the air.
Looking at her from over the box of sesame chicken I’m currently devouring, I say, “Thanks, my fridge was seriously depressing.”
“Yeah, I figured, mine was too,” Marissa replies, opening the take-outs pair of chopsticks.
“How was your week?” I ask through a mouthful of chicken.
“Crazy, actually. A lot of planning for all these events for Ashes. They’re gaining attention really fast.”
“How long are they in town?” I ask before taking a massive bite of lo mein noodles.
“I think it’s another week or so… then they are off to Los Angeles” Marissa cuts her eyes toward me grinning “Curious about a certain someone?”
I furrow my brows sticking my tongue out at her, “Why does everything have to come back to this when I talk to you.”
“Because one of us has to bring it up and we both know that isn’t going to be you, dear,” she says shrugging as she pops a piece of orange chicken in her mouth.
“Are you traveling with them?” I ask staying on the same subject but trying to take it in a different direction.
Shaking her head, she chews several more times then answers, “No, I can do my job through emails and phone calls, so it’s not really necessary.”
Nodding, I continue to devour the food in front of me. It hits the spot. She knew I was craving Chinese even before I did. I’ve made it through two boxes before I begin to slow. My stomach gives me signs of filling up. Picking at the rest of my noodles with my fork, I say “I got an email this morning… I’ll be heading to Ireland next week.”
“Ireland?!?” Marissa squeals “And you’re just now telling me!”
I nod grinning with full cheeks stuffed with the remainder of my noodles.
“That’s awesome! What’s the job?”
I lean back a little, my food baby visible now “The email didn’t go into a lot of detail. All it said was they needed a still photographer for a fashion line.”
“Did they say how long they need you?” Marissa asks, leaning back seeming to be done after one box.
“It said a week but that things could change, causing my stay to be extended.”
Marissa claps her hands together, bouncing up and down in her seat, “How exciting! I’m so jealous!”
“I’ve always wanted to go, so to say I’m excited is kind of an understatement,” I say leaning forward onto the countertop.
“Are you going to see Blaine before you both leave town?” she asks casually.
And now we’re back to this part of the conversation. Her question does take me off guard though. I hadn’t even realized we would be leaving at the same time. Whereas I would undoubtedly be returning, I wasn’t so sure he would be.
“Stop looking at me like I just asked if you were going to marry the Prince of England. Which, by the way, if you were, I expect an introduction to the brother,” Marissa leans forward on the countertop, facing me. “But honestly, there’s nothing wrong with hanging out with someone. There aren’t any expectations.”
This is one subject I just don’t know if she’s right about. Marissa has never had a serious relationship, not to say she has never loved someone, but my relationship with Blaine is different. Could I really hang out with Blaine with all the negative history there?
×××
I lay in bed waiting for sleep to take me. This now seems to be a new habit that I’m not happy with. My mind swirls with thoughts, some unwanted, and others… well more unexpected. Would I have regrets years from now if I did leave without another word from Blaine? Would there forever be a nagging feeling that I just coul
dn’t entirely release. Fed up with my internal struggle, I roll over and grab my phone.
Lila: Would you want to come over tomorrow and watch the X-files? I finished catching up.
Then I put it back in its spot on my bedside table. Laying on my back, I stare at the ceiling, attempts of sleep long since gone. My fingers drum against my stomach while nervous energy runs along my limbs as I wait for an answer. Part of me hopes he says no. Soon the room lights up, casting it in a dim glow.
Blaine: Sure, any particular time?
Lila: Around 2ish?
Blaine: See you then.
Chapter Nineteen
We’re actually doing this.
We’re going to hang out and watch tv in my house… alone.
What exactly had I been thinking? This couldn’t be a good idea. I pace the length of the room, lost in my churning thoughts. Fox sits on the couch, judging me, as he always does; his eyes following each of my movements. “This can’t be a good idea, right?” I ask out loud looking to him for answers and releasing the ramblings from their confinements. “I mean, we’ve become friends, or well... friendly, but we haven’t been alone.” I wring my hands together as I continue my path around the living room. Fox meows from his spot on the couch. I cut my eyes toward him, “Oh, is that all you have to say about this?” Before the conversation can escalate, the doorbell rings causing me to stop mid-step. Tentatively I take a few steps forward, a thud sounds behind me as Fox jumps to the floor and walks toward the bedroom. “Oh, you’ve been a big help” I mumble walking the rest of the way to the door. My hand rests on the doorknob, closing my eyes. I take a deep breath and pull it open.
Blaine’s back is to me, but he turns as I pull the door fully open. He’s holding a pizza box in his hands, smiling sexily he says, “I figured we should have something to snack on.”
I can’t help the grin that sweeps across my lips, I love pizza. He knows it is one of my weaknesses. I step back, giving him room to get by and come inside. I point toward the coffee table “You can set it over there. I’ll get us some plates.” Reaching into the cabinets, I grab two plates and turn, pausing – Blaine has made his way around the living room, studying my framed artwork. I clear my throat, gaining his attention. Holding up the plates, I say, “Here we go.”