“I wondered about that,” she said. “In fact, I’ve spent the last few years right here trying to figure out what made that time different. Not so much as a means to forgive myself but perhaps to prevent anything like that from happening again.”
“We will give it some thought,” he replied. “But you must realize and come to terms with the fact that your situation has changed. You cannot repress your dragon anymore but let it surface.” His eyes stayed with hers. “Even forgive it.”
She inhaled deeply, having already come to a conclusion about that.
“I don’t blame my dragon for those deaths,” she said. “Only my human half because I was arrogant enough to think I could control everything, therefore, risking so many lives.” She frowned. “If anyone needs forgiveness, it would be my human half, and that will never happen because what I did was unforgivable. So in this, my inner dragon is welcome to surface. To try to be a better creature than its human counterpart who dared to try to hold it at bay for what she thought was the greater good.”
“We are equal parts dragon and human, Ava.” He put his hand over hers. “While you think your human half had all the control during your career, I guarantee she only ever had half. For reasons that remain a mystery, your dragon allowed your human half to feel overly confident. In the end, though, your response that day was a culmination of both your sides reacting to a trigger. Hopefully, together, we can figure out what that trigger was.”
She went to speak, but he shook his head and continued.
“What you must understand, Ava,” he said. “Even once we figure out what happened, even if you are as guilty as you think you are, my dragon disallows me from hating you for it.” He shook his head. “Quite honestly, my human half is in agreement.” He searched her eyes. “Whatever this is forming between us will only ever allow me to help you through your grief and regret, never judge you for your actions.”
While she thought that wouldn’t sit well with her, because it should not, instead she felt an overwhelming sense of relief. As if things weren’t quite as bleak as they had been moments before despite the atrocities she had caused.
Even so.
“You should judge me though,” she began, then trailed off.
They no longer sat on the South American shore but were back on the boat.
The red dragon flared brighter than ever on the sail.
“I will not judge you.” He glanced from the sail back to her. “And I think our dragons approve. That's why we've continued our journey.”
Chapter Six
SOREN KEPT A close eye on Ava as they cruised down the Scandinavian coast in the direction of the Fortress. She had said little, but he sensed the push and pull of her emotions. One moment she was grateful for his support, the next she felt as though she didn’t deserve it. That she didn’t deserve to live when so many had died.
While he somewhat understood her angst, by the same token, he saw her actions as a whole, most pointedly her career, as heroic. He also suspected that a monster who would kill an entire village didn’t do it because he saw the devil in her eyes but because he was the sort who would have done it anyway.
Yet he already knew that was something Ava would never believe. Did she think the man capable of it to begin with? Clearly. As to the final act, she would carry that on her shoulders until the end of her days. She was a woman who took responsibility for her actions and loathed the idea of placing blame elsewhere if she saw the fault as her own.
Unless he could uncover a different truth than the one she lived by.
Something he hoped would happen if for no other reason than to ease her conscience. To give her some relief from all the pain she carried. Something undoubtedly seen in the woman sobbing on the cot. How often had she done that? Because he got the sense, it was far too frequently.
“I can’t imagine where this boat’s taking us next,” she finally said. “Because what you saw back there is the darkest part of me. The cold hard truth.”
“While it might be dark, I doubt it is the truest part of you, Ava.” He urged her to join him at the bow. To try to find relief in the cool wind and freedom of sailing on a ship like this. Though tempted to ask her more about herself, she was too emotionally raw right now. So he focused on the sea and how it had soothed him in the past. “I always loved sailing but never understood the escapism it could offer until a few years back.”
Her eyes might be trained on the ocean, but he sensed she was grateful he had redirected the conversation to himself.
“What did you need to escape from?” She blinked, then shook her head. “I’m sorry.” Her eyes cut to his. “It could have only been the death of Rokar’s son, Bjárr. That had to have been incredibly difficult for all of you.”
“It was,” he said softly. “Not just because of losing him but for the thought that it could have been my own son. I couldn't imagine the grief.”
He knew his son had not met Ava yet, but when silence fell, he realized that no one had even told her about him.
“Your sisters didn't tell you I had a son,” he murmured when her eyes flickered to him in quickly masked surprise.
“No, and I was kept tucked away when I was at the Fortress, so that eliminated the possibility of being introduced,” she said. “Tiernan thought it was best to keep me off the radar as much as possible until we knew what was going on with Skáld.”
“That was wise.” Soren was strangely content that he was the first one to tell her about his offspring. That he would be there when they first met. “As to my son, his name is Thorulf, and he’s seven winter’s old.”
She caught him off guard when a small smile chased away some of the shadows on her face. “That’s wonderful, Soren. If I’d chosen a different life path, I would’ve eventually liked to have had children.” She shook her head. “Unfortunately, I had no time for men never mind kids.”
Before he could ask her about that, she prompted him along. “Tell me about Thorulf.”
“He’s very spirited.” He couldn’t help but smile. “He’s had his own mind since the moment he could walk, more so the moment he could fly.” He chuckled. “He tends to look for battles where there are none, but it keeps him entertained.”
A small smile remained on her face as she watched him. “I look forward to meeting him.”
“I’m sure he will like you very much.” He cocked his head. “So you like children?”
“I do,” she confessed. “Not that I’ve been around them much.”
He knew by the flicker of sadness in her eyes that she reflected on what had happened to her sister Tess but looked forward to better things on the horizon. Children had been lost, but thanks to the prophecy were being found again.
“So what should I expect when I meet Thorulf?” she asked. “What does he know about this war? Of those of us from the future?”
“He knows all of it,” he replied. “He is dragon and too connected not to understand what is happening.” He shook his head. “Even if he were not, I would want him to know everything. The threat to his tribe and people, so that he might be prepared.”
“So no coddling,” she said.
“Coddling?” He frowned and shook his head again. “That is not the Sigdir way, nor is it Viking.”
“Right.” She winked. “So an axe in hand as a toddler, then?”
“Close,” he replied, surprising her again. “At least for Viking dragons. They learn weaponry early on. First walking, then flying then fighting.”
“Quite the upbringing,” she said softly.
“It is a different era,” he reminded. “Though we have been at peace for a long time, it is best to raise our children in preparation of inevitable change. For skirmishes and war.”
“I understand.” She had evidently done her research when it came to the Sigdirs. Likely from Tiernan if he were to guess. “Hopefully this war will remain off native soil though.”
“That is my greatest hope.” Though the prophecy had, in fact, caused
its fair share of skirmishes on Midgard already. “Which means we need to get to our dragon’s home world.”
“Agreed,” she said. “Though I don’t think Tiernan was wrong about us going to Níðhöggr’s Realm and Skáld’s Domain first.”
“We have been to the Great Serpent’s Realm,” he reminded.
“We have,” she concurred. “In a time flux, though, not in real time. I have a feeling there’s more there for us. Something crucial.”
He nodded, in agreement, curious as to what that may be. They were already covering ground their kin had within the Realm. Glimpses into one another’s pasts designed to draw them closer. The only difference was that for their kin, it was flashbacks or seeing through one another’s mind’s eye. Not to mention, it didn’t happen so quickly but seemed to ease them into it.
Tempered curiosity edged Ava’s voice, drawing him from his thoughts.
“What about Thorulf’s mother? Will I meet her too?” Forthright, she tilted her head ever-so-slightly as she considered him. “And what should I expect when I do? Are you still together? If so it’s okay. I never meant to—”
“No,” he replied a little too fast. “Agatha and I divorced some time ago.”
“Divorced?” she mouthed before she looked to the ocean and gave that some thought. Her gaze eventually returned to him. “How does Thorulf feel about you two being divorced?”
“He is fine with it,” he said. “But then he was young when it happened.” He cleared his throat. “Agatha and I remain friends, and that is what Thorulf is accustomed to. Only peace between his parents.”
Her sharp eyes assessed him in a way he wasn’t used to. He had wondered what his mate would be like but never expected such blatant intelligence. A way with astute observation. An especially sharp mind.
More than that, someone so straightforward.
“What aren’t you telling me?” she said softly. “Because based on what I see ahead of this ship, this time around our dragons are about to show us a bit of your life.”
He looked to the shore. The Sigdir Fortress loomed on the horizon, and judging by the number of people about, she was right. This was before the war when they didn’t host Uncle Bjorn’s kingdom or the seers who were currently bereft of their home, Mt. Galdhøpiggen.
“There is little to tell,” he lied, knowing full well there were things worth sharing.
Ava’s knowing eyes lingered on him before she looked to the shore. “I’m sure you’re right. I imagine our dragons merely want to give me a glimpse of your past before I meet your family in person.” She nodded. “Makes sense.”
He sighed and ground his jaw, hearing her thoughts clear as day. She was supposed to be honest, but the same rules clearly didn’t apply to him. Before he could confess she was right, there were things to share, they weren’t standing on the ship anymore but outside his lodge in the Fortress.
Snow fell softly and the eve had grown quiet.
Until Agatha stepped out.
She plunked a satchel down in front of their lodge and called out, “I officially demand a divorce based on my husband lying with another woman!”
Chapter Seven
RECOGNIZING A ‘DOMESTIC’ altercation when she saw one, Ava glanced from Soren who had crossed his arms over his chest and sighed then to Agatha who crossed her arms over her chest as well before repeating, “I officially demand a divorce based on my husband lying with another woman!”
Blonde and beautiful, Agatha appeared ready to strangle someone. Her cheeks were afire against her white blonde hair, and her blue eyes were seething.
“This is not what it looks like,” Soren said.
The past ‘him’ strode out of the lodge after his wife, his voice calm and collected at odds with the fury in his eyes. “Do not do this, wife.” He pointed at the door. “Go back inside so that we might talk.”
“Talk?” She snorted and shook her head. “We have done enough of that. It is time for me to move on.”
“So you have said for years now,” he growled. “Yet here you stand, repeating the same thing you have said many times before.”
Ava glanced at Soren in surprise, beginning to suspect why her dragon, if nothing else, might be showing her this.
“It is not what you think,” he said softly, shaking his head.
“I think maybe it is,” she said just as softly as the squabble continued.
“I am done with this,” Agatha declared, her fists clenched and her eyes narrowed. She went nose to nose with him as much as she could considering their vast height difference. “I am done waiting for the day when you leave me.”
“Why when the day you left me came years ago,” he bit back, pointing at the door again. “Now get inside out of the cold, and we will argue about this as we always do.”
“Back in your bed, then!” she spat. “Where you always lure me in the end, dragon.”
Both his younger version and the one beside Ava shook his head and sighed.
His younger version spoke sharply. “If you remained in my bed, yes, that is right where you should be, woman!”
“I am in your bed when it suits you!” She backed away. “Only the gods know what you do meanwhile.” Her eyes narrowed. “Because even if you are faithful, it is only a matter of time!”
“That does not give you the right to do as you have.” Pain flashed in his eyes. “When I love you and only you!”
“So you say!” She shook her head and kept backing away. “But what happens when she comes? When you set me aside?”
“As you did me years ago,” he roared, “yet I kept you!”
“Kept me?” Agatha balked then spun on her heel and started walking. “No man keeps me!”
Before she could get too far, he flung her over his shoulder, muttering the whole time under his breath before they vanished inside.
When Ava went to follow, Soren caught her elbow and shook his head. “What happens next is not something for you to see.”
She glanced from the lodge back to him, understanding his implication. He and Agatha had ended up in bed. Someplace she suspected they ended up often enough. Though her inner dragon roared up in jealousy so strong it physically hurt, she kept a smooth expression and prayed her voice remained level. That she sounded unaffected.
“Did that happen often,” she stated when she couldn’t manage any other words. “Does it still happen despite your divorce?”
When uncertainty flashed in his eyes, and he clearly wondered if he should tell her, she clenched her teeth and inhaled deeply. She phrased her question another way, determined to skip the bullshit and get to the heart of the matter. Because simply put, they needed to get around their obstacles to save the world.
Or so she assumed.
“Are you still in love with Agatha, Soren?” she said.
While it would suck if he were, she had no right to get mad at him over it. He hadn’t asked to be thrown into this situation any more than she had.
“No.” He shook his head. “I am not in love with her.”
The way he said it made her take notice. “But you do love her?”
“As a friend, yes,” he admitted then went on as if he needed to explain himself when he didn’t. “We have been friends since we were children, and she is the mother of my child.”
Friends since childhood? Well, that was certainly worth noting. As was the obvious chemistry between them during that last argument. Her muscles stiffened as her dragon once again tried to roar to the surface, but she forced it down. He had a right to a past. The right to love.
Dragon mates or not, he owed Ava nothing.
“Agatha and I should have remained friends,” he said softly.
“I don’t know.” She wanted to get everything she had sensed out in the open. “With chemistry like that, I think what you two share was well worth exploring beyond friendship.”
“Shared,” he corrected. “Shared then...and it was worth exploring,” he admitted. “Then, it was not.” He seemed
to search for the right words as he led her back through the village, between endless lodges with roofs slanted almost to the ground. “From the moment we decided to take our relationship further, she feared that I might have a destined mate. That someday she would be set aside.”
“Ah,” she murmured, frowning. “But I heard dragons in your tribe had fated mates who were human.” She looked at him. “Some were even women from the future like me. Who had lived in the chalet in Maine.”
“And I reminded her of that,” he said. “She knew my grandmother Veronica was human.” He shook his head. “But it never made a difference.” Pain flashed in his eyes. “I think because deep down, she knew we were not fated mates. Not the way my grandparents were. We never shared as deep a connection...how could we have when she turned from me so easily?”
She felt his pain as if it were her own. A deep hurt that he had mostly healed from, but left him not hostile toward women but wary enough.
“She cheated on you then?” she said softly.
“That is one way to look at it.”
“What’s another way?”
“She simply drifted back to the man she always should have been with.”
“And who is that?”
“A villager she had long been friends with,” he replied. “A good man.”
Though she saw one picture a few minutes ago, now, based on the easy way he spoke, she saw another. “You don’t seem too broken up about it. Are they together now?”
“They are,” he confirmed, then hesitated as though not sure how to proceed.
Intrigued, she stopped and looked at him. “So they’re together now, yet I sense a ‘but’ in there.”
“They share a more open relationship.”
Shit, what had she walked into? “And that means?”
Soren eyed her, clearly sensing her discomfort and confusion.
Viking's Crusade (Viking Ancestors: Rise of the Dragon, #6) Page 4