“Shadow,” Lola touches his shoulder grabbing his attention. “We have some leftover wine, want to come to our tent tonight and hang out?”
He almost says yes. He wants to have a careless night, but his father has been keeping him busy and stressed. Shadow could also use tonight to try and catch up on some much needed sleep—or at least try to.
“I don’t know, Lola,” he sighs picking at his food now.
“What’s the matter? You seem distracted,” Pepper frowns.
“I’m okay. Tired,” he admits.
“I told you you aren’t getting enough sleep,” Lola nags with her hands on her hips.
“I have a potion for that,” Solana suggests.
“You have a potion for everything,” Shadow mutters. “Fine. I’ll come by your booth later to grab one.”
They leave him after they finish eating. Shadow stays waiting until he’s the only one there, wanting the peace the empty dining hall provides. Shadow knows just how loud someone’s presence can be even without them talking. The fidgeting, moving, being, and existing. He wants nothing. His brain too overstimulated from these past few days. He just wants to be alone with nothing but his shadows acting as his only company.
His shadows wrap around and comfort him. Ever since he was a little boy he hated being completely alone. When his sister was born shortly after his fourth birthday he gained a companion for life until life got in the way.
His shadows are always there to be his friend in the darkness. Sometimes he has trouble clearing his mind, thoughts of things he’s done that he is not proud of plague him. He has longed for a shut off button, to just have some peace amid the chaos in his brain. Not even his dreams are safe, night after night provides him with nightmares that cause him to wake up screaming and sweating.
His conscience is his worst enemy. Torn between doing the right thing for the kingdom or the right thing for him. The heavy burden he feels for the promise he’s still keeping for his sister. At Cirvka he plays the role of the good guy but he’s far from it. His conscience constantly reminds him that he is lying. Everyday he is lying to those who trust him—who go out of their way to make him feel wanted. The same people who call him a friend and invite him to drink wine they stole from the dining tent. His conscience is congested with guilt. Swarming with scenarios of what will happen when the truth is let out. They will hate him and he knows this. He wishes that none of it has to be this way, but life never asked him what he wants. Life has other plans.
* * *
Rowan is training with Madame Tallulah. She has been all day since the morning after she gained her powers. She wants to know everything, wants to know every trick, and every way to control the fire burning within. Madame Tallulah with all her wisdom, tries her best to help Rowan learn more about her past and what she can do to better herself for the future. No one can help her, not like her father could if he were alive. She is the only Dakra known who carries the ability to wield fire.
The only thing helpful Madame Tallulah has in the cluttered booth is an old journal from King Bren explaining hidden truths about the beautiful art of the flame. Rowan almost tears up looking at her father’s handwriting. She spent most of her life hearing lies and hating the male she knew as The Sorching King. She feels guilty for ever thinking such horrible things about the male who sired her. She had allowed the Shevka tutors to fill her with lies of the low bloods. Her entire life she was taught Dakra magic was destructive but that can’t be any further from the truth.
“The more you practice the better you will get at controlling it,” Madame Tallulah comments.
Rowan has been starting with the basics. Making the flame grow and then making the flame extinguish. She is getting better at molding the flame into her vision. Earlier she started learning how to switch the flame from one hand to the other. Mastering the fire at the end of her hair has been complicating as well. She tries making the flame stay at just the tips of her hair and then grow up to her roots. Every move is meticulous and precise and the more she tries to gain control of her new power, the closer she will be to perfecting its technique and the strength that comes along with this powerful form of magic.
She had missed breakfast and lunch and is about to miss dinner as well, but Pepper stops by with a tray for her to eat. She is grateful for her friends that have been supportive of her new ability and understanding of how hard she has been working with Madame Tallulah.
The sun is setting by the time Madame Tallulah calls an end to training saying she is exhausted and Rowan nods her head feeling the same. Her muscles are sore and eyes heavy with the need for sleep. They agree on continuing tomorrow morning and she is already looking forward to their next session. There is a certain skip in her step as she walks toward her tent. She’s eager to talk about the progress she made with Madame Tallulah, but she is sidetracked when she catches Shadow walking through the maze of booths.
When did he return? Rowan wonders.
“Shadow!” She calls after him. He doesn’t turn around. She calls his name. Nothing.
Is he ignoring her on purpose?
Rowan watches him walk until he is no longer in sight. She tries to shake the encounter and returns to her tent much too eager and excited to show her friends what she’s capable of—no matter how small the progress.
They clap and congratulate her, commenting on how far she’s come. First, she was terrified of burning someone by accident, but the feeling she gets in her body when she conjures her flame makes her feel like this is what she was always born to do.
Her purpose.
A purpose she has been looking for for a long time.
“Did you know Shadow is back?” Rowan asks them.
“Yeah,” Lola clears her throat. “We saw him at breakfast.”
“And lunch and dinner but you seemed to have missed every single meal today,” Solana adds.
“I saw him walking around the booths.”
“He just picked up a potion from my booth,” Solana states.
“A potion for what?”
“For sleeping.”
Rowan feels relieved at that. She thought the tonic could be for pain, worried that he might have been hurt again. “I called his name and he ignored me.”
“Maybe he didn’t hear you,” Lola frowns.
“Although he didn’t even ask about her at meal time,” Solana utters and Pepper elbows her in the ribs. “What?”
“Why would you say that?” Lola hisses.
Solana takes one look at Rowan’s face and apologizes. Rowan then realizes her facial expression is a mixture between sad and disappointed. “Why would I care if he asked about me or not?”
“Mainly because every day he was gone you made a comment that he still wasn’t back yet,” Solana points out and Rowan opens her mouth to argue back.
She didn’t do that? Did she?
She did.
“It’s okay,” Lola dismisses. “He looked really tired. He only sat and ate his food. We asked him if he wanted to come to our tent tonight to hang out, but he was so tired he said no. You probably caught him on his way to go to sleep.”
“Yeah, I’m sure that was it,” Pepper nods in agreement.
“It doesn’t matter,” Rowan waves it off. She tries to ignore the wrenching feeling in her stomach but it only persists.
“I know what will make you feel better,” Solana pulls out the half empty bottle of wine and shakes it around.
“Stop shaking and give it here,” Rowan snatches the bottle and takes a large swig.
“I heard alcohol only ignites fire, let’s see what happens,” Solana smirks.
“Let’s not. I’d rather not have our tent burned down,” Pepper scolds and takes the bottle for herself.
* * *
Rowan’s training session ends just in time to make it to breakfast. She got up early this morning to practice for a few hours—every minute is valuable training time.
She feels nervous as she makes her way to the tent ha
lf expecting Shadow to already be sitting there by himself. He’s not. Only Pepper, Solana, Lola, and Lottie are sitting at the table.
She grabs a tray of toast and sits down in her usual seat between Pepper and Solana. She badly wants to ask where Shadow is but after last night, she doesn’t say anything.
Just like he didn’t.
A few bites into her toast she loses her appetite and storms out of the dining tent. She heads toward the headquarters building where she knows his bedroom is. If she can’t find a way in she can always make Knot open his window, sneak her in, and find her way to his room across the corridor.
As she formulates the plan in her head, it quickly falls apart. Shadow isn’t in his room. He is walking past the dining tent, hands cooly in his pocket.
Was skipping breakfast another way to avoid her?
His eyes catch hers and her heart skips a beat. He stops in his track and stares at her for a few seconds. He looks shocked almost as if he didn’t mean to run into her. She is fuming and her hands start to light up with her fire. “Why did you ignore me?”
Shadow presses his eyebrows together in confusion. Rowan has been upset that he left without a word and upset that he made her worry about him. She looks down at the ground feeling vulnerable with how angry he made her when he ignored her yesterday. She starts to play with her fire making it bigger and brighter and then extinguishing it. Repeat. Still Shadow doesn’t say anything. He’s not surprised.
Her emotions feel intensified as her hands curl into a fist and her breathing becomes heavy. Rowan rarely gets angry, but what should feel like a minor annoyance feels like a major betrayal. She sees red while looking at him. The fire now engulfs her hair, her entire scalp burning and sticking up with the rising flame. “Where were you?” Her emotion which she has always kept tucked away is now in an uncontrollable inferno.
This is what Madame Tallulah was talking about. The most unpredictable times will be when she is angry or upset, the magnitude of the emotions is when the flame will have a mind of its own. Rowan begins feeling more overwhelmed from lack of control. Her flames grow and she feels as though she is going to combust. Her emotions only heighten as she starts screaming and questioning Shadow in a way she never would before her powers were unleashed.
She’s uncontrollable. The feelings inside her are so loud. “Where have you been?”
“Roe, you need to calm down,” Shadow’s voice sounds muffled.
“I can’t,” she shakes her head hoping the movement will stop him from seeing the tears in her eyes.
“Roe, you’re making yourself upset. Just breathe,” he reaches out to touch her shoulder but yanks his hand back burning himself on her as her flame kisses his palm.
“What do you know?” She says bitterly. “You weren’t here. You weren’t here when we all found out. I’m The Lost Heir. The Lost Heir,” she is beginning to sound hysterical. “This is all too much. I was never meant to rule. I escaped to be free but how can I be free with a life fated to save this kingdom?” She asks.
Shadow still looks confused. He stares at her lips. He opens his mouth but still doesn’t say anything.
“Tell me everything is going to be okay?” She asks faintly. Her body is on the verge of passing out. She’s hit a threshold of her powers and now her energy is depleting from its high. Her flames are still engulfing her making it hard to see, hear, and breath.
He doesn’t answer. She wishes he would say something. She wants more than anything to hear his wisdom. His reassuring voice.
But there’s no reassuring.
She rushes off to Madame Tallulah who is waiting in the threshold of her booth with a heavy dark blanket that she wraps around her. The blanket seems to suppress her flames as well as calm her down. Rowan has tears in her eyes and her hands are shaking from the events.
“You cannot let your emotions get the better of you,” Madame Tallulah advises.
“What was that?” Sure, she was upset that Shadow didn’t inquire about her and was upset that he seemed as if he were ignoring her. Maybe just for a moment she felt as though he didn’t care enough to ask or that he doesn’t care about her in general. But she couldn’t have been that upset. Her emotions felt too much to handle and her flames had a mind of their own.
“Harboring the flame means you are spontaneous, fiery, and your emotions rule you. This is why it is important to learn control and learn to keep your feelings unbothered and indifferent. You cannot let them overrule you. You will feel things much more intense than you did before. It will be an adjustment, but in time you will learn to control them.”
“How? How can I learn to control that?” Rowan can’t hide the hopelessness in her voice.
“It may seem impossible now but—”
Rowan interrupts Madame Tallulah, “I felt like I was going to pass out. It was taking over me. Could I...could I have died from that?” The blanket is still hanging on her shoulders as she paces the booth running her hands through her hair. She is terrified at the thought of losing control again.
“That won’t happen,” Madame Tallulah shakes her head.
“But can it!?” Rowan shouts.
“Rowan, my dear,” she takes her hands squeezing gently and comfortingly. “Your father was a hot-tempered male. There were many times he was so angry that he burnt down parts of the castle by accident. Do you know what he did when he was that upset?” Rowan shakes her head. “He thought of your mother and how happy she made him. The good emotions will always outweigh the bad. All it took was the reminder of what he loved the most to calm him down. It made him realize that whatever he was so out of his mind upset about didn’t matter.” Rowan is silent. “Because as long as King Bren had his wife, life was perfect and that made everything else...unimportant.”
“That’s all it took?”
“Find what makes you happy. Find what makes you so unbelievably happy that nothing else in the land matters but the way you feel when experiencing that happiness.”
* * *
CHAPTER TEN
Shadow didn’t know what happened.
It happened so fast that he couldn’t make out what was going on or what was upsetting Roe. She was hysterical and then she just ran off. It wasn’t hard to notice while he was away she unlocked her powers. No doubt she found Madame Tallulah who gave her the passphrase. He figures she went to one of three places; her tent, Lola’s booth, or Madame Tallulah’s.
He decides not to run after her. He needs to take time to wrap his head around the situation and doesn’t want to risk upsetting Roe again. When she’s like that, he can’t understand her and although she doesn’t understand that, it is precisely the reason why she got mad.
Shadow waits until dinner hoping she will be there. But when he arrives, she isn’t. He wonders if her absence is because she’s avoiding him. He takes his normal seat at the table, her tent-mates all look pissed off. It doesn’t take him long to realize they’re all pissed at him.
“What did you do to her?” Lola pokes her index finger at his chest.
He grabs her finger pulling it away from him. “I didn’t do anything.”
“She is completely catatonic in our tent. She is sulking and hiding under her covers!”
“And why do you think I have anything to do with it?” He argues.
“Because since you ignored her yesterday and didn’t care about her whereabouts at meals, she feels like you don’t care.”
Shadow blinks. “I didn’t ignore her yesterday. I didn’t even see her.”
“Oh please, she said she shouted your name and you just continued walking away.”
He gulps. “So that is what this is about? She thinks I’ve been ignoring her?”
“And avoiding her,” Pepper chimes in. “She was excited to see you at breakfast because well, you have been missing for days, and you didn’t show up.”
“She said this to you?” Shadow asks in a low voice.
“Well not verbally, but we can tell.”
; Shadow stands up and leaves the dining tent. He has to make things right, even if this means telling her his biggest weakness. Shadow ignores conversations all the time, but it’s not on purpose. He’s never cared what others think of him, but for some reason the thought of Roe thinking he’s been ignoring her doesn’t sit right with him.
When he enters their tent, he sees the females weren’t lying about the state Roe is in. She is laying on her mattress with a blanket over her head. He worries she might be sleeping, but it doesn’t stop him from crouching down and peeling back the blanket. She’s staring up at him with wide red eyes. The whites of her eyes are almost as red as her irises which tells him she’s been crying.
“What do you want?” Roe gives him an aloof look.
“I think I have some explaining to do,” he sighs and sits on the edge of her mattress. Roe sits up and rubs her eyes with her fists.
“Okay,” she turns her head away from him.
He grabs her chin and forces her to look at him. “First, I want you to tell me why you were so upset.”
“Does it matter? I’m over it. I thought long and hard and realized ever since I’ve arrived here, we have done nothing but try to be your friend and keep you company at meals and talk to you. But why should we bother when you clearly don’t care? You don’t care enough to tell us that you will be missing for a few days and you certainly don’t care if one of us goes missing.”
“And you’re upset that I ignored you?”
“I should have known. I was stupid to call your name yesterday. I thought maybe we could talk but…” she jerks her head out of his grip and turns away saying something he can’t make out. She turns back and tears brim in her eyes. “I think of you as a friend and it hurts because you don’t want to be mine. You’re off the hook, Shadow, we don’t have to be friends.”
“You think that is what I want?”
“Why else ignore me? Why else ignore my friends when they asked you yesterday at breakfast, lunch, and dinner, if you wanted to know where I was?”
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