“I try. Good luck.”
I knew talking to her first was a good idea. I dial Vivien, feeling a bit more confident.
“Hey girl,” she answers.
“Hey, I’ve got some news to share.”
“Good news or bad news?” Vivien always likes to mentally prepare.
“Good.” I hope she agrees.
“What’s going on?”
“The condensed version is, Luke showed up at my work and we talked. He convinced me to join him in San Francisco for the weekend. I admit the weekend was up and down, but in the end we decided to try dating again.”
Vivien doesn’t say anything.
Her silence makes me uncomfortable. I want to ease her concern. “I wouldn’t get involved with him again if I didn’t think he was different.”
She sighs. “When you said good news, this wasn’t at all what I was expecting. You sound happy, so I’m happy for you.”
“You sound ecstatic,” I say sarcastically.
“Sorry. You know I’m a worrier. I don’t want to see you get hurt again.” My heart aches. I sometimes forget that my divorce didn’t just affect me. It caused those who love me to worry and hurt too.
“I know, and that’s why I love you. I’m going into this thing with Luke with caution.”
“I’m sure you are.”
I can’t think of anything to say right now to ease her mind, so I change the subject. “Did you hear about Emily’s date?”
We talk for a few more minutes before Vivien has to go. I feel good about ending our conversation on a lighter note. I ready myself to make the most difficult call. I dial her house phone instead of her cell, half hoping she isn’t home.
My mom answers after the second ring. “Hello?”
“Hi, Mom.” I don’t want my nervousness to alarm her, so I try to sound as normal as possible.
“Hey, honey.”
“Are you busy? Do you have a minute?”
“I’m cleaning out the fridge. Talking with you will be a good distraction.”
“I went to San Francisco this weekend.”
“That’s great. Wait, you didn’t tell me you were going away.”
“It was kind of a last-minute trip.” I cringe, knowing I’m stalling.
“How fun. With Emily?”
“Not with Emily.” I twist my mouth.
“Vivien?” I can hear the apprehension in her voice.
“Not Vivien either.”
My mother sighs. “Luke.” It’s not a question.
“Yeah, with Luke.”
“How did it go?” she asks cautiously.
“Honestly, it was up and down, but we cleared up a lot.”
“Well, that’s good.”
“There’s more.”
“Oh, I’m sure there is.”
“We decided to try dating again.” My mother is silent long enough to make me uncomfortable. “Mom, are you going to say anything?”
“Jessica, you’re an adult and can do what you want. You don’t need my permission.” Her voice is gentle.
“I’m not asking for your permission, but I thought you may have some feelings to share.”
“It doesn’t matter what I think. It matters what you think.”
“Mom,” I complain.
“Jessica.” My mom mimics my tone.
“Don’t do that. I didn’t jump into this easily, and I could use some support.”
“You know I always support you.”
“Mom, I’m serious.” I pause before asking a question I’m dreading her answer to. “You think I’m making a mistake, don’t you?”
“Ugh…” She sighs again. “I’ve seen you at your best and your worst. I’ve seen you go through immense joy and awful heartbreak.”
“This year has been difficult for everyone.”
“I’m not talking about this year. I’m talking about with Luke.”
“Oh,” I whisper.
“I always liked Luke. He brought out some great qualities in you and made you shine even brighter. Relationships like that are rare. I also remember how crushed you were when he left.”
“That was a long time ago. I can accept that he was young and immature.”
“It was, and he was.”
“And I got over it. I married Grant and had Amelia…”
“Yes, and you’ve had a good life. But you and I both know you never had the feelings for Grant that you had for Luke.”
I frown even though she can’t see me.
“I’m not saying you didn’t love Grant, but you know I’m right. It was never quite the same.”
“I don’t think it’s fair to compare the two.”
“Maybe not. Anyway, I liked Luke. I liked the way you used to light up when you were with him. I liked that he got you to open up and try new things, all while encouraging you to be you. I have no idea what type of man he has grown up to be, but if he still affects you the way he used to, well, I don’t imagine you could stay away from him even if you tried. I’m only worried about what happens if it doesn’t work out.”
“Me too,” I admit.
“I’m not going to tell you to be careful, because that wouldn’t be very good advice. So…have fun.”
“That’s your advice. Have fun?” I can’t help but giggle.
“Yep. I love you, but sometimes you think the fun out of things.”
“I’ll try,” I promise her.
“And tell Luke, if he pulls any bullshit antics this time, I will track him down.”
I laugh again. “I’ll give him your scary warning. Mom, I’m worried about something else.”
“What’s that?”
“What about Amelia? I feel guilty enough about her not living with both Grant and myself.”
“And?”
“Well, I mean, introducing another man into her life…I don’t want to upset her any more than I already have.”
“Oh, sweetie. You worry too much. Amelia will be fine. Besides, I’m guessing you don’t have any immediate plans to introduce her to Luke anyway.”
“No, not yet.”
“I’m going to ask you to do yourself a favor.”
“What?”
“Take everything one step at a time. Worry about one stage at a time. You’ll find things have a way of falling into place when it’s meant to be.”
I agree with her, but it’s easier said than done. “I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t like to be caught off guard.”
“Life is like that, always full of surprises. I can’t make you not worry about things. I never have been able to. I simply want to caution you to not waste your life worrying about the maybes of tomorrow. Enjoy the realities of today.”
“Wow, you’ve definitely been talking to your sister more, haven’t you?” I laugh.
She laughs too. I’ve always loved her laugh. It is everything a mom laugh should be, full of love and life. “She is one of the happiest people I know, so maybe she’s not so crazy after all.”
“Thanks, Mom. I love you.” I do feel better after talking to her.
“I love you too, sweetie. Keep me posted.”
“I will. Bye.”
“Bye.”
Grant brings Amelia home a few minutes after I hang up with my mom. Amelia and I spend the evening catching up and getting ready for the week. After I put her to bed, I watch the news. I try to follow my mom’s advice and not worry about the concerns that remain.
The week goes by quickly. I still haven’t told anyone at work about Luke by the time Friday rolls around. I feel guilty not telling Linda. She can sense something is off, but she doesn’t pry after I assure her there is nothing to be concerned about.
I spend the weekend with Amelia and my mom. I missed them both last weekend, and the f
amily time reenergizes me. I sneak in a couple of late-night phone calls with Luke after Amelia is asleep.
Butterflies swirl in my stomach Monday morning. I need to tell people at work about Luke and me.
“Good morning.” Linda sounds extra chipper this morning when I enter the office.
“Good morning. Sounds like you had a good weekend.”
“I did. My daughter got engaged.” Linda is beaming.
“Oh Linda. That’s wonderful news. I know you’ve always liked her boyfriend.”
“Yeah. He’s a good guy. They’re a good match. He asked us last month for our blessing. It’s been hard to keep such a big secret.”
Her innocent comment makes me feel guilty. “Did they set a date?” I ask.
“No, but they are thinking sometime next summer.”
“How exciting. If she has any interest in getting married here, I’m sure Mrs. Bianchi would give her a good deal.”
“I’ll mention it to her. All she said is that she wants it to be outdoors. I hope she doesn’t plan on incorporating all her animals.” We both laugh. “How was your weekend?”
“It was good. Not as eventful as yours though. I took Amelia to the apple farms up in Oak Glen.”
“I’ve never made it up there. How was it?” she asks.
“It was good. Apple cider, apple doughnuts, apple pie…lots of apples. After making a cobbler with the fruit we picked, I don’t think I’ll be eating anything apple for a while.”
Linda laughs. “I don’t blame you. How do you feel about blueberries? I brought muffins.”
“I think my relationship with blueberries is in good standing. Speaking of relationships—”
Linda’s phone rings, and she holds up a finger. “Hold that thought. Good morning, Mrs. Bianchi…Yes, I have the papers right here. I can bring them to you now if you’d like…Great. I’ll be right there…Sure. I will tell her…Bye.” Linda hangs up and says, “Mrs. Bianchi would like to meet with you around eleven to go over the new cost of sales numbers.”
“Got it. I better go review them one last time.” I’ll tell Linda later about Luke.
The rest of the day flies by. I’m surprised when Linda says goodbye at five o’clock. I cringe that I’ve let another day pass without telling her or anyone about Luke. I need to before he returns.
I make it into work the next morning a little late due to Amelia forgetting her lunch on the kitchen counter. She protested so much when I told her to buy lunch I decided it wasn’t a battle worth fighting. I drove back home to retrieve her bag and had to walk it into the school office when I returned with it.
I hate being late. By the time I’m finally seated at my desk, I’m unsettled. I have a missed phone call from Mrs. Bianchi. I dial her extension immediately.
“Good morning. Sorry I missed your call. What can I do for you?”
“Good morning. Were you able to make the adjustments we discussed yesterday?”
“I did. Would you like to see the updated numbers?”
“I would. Are you available around eleven?”
“I can be.” I will need to move a meeting I have scheduled with Ryan, but that shouldn’t be a problem.
“I have brainstorming sessions scheduled with the marketing and sales departments in the afternoon, so if you can, that would be great.”
“Not a problem. I’ll see you at eleven.”
“Great.” She hangs up.
I email Ryan, and he responds that rescheduling for this afternoon is fine. A little before eleven, I grab a cup of tea from the kitchen and head to Mrs. Bianchi’s office. We review the new numbers and are both pleased with the results. We’re finishing up when her cell chimes, indicating she has an incoming call.
“Hello Aaron…Yes, we’re still on for lunch today. Hey, I’m sitting here with Jessica. Do you mind if I invite her to come along?” Mrs. Bianchi pauses to listen. “Sounds good…I will.”
“I know it’s short notice, but can you join us for lunch today?” Mrs. Bianchi asks after ending her call.
I doubt Aaron will say anything about Luke and me. He’s very professional, and I can’t picture him bringing it up if I don’t.
“Sure.”
“He wants to meet at another winery to scope out the competition. Ryan is also coming along.”
Ryan has been acting weird toward me ever since the investor dinner. We agreed to be friends, but his behavior over the past week has led me to believe otherwise. He hasn’t done anything inappropriate, but a woman can sense these things. The little looks he gives me, him coming by my office when a simple email would suffice, the way he seems to be searching for reasons to interact with me. Our meeting today was his idea, and I’m not sure it’s completely necessary. My warning alarms are ringing.
Mrs. Bianchi pulls her keys from a desk drawer and stands. “Oh, Luke just flew back into town, so he’s joining us too.”
And just like that, I panic.
Chapter 14
Mrs. Bianchi and Ryan talk the entire way to lunch. I have no idea what they’re discussing though because all I can think about is how to tell them I’m dating the investor we’re meeting for lunch. I’m mad at myself for not saying anything last week, when I could have found a way to bring it up naturally. I think about texting Luke, but Ryan keeps looking back at me intently, like he’s trying to figure something out. Better to not draw any additional attention to myself by frantically typing out a message to Luke. Besides what would I say to him? He was very clear that he didn’t want our relationship to be a secret at work. The fact that I’ve had over a week to tell everyone and haven’t isn’t going to go over well with him. This is a conversation that should happen in person.
We arrive at the winery before Luke and Aaron. Mrs. Bianchi lets the hostess know there will be five of us dining today, and she quickly shows us to a table near the back of the restaurant. We take our seats. I’m about to blurt out something along the lines of “I’m dating Luke,” when the waitress arrives and asks for our drink order. Mrs. Bianchi orders a bottle of pinot grigio and a bottle of sangiovese. After the waitress leaves, I’m about to force the words out when Mrs. Bianchi rises.
“Aaron, Luke, over here.” She waves them over enthusiastically.
Luke beams when he sees me. I smile back, but as he approaches, panic returns. I stick out my hand when he is still several steps away from the table.
“So nice to see you both again.” My voice comes out in a pitch higher than normal.
Luke stares at my outstretched hand. The look of terror on my face tells him all he needs to know. His demeanor changes in an instant. His handshake is firm, and the expression in his eyes tells me how much he dislikes the position I’ve put him in.
Aaron glances between Luke and me. “Hello, Jessica.”
We sit, and I bury my face in a menu.
To say that lunch is uncomfortable is an understatement. Luke avoids all conversation or eye contact with me. I do notice he runs his hands through his hair several times, a sure sign that he’s frustrated.
I try to eat the salad I ordered, but my stomach indicates it is going to reject anything I try to put in it in a violent way. I sip my ice water instead. The rest of the table is finishing up their lunches when I excuse myself to the restroom.
I can’t splash water on my face because of my makeup, so I have to settle for some deep breaths and a cool paper towel on the back of my neck. I send Luke a text saying I’m sorry and that I promise to fix everything.
When I return to the table, they are still engaged in a conversation about the winemaking process. It’s subtle, and the others don’t notice, but Luke’s mood has shifted. He was tense and uncomfortable before, but now he’s angry. The waitress returns to see if anyone would like dessert or coffee. Thankfully everyone declines. Luke still won’t look at me, and he keeps his attention on the others
.
Aaron asks Mrs. Bianchi a question about sales, and Ryan uses the break to lean over to me.
“Are you all right?” he whispers.
“Yeah,” I mutter. I look at Luke. He is stretching his neck.
Ryan pats my arm before reengaging in the conversation. Luke glares at me for a split second, then replaces the expression with one more appropriate for a business lunch.
After several excruciating minutes, the waitress returns with the bill.
“I got it this time.” Luke smiles at Mrs. Bianchi. The smile he gives her is genuine, but he has to unclench his hand to pick it up. This is bad.
Luke pays in cash, so we don’t have to wait for the waitress to return. We walk to the parking lot together, where we say our goodbyes. Luke shakes Mrs. Bianchi’s hand first. They laugh and promise to grab a drink next time he is in town. He shakes Ryan’s hand next. Ryan flinches slightly, indicating Luke has used a little extra strength.
I extend my hand to him once again. I can’t stop it from shaking. He shakes it and says goodbye, his face and voice devoid of emotion. He walks away without any indication of wanting to talk to me. He ignores the texts I send to him during the car ride back to the winery, and I fight back tears.
Back at the winery, I thank Mrs. Bianchi for inviting me to lunch. Ryan reminds me about our meeting later before I head back to my office. The door is locked, meaning Linda must be elsewhere. I punch in my code and enter.
When I open the door to my private office, I’m startled by the sight of Luke sitting in my desk chair. Even though he doesn’t look happy, I’m glad to see him. I would rather have him mad at me than ignore me.
“Where’s Linda?” This conversation may be unpleasant, and I don’t want any witnesses.
“She mentioned she had to leave early and you knew about it.” Luke sounds calm, but I can tell he’s upset. “I thought you said you and Ryan were just friends.”
“We are.”
“Hm.”
“I don’t know what you’re implying, but there is nothing going on with Ryan.”
“Then explain to me why I was just at a lunch with my girlfriend, who is apparently keeping our relationship a secret even after I told her I wasn’t interested in doing that, and another man tells me, my best friend, and your boss that things are progressing between you two?”
Crushed Page 13