“It’s warming up. It’s probably warm enough to—” He stops talking.
“What?” I’m not usually self-conscious in a bathing suit, at least not to this extent, but Luke studies me with such intensity, I feel naked.
“Not sorry I’m staring. I haven’t seen you in a bikini in over ten years. You look even better than I remembered.”
“Luke, you’ve seen me in less,” I remind him as heat rises in my cheeks.
“Yeah, but there’s still something about a woman in a bikini. No, I take that back, there’s something about you in one.”
I shake my head and step into the spa. Luke follows me in.
We sit across from each other as steam rises off the water. I rub my neck and adjust my ponytail.
“Can I ask you something?” Luke leans back with his arms spread wide.
“Of course.” I glance away, trying to escape the intensity of his eyes on me.
“Do you get this nervous with all men or only me?”
“Only you.” I move my hands from my hair to my lap to my sides. I can’t seem to find a comfortable resting place.
“Why?”
“Other men don’t treat me the way you do.”
“How so?”
“Well, the things you say to me…the compliments…the way you look at me.”
“How do I look at you?”
“You know.”
“Yeah, I know, but I want to hear you say it.” His voice is low, raspy.
“You look at me like I’m the only woman in the room.” I swallow hard. “Like you wish there was no one else there.”
“Well, that’s a mild way to put it.” He moves toward me, places his hands on my hips, and stands between my legs. “We’re alone right now.”
“We are,” I whisper, and my heartbeat quickens.
“Do you want to know how I think I look at you?”
I resist the urge to pull him to me. I mean to answer yes, but no words come out.
“I look at you how you deserve to be looked at. I look at you like I’m lucky to have your attention.” He places a slow, soft kiss on my lips. “I look at you like you’re the only woman who’s ever truly mattered.”
I don’t resist this time. I grab the back of his neck and pull his mouth to mine. Our tongues collide and dance around each other. His hands make quick work of removing the top of my bathing suit. I moan when he squeezes my exposed nipples.
We freeze as a door opens and laughter invades the peacefulness of the night. It takes me a couple of seconds to register that it’s my neighbors, heading outside with their guests. By the loudness of the voices, it seems they have chosen to sit at their patio table, which is directly on the other side of my block wall.
Luke puts a finger up to my lips. He leans down and kisses and sucks on my neck. I lean my head back and concentrate on remaining quiet.
With my help, he slides my bottoms off. He reaches between my legs and strokes me. I’m conflicted. I don’t want to put on a show for my neighbors, but I also don’t want him to stop.
“We have an unexpected audience,” he whispers. “I don’t care if they hear or not, but I am going to make you come with them sitting on the other side of that fence.”
“Luke—”
He touches my lips, then lifts one of my breasts above the water. He takes it in his mouth as he plunges his fingers inside me. He rubs me with his thumb while pumping his fingers in and out. His tongue swirls and caresses my sensitive skin. I feel my orgasm building. I worry I won’t be able to stay quiet enough. I whimper, and he quickly covers my mouth with his, swallowing every sound I make as I pulsate around his fingers.
“It’s okay to keep going,” I say. I know he stopped because he didn’t bring a condom outside. I also know from some difficult but necessary phone conversations we’ve had that he’s practiced safe sex and has been tested on a regular basis. I assured him I too was tested after I found out about the affair.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
“What about…?”
“Not a time when I can get pregnant.”
He removes his shorts and pushes inside me. The water increases the friction, and I feel more filled than I usually do. He senses this and moves slowly. It’s like I can feel every inch of him inside me. He looks into my eyes as he thrusts. It’s the most erotic sexual experience I’ve ever had, even with people sitting only several feet away—or maybe because of them. Luke gives me one last deep kiss before letting go.
Chapter 16
We don’t open our eyes until after eight o’clock. I slept all night without waking once. I can’t remember the last time that happened. Wait, yes I do. It was in Luke’s apartment, that second night. He obviously knows how to wear me out.
While Luke answers emails, I slip out of bed and go downstairs. If I don’t get up now, we’ll end up spending all day in bed. While not a completely horrible option, I want to spend time together as a typical couple. We already know we’re compatible in the bedroom. I want to see how we interact during a regular day, although I suspect that nothing he does is ordinary.
He enters the kitchen as I’m pouring our drinks, coffee for him and a chai tea latte for me. He is wearing pajama bottoms, and his hair sticks up in weird directions. Even with messy hair, Luke exudes a sexy vibe. I like seeing his casual side. It’s less intimidating than the suit and tie I often see him in. He reminds me of the boy I used to do my homework with.
I snicker at the sight of him looking disheveled.
“What?” Luke wears a fake frown. He’s too confident to be self-conscious.
“Oh, nothing. I figured out how to deal with you in business meetings from now on.” I sip my tea.
“Oh yeah?” His eyes sparkle.
“From now on, any time I’m intimidated by you, I’m going to picture you like this, standing in my kitchen, looking like your mom made you get out of bed to go to school.”
“Hm,” he mumbles and drinks his coffee. “Would you like to know how I picture you during our business meetings?” He has such a wicked grin on his face, I blush instantly.
“No,” I practically yell at him. “Never mind, you win. I’ll stay intimidated.”
He laughs. “What’s the plan?”
“No plan. We could go wine tasting or hiking or to the movies. I was thinking something low-key today.”
“Maybe a drive down to Pacific Beach? We could have lunch and walk around.”
“That sounds perfect.”
“You sure? I’m happy to do whatever. I was only thinking I haven’t been there in a long time.”
“Me neither. Really, it’s perfect.”
An hour later, we’re dressed and ready. We bring chairs and a blanket in case we want to sit on the sand. Even though it is unseasonably warm in Temecula today, it will be colder by the water. We’ll be comfortable as long as it’s not too windy, otherwise it will probably be too chilly to sit on the sand.
We stop for breakfast at Penfold’s Café. It’s my favorite place for breakfast. My stomach growls when we enter the restaurant and are met by the scent of fresh-baked cinnamon rolls. It’s not a fancy place, but the food is good, and the people are friendly. As much fun as fancy parties and trips to San Francisco are, this is really more my style.
I order the blueberry pancakes. Luke goes with a healthier option of eggs and turkey sausage. We both read sections of a newspaper left behind by a previous patron. I notice other couples around the restaurant, many of them older, who have settled into their own morning rituals. I wonder if this is something Luke and I will do again. The thought makes me smile. It’s a perfect way to start a casual Saturday.
Luke drives, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to enjoy the scenery. I love daydreaming and watching the khaki colored hillsides pass by. My ten-minute work commute is t
oo short to let my mind wander like this.
“Tell me something you’ve done during the past ten years that I don’t know about,” Luke says, startling me from my meandering thoughts.
From anyone else, I may have considered that question intrusive and forced, but I know he’s actually interested. “Let me think. Oh, I saw my father a few years ago.”
“You did?” Luke doesn’t hide his surprise and glances over at me.
“He lives in Wyoming now. It was about as eventful and memorable as you would expect. He couldn’t give me an explanation as to why he hadn’t made any effort to see me over the years.”
“I’m sorry. If it makes you feel any better, sometimes having a parent around isn’t necessarily better.”
He’s referring to his relationship with his father, which was strained in high school. He pushed Luke in baseball—too hard, many would argue. Luke turned into a great athlete, but their relationship suffered. It’s disappointing to hear that things haven’t gotten better between them.
“How are your parents?” I regret I haven’t asked before now.
“Mom passed away a couple of years ago from a rare form of liver cancer. By the time they found it…it was quick. Dad is drinking his way to join her.”
“I’m so sorry Luke.” I cringe, remembering the comment I made earlier about his mom getting him out of bed. “Your mom was always so kind to me.”
“Yeah, she always liked you. She was pretty pissed at me after I broke up with you.”
“But I bet your dad was thrilled.”
“It wasn’t personal. He didn’t like anything or anyone that distracted me from baseball. And you are definitely distracting.” He exits the freeway.
When we arrive in Pacific Beach, we drive around for twenty minutes, taking it all in. We used to come here sometimes during our high school years. Like everything else from our youth, things look different, but they evoke familiar feelings.
“Remember when we had dinner there?” I ask when we pass a restaurant I recognize.
“Weren’t Karen and Matt with us that night?”
“Oh, that’s right! We tried to set them up.” I giggle at our failed matchmaker attempts.
“Matt kept making really inappropriate jokes, trying to get Karen to laugh.”
“She was convinced he was trying to offend her on purpose.”
“I promise you he wasn’t. Matt’s game was truly that bad.”
“Do you keep in touch with Matt? I saw him at the reunion and met his wife.”
“We text sometimes, but before the reunion I hadn’t seen him in probably three years. He’s married with a couple of kids. We don’t have that much in common.”
Luke parks and we get out of the car. The hours pass quickly as we peer in the storefront windows and pause to watch street performers. We pass a group of boisterous teens and sarcastically comment there is absolutely no way we were ever that annoying.
We stop for lunch at a little pizza place.
“I haven’t had pizza in forever,” Luke remarks as he reads the menu.
“We can go somewhere else.”
“No way. I love pizza. I’ve missed it.”
“Dating me may prove damaging to your physique.” I’m only half joking.
“Are you only dating me for my body?” Luke raises his eyebrows at me over the top of his menu.
“Maybe,” I tease. “I just don’t want to be responsible for ruining your hard work.”
“I’m glad you’re taking such an active interest in my body.” Luke laughs when I cover my face with my menu. “I’ll be fine. Besides, I’m pretty sure it would upset me if you stopped paying attention to it.” He winks before turning his attention to the waitress who has walked up to our table.
After lunch, we walk to the end of the pier and watch the waves roll in. The wind makes the air feel cold, so he wraps his arms around me from behind to keep us both warm.
Our easy conversation causes time to pass quickly. We talk about our families more. We talk about our college days. I’m careful to not mention Grant as part of any of my memories, and he doesn’t mention other women he’s dated.
We’re both reluctant to leave the seaside, but the sun is setting. The quiet day has produced a level of laziness in us. We agree ordering in and watching a movie is the best way to end the day.
Our Chinese food arrives as we pull up in my driveway. We take our plates of kung pao chicken, steamed vegetables, and rice to the family room.
“What do you want to watch?” I take a bite of broccoli. There is something about the salty sea air that always seems to increase my appetite. I scroll through the available movies.
“How about It?” Luke suggests.
“Absolutely not.” I keep scrolling.
“It’s a classic.” He laughs.
“Nope.”
“Are you really still afraid of scary movies?”
“If we watch that film, I won’t sleep for several nights.”
“I promise I’ll protect you.”
“I’m serious, Luke. I’m not watching any scary movies.”
Luke raises his hands in surrender. “How about a comedy then?”
“Better.” I select the newest comedy in the list and join him on the couch.
We spend the rest of the evening laughing and cuddling on the couch. It dawns on me I haven’t done this in years. I feel guilty when I think about Grant, but I can’t help it. Being with Luke, and experiencing things as a couple again, makes me wonder when Grant and I stopped doing a lot of things.
When it’s time for bed, we go upstairs. I shower first and fall asleep while Luke is taking his. He doesn’t wake me when he comes to bed, but I wake up in the middle of the night with his arms wrapped around me.
“Jessica.”
I wake up to Luke standing by the bed, fully dressed in running attire. I throw the blanket over my head and try to hide.
“Good morning. Time to seize the day.” Luke pries the blanket from my clenched hands.
“Are you always such a morning person?” I groan as I wait for my eyes to adjust to the sunlight filtering in through my blinds.
“Are you always so difficult in the morning?”
“Yes.” I hope my answer is enough to discourage him from making me get up.
“Then I guess I’ll have to be extra persuasive.” He plants a kiss on my forehead before walking out of the bedroom. “I’ll have tea waiting for you downstairs in fifteen minutes,” he says, his voice trailing down the stairs.
I drag myself to the bathroom to prepare for a run I don’t want to go on. I do want my tea though.
I dress quickly and meet Luke in the kitchen. “If you really wanted me to get up, you should’ve brought me some of your coffee. Where did you get it anyway? I can’t seem to find it anywhere.”
“It’s good, right? I got it in Hawaii my last trip there. Sounds like we’ll have to make a trip there to get you some.”
“Are you suggesting we go to Hawaii? To buy coffee?”
“I’m suggesting we go to Hawaii so I can watch you walk around in a bikini for a few days. But if coffee is what gets you there, we’ll use that as an excuse.”
I roll my eyes at him, but recognize I’m growing more at ease with Luke’s attention.
After caffeine loading, we head out. During the run, I gather my thoughts about what I need to ask him. I estimate we run about three miles before I stop.
“Someone’s been practicing.” Luke barely pants for air.
“A little,” I pant. “I have a question for you.”
“Okay.”
“You made a comment the other night about not wanting to have kids.” I pause to see if he will volunteer additional information.
“Did I? I don’t remember.”
He’s not making thi
s any easier, but I have to ask. “Is that true? Do you not want kids? Do you not want to be a dad?”
“I never thought I’d be a very good father. I’m pretty busy, and it’s not like I had a great role model growing up.” He bends over to stretch his muscles. “I like being around the kids at the center, but I don’t need my own.”
“Oh.” Luke has always had a difficult relationship with his dad, but I had no idea it had affected him like this. I could tell him I believe he’d be an excellent father, or point out that the joy he experiences working with the kids at the center could be a sign it’s something he’d enjoy in his personal life, but I don’t. I’m afraid if I say these things, he’ll disagree with me.
“Hey.” Luke walks over and grabs my chin, forcing me to look in his eyes. “I see the wheels spinning. I like kids, and I really want to meet Amelia. I know I could be a great stepdad. My not wanting kids of my own is not a reflection on what kind of relationship I could have with her.”
I give a half-smile. He’s being honest, and he believes this is what I’m worried about, but he’s wrong. I have no doubt he would be good with Amelia. He wouldn’t be in my life if I thought he wasn’t capable of that. But what if, despite everything that’s right between the two of us, there’s something that hinders us being able to move forward? Having children or not is a big thing not to agree about. Luke has made his feelings clear. I won’t say anything prematurely, but I need to figure out exactly what I want.
Chapter 17
When I arrive at my office Monday morning, Ryan is there. He’s carrying on a conversation with Linda about yesterday’s Chargers game, but I presume he has been waiting to see me.
“Good morning, Linda, Ryan.” I walk past them directly into my office.
He follows me in and shuts the door behind him. “I came to apologize. I was out of line the other day.”
“Thank you. You don’t understand the situation.” I turn on my computer and put my purse in a desk drawer.
“Maybe not, but I hope you do.”
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