by Toni Aleo
“Since you are feeling better now, I think you should start your own company.”
I groan. This is a conversation we have daily. “James, I told you. I’m not taking your money.”
“Fine. What if I start the business and you run it?”
I roll my eyes. “You know I’m not stupid, right?”
He chuckles before kissing my temple. “I’m aware. But you need to make money. You say it all the time. So, do it. Run my company. I don’t have time.”
I roll my eyes even though I want to say yes so bad. I miss working, and I’m tired of mooching off Shea and James. I want to make my own money, be able to support my child for when James decides he’s tired of my shit. But if I do this, what happens when he does? Will he fire me too? My chest feels heavy as I shrug. “I don’t know.”
“Think about it.”
“Okay,” I agree as we get to his car.
“Next question.”
“Wow. Loads of questions today.”
He laughs. “Maybe.” I smile, and he returns it, though his is wider. “Have you thought of a name for the little guy?”
I bite my lip. “I’d love to name him Ryan, after Shea’s middle name.” James doesn’t seem surprised, and that fills me with such delight. “And then James after you.”
He nods. “So, Ryan James?”
“Yes,” I say slowly. “Do you like it?”
He leans into me, holding me close to him. “I love it almost as much as I love you and him,” he says, pressing his hand to my growing belly.
Tears rush to my eyes as I gaze up at him. He quickly kisses the tip of my nose. “But I get to name the girl.”
I grin at him, and I hate how hopeful I feel. “James—”
“Shh. Don’t ruin this for me.”
I snort. “Fine.”
“Now, what are you doing Saturday?”
I shrug. “Nothing.”
“That’s right, because I’m taking you somewhere.”
I eye him. “Do I need a pretty dress?”
He leans into me, kissing my nose again. “Baby, you always need a pretty dress.”
I don’t know why, but hearing him say that makes my cold, dead heart burst to life like the fires of hell are coming for me.
September 7th
I stand in the middle of a beautiful field of small white flowers. So many, they cover the field like a huge blanket. After a ten-minute walk, we entered this field that seems to go on for miles. I glance around, confused, but James just looks back at me, grinning from ear to ear. The air is cool but feels good. The sun is shining, making the field seem even bigger and brighter.
Almost like James’s eyes.
“I knew it.”
I raise a brow. “Knew what?”
“That you’d look stunning in this field.”
My heart skips a beat as he takes my hand, pulling me with him. “Those one-liners get me every time.”
He kisses the side of my mouth. “That’s the plan.”
When he winks at me, I smile before asking, “What is this?”
“The land for our future home.”
I blink. “I’m sorry, what?”
He holds up his other hand. “I love Shea, don’t get me wrong. But I feel we need our own place to raise our son.”
“But, James—”
“Hear me out.”
We reach the middle of the field, and I wish I could look around, take in the beautiful splendor, but James has my attention. He hasn’t even said what he wants to say, but my heart is already jackhammering in my chest.
“I know, baby. I know you’ve been hurt. And listen, we can beat that horse until it’s dead, but I’d rather not. I’d rather look at our future.” He places his hand on my stomach. “And, Grace, it’s gonna be one hell of a future.”
“This is a beautiful spot, but I don’t want to live so far out.”
He nods thoughtfully. “Okay, then we’ll look somewhere closer in town.”
I swallow hard, feeling very overwhelmed. “James, I’m scared—”
“I’m not done,” he interrupts. “I know you’re scared. I know this all freaks you out, but Grace, this is one promise I can make and know I’ll keep. I’ll never love anyone the way I love you. I already love our son, but still, the love I have for you is extraordinary. You’re mine always. I just don’t understand how you can’t see that you light up my life. You blow my world apart. Damn it, Grace, when I said I wouldn’t leave you, I meant it. From deep inside me.”
Of course, the tears flood my eyes and fall down over my cheeks.
“I thank my lucky stars that you looked at me and asked me to stay that night. I am so thankful that we were so passionate for each other, we may have forgotten a condom, and in return, we got this amazing baby. This home we’re gonna build, wherever it turns out to be, is where we are going to die, and then we can become ghosts and haunt the kids.”
Through my tears, I grin. “Oh, James.” When he drops to one knee, I cover my mouth. “What are you doing?”
He reaches into his pocket, and when he looks up at me, there are tears in his eyes now too. “I’m about to propose to you with the ring I bought on April fourth.”
I gasp as he opens the box, a huge, stunning diamond sparkling up at me. “April fourth? Wasn’t that the day I got sick at the club?”
“The day after that night. That night when I knew I wouldn’t love anyone else but you.”
“Oh my God, James. You’re killing me,” I cry, but he just smiles.
“I love you, Grace. And I made sure to ask Shea. He’s behind me one hundred percent.”
He pauses to let that sink in, and a sob escapes my lips. “You asked my brother.”
“He’s your best friend. I had to make sure he was cool with me being with you for the rest of our lives.”
“Dammit, James,” I cry. “You’re making this so hard.”
“Hard to say no? Good. Marry me, Grace.”
The lump in my throat is choking me as the tears fall hard and fast down my face. As I stare into his eyes, I want to say yes. I do. But it’s just so soon. I fall to my knees and scoot closer to him, wrapping my arms around his back. He looks at me, and I know he knows what I’m about to say. “James, it’s way too early for me. I mean, we haven’t even hit six months, and I just know you won’t want me long term. I get it. Your heart is awesome and beats for me, but mine is dead and doesn’t work or something. I don’t know. I’m so sorry—”
“Stop,” he demands, his nose pressing into mine as he inhales deeply. “So, at six months, you’ll say yes. I’ll ask you every day just in case.”
“James, are you sure? I mean—”
“Yes, this isn’t just sex. And you know it. This is love. You love me. You’re just too scared to admit it.”
Do I love him?
“I don’t know that to be true,” I blurt, and I know he doesn’t like that answer. I feel awful, and I hate the look in his eyes. “But I do know I want to take you up the offer of running your business.”
Something flashes in his eyes. “That is a start…”
“But not enough? I understand—”
“You are enough. You are everything. It’s a start because it means you trust me, which means you really love me. You’re just too scared to admit it. So, we’ll revisit this in two months.”
God, he’s ruthless.
Why does that turn me on?
November 22nd
“I think I need to work.”
James gives me an exasperated look before reaching to take a shirt out of his suitcase. With the NHL taking a break, except for the two teams that are playing today, Shea, James, and I were able to fly up to Boston for Thanksgiving. I am so thankful to be home, especially since this is James’s first Thanksgiving eating a home-cooked meal made by my mom. He hasn’t had a family dinner in years, so I’m excited for him. Problem is, my brain won’t stop working.
We opened Planning Your Moment a month ago, and it’s
doing fantastic. I do a lot of work for James, but he also referred me to a bunch of his clients. Since everyone trusts and loves James, I’m swamped with work. He even got Bryan Fisher to hire me for the Assassins’ Christmas party. I’m sure Jackie is losing her shit over that one, but she did key Shea’s truck and slash his tires when he broke up with her. After that, she blackballed me with all the other event planners in town. I couldn’t find work, so I’m not that heartbroken over her dismay.
I hear my mom bustling around in the kitchen, and my belly rumbles with a kick from my boy and my need for food. James glances over at me, a small smile playing on his lips. “You need to eat, and we came to spend time with your family.”
“I understand this,” I say, resting my stapler on my stomach. “But you’re the one who has gotten me all this work.”
“And you’re the one insisting on working until the day you have him.”
“Hey, I have to work.”
“Hey, I got you,” he says in response, and then he leans on the bed, his lips coming for mine. “I’ve always got you,” he whispers before kissing my lips softly.
I don’t let him get far before I whisper back, “I know, but I like contributing too.”
Not sure what I contribute to since I still refuse to move in with James. As a result, we’re doing sleepovers at each other’s places. He did make me pick house plans with him for a new spot that we chose. I don’t know what the hell I’m thinking with all that, but I just feel so guilty for letting James down left and right. The house thing was something I could give him. Construction is supposed to be done on the new house before Ryan comes. The problem is, I still don’t know if I’ll be raising my son at Shea’s or with James in the home he is building for us.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. He’s basically handing me the perfect life on a platter, and I’m resisting. It’s pathetic, but I’m just so scared. It all seems great, but I know, I just know, something will go wrong. It’s all too good to be true. He’s utterly perfect.
James cups my jaw, kissing my bottom lip. “I really like you pregnant.”
I furrow my brows. “James, be real. I’m the size of a whale.”
“A sexy whale. Like a killer whale,” he teases, and I giggle.
“You’re insane.”
“What?” he says, crawling on the bed and knocking stuff off my lap.
“James!”
“Shut it,” he demands, kissing me. Against my lips, he says, “I can’t be totally attracted to the mother of my son, the girl of my dreams, my heart?”
My eyes drift shut. “You’re killing me, Smalls.”
“Good.” He kisses me once more, and when it deepens, I start to get excited. I don’t know what it is about pregnancy, but I am ready to go anytime. I’m so damn horny.
But life likes to mess with me.
A knock comes to the door before Shea says, “Hey guys, dinner is ready.”
James pulls away, grinning. “Guess you’ll get a special dessert after dinner,” he says with a wink, and I snort.
“Dork.”
“You love it.” He gets off me, going back to his suitcase. As I watch him, I can’t help but think I do. I love everything about him, but still, I know this isn’t forever. Which may make me the dumbest person on the planet, for James can only be so patient.
Before he leaves me.
After dinner…
After stuffing my face, I lean back in my chair, balancing my drink on my stomach. “Mom, I’m dead.”
Mom laughs softly as she takes a sip of her wine. “It was good.”
“It was, Mrs. Adler. The best dinner I’ve ever had.”
Mom points to James. “Pretty sure I told you to call me Mom and him Dad.”
I want to laugh when my dad nods, but I can’t. Everyone loves James. They adore him. And then there is me. Keeping him at arm’s length. It’s not fair at all—for either of us. Just looking at him, I’m awestruck by his handsome and beautiful face. He’s so kind to my family. He jokes, he laughs, and he loves. God, he loves them all.
Especially me.
His face is a little red, and I love that. Dad has been giving him shit for knocking me up, and he takes it in stride. Shea joked that he did it to keep me, and while everyone laughed… Well, I wasn’t laughing.
James just grins, and then he says, “Who wouldn’t? She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Me? The best thing? It’s so hard to believe, but somehow, he sparks something inside me that makes me think maybe I am.
“You’re right, Mom,” he says slowly, and then he flashes me a grin. He wants this, the whole shebang. A family. I can give him that. We are that, in a sense. But I’ll be damned if that doesn’t evoke a certain kind of fear in me.
I scoot my chair out so I can go to the bathroom. But then James is standing, clinking his fork to his wineglass. I raise a brow, looking from him to Shea, who is grinning like he just scored the game winner. “What are you doing?”
James swallows hard before turning to me. “Almost two months ago, you told me you weren’t ready to marry me.”
“Oh my,” I mutter, and that only makes him grin. Meanwhile, my mom is squealing like a pig. I want to tell her to shut it, but like always, James’s gaze captures mine.
“I said fine. In two months, we’d revisit it, even though I kept asking,” he says, and then he drops to his knee in such a princely fashion that I want to cry. “You tell me you’re scared, that you think you’re not worthy of anyone’s love. But Grace, you, all of you, is priceless. No one can put a value on you because there isn’t one.”
“James—”
“Let him talk,” Mom sighs dreamily, but Shea shakes his head.
“Don’t interrupt. They don’t like that.”
“You had to do this in front of them?” I ask, but James isn’t fazed. He nods.
“Yes, because I asked your dad, and he told me I’m the one for you. I asked your mom, and she said the same. We both know Shea wants this for us. And if you look deep inside, you want it too. You just let these issues from before blind you to that when, baby, you’re absolutely perfect to me. I love you. So damn much.”
Tears flood my eyes as he takes my hand. In his other hand, he’s holding the white box with the ring in it that he bought me so long ago. “I will never hurt you. I will never leave you. I will never lie to you. I sure as hell will never love anyone like I love you. I want to raise our son together, in our home, and I want to love you for the rest of my life. Because one look at you, Grace, and everything just fell into place. You’re it for me. My option two. Now let me be your option two and the rest of your forever.”
My heart is in my throat, my chest hurts from me holding my breath, and I don’t know what to say.
“Oh yes. Please say yes, Grace,” my mom whispers over the remnants of the turkey.
“For real. He’ll make you happy,” Shea says.
But my eyes are on James. A slow grin covers his face as his gaze burns into mine.
“I think he’s the only one to handle your shit,” Dad calls out, and I close my eyes in annoyance. I could kill James for doing this, but I won’t. They’re all right. He does make me happy, and Lord knows he’s the only one to put up with my shit. He makes me feel things I didn’t even know I could feel.
Before I can even think, my heart gets out of that box I’ve kept it in, and I whisper, “Yes.”
Did I just say that? The room explodes with cheers as James pulls me up into his arms. Holy crap, I did. I wait for the panic, the fear, but then his arm comes around my body, his hand holding my chin as he takes my mouth with his. Bliss. All I feel is bliss. His other hand, still holding the ring box, digs into my side, but I don’t feel a thing.
Only our hearts beating as one.
February 3rd
“He looks exactly like Shea.”
The annoyance in James’s voice is making it very hard not to laugh.
“No, he has your chin,”
I whisper, running my finger along Ryan’s sweet little chin. After forty-two weeks of pregnancy and eighteen hours of labor, I am finally holding my prize. My son. He’s flawlessly perfect and healthy—and huge.
“I shot my best swimmers, and he couldn’t look like me?”
I look up at James, and he’s holding back a grin. “He’s perfect.”
James kisses my head. “You are perfect, Grace, honestly. So strong and beautiful and resilient. I’m so proud of you. I wanted to give up after hour ten. That was rough.”
“Eh, I had you. And look at this little bundle of perfection,” I say in my best baby voice. “I would do it all over again.”
“Everything?”
I glance up at him. “Everything,” I repeat. “Especially the part where I fall madly in love with you.”
I can see his heart in his eyes as he leans his forehead to mine. “When was that?”
“Pretty sure it was back the first time you proposed to me. But I think I fell for you all over again when you grabbed my leg, pushed it back, and didn’t even say anything when I shit everywhere.”
He presses his lips together, his eyes filling with tears of laughter. “Because what can I say to a warrior who is giving me the best gift of my life, except ‘I love you’ and ‘You’re absolutely amazing’?”
“Even I was grossed out.”
James can’t hold it in. He chuckles, making Ryan squirm a bit. We both coo at him as I hold him close to my chest. “You’re beautiful, Grace, and I love you so much.”
My face breaks into a grin, and Lord, I don’t know how he can even say that. I look like roadkill run over twice, but in his eyes, I’m gorgeous. How could I ever think I didn’t love this man? He is my option two. “I love you too.”
“About damn time.”
“Only took a year.”
“The best year of my life.”
“Mine too.”
He kisses my top lip, his nose pressed to mine. “And just think, we still have more years to go.”
“So many, I hope.”
“Forever,” he promises, and then he kisses me once more. When he pulls back, tears spill down his cheeks. “And I’m naming the girl.”